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View Full Version : 2 years in a row...



M Sparks
04-24-2009, 04:30 PM
Every year, when I'm minding my own business, trying to masturbate in the Sahara, this young girl pushes right in front of me and just stands there...a little too much in my personal space, if you know what I mean. I find it very distracting and I can never finish. You can tell she thinks she's really hot...probably thinking "I'll give you something to jack to, old man"...but the truth is, she's just not my type.

It was kind of annoying the first year, but now I feel like she's taunting me. It's scarred me a bit, and now whenever I'm peeping on my neighbors across the street through a telescope, I'm half afraid she's going to pop up on the sidewalk and block the view. This girl could bring down a mighty redwood, if you get my drift, even the pills don't help.

feather
04-24-2009, 04:31 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

bartelby
04-24-2009, 04:56 PM
funniest post ever

frozen pilgrim
04-24-2009, 05:48 PM
oh man. I missed you this year, mark.

mattpach
04-24-2009, 06:19 PM
:rotfl

Sleepingrock
04-24-2009, 06:41 PM
LR80EEsWauU

Knocking your wood is always troublesome at coachella

JustSteve
04-24-2009, 08:20 PM
nice.

marooko
04-24-2009, 08:26 PM
didnt know you were in to that kind of stuff.

Bud Luster
04-24-2009, 08:33 PM
Holy FUCK Sparks!!!!! HAHAHA...

algunz
04-24-2009, 08:35 PM
I was once visually assaulted by a Sammy Davis Junior look-alike masturbating in a doorway in Newport Beach.

Good times. :thu

gaypalmsprings
04-24-2009, 09:37 PM
http://s.bebo.com/app-image/6330292934/6330247432/PROFILE/i.idlestudios.com/img/q/u/08/03/30/perv.jpg

biggfoot17
04-24-2009, 09:45 PM
Oh, I see what you did here

greghead
04-24-2009, 10:25 PM
Holy fuck, that was lulztaztic

BrettShipes
04-24-2009, 10:31 PM
It was probably coincidence. Please don't make a joke.

haha.

McAwesome
04-24-2009, 10:41 PM
She's probably stalking you. I'd watch my back 24/7 from now on if I were you.

rage patton
04-24-2009, 10:42 PM
Oh Marc.

So, are you still in the hospital?

cooperb1
04-25-2009, 12:16 AM
lol to this

jonnypark
04-25-2009, 12:39 AM
This thread made my coachella withdawl week. Thank you sparks/.

JClemy
04-25-2009, 05:50 AM
That's really funny

M Sparks
04-25-2009, 07:08 AM
Aw, I missed you guys too!



So, are you still in the hospital?

I got out at the end of March, but I just got "released" by the doctor a few days ago, meaning all my organs are working properly now (except the one I don't have anymore.)

But my abs are still all f'd up- they had to cut a 6 inch gash in them. I can't really lift anything over 20 pounds, and it will probably be another 4-5 weeks before I'm back to full strength. (Which makes it really difficult to masturbate standing up, anyway.)

biggfoot17
04-25-2009, 07:52 AM
other injuries that prevent masturbation...GO!

gaypalmsprings
04-25-2009, 07:55 AM
meaning all my organs are working properly now (except the one I don't have anymore.)(Which makes it really difficult to masturbate standing up, anyway.)

How can you masturbate without your organ?

M Sparks
04-25-2009, 04:09 PM
This particular organ had gangrene, was full of "sludge", and apparently unnecessary, so...pffffffttttt.

I wouldn't have been so cavalier if they had wanted to take that other one.

EDIT- Shit, I should have said that I can't masturbate standing up BECAUSE I can't lift anything over 20 pounds. Ahhhhh....dick jokes.

gaypalmsprings
04-25-2009, 04:14 PM
I wouldn't have been so cavalier if they had wanted to take that other one.

You could have dressed up next year as the Naked Wizard if they had removed your appendage.

evilmushroompie
04-25-2009, 06:02 PM
http://s.bebo.com/app-image/6330292934/6330247432/PROFILE/i.idlestudios.com/img/q/u/08/03/30/perv.jpg

Is this Hermoine Granger??? If so, fucking awesome

boarderwoozel3
04-26-2009, 09:47 PM
Well I'm glad to hear you're on the route to physical recovery. Even better is that the mind is as sharp as ever :thu People really do flatter themselves too much.

shawnwashere
04-26-2009, 10:03 PM
HAHAHAHAH SUCH A GOOD POST

GoodEarth
04-27-2009, 08:02 AM
Wait, wait, wait....How is this bitch the crazy one, you're jacking off in public you crazy fuck! Maybe she just wants to get splashed

M Sparks
04-27-2009, 08:31 AM
Wait, wait, wait....How is this bitch the crazy one, you're jacking off in public you crazy fuck! Maybe she just wants to get splashed

This thread


















Your head

SFChrissy
04-27-2009, 09:11 AM
that happens when I go to how wierd and folsom street fair...darn it!!!

robotronia
04-27-2009, 09:31 AM
sparks,
SO FUNNY!

just have someone hold a velvet pillow to catch your "offerings", and i'll just bet she and most others will leave you alone in 2010, thinking its performance art

Coachella Bound
04-27-2009, 09:59 AM
Careful, I heard she was a NARC.

thephatkat
04-27-2009, 11:47 AM
M-

THIS is why we love you. BEST POST EVER.

GoodEarth
04-27-2009, 02:26 PM
This thread


















Your head
If you want it, I'll give you power, just be gentle, I'm delicate like a flower

Now fuck off

M Sparks
04-28-2009, 07:54 AM
If you want it, I'll give you power, just be gentle, I'm delicate like a flower

Now fuck off

Your post















My Head

M Sparks
04-28-2009, 07:55 AM
sparks,
SO FUNNY!

just have someone hold a velvet pillow to catch your "offerings", and i'll just bet she and most others will leave you alone in 2010, thinking its performance art

EVERY time I masturbate, it's performance art.

GoodEarth
05-06-2009, 08:58 AM
Your post















My Head
For someone with a Southpark Avitar, you don't "get" a southpark ref???? WTF????

The fucking "What What in the butt song" that butters sings? Dude? Go watch Southpark today

amyzzz
05-06-2009, 01:55 PM
aww I missed this one. Nice work.

M Sparks
05-06-2009, 04:28 PM
For someone with a Southpark Avitar, you don't "get" a southpark ref???? WTF????

The fucking "What What in the butt song" that butters sings? Dude? Go watch Southpark today

Actually, it's a SouthPark representation of Genesis P'Orridge. And I probably will watch it today, since it's Wednesday and there should be a new one. But I don't memorize them.

And it doesn't change the fact that you missed the point completely.

GoodEarth
05-07-2009, 09:00 AM
Actually, it's a SouthPark representation of Genesis P'Orridge. And I probably will watch it today, since it's Wednesday and there should be a new one. But I don't memorize them.

And it doesn't change the fact that you missed the point completely.
The Season is on break for now, but yes, I have every episode memorized

I thought you're avatar looked different, nevermind

You should catch up on old episodes on-line, this season has been SOOO Good

The episode "Gay Fish" will make you piss yourself

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
05-08-2009, 07:21 PM
For someone with a Southpark Avitar, you don't "get" a southpark ref???? WTF????

The fucking "What What in the butt song" that butters sings? Dude? Go watch Southpark today

you're the one who fails by thinking the "what What in the butt" song comes from South Park

M Sparks
05-13-2009, 06:31 AM
You should catch up on old episodes on-line, this season has been SOOO Good

The episode "Gay Fish" will make you piss yourself

Yes, I've pretty much seen them all. I just don't memorize them. Is that what you mean by "catching up"? Committing a few hundred episodes to memory? Because I don't think I have time.

If you had referenced the Gay Fish ep, I probably would have gotten it. Because it was, like, two weeks ago. I did, however, remain in control of both my bladder and bowels throughout the episode, so you're wrong again.

Now can we please go back to talking about this harlot who's been harassing me?