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whynotsmile99
11-27-2009, 11:03 AM
ORLANDO, Fla. — Authorities say Tiger Woods has been seriously injured in a car wreck in Florida.

The Florida Highway Patrol says the PGA star hit a fire hydrant and a tree as he pulled out of his driveway early Friday in his 2009 Cadillac sport utility vehicle.

Woods was taken to Health Central Hospital. His condition was not immediately known, though the news release said his injuries were serious.

The highway patrol says the crash is still under investigation, and charges are pending. However, the highway patrol said the crash was not alcohol-related.

Still-ill
11-27-2009, 11:07 AM
Whoa...

hawkingvsreeve
11-27-2009, 11:10 AM
NO!


I dont understand how one gets serious injuries from hitting a tree and fire hydrant right after pulling out of your driveway. Doesnt seem like you could be going that fast.

Still-ill
11-27-2009, 11:11 AM
Apparently:

Rumors are coming out that Tiger Woods possibly had his arm hanging out the driver side window when he collided with the fire hydrant. Then, according to these unsubstantiated rumors, he may have hit the gas on accident while in pain from smashing his arm. Once again, these car crash rumors are definitely not confirmed.

kitt kat
11-27-2009, 11:12 AM
He'll die by hitting a tree when he backs out of his driveway?

Seems fishy to me. How fast was the motherfucker backing out?

JebusLives
11-27-2009, 11:14 AM
his driveway is probably so long he could be doing 100 by the end of it.

Dr. Lufs-al-ot
11-27-2009, 11:17 AM
I thought this was about Arnold Palmer, and im glad its not. He makes a fabulous drink.

menikmati
11-27-2009, 11:22 AM
They're saying he suffered some cuts on his face, nothing more serious than that.

Geno_g
11-27-2009, 11:23 AM
Glad it wasnt Juan "Chi-Chi" Rodríguez, man I almost had a heart attack...

Mr. Dylanja
11-27-2009, 11:37 AM
When it comes to avoiding trees apparently he's better with his driver than as a driver.

stuporfly
11-27-2009, 11:40 AM
Ty Webb, R.I.P.

algunz
11-27-2009, 11:47 AM
He was probably racing away from his wife who finally confronted him on his various affairs with questionable women.


I read Star Magazine. He's a busy boy.

ELECtROjan
11-27-2009, 11:50 AM
When it comes to avoiding trees apparently he's better with his driver than as a driver.

lolz

ELECtROjan
11-27-2009, 11:52 AM
Sports Illustrated reported that the airbags in his escalade didnt deploy meaning he was going under 33mph. Im guessing he smashed his face on the steering wheel when he hit the tree

TeamCoachellaHellYeah
11-27-2009, 11:54 AM
is it bad that I don't care?

amyzzz
11-27-2009, 11:55 AM
is it bad that I don't care?
roflz. I was thinking the same thing.

BlueDevil50
11-27-2009, 11:59 AM
Woods is a dick.

algunz
11-27-2009, 12:00 PM
kL3nZJeHIIE

boarderwoozel3
11-27-2009, 12:08 PM
Woods is a dick.

How so?

malcolmjamalawesome
11-27-2009, 12:09 PM
kL3nZJeHIIE

Spectacular.

Geno_g
11-27-2009, 12:12 PM
I hit a raccoon last week going 45mph and my airbag didn't deploy, same thing happened when I hit a deer last year, damn my air bags probably don't work...

TallGuyCM
11-27-2009, 12:22 PM
He CAN'T die yet. Rumor has it he's interested in buying the Raiders and moving them back to L.A. Which would be a literal dream come true for me.

BROKENDOLL
11-27-2009, 12:34 PM
THE RAIDERS SUCK...

Mike$
11-27-2009, 01:13 PM
I love the raiders.

prettydirtything
11-27-2009, 01:31 PM
his driveway is probably so long he could be doing 100 by the end of it.

this ^

In other news, he's fine and has already been released from the hospital.

http://www.latimes.com/sports/os-sl-tiger-woods-accident-112709,0,2032914.storylink

Alligator Bogaloo
11-27-2009, 01:41 PM
He's already been released from the hospital, no biggie.

obzen
11-27-2009, 02:06 PM
/thread.

canexplain
11-27-2009, 02:35 PM
opps

canexplain
11-27-2009, 02:35 PM
I think it only fits: They said his wife used a golf club to bash out the back window of their SUV and dragged him out. Is that a one par :)) cr****

canexplain
11-27-2009, 02:46 PM
Minor face lacerations .... cr****

that's weird why didn't my pic post ?????

hawkingvsreeve
11-27-2009, 02:57 PM
Oh, Ronald.

Monklish
11-27-2009, 03:08 PM
I want to go back to the fun part of the story with the Ty Webb jokes.

PlayaDelWes
11-28-2009, 10:48 AM
Tiger Woods: "Injuries Caused by Wife, Not SUV" (http://www.tmz.com/2009/11/28/tiger-woods-elin-nordegren-fight-accident-suv-lacerations/)

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.tmz.com/media/2009/11/1127_tigerwoods_elinwoods_80194765_ex.jpg


Tiger Woods did not suffer facial lacerations from a car accident. They were inflicted by his wife, Elin Nordegren -- according to a conversation Woods had Friday after the accident. Tiger has yet to be formally interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol -- that should happen this afternoon. But we're told Tiger had a conversation Friday -- with a non-law enforcement type -- detailing what went down before his Escalade hit a fire hydrant.

We're told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We're told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV -- but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.

We're told Woods became "distracted," thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree.

We're also told Woods had said during the conversation Friday he had been taking prescription pain medication for an injury, which could explain why he seemed somewhat out of it at the scene.

Mike$
11-28-2009, 10:51 AM
yes, its true. that bitch hit me.

obzen
11-28-2009, 10:52 AM
Yeah right.






Really?

Gribbz
11-28-2009, 10:55 AM
Worst alias ever.

Sleeping Lion
11-28-2009, 11:23 AM
We're told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV -- but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.

Also they fail to report that she was wearing a full NIKE getup during the incident.

Mike$
11-28-2009, 01:39 PM
Worst alias ever.

It’s a good thing your opinion isn’t worth much, if anything for that matter.

Thanks for the shot out though.

Gribbz
11-28-2009, 01:55 PM
"Shot out."

Your intelligence clearly cannot be matched.

Mike$
11-28-2009, 02:14 PM
At least you can recognize that.

malcolmjamalawesome
11-28-2009, 02:36 PM
Ladies and gentlemen ... Mike$.

Gribbz
11-28-2009, 03:35 PM
Ladies and gentlemen ... Mike$.

I should have known it was SDsoldier by the level of retardation.

malcolmjamalawesome
11-28-2009, 03:37 PM
Oh man that makes sense. I thought it was kroqken.

Gribbz
11-28-2009, 03:38 PM
Your "location" is pretty funny. Which album was Passive describing again?

malcolmjamalawesome
11-28-2009, 03:41 PM
I was told a Junior Boys album.

nbvcide
11-28-2009, 05:34 PM
Apparently: Rumors are coming out that Tiger Woods possibly had his arm hanging out the driver side window when he collided with the fire hydrant. Then, according to these unsubstantiated rumors, he may have hit the gas on accident while in pain from smashing his arm. Once again, these car crash rumors are definitely not confirmed.

what kind of SUV could you hang your arm out the window and hit a fire hydrant?


his driveway is probably so long he could be doing 100 by the end of it.

100 mph? in reverse?? again, i would like to know what kind of freakish mods his '09 Cadillac SUV has..

sounds to me like he jumped out of his car, didn't put it in park, and it kept rolling down the driveway..

buddy
12-01-2009, 12:05 PM
Chinese news report of tiger crash
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Young blood
12-01-2009, 12:12 PM
http://knowyourmeme.com/i/28593/original/1_3.jpg?1259543968

bug on your lip
12-01-2009, 12:26 PM
What's the difference between a golf ball and a SUV?
















Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

Still-ill
12-01-2009, 12:44 PM
I'm stealing that joke, bug.

CuervoPH
12-01-2009, 12:47 PM
I also like: They asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him with the golf club, and she said, "I'm not sure. Put me down for a five."

Stickjohn
12-01-2009, 05:24 PM
On a more serious note - Rachel Maddow had a sportswriter named Dave Zirin on the other day that had an interesting take on Tiger's involvement in Dubai world.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315908/#34215064

Sleeping Lion
12-01-2009, 07:19 PM
Hah nice jokes.


On a super serious note, I just hope he will be able to bounce back after this incident. Brother might have to settle for Reebok!

cansei de ser sexme
12-01-2009, 08:30 PM
The day after this happened in the Los Angeles Times there was a full page ad that looked like an article and it had a title like "Tiger is Playing Better Than Ever". It seemed like propaganda to get people from bad mouthing him after cheating on his wife etc.

TomAz
12-02-2009, 07:57 AM
Cheetah Woods

Young blood
12-02-2009, 08:05 AM
*golf clap* 4 tom.

locachica73
12-02-2009, 08:11 AM
I heard on the radio today about some 31 month affair Tiger had with some chick from the reality show Tool Acadamy. There was even a voicemail he had left that she sold to the tabloids where he is begging her to take her name off of her own voicemail so if his wife were to call the number she wouldn't hear a woman's voice. If it is true then my only question is, did he really think some chick who went on the show Tool Acadamy wasn't going to sell him out? It's bad enough he's a cheater, but apparently he is a stupid cheater.

unitedwesuck
12-02-2009, 08:25 AM
best. thread. ever

bug on your lip
12-02-2009, 08:30 AM
i know there is a joke somewhere about his car accident & him being half-asian but i haven't wrapped my mind around it yet

Young blood
12-02-2009, 08:32 AM
and being half black and hitting things?

BROKENDOLL
12-02-2009, 08:35 AM
I guess a hole in one wasn't enough...
Pork.The other white meat.

bleep
12-02-2009, 08:36 AM
saw this on another forum. we've heard some of these already, but here are a few more:

Apparently the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing

Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.

What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.

Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway. Rock me.

Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.

Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.

It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz. 



Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia.

What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT

Given Tiger’s racial heritage can we call this a Black Thai affair?

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.

Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart? Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.

First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger: Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?

Tiger Wood’s shirt is all red- problem is, there’s no tournament, and his veins are a pint low.

What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.

TomAz
12-02-2009, 09:26 AM
i know there is a joke somewhere about his car accident & him being half-asian but i haven't wrapped my mind around it yet

it was something like the black part of him bought a Cadillac and the asian part of him wrecked it.

luckyface
12-02-2009, 09:31 AM
it was something like the black part of him bought a Cadillac and the asian part of him wrecked it.

Did you come up with that, Tom? Because that is pretty good right there.

TomAz
12-02-2009, 09:32 AM
no I think that was Wanda Sykes

obzen
12-02-2009, 09:41 AM
This thread came through today.

buddy
12-03-2009, 12:29 PM
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stuporfly
12-03-2009, 12:43 PM
For me, the biggest shock of all is that Tiger Woods isn't just some asexual nerd.

BROKENDOLL
12-07-2009, 09:49 AM
Just watched the SNL skit on Tiger Woods through PopEater and read some of the public's comments. Had to share this with you guys for shits and grins...



"This really is strange justice. Tiger makes his money by knocking the crap out of little white balls. Now, his wife will make her money by knocking the crap out of his little bla-k balls! Strange justice."

paulthomasanderson
12-08-2009, 06:32 PM
Speaking of golfers...

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suprefan
12-08-2009, 06:43 PM
Tiger got dropped by Gatorade

paulthomasanderson
12-08-2009, 06:45 PM
Also got dropped by this son of a gun...

http://www.gimme.ca/images/jesper.jpg

biggfoot17
12-08-2009, 07:19 PM
Tiger got dropped by Gatorade

No they didn't. They're stopping production of the Tiger Focus line, as well as a few others.


"We decided several months ago to discontinue Gatorade Tiger Focus along with some other products to make room for our planned series of innovative products in 2010," Gatorade told CNBC

His sponsors aren't dumb enough to cut ties with one of the most recognizable faces in the world and one of the most dominant players of any sport, ever.

paulthomasanderson
12-08-2009, 07:24 PM
<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ACrUYfgNLAg&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ACrUYfgNLAg&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>

This.

PlayaDelWes
12-08-2009, 07:34 PM
WTF

paulthomasanderson
12-10-2009, 12:51 PM
Came across Nancy Grace last night and I think it's safe to say douchebag of the year is now Tiger's to win and Jon Gosselin's to lose. See below.

In Touch reports that Tiger Woods revealed his intense feelings for alleged lover Rachel Uchitel in numerous emails to the nightclub hostess. In one, the golfer wrote:

"I know it's brutal on you that you can't be with me all the time. I get it. It f***ing kills me, too. I finally found someone I connect with, someone I have never found like this. Not even at home. You want someone to witness your life. I want you to lay next to me, lay on me or where ever you want to lay. F***. Why didn't we find each other years ago. We wouldn't be having this conversation."

In another, he worried that he didn't "know if this is going to work," adding:

"I thought I was getting to know you, but it feels like I'm just another person who happens to be famous. Every time I think about it, I get a lump in my throat. Some of the other parts of your past really get to me. I don't know what person I was falling for so hard. The one I got to know on the phone, e-mail, text and in person. Or the one who likes famous people. I am so confused, because what my brain is saying and what my heart is saying are two different things. Is it the Rachel I know or the character? That's what's hard. It guts me to think I've fallen for the wrong one."

A source tells the magazine that "Tiger told [Uchitel] he would divorce his wife for her." Check out this week's In Touch magazine for more emails.

humanoid
12-10-2009, 01:22 PM
For me, the biggest shock of all is that Tiger Woods isn't just some asexual nerd.

well, at least we know that he's apparently not asexual

locachica73
12-10-2009, 01:25 PM
So he's not just a dirty man whore but he is a whiney dirty man whore?

menikmati
12-10-2009, 01:27 PM
Tiger got dropped by Gatorade

They're saying Gatorade had already made plans to drop his line of drinks well before this incident...but ya know how that goes...

paulthomasanderson
12-10-2009, 01:28 PM
http://reason.com/assets/mc/ngillespie/2009_12/tigershaving.jpg

malcolmjamalawesome
12-10-2009, 08:44 PM
YOU ARE WRONG I AM BONE THUGS AND HARMONY

gazercmh
12-11-2009, 09:49 PM
saw this elsewhere:

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after ho ho ho.

paulthomasanderson
12-11-2009, 09:52 PM
Well this story sure has gone to the deepest realms of hell. Magic Fucking Johnson part two.

psycobetabuckdown
12-11-2009, 10:22 PM
YOU ARE WRONG I AM BONE THUGS AND HARMONY

for coachella 2010?

humanoid
12-11-2009, 10:40 PM
Jesus....I turned on Sportscenter earlier for a few minutes, just to see if there was anything sports related on....and it was all Tiger all the time..nevermind

boboso
12-11-2009, 10:48 PM
Well this story sure has gone to the deepest realms of hell. Magic Fucking Johnson part two.

So when does he come out that he has Aids?

paulthomasanderson
12-12-2009, 09:19 AM
Give it time. I'm just sick of seeing his all his damn groupies plastered over virtually every channel I turn on.

bmack86
12-12-2009, 09:27 AM
They're saying Gatorade had already made plans to drop his line of drinks well before this incident...but ya know how that goes...

They had already made an announcement to a couple newspapers three days before the crash.

weeklymix
12-12-2009, 09:56 AM
So Tiger finally admitted to "infidelity" yesterday. First time he's used the word, apparently.

As far as his endorsements go... he's pretty much the only marketable face of American golf. Nike and EA have both stated their business models regarding Tiger will not change even with his infidelity statement. Does Hooters still have John Daly? Tiger might actually GAIN endorsements.

paulthomasanderson
12-12-2009, 10:43 AM
He'll be welcomed back with open arms when he's ready to return. At least that's what I've heard on multiple reports seeing as how this is all that's on the news lately.

Still-ill
12-14-2009, 12:30 PM
http://img.timeinc.net//time/cartoons/20091211/cartoons_02.jpg

JebusLives
12-14-2009, 12:59 PM
I'm leaving it up to this thread to tell me when I can turn on the news again.

paulthomasanderson
12-14-2009, 01:03 PM
It's pretty much an old story now. He's gone into exile.

locachica73
12-14-2009, 01:08 PM
Actually at this point I think it's more news worthy if women show up and say they haven't slept with him.

suprefan
12-17-2009, 06:03 PM
HAHAHAHAH


http://media1.break.com/static/app/v1/global/swf/player09.swf?sVidLoc=http%3a%2f%2fvideo1.break.com %2fdnet%2fmedia%2f2009%2f12%2fleaked-tiger-woods-sex-tape_1.flv&sThumbLoc=http%3a%2f%2fmedia1.break.com%2fdnet%2fm edia%2f2009%2f12%2fleaked-tiger-woods-sex-tape.jpg&contentURL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.break.com%2findex%2fle aked-tiger-woods-mistress-sex-tape.html&sShareURL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.break.com%2findex%2flea ked-tiger-woods-mistress-sex-tape.html%23TellAFriendhttp%3a%2f%2fstats.break.co m%2finvoke.txt&iContentID=1523484&autoplay=0&embed=2&contentidencoded=1523484&categoryid=4&userid=2267152&mode=embed&linktitle=Funny+Videos&sVidTitle=EMBED-Leaked+Tiger+Woods+Mistress+Sex+Tape

Still-ill
12-17-2009, 06:19 PM
Hehe

Grant
12-17-2009, 06:22 PM
teh lawl