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SojuGorae
02-19-2007, 09:01 PM
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/image/essay/1

Inspiring stuff.

bmack86
02-19-2007, 10:20 PM
My favorite part is that he got a D-. I've been looking for that link for ages.

bballarl
02-19-2007, 10:23 PM
I have wanted to write an essay like that all my life but have never had the balls to.

Boourns
02-19-2007, 10:41 PM
Okay, he cited tubgirl and still got a higher grade than I did on my Oedipus essay? Damn.

keriann
02-19-2007, 10:43 PM
I like that the instructor actually tried to grade it seriously.

nothingman00
02-20-2007, 12:05 AM
Brilliant! I once wrote a paper as a senior at UT-Austin (Contemporary British Lit) that was supposed to be about 'Memory' in the book "The Remains of the Day"... I thought that the topic was just so damn vague that i wrote a paper about having anxiety about writing the paper, mumbling about how I had started drinking heavily and would have more fun diving from my 3rd floor balcony "with nothing but a rusty-spiked cinder block to cushion my fall" than writing the paper that was assigned, so I ranted for 6-7 pages about various things. It basically came across as a student having a nervous breakdown and my professor actually gave me a B+ on the paper. My professor stopped me on the way out of the next class, handed me my graded paper, and asked me "Is there anything I can do to help?".

However, if I could segue from Greeks inventing Anal Lube to Lou Gehrig, all in the context of a paper on Oedipus... Nope, I would have never had the sac to try that one.

Cpt. Funkaho
02-20-2007, 12:24 AM
Man, I could write a KILLER essay about memory as it relates to Ishiguro's The Remains of the Day right now.

All talking about how the butler's memory is colored by his devotion to his Lord, and how he basically gets stripped over the course of the novel of all of the mental defenses he's built for the guy, who was basically a Nazi sympathizer...

all with textual references and endnote citations
all with block quotes from the butler's diary

oh man I really want to write that essay now

Boourns
02-20-2007, 11:06 AM
Either this guy was in a dumb-ed class or it's a fake. Any real teacher would have automatically flunked him for having such a thesis and failing to prove it, and also not having a conclusion, and then taken off all those additional points for pictures, false facts, and using words like douche bag.

kimery08
02-20-2007, 11:09 AM
in a nutsack, i enjoyed it.

corbo
02-20-2007, 11:10 AM
hahahahaha funny stuff

amyzzz
02-20-2007, 11:10 AM
Brilliant! I once wrote a paper as a senior at UT-Austin (Contemporary British Lit) that was supposed to be about 'Memory' in the book "The Remains of the Day"... I thought that the topic was just so damn vague that i wrote a paper about having anxiety about writing the paper, mumbling about how I had started drinking heavily and would have more fun diving from my 3rd floor balcony "with nothing but a rusty-spiked cinder block to cushion my fall" than writing the paper that was assigned, so I ranted for 6-7 pages about various things. It basically came across as a student having a nervous breakdown and my professor actually gave me a B+ on the paper. My professor stopped me on the way out of the next class, handed me my graded paper, and asked me "Is there anything I can do to help?".

However, if I could segue from Greeks inventing Anal Lube to Lou Gehrig, all in the context of a paper on Oedipus... Nope, I would have never had the sac to try that one.

You are a master bullshitter. *bows down*

Hannahrain
02-20-2007, 11:10 AM
in a nutsack, i enjoyed it.

kimery, will you marry me?

or commitment ceremony me?

menikmati
02-20-2007, 11:12 AM
boring

amyzzz
02-20-2007, 11:13 AM
I can't read it because it's filtered out at my work.

kimery08
02-20-2007, 11:14 AM
yes. we will have the ceremony at coachella.

ToddThaGod
02-20-2007, 11:17 AM
GOLD

CuervoPH
02-20-2007, 08:40 PM
Any real teacher would have automatically flunked him

Any real teacher would probably also have used the word "too" instead of the word "to" when chastising the student on page 4.

That being said, it was still amusing. My personal favorite submission was in an English Literature class where we were supposed to memorize a poem before every Friday class and write it down and turn it in at the beginning of class. I hadn't done this one class, so I wrote down the lyrics to "Time" by Pink Floyd and said that it was by Sir Roger Waters, Earl Of Floyd...teacher gave me credit for turning in a poem...wonder if he ever tried to find any other poetry by RW...

betao
02-20-2007, 08:51 PM
If that is real, the funny thing is that he actually passed with that bullshit. That's what freaky about our education system, people like him (and you and me) are the leaders of tommorow. yay.

hilarious though, and yes very inspirational.

Courtney
02-20-2007, 08:58 PM
That essay is giving the former (recovering) TA in me a headache.

codytwo
02-20-2007, 09:45 PM
In my middle school English class, I would always turn in essays that looked like they might make sense at a cursory glance, but lace in horrible horrible things about the teacher at the same time. As the year progressed, more people did it with me until it became painfully obvious that none of our essays were being read ever.