PDA

View Full Version : Eternal Debates: Penis Touching The Porcelain



gaypalmsprings
06-13-2009, 07:36 PM
Guys, do you ever worry about your tally wacker touching the toilet seat, especially public toilets? Germs, smegma, and other stuff live on the toilet seats. Perhaps a woman sat there too. Or perhaps there's even a bit of broccoli on the seat. Do you do anything special to protect your wang during such times?

http://www.sexhax.com/images/6.gif

Wheres the beef?
06-13-2009, 07:38 PM
Doesn't worry me at all.

fatbastard
06-13-2009, 07:41 PM
GPS, you've been hanging out with David Carridine too much.

Still-ill
06-13-2009, 08:27 PM
I never really thought twice about it... now I will. Thanks...

obzen
06-13-2009, 09:07 PM
The following is picture of someone whos seems to have gotten away with murder:

http://www.sexhax.com/images/6.gif

JClemy
06-13-2009, 09:40 PM
You totally have to tuck and be careful your wang doesn't touch. Those toilet seat covers they provide often work well. At the very least it's cold.

JebusLives
06-13-2009, 10:07 PM
i usually keep a hand in there for protection. Does that mean i'm going to hell?

All That I Am
06-13-2009, 10:22 PM
i double over a piece of toilet paper and lay it on the seat just in case it touches.
But of course being as big around as a can of Foster's, I have to worry about this more that your regular girthed people.

Suffacated
06-13-2009, 10:51 PM
As small as my penis is, thats the last thing I worry about.

BROKENDOLL
06-13-2009, 11:13 PM
http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q41/jazzjr/schoolbusandpooljuly4th2008259.jpg

algunz
06-13-2009, 11:14 PM
After having played with some big boys out there, I'm guessing this is only a real problem for a few of you. :winkiss

Sleepingrock
06-13-2009, 11:37 PM
After having played with some big boys out there, I'm guessing this is only a real problem for a few of you. :winkiss

Aren't you a teacher guns??? My English teacher isnt that open with me.... She just teaches me funny words...Like Nooner = Sex at noon =D

algunz
06-13-2009, 11:43 PM
Well, I'm not your fuckin' English teacher am I?

Sleepingrock
06-13-2009, 11:45 PM
Well, I'm not your fuckin' English teacher am I?

Kinky ;)

algunz
06-13-2009, 11:50 PM
Yes, their set on the Outdoor stage in 2003 was awesome.

algunz
06-13-2009, 11:55 PM
I'm gonna bet that Gil Cerezo has to "worry" about his penis touching lots of things. :pulse

boarderwoozel3
06-14-2009, 12:14 AM
No good can come from penis & toilet bowl contact. When it happens, it's just gross :(

M Sparks
06-14-2009, 12:46 AM
It normally doesn't bother me, but my wife once put this thing in the tank that injected bleach or chlorine or something into the water. Sometimes it would sting if it had been flushed recently.

And Algunz...I'm pretty average, if not a little below, so this issue affects more than you think. It's a toilet bowl, not an aquarium.

Suffacated
06-14-2009, 12:53 AM
It's a toilet bowl, not an aquarium.

An aquarium with a bunch of penis fishes swimming around would make one hell of a conversation piece.

Suffacated
06-14-2009, 01:02 AM
This snaggle toothed willy was the direct result of penile toilet seat contact.

http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t52/Suffacated/POLO/untitled.jpg

captncrzy
06-14-2009, 06:57 AM
Don't they have ass guards in men's bathrooms?

M Sparks
06-14-2009, 07:42 AM
Don't they have ass guards in men's bathrooms?

I thought we were talking about the inside of the bowl. I guess GPS did say seat. Isn't the seat usually made of some kind of plastic?

EDIT- and public bathrooms usually have that notch cut out of the front of seat.

gaypalmsprings
06-14-2009, 08:16 AM
I thought we were talking about the inside of the bowl. I guess GPS did say seat. Isn't the seat usually made of some kind of plastic?

EDIT- and public bathrooms usually have that notch cut out of the front of seat.

The title of the thread does refer to the actual porcelain. I also mentioned the toilet seat. My bad. The actual porcelain would be colder & nastier.

http://porcelainpoetry.faketrix.com/content/pics/large/work-funny-toilets-pictures.jpg

JebusLives
06-14-2009, 09:44 AM
Yeah my problem is when the tip hangs down and touches the cold wet porcelain. The seat has nothing on the inside of the bowl for sick-itude.

You know what's even worse though? Porta-potty splashback.

jdaws
06-14-2009, 10:00 AM
i rest my shaft on the in-between porcelain, allowing the tip to just hang over the edge. that way it doesnt go swimming. no lifeguard on duty ya know?

RotationSlimWang
06-14-2009, 10:03 AM
My bigger issue is when my dick smacks the floor while I'm sitting down.


Also, do BDoll and Suffacated have some secret website that's nothing but pictures of disgusting genitalia they keep prowling to post here?

Suffacated
06-14-2009, 11:53 AM
My bigger issue is when my dick smacks the floor while I'm sitting down.


http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t52/Suffacated/POLO/dick.jpg

BROKENDOLL
06-14-2009, 12:25 PM
I've got an easy solution for all of you guys!
Since you already choose to leave the damn seat up anyway, don't bother putting it down when you sit. Trust me, the last thing you'll be worrying about as your ass submerges itself is whether or not your dick is touching anything! Am I right, ladies?

BROKENDOLL
06-14-2009, 12:27 PM
And as far as Randy's concern, by leaving the seat up to sit, he'll just end up slapping himself in the face instead of bottoming out on the floor! Problem solved! :rotfl

greghead
06-14-2009, 01:58 PM
I take precautions to ensure my dick isn't the hitting the porcelain, which is a constant threat. In terms of public bathrooms, I would rather have chili beans running down my leg than take a shit in a random, filth-infested public bathroom. However, when an unavoidable situation presents itself I invariably use the paper seat covers and keep a hand on my dick to prevent it from touching anything, including the seat and the porcelain.

M Sparks
06-14-2009, 02:07 PM
I've got an easy solution for all of you guys!
Since you already choose to leave the damn seat up anyway, don't bother putting it down when you sit. Trust me, the last thing you'll be worrying about as your ass submerges itself is whether or not your dick is touching anything! Am I right, ladies?

Ah yes, the old "men always leave the seat up" gag...that never gets old.

Now personally, I don't do this...in fact I always put the LID down. I mean, it's a toilet...it's gross. Cover that thing up. This is a perfectly legitimate reason to complain. But you never hear that complaint...it's always "I fell in the toilet." "How would you like to fall in the toilet?"

Well, ma'am, I wouldn't. That's why I look briefly at the toilet before I sit down, and make a tiny motion with my wrist to put the seat down if it's up. That's really all the inconvenience that's involved. Glance, flip.

But from how often some women like to complain about men leaving the seat up, I've got to assume that this falling in the toilet thing happens to them several times a day. And therefore, I have to assume that they simply do not look at all...pushing their rectum and genitals into anything that vaguely resembles a hole. That, madam, is how painful snakebites can occur. I mean, some men enjoy a trip to the old glory hole at the Stuckys, but that's a different story.

So anyway, my point. Since the majority of women apparently don't look at all where they place their most intimate of areas, isn't my putting the LID down even worse? I mean, since they pay literally NO attention to where they are going to eliminate, wouldn't sitting on the lid result in a seriously disgusting situation? Why don't I constantly find feces on toilet lids and fan-shaped sprays of urine?

So it must be something specific to the seat. I've long felt the idea that women aren't good at math to be a sexist myth. But perhaps they are unable to visually estimate the diameter of the opening. I suppose it could be something as simple as a depth perception problem.

Or perhaps it's something more Freudian. When a women is forced to take the 1.5 seconds to rectify a toilet seat misalignment, does a seething jealousy begin to fester inside? "I wish I had to put up the toilet seat sometimes." Rather than admit to such a absurd, childish inner envy, do you cover it up with a simple "I fell in the toilet because you left the seat up" to explain your irrational anger?

Tis a mystery. As well as a horribly cliched, unfunny, hack joke. Am I right guys?

boarderwoozel3
06-14-2009, 02:13 PM
Here, here!

Honestly, do women not look where they're about to sit in general? Surely at some point you've got to glance at the seat to know exactly where you intend to place your ass. So I would argue it's a lack of vigilance on their part. And women act as though it's exclusively a female problem. When guys hang out and need to sit down in the restroom we seem to manage just fine. Regardless, I agree with sparks in always putting the seat down. If nothing else it looks bad standing up.

M Sparks
06-14-2009, 02:21 PM
...or their part.

M Sparks
06-14-2009, 02:22 PM
I really don't care, I just hate hack jokes.

RotationSlimWang
06-14-2009, 02:24 PM
The seat up thing is ridiculous. Who the fuck just sits down without looking at the seat first even if it is down? I sure as fuck don't. There could be piss from some guy who didn't put the thing up just waiting there. And you bitches don't even look down to see if there IS a seat?

boarderwoozel3
06-14-2009, 02:26 PM
...or their part.

I don't know what you're talking about :-/

Agreed on played out cultural cliches. But the delivery has a lot to do with it as well.

gaypalmsprings
06-14-2009, 02:29 PM
I really don't care, I just hate hack jokes.

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/2008/04/small-penis.jpg

M Sparks
06-14-2009, 02:31 PM
I don't know what you're talking about :-/

Cheater.

boarderwoozel3
06-14-2009, 02:37 PM
Perhaps.

M Sparks
06-14-2009, 02:38 PM
There could be piss from some guy who didn't put the thing up just waiting there.

Exactly. Putting the seat UP is a courtesy in itself. If we are such rude slobs, wouldn't we just leave it down to begin with and not worry about drippage? I mean, men do love a good target shooting challenge.

Next time you find the seat left up, how about you just be thankful you don't have to wipe off a wet seat and leave the hilarious "jokes" to Rosanne, or Caroline Rea, or whoever writes garbage like Everybody Loves Raymond.

BROKENDOLL
06-14-2009, 03:09 PM
And therefore, I have to assume that they simply do not look at all...pushing their rectum and genitals into anything that vaguely resembles a hole.
I mean, since they pay literally NO attention to where they are going to eliminate, wouldn't sitting on the lid result in a seriously disgusting situation?
Or perhaps it's something more Freudian. When a women is forced to take the 1.5 seconds to rectify a toilet seat misalignment, does a seething jealousy begin to fester inside?
The day I'm able to push my rectum or genitals INTO something is the day I realize I have a bigger problem then what you get on your dick when you sit to pee! Yikes! And, I don't know about disgusting situations as far as sitting down on a closed seat, but I do know it's hard to explain to your chiropractor! LOL Oh, and seething jealousy over seat alignment? Not! Just the shear fact that you can whip your shit out almost anywhere pissed me off as long time ago, dammit!


The seat up thing is ridiculous. Who the fuck just sits down without looking at the seat first even if it is down? I sure as fuck don't. There could be piss from some guy who didn't put the thing up just waiting there. And you bitches don't even look down to see if there IS a seat? Well, ever since that $150 chiropractor bill, I look! LOL
And, I wasn't necessarily complaining about the seat up in as much as I was attempting to come to a compromising solution to keeping your pee-pees safe... In regards to public restrooms, paper shields or not, that's where I practice learning to pee like the boys...standing up!

prettydirtything
06-14-2009, 06:49 PM
i usually keep a hand in there for protection. Does that mean i'm going to hell?

yes, for "protection".

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
06-14-2009, 07:42 PM
i'm not so much worried about touching the porcelain as i am dipping my cock into a steaming pile of shit after I've taken a particularly nasty deuce

obzen
06-14-2009, 09:51 PM
I take precautions to ensure my dick isn't the hitting the porcelain, which is a constant threat. In terms of public bathrooms, I would rather have chili beans running down my leg than take a shit in a random, filth-infested public bathroom. However, when an unavoidable situation presents itself I invariably use the paper seat covers and keep a hand on my dick to prevent it from touching anything, including the seat and the porcelain.

Cheers!
:thu

M Sparks
06-15-2009, 06:23 AM
This is the second time in a week that I have posted an absurd rant about the old toilet seat joke, and the target tried to respond as if I was serious.

The fact that it came up twice in a week is proof of what an awful, unfunny, cliched "joke" it is.

Ladies, if YOUR man that lives in YOUR house leaves the seat up, and then you ACTUALLY fall into the toilet, then by all means, have a word with him and politely inform him of the situation. And if you are in a public restroom, you should take a gander before you sit down, whether or not it's a bi-gender restroom or not, because there might be something disgusting on the seat. Problem solved.

But please stop "joking" about it. It's never, ever, ever going to be funny.

caco0283
06-15-2009, 06:28 AM
I worry about touching the seat and the water...I usually hold my junk as I let loose of my trunk.

marooko
06-15-2009, 07:10 AM
no public restrooms thank you. at least not for number 2. so, no, i dont worry.

BROKENDOLL
06-15-2009, 08:12 AM
This is the second time in a week that I have posted an absurd rant about the old toilet seat joke, and the target tried to respond as if I was serious.

The fact that it came up twice in a week is proof of what an awful, unfunny, cliched "joke" it is.

Ladies, if YOUR man that lives in YOUR house leaves the seat up, and then you ACTUALLY fall into the toilet, then by all means, have a word with him and politely inform him of the situation. And if you are in a public restroom, you should take a gander before you sit down, whether or not it's a bi-gender restroom or not, because there might be something disgusting on the seat. Problem solved.

But please stop "joking" about it. It's never, ever, ever going to be funny.
You're like really anal about this subject matter, aren't you?

BROKENDOLL
06-15-2009, 08:12 AM
http://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc266/a_vargas/toilet_monster.jpg

Cdubby
06-15-2009, 08:19 AM
i shit in the urinals

marooko
06-15-2009, 08:19 AM
does anyone put the lid down? all this talk about the seat, lets not neglect the lid.

M Sparks
06-15-2009, 09:44 AM
You're like really anal about this subject matter, aren't you?

Sadly, THAT is a better joke. At least you are trying. I swear...this was the conversation I had on Facebook earlier this week.

HER- (some lame toilet seat comment.)

ME- (rant similar to above, only even sillier)

HER- "Geez, it was just a joke, don't get all upset"

ME- "I don't think you should be lecturing anyone on how to recognize a joke."

HER- "Why are you getting so mad? Facebook is supposed to be fun"

ME- "I don't think that someone who can't recognize a joke should be lecturing anyone on what is fun."

HER- "Joke- Noun...something done to make someone laugh...not done in earnest"

ME- "I'm laughing my ass off. Did you really think that I was being earnest when I suggested that you had a deficiency in your math education that caused you to fall in a toilet?"

HER- "I was just trying to make a joke, you don't have to get all upset over nothing."

ME- "I really only see one person getting upset over nothing"

This actually continued on for a while...

M Sparks
06-15-2009, 09:57 AM
http://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc266/a_vargas/toilet_monster.jpg

It's just a laugh a minute at your house.

Still-ill
06-15-2009, 11:46 AM
http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa299/yupko/im-in-ur-toilet-goin-to-nibble-ur-r.jpg

BROKENDOLL
06-15-2009, 12:10 PM
It's just a laugh a minute at your house.
Actually, it's about every 3 minutes, but who's counting? LOL... I take away any worries that suffacated has about his pee-pee touching the porcelain, etc, by holding it for him when he sits on the toilet! And,by easing those worries we find more time for other fun activities. I guess you can pretty much figure about every 3 minutes we're up to something...:lool

Suffacated
06-15-2009, 07:28 PM
It's just a laugh a minute at your house.

Oh.... you have no clue.
But ya know what.... I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm (finally) in a real good place.
and I honestly can say, "life is good".

MeowMixer
06-15-2009, 10:43 PM
Oh.... you have no clue.
But ya know what.... I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm (finally) in a real good place.
and I honestly can say, "life is good".

cute

gaypalmsprings
06-16-2009, 05:16 AM
http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/gth0062l.jpg

stuporfly
06-16-2009, 05:36 AM
I tap my cock on the porcelain for good luck before going about my business.

Dr. Lufs-al-ot
06-16-2009, 06:34 PM
IF ITS NOT EXPECTED TO RUB YOUR SOLDIER ALL OVER THE SEAT WHEN YOU'RE IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM, THEN I DONT KNOW WHAT IS EXPECTED OF PEOPLE ANYMORE!

Astrid
06-17-2009, 12:53 AM
well ive never heard anyone claim to have fallen in the toilet. if i ever do encounter such a horrible person, im sure i will discount them as a viable resource for the human race.

personally, on the whole toilet seat debate of the sexes, i feel it only makes sense a girl should put the seat down. the guy has to put it up. equal work on both ends. no one needs to trip. ITS NOT A BIG DEAL. i despise women who make this a major issue. what a waste of breathe.

M Sparks
06-17-2009, 04:27 AM
i feel it only makes sense a girl should put the seat down. the guy has to put it up. equal work on both ends.

This is the most rational thing I've ever read, and I'm including Thomas Aquinas

jdaws
06-17-2009, 06:55 AM
IF ITS NOT EXPECTED TO RUB YOUR SOLDIER ALL OVER THE SEAT WHEN YOU'RE IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM, THEN I DONT KNOW WHAT IS EXPECTED OF PEOPLE ANYMORE!

qft

Astrid
06-17-2009, 08:56 AM
This is the most rational thing I've ever read, and I'm including Thomas Aquinas

im all about a feminism that doesnt involve being a crazy cunt bitch, especially in issues of grave importance such as this. :cool:

BROKENDOLL
06-17-2009, 10:17 AM
well ive never heard anyone claim to have fallen in the toilet. if i ever do encounter such a horrible person, im sure i will discount them as a viable resource for the human race.

personally, on the whole toilet seat debate of the sexes, i feel it only makes sense a girl should put the seat down. the guy has to put it up. equal work on both ends. no one needs to trip. ITS NOT A BIG DEAL. i despise women who make this a major issue. what a waste of breathe.
'Scuse me, but I wasn't making a big issue about whether or not the seat was up or down, I was merely pointing out how to make the most of the ol' cliche over seats up/ seats down shit and applying it to the real issue here...Why men worry about what their weiners touch when they pee. Hell, have you ever had a man ask you to wash your hands BEFORE the handjob?


It normally doesn't bother me, but my wife once put this thing in the tank that injected bleach or chlorine or something into the water. Sometimes it would sting if it had been flushed recently.

And Algunz...I'm pretty average, if not a little below, so this issue affects more than you think. It's a toilet bowl, not an aquarium.
Little do you know, your wife is actually training you to put the seat down by adding allo those chemicals that sting your pee-pee. LOL


This is the most rational thing I've ever read, and I'm including Thomas Aquinas


im all about a feminism that doesnt involve being a crazy cunt bitch, especially in issues of grave importance such as this. :cool:
That's not feminism if Pee-Pee VS Porcelain is of grave importance for you. A real feminist would tell the guys to take what they were given and piss outside.

Astrid
06-17-2009, 11:55 AM
That's not feminism if Pee-Pee VS Porcelain is of grave importance for you. A real feminist would tell the guys to take what they were given and piss outside.

wtf are you talking about? thats exactly my fucking point. there is no such thing as REAL feminism, and being a feminist does NOT require bitchery or man hating.

stuporfly
06-17-2009, 12:04 PM
My vagina never gets anywhere near the porcelain/plastic/wood/what-have-you of a toilet - It remains floating in the formaldehyde-filled jar on my bedside table at all times.

boarderwoozel3
06-17-2009, 12:08 PM
wtf are you talking about? thats exactly my fucking point. there is no such thing as REAL feminism, and being a feminist does NOT require bitchery or man hating.

*standing applause*

SFChrissy
06-17-2009, 01:53 PM
forget the toilet seat I'm more concerned about the tally wackers taking a dip in the toilet water...

Dr. Lufs-al-ot
06-17-2009, 02:58 PM
^ dont even need to sit down for that one ;)

SFChrissy
06-17-2009, 05:28 PM
ROTFLOL... ;)