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bug on your lip
02-08-2007, 07:44 AM
Hey ladies,
Now is your chance to tap into the natural resource that is Ronnie's mind. You can find out all about men & how they think. Ronnie does not hold back.
And for you curious men out there *coughgabecough* , Ronnie has got your back too !

caco0283
02-08-2007, 07:53 AM
anything i cant answer i will ask my friend pammy for help and if she cant answer it there is no hope for you

bug on your lip
02-08-2007, 07:57 AM
wow... pammy
you get a 2 for 1
El Professional & La Professionala

& in time for Valentine's Day !!!!

mozabilly54
02-08-2007, 09:33 AM
haha. should have figured this was your post! okay so i'm not sure what to ask......why do men always fall asleep after sex? and why do men have nipples?

rampaige
02-08-2007, 09:44 AM
Why does my cat keep pissing on the bed?

I keep her litter box spotless, her food bowl filled to the brim, she has every freaking cat toy and accessory known to man. And still, every day I come home from work to find piss-soaked bedsheets. I am so weary of doing laundry every. single. night.

WHY DOES MY PUSSY HATE ME :cat

bug on your lip
02-08-2007, 09:46 AM
excellent question

please hold for Caco's response.
he puts alot of thought & effort into his responses before he posts them.
NO SPELL CHECK THO' !

Yablonowitz
02-08-2007, 10:03 AM
Ronnie,

We have a new co-worker here who is a little older than me, but has a very cute face. She smiles at me all the time and says "hi" every single time I come near her. She's carrying some extra baggage though. She's all the way downstairs and I rarely see her because I'm upstairs and have no reason to be down in her area. This is an impediment to further fraternizing and flirtatiousness. I also don't know if she's aware of my marital status and if that would be prohibitive for her. She shares an office with two other women who I don't really want to observe me pursuing her. You have suggested the bathroom in a previous commentary, but there are no locks on the doors. I don't really want to spend a lot of time and money on this (ie - arranging hotel room visits, etc) because she's not all-that.

How do I pull this off and where should I do it? That is...the sex with her.

kimery08
02-08-2007, 10:05 AM
Ronnie,

We have a new co-worker here who is a little older than me, but has a very cute face. She smiles at me all the time and says "hi" every single time I come near her. She's carrying some extra baggage though. She's all the way downstairs and I rarely see her because I'm upstairs and have no reason to be down in her area. This is an impediment to further fraternizing and flirtatiousness. I also don't know if she's aware of my marital status and if that would be prohibitive for her. She shares an office with two other women who I don't really want to observe me pursuing her. You have suggested the bathroom in a previous commentary, but there are no locks on the doors. I don't really want to spend a lot of time and money on this (ie - arranging hotel room visits, etc) because she's not all-that.

How do I pull this off and where should I do it? That is...the sex with her.


the supply closet.

Yablonowitz
02-08-2007, 10:30 AM
the supply closet.

No lock and I'm pretty sure she's a howler.

amyzzz
02-08-2007, 10:32 AM
No lock and I'm pretty sure she's a howler.

duct tape. For the door and her mouth.

kimery08
02-08-2007, 10:35 AM
duct tape. For the door and her mouth.

now we're thinkin...

TomAz
02-08-2007, 10:36 AM
duct tape. For the door and her mouth.

amy's greatest post ever.

Yablonowitz
02-08-2007, 10:37 AM
Whoa. That came from zzzz?

amyzzz
02-08-2007, 10:40 AM
Shut up before I say something painfully self-deprecating and mess it all up.

TomAz
02-08-2007, 10:41 AM
ummm.. too late.

damn, well, you had 8 minutes worth at least.

amyzzz
02-08-2007, 10:45 AM
My point exactly.

schoolofruckus
02-08-2007, 11:04 AM
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b126/schoolofruckus/ducttapebum.jpg

J~$$$
02-08-2007, 11:09 AM
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh hhaaaaaaaaah

rampaige
02-08-2007, 11:12 AM
:rotfl

I've got to start staying off the boards while at work.

kreutz2112
02-08-2007, 11:13 AM
dont do it in the shower!!!! (sorry about the size)

http://static.flickr.com/56/121018709_0e072def1d_o.jpg

vinylmartyr
02-08-2007, 11:16 AM
That can't be real.

vinylmartyr
02-08-2007, 11:17 AM
Ronnie how much semen does it take to clog a shower?

caco0283
02-08-2007, 11:35 AM
holy shit i didnt realize i was asked anything. Well I'll jump right to all the questions after I meet Pammy for lunch. But I can answer one quick question.

question: why do men have nipples

answer:


http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i155/caco0283/licky_licky.jpg

RATMan
02-08-2007, 11:40 AM
That's your answer?

Men have nipples so they can put a bolt through them and have NIN fans lick them?

Dude, there have to be better reasons than those, I can't think of any, though.

Courtney
02-08-2007, 11:43 AM
Dear Ronnie,

What do I get the guy I just started dating for Valentine's Day?

Thanks.

RATMan
02-08-2007, 11:50 AM
Tickets to the Final Four are cool, or maybe just a handjob

caco0283
02-08-2007, 11:51 AM
there is no better reason then having a girl lick them....and i dont think she knows who NIN is....she only listens to Latin music....back on topic...i guess ill have to elaborate....and bug you will get your wish cos im in a rush (i wont spell check)

*****warning this post is going to be like the relationship thread on the old board*****



When I think of men with nipples I think of getting what I like to call a niplazco. Named after caco and lazerus. That is basically when a guy has busted what I like to call a nut and and you don't want to wait for the engine to be refueled you turn on your boosters. Your partner usually would go down on you and raiselazerus from the dead but some partners aren't as freaky as others...meaning they wont go down on you after you were just in them. So they start treating the nipple as a penis. This is most effective when they have piercings. Now if you are a good con man i would suggest this, when you get your niplazco give the guilt trip and have her give mouth to mouth to lazerus and raise the guy from the dead

kimery08
02-08-2007, 11:56 AM
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b126/schoolofruckus/ducttapebum.jpg

ahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahah ahahaha

full on idle
02-08-2007, 01:38 PM
ronnie your friend needs to drink some water her tongue's all white with dehydration

hawkingvsreeve
02-08-2007, 02:18 PM
That aint dehydration, baby.

psychic friend
02-08-2007, 02:32 PM
that's what she said

full on idle
02-08-2007, 02:55 PM
::high-5::

caco0283
02-08-2007, 03:04 PM
why do men always fall asleep after sex

Well some men fall asleep after sex for two main reasons. I for one am not one of those men, cos i like to make sure my ladies go to bed with a smile. Men you must make sure you stimulated it, please her like shes going to rate it and once you came, dont go to bed and sleep you must get more x-rated. So when you are ready to wish the night (or day for coke heads) goodbye she will look at you with a smile and think, "*****, youre going to hell, for real"

but thats not what you asked about...so the first reason is this...some men are selfish. After they got theirs, they don't care. They have nothing else to worry or care about. Some men feel that women need to stop with all that moaning and just bust a nut. I feel bad for women that are commited into relationships with men like that. Men don't need to be sensual but they do need to be respectful. Now there are things you as a woman can do to try to fix this problem. While you are switching juices, let him get his and go straight to the shower and go at it with that shower head. Make sure he can hear you so he can feel like an idiot for not being able to please his woman. Its one thing to just fall asleep, but its another thing to hear her being please by the shower. Crush his ego. You could also start some four play and stop. Take out your vibrator, get yours and go to bed. Do this while he is there. If he starts trying to stop you, ignore his selfish ass. To put the icing on your cake, bust your nut, and give yourself some four play. He should get the picture by then. If not, cut off his balls

The second reason is this, some men are afraid to touch women after sex. They think its disgusting. So I would suggest taking him in the shower, and clean him off. That way he wont feel like he's cuddling with his own juices when he holds you in his arms.

schoolofruckus
02-08-2007, 03:08 PM
I pity the uninitiated.

caco0283
02-08-2007, 03:12 PM
Why does my cat keep pissing on the bed?

do i look like petco??? sorry i cant help you on this...i would suggest praying about it

kimery08
02-08-2007, 03:13 PM
interesting, very interesting...

caco0283
02-08-2007, 03:15 PM
Greg, I have to go and start making dinner but I'll try to get back to this tonight, if not its the first thing Ill do tomorrow.

kimery08
02-08-2007, 03:17 PM
okay, what about this.
"my friend" was dating this guy, they were hanging out and hooking up very regularly. friend noticed she was the one who always called the guy. so after one satisfactory night she decides "fuck it. im not calling him anymore. if he really wants to hang out with me he will." a week and a few days go by and she hasnt heard from him. then he calls out of nowhere like everything is coo. my question - was he making a booty call?

Yablonowitz
02-08-2007, 03:17 PM
some men are selfish. After they got theirs, they don't care. They have nothing else to worry or care about. Some men feel that women need to stop with all that moaning and just bust a nut. I feel bad for women that are commited into relationships with men like that. Men don't need to be sensual but they do need to be respectful. Now there are things you as a woman can do to try to fix this problem. While you are switching juices, let him get his and go straight to the shower and go at it with that shower head. Make sure he can hear you so he can feel like an idiot for not being able to please his woman. Its one thing to just fall asleep, but its another thing to hear her being please by the shower. Crush his ego. You could also start some four play and stop. Take out your vibrator, get yours and go to bed. Do this while he is there. If he starts trying to stop you, ignore his selfish ass. To put the icing on your cake, bust your nut, and give yourself some four play. He should get the picture by then. If not, cut off his balls

The second reason is this, some men are afraid to touch women after sex. They think its disgusting. So I would suggest taking him in the shower, and clean him off. That way he wont feel like he's cuddling with his own juices when he holds you in his arms.

You need schooling on the refractory period and its effects as men age. You're so young.

Nevertheless, I'm always amazed at the creativity that flows out of you (pun intended) during these questions. You could give Dan Savage a serious run for his money.

amyzzz
02-08-2007, 03:25 PM
I love Dan Savage.

rampaige
02-08-2007, 04:32 PM
do i look like petco??? sorry i cant help you on this...i would suggest praying about it

You said relationships...you didn't specify what kind or who between.

And, you do kinda look like petco. Turn to the left a little bit....ah, there it is.

mob roulette
02-08-2007, 04:57 PM
caco,

where all the white women at?

thanks for the love bro. respect.

mob

caco0283
02-09-2007, 08:29 AM
We have a new co-worker here who is a little older than me, but has a very cute face. She smiles at me all the time and says "hi" every single time I come near her. She's carrying some extra baggage though. She's all the way downstairs and I rarely see her because I'm upstairs and have no reason to be down in her area. This is an impediment to further fraternizing and flirtatiousness. I also don't know if she's aware of my marital status and if that would be prohibitive for her. She shares an office with two other women who I don't really want to observe me pursuing her. You have suggested the bathroom in a previous commentary, but there are no locks on the doors. I don't really want to spend a lot of time and money on this (ie - arranging hotel room visits, etc) because she's not all-that.

How do I pull this off and where should I do it? That is...the sex with her.

Greg,

As promised this is the first thing I did online today. I love the fact that you wont spend a lot of time and money on her cos she's not all-that. Now I don't know exactly what her extra baggage could be so I'm going to assume its not kids because you have kids and you wouldn't consider yourself extra baggage. Maybe your'e talking about daddy issues. If this is true, during intercourse stay away from asking her "who's your daddy" This may trigger something in her that isn't an orgasm. She may flip and scream her dad's name while she lays left and rights on your face like a bear would to a gorilla. Which would end up making you think of Gabe while you are having sex, and thats a whole different issue we need to talk about.

Now if you are referring to her being downstairs you must remember this my friend. Getting laid is easy, sometimes its cheap, but you always have to do some work. I would take something off her desk one night at work, when nobody else is around. This has to be something she will miss. The next day place the item close to your desk, maybe if you have a copier.....or a fax machine leave it next to that. She will be forced to walk upstairs and see you. This will give her the oppurtunity to find out where you sit, and give you the chance to woo her away from the other women.

Now what do you say to her, well I always like to act like I have a problem and you are asking her for her suggestion. This gives women the sense of empowerment and they love that sort of stuff. Now you have to be clever with your problem because you want to add in the follow up motion. The follow up motion is what you live and die for....but I'll get back to the follow up motion in a moment. Now what kind of problems should you have....maybe you are bored with the books you have been buying and you need something new that you normally wouldn't buy. Maybe you need a new place to go to lunch. After discussing with her the problem and hearing her suggestions you hit her with the motion. "I'll give that book a try and take you out to lunch so we can discuss it (you could even add in a book for her to read)" or "We can do this, I'll take you out to lunch there so we can both decide if their fish is better than Caco's House of Fish" You want to make sure you show her youre confident and charming. You are showing her you care about her opinion and not about the crevis between her legs.

Now where can you bust one in her...well I believe back in June or July I told you had there is nothing better than having sex like a teenager. Go back to that. Its true. Take her to the movies and part her while you watch the Departed. You can also drive somewhere for lunch and have sex in the car, which also gives you the oppurtunity to get some road-head. Just watch out for the speed bumps, you don't want to choke her too bad. Good luck and let me know how things go

bug on your lip
02-09-2007, 08:47 AM
they're right Caco... you need your own column

that was amazing

Yablonowitz
02-09-2007, 08:52 AM
Thank you. I will try all of this and keep you apprised.

TomAz
02-09-2007, 09:06 AM
Well some men fall asleep after sex for two main reasons. I for one am not one of those men, cos i like to make sure my ladies go to bed with a smile. Men you must make sure you stimulated it, please her like shes going to rate it and once you came, dont go to bed and sleep you must get more x-rated. So when you are ready to wish the night (or day for coke heads) goodbye she will look at you with a smile and think, "*****, youre going to hell, for real"

but thats not what you asked about...so the first reason is this...some men are selfish. After they got theirs, they don't care. They have nothing else to worry or care about. Some men feel that women need to stop with all that moaning and just bust a nut. I feel bad for women that are commited into relationships with men like that. Men don't need to be sensual but they do need to be respectful. Now there are things you as a woman can do to try to fix this problem. While you are switching juices, let him get his and go straight to the shower and go at it with that shower head. Make sure he can hear you so he can feel like an idiot for not being able to please his woman. Its one thing to just fall asleep, but its another thing to hear her being please by the shower. Crush his ego. You could also start some four play and stop. Take out your vibrator, get yours and go to bed. Do this while he is there. If he starts trying to stop you, ignore his selfish ass. To put the icing on your cake, bust your nut, and give yourself some four play. He should get the picture by then. If not, cut off his balls

The second reason is this, some men are afraid to touch women after sex. They think its disgusting. So I would suggest taking him in the shower, and clean him off. That way he wont feel like he's cuddling with his own juices when he holds you in his arms.

oxytocin

caco0283
02-09-2007, 12:55 PM
Ronnie how much semen does it take to clog a shower?

That's hard to say. See if I were to clog my shower it would be quicker than someone who is bald. I have long beautiful curls and the semen would get all caught up in there and stop the water at a faster rate.




Dear Ronnie,What do I get the guy I just started dating for Valentine's Day?Thanks.

Well if you havnt put out yet, I would end the evening by doing that. V day is thee day for him to get a good lay. Now if you already put out, well you should get some toys, I would suggest the triple clit flicker. It stimulates yourself and gives him the tingles at the same time. Maybe get some hot body wax and rub it on his butt crack so it simultaneously stings and tickles

caco0283
02-21-2007, 05:46 PM
Sorry I've been busy with my new job and my personal love life is going to shit right now and i dont know what to do but its back to work on here so here we go



okay, what about this.
"my friend" was dating this guy, they were hanging out and hooking up very regularly. friend noticed she was the one who always called the guy. so after one satisfactory night she decides "fuck it. im not calling him anymore. if he really wants to hang out with me he will." a week and a few days go by and she hasnt heard from him. then he calls out of nowhere like everything is coo. my question - was he making a booty call?


Well I can speak from experience on this..."your friend" should just kill herself...why cos women are evil and deserve to die of mad-caco disease....no but really...."your friend" should kill herself.....my reason is this....to start off she was a booty call...there's no doubt about it....and not a great one at that....how do i know that....i would call my best BC (that stands for booty call not Before Christ or bitch cracker) at least twice and if she was really good three times a week. Now if he called her about 10 days later...think of all the women he either hooked up with or was trying to hook up with cos she wasnt worth his time...except for when he really needed some. Now maybe your friend will say..."well he used to always come over and we would watch a movie and hang out and yeah sure we slept together." Well sweetheart you have to cook the dinner before you can eat it. He was just adding all the right spices and making sure he would have some left overs for a rainy day when he didn't want to go out to eat.

Now if you don't want to kill yourself this is what she can do. Stop being a booty call. Stop going after the guys the treat you like meat...stop going after the men that hit you...verbally abuse you....make you feel lower than your abusive father made you feel. Remember very few people are ever going to really love you so dont run away from that guy who is nice to women....a guy that can look pass your make-up and perfume...not a man that will play you on differnet emotions. Next time you feel like a booty call and you are with a man....just remember you diserve a real man. You need a man that doesn't rip in you like there is no love cos he wont care if you pull that trigger. Go after that man that will taste you like he praises you...cos this universe here...was not put here for you to suffer alone

schoolofruckus
02-21-2007, 05:56 PM
I'd say that, in his own particular roundabout way, that was the best actual advice that El Professional has ever dispensed.


He's just mad because I cockblocked him over the phone.

caco0283
02-21-2007, 05:59 PM
now this is irony...the girl im having problems with right now is the same girl gabe blocked me with over the phone....well it wasnt really a cockblock but he was on the phone with her and called her and thought she was rita and called her rita

UnicornsForBreakfast
02-21-2007, 06:01 PM
Dearest Caco,

I've been with the same guy for over a year, and he keeps getting on my nerves. He talks about chicks on a daily basis. When I bitch about it, he says he does it to "keep me on my toes". I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. Sometimes, he says it's cute when I'm jealous, and I explain to him that I'm not upset because I'm jealous that he slapped some tub of lard on the tit, but that I'm upset because he is a moron for putting that much effort into trying to piss me off. Sometimes, it gets on my nerves so much that I slap him accross the head, or hang up on him. He acts like this is completely uncalled for. What in the blue fuck is his problem?

jimmycrackcorn
02-21-2007, 07:42 PM
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b126/schoolofruckus/ducttapebum.jpg

hahaha LOL man this picture makes me laugh every time... it was hilarious in the response to "any ladies wanna share an rv" thread too

schoolofruckus
02-21-2007, 08:15 PM
Dearest Caco,

I've been with the same guy for over a year, and he keeps getting on my nerves. He talks about chicks on a daily basis. When I bitch about it, he says he does it to "keep me on my toes". I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. Sometimes, he says it's cute when I'm jealous, and I explain to him that I'm not upset because I'm jealous that he slapped some tub of lard on the tit, but that I'm upset because he is a moron for putting that much effort into trying to piss me off. Sometimes, it gets on my nerves so much that I slap him accross the head, or hang up on him. He acts like this is completely uncalled for. What in the blue fuck is his problem?

This is gonna be an epic cacoism. I can feel it.

caco0283
02-22-2007, 04:23 AM
thats what she said

Stefinitely Maybe
02-22-2007, 05:41 AM
Dear Caco,

As you may or may not realise, Tuesday was Pancake Day here in England. It's no big deal, but my girlfriend thought it would be nice if we could make pancakes together after work, and I agreed.

However, I ended up going out with a bunch of people from my office instead, and getting incredibly drunk. At about 10pm I remembered it was pancake day, and realised that I was in trouble. So I thought "I know, I'll get all the ingredients and go home and make pancakes for my girlfriend and then she'll forgive me".

So on my way home I went to the store and bought pancake mix, and chocolate sauce, and strawberries, and lemon juice, and ice cream, and so on. A real pancake feast. I had the munchies too, so I was really hungry.

I got home at about 10:30pm and my girlfriend was already in bed. I stormed into the bedroom drunk and turned on all the lights and said "Come on, I'm making you a pancake feast" and then stumbled into the kitchen and started to throw all the ingredients around.

She was annoyed at first but couldn't help but smile, and the pancakes tasted amazing, so she was pretty happy with my efforts. Then she started to laugh at me for being so drunk, and for the fact that I had basically covered the entire kitchen in pancake mix, ice cream, and chocolate sauce. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were having sex on the kitchen counter, and then on the kitchen table, and on the kitchen chairs, and then back in the bedroom.

A successful night, right? OR SO I THOUGHT.

I wake up the next morning and she is totally mad at me and barely speaking to me. She says "you came in late last night and you were totally drunk and made a complete mess of the kitchen"!

I apologise and say that I wanted to surprise her with pancakes and that I thought she had enjoyed the evening, but she is still mad at me. She says "You just wanted drunken sex last night, I could have been anyone!" Then she says "What if you had been on tour last night, getting drunk, and I was some groupie? Would you have fucked her too? How can I trust you?"

(My girlfriend gets paranoid about me being in a band and meeting girls a lot).

So tell me, Caco, what should I do?

Yours gratefullly,

Stef

caco0283
02-22-2007, 05:51 PM
caco,

where all the white women at?

thanks for the love bro. respect.

mob


Where all the white women at?? Well my friend you are asking the wrong question. I don't care where all the white women are at. What you need to be askking is where are all the respectable women at. That is something you need to find my brother. Who cares what color they are....who cares what race they are....you need to care about the things that matter....do they have class....are they physically and mentally attractive to your mind and eye and not that of your friends. See I would choose a respectable white girl over a crazy ass latin girl that can barely speak English. I hate to give positive advice twice in a row but I have nothing to run with on this one. Sure I could say all the white women are on their knees cos white chicks love to give head...some will even start throw your whole nut sack in their mouth.....its one of those gifts that white women have....I wonder if white gay men give great head like white do. Anyone care to share the info??

full on idle
02-22-2007, 10:17 PM
Caco found the respectable women at the strip club.

mob roulette
02-23-2007, 12:08 PM
Thanks caco. Also,

First I let my wheels spin, then I let my screen fall
Then I let my trunk beat at Greenbriar Mall, tall
And then I pimp a foe, take a bitch to Berlin
Bitch break ninjaz, after that we buck they girlfriend
My girl got a girlfriend, Chevy blue like whirlwind
Ninja it's a drought on that boy, so I got that girl in
Pearl Bent', cockin' hammer, Arm & Hammer propaganda
Bitches think I'm pimpin' and leanin' in salamander sandels
Dirty South hot cuz Atlanta.. show ninjaz with ammo
We ride Phantom, holla shawty for grammar
Yep, now I be on TV, BET, out the channel
Hood ninja from Bankhead, I stay by Grandma Nana
I lay by my banana, dumpin' and punkin' monkeys
Don't nobody live with my mom but a bunch of junkies
Throw me the donkey, bitch I ride glaze on the haze
Gator green Chevy, gator gut, alligator J's...

Can you help? Thanks man.

kimery08
02-26-2007, 09:47 AM
bump.

caco0283
02-27-2007, 01:34 PM
Caco found the respectable women at the strip club

I will have no real comment for this.

caco0283
02-27-2007, 01:59 PM
Dearest Caco,

I've been with the same guy for over a year, and he keeps getting on my nerves. He talks about chicks on a daily basis. When I bitch about it, he says he does it to "keep me on my toes". I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. Sometimes, he says it's cute when I'm jealous, and I explain to him that I'm not upset because I'm jealous that he slapped some tub of lard on the tit, but that I'm upset because he is a moron for putting that much effort into trying to piss me off. Sometimes, it gets on my nerves so much that I slap him accross the head, or hang up on him. He acts like this is completely uncalled for. What in the blue fuck is his problem?

I think your man is gay. Him saying he's trying to keep you on your toes means he doesn't want you on your knees....and what do you do while you're on your knees? Well you certainly don't give him a niplazco (read my first advice if you don't know what that is). When you're on your knees you drink from him like he is the foutain of youth. And any man that wouldn't want his lady to live forever must be gay. Enough said on that...its an issue I'm not going to jump into right now.

Here's what you can do to keep him from do stuff to make you jealous. First you can get a shirt that says my boyfriend has a small penis. On the back of the shirt put his a picture of him crying. This wont backfire...trust me...there isn't a girl that will flirt with a guy if they know right off the back that he has a small penis. Sure size doesn't matter to some women...but they say that cos they are having sex with someone that has a small penis....they would of never had sex with them if they knew before hand he has a small penis. That may be a bit confusing and I'm not allowed to edit so I'll try to help you figure that out....so for example...I wont marry a girl that can't have kids...now if i ended up being married to a girl and I found out she cant have kids afterwards...well I can't complain if I love her. Catch my drift?

Back on topic....after you were the shirt around for awhile guys are going to hit on you and show you their penis....sure its a sympathy flash but hell...if its going to make gay-boy stop trying to make you jealous...deal with it. Now when the gentelman show you their package, slap it around a bit. I would suggest taking one of their numbers because my next step will mostly be the best thing for you....it will ensure you break-up.

The other thing you can do is have a friend (female or male) call you...act like its a male and just have a conversation with them that will make him jealous. If you don't have a friend that will do that....set you cellphone alarm and answer it....just sit there and pretend like you are talking to me....hell give me your number and ill talk dirty to you.

All this in the end will break you two up. First of all your guy is gay (nothing wrong with that except for you have a vagina and gay people dont like those) Second of all, he doesn't deserve you. Any man that slaps a woman on the tit especially with his woman around doesn't deserve you. If it makes him get off and feel better of himself to make you jealous, well make yourself feel better by being with a man that makes other men jealous when they see you in his arms....cos when the day is done he should be lucky to have you

Stefinitely Maybe
03-02-2007, 07:27 AM
Caco please give me your advice as soon as possible, the situation remains critical.

caco0283
03-08-2007, 07:29 AM
ill be back later to answer more questions.....if you any other ones ask now while i have the time

kimery08
03-08-2007, 09:29 AM
i went to vegas for a few days with some friends. i talked to the guy im dating on the last night i was there. i wasnt drunk yet so i know i didnt say anything stupid. ive been trying to hang out with him since ive gotten back and well... he isnt having it. we talked the day i got home. he was out with his friends and said he would call me when he got home so we could meet up. didnt happen. two more days, nothing. am i being an ass for still thinking about him? is he more than likely banging some other chick?

J~$$$
03-08-2007, 09:36 AM
Im guessing if you have to ask then yes, if he is not currently then he will be soon.....just my two cents.

Courtney
03-08-2007, 09:47 AM
Kim, don't waste your time thinking about him. If he really likes you, he'll make the effort on his own.

kimery08
03-08-2007, 09:57 AM
word.

TomAz
03-08-2007, 11:44 AM
if he said he'd call you, and then didn't, he's a dick. If he's banging another chick he should man up and just tell you he doesn't want to see you anymore. If he's afraid to do that he's a coward and you're better off without him.

caco0283
03-08-2007, 11:45 AM
people hush....don't take their advice you will regret it....ill get to this soon....i just have tons of work at the moment but in a few hours ill have nothing to do cos everything will be rendering and ill get to you

caco0283
03-15-2007, 03:42 PM
Dear Caco,

As you may or may not realise, Tuesday was Pancake Day here in England. It's no big deal, but my girlfriend thought it would be nice if we could make pancakes together after work, and I agreed.

However, I ended up going out with a bunch of people from my office instead, and getting incredibly drunk. At about 10pm I remembered it was pancake day, and realised that I was in trouble. So I thought "I know, I'll get all the ingredients and go home and make pancakes for my girlfriend and then she'll forgive me".

So on my way home I went to the store and bought pancake mix, and chocolate sauce, and strawberries, and lemon juice, and ice cream, and so on. A real pancake feast. I had the munchies too, so I was really hungry.

I got home at about 10:30pm and my girlfriend was already in bed. I stormed into the bedroom drunk and turned on all the lights and said "Come on, I'm making you a pancake feast" and then stumbled into the kitchen and started to throw all the ingredients around.

She was annoyed at first but couldn't help but smile, and the pancakes tasted amazing, so she was pretty happy with my efforts. Then she started to laugh at me for being so drunk, and for the fact that I had basically covered the entire kitchen in pancake mix, ice cream, and chocolate sauce. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were having sex on the kitchen counter, and then on the kitchen table, and on the kitchen chairs, and then back in the bedroom.

A successful night, right? OR SO I THOUGHT.

I wake up the next morning and she is totally mad at me and barely speaking to me. She says "you came in late last night and you were totally drunk and made a complete mess of the kitchen"!

I apologise and say that I wanted to surprise her with pancakes and that I thought she had enjoyed the evening, but she is still mad at me. She says "You just wanted drunken sex last night, I could have been anyone!" Then she says "What if you had been on tour last night, getting drunk, and I was some groupie? Would you have fucked her too? How can I trust you?"

(My girlfriend gets paranoid about me being in a band and meeting girls a lot).

So tell me, Caco, what should I do?

Yours gratefullly,

Stef


Well first of all you are going to end up cheating on her...that's with out question. This is what you can do to make yourself feel better about it. While you are rubbing yourself in your groupies coochie you can tape a picture of your girlfriend on the back of her head and on her forhead. That way you are sharing the moment with her. Or if a groupie is going down on you, why not call your girlfriend and tell her about your day. That way you can argue that moments you spent without your gf were innocent.

Also you can do things to groupies that your lady wouldn't let you....like stick it in the butt....if your girly likes that...well stick it in a groupies butt and then in her mouth. If by any chance you get caught you can tell your woman that she should of let you do more nasty acts so you wouldn't have to cheat.

Also remind your gf that she is lucky to have you...she are going to be rich and famous and if she doesn't straighten her acts up she will be masterbaiting to your picture on the cover of Rolling Stone. Remember you are the man of the apartment. Next time you are having sex remind her of this. Ask her who's the man and when she screams your name say back to her "you're god damn right and don't you ever forget that woman"

also make sure she knows that you are allowed to taste other flavors...she isn't....why because you don't want to take a chance of catching anything nasty. You don't know who's been in her. That's just sick. How could you go down on your lady again if you know some other mans cock was up inside her. Also if she gets knocked up, you'll know its yours and not mine.

have fun on tour....i will live my life vicariously through you...so make me proud and do them well

Stefinitely Maybe
03-16-2007, 06:41 AM
Thanks Caco, I'm going to print that out and show it to her next time she whines.

J~$$$
03-16-2007, 06:45 AM
:lool Wow Caco you made my friday morning. That was excellent.

caco0283
03-16-2007, 06:58 AM
not a problem...kimery ill be getting to you soon....its a tough one and i want to make sure i get you the best advice possible....well at least something to laugh it....as i was thinking of your problem and looking out my third eye i saw a cow with a fishing pole....so this should be entertaining

kimery08
03-16-2007, 01:25 PM
i look forward to it.
thank you.

caco0283
03-29-2007, 04:09 PM
my post on the the JT presale reminding me of this....ill start working on it....sorry i forgot what i was going to say about cows and fishing poles so forgit that whole bit

gaypalmsprings
04-03-2007, 07:35 AM
I need some fashion advice

http://www.funnypix.ca/d/3439-1/baby.jpg

Caitlin
05-02-2007, 10:38 AM
BUMP.
Most amazing thread ev4r and a great way to waste time at work.

suprefan
05-02-2007, 11:07 AM
Man a month long with no questions. You would think we wouldve been swarming on here before the weekend so we could figure out how to get some action or talk to hotties(male or female).

Caitlin
05-02-2007, 11:08 AM
I'd be a lame girl and ask a question I clearly already know the answer to, but i'm still too tired from this past weekend. Haha.

suprefan
05-02-2007, 11:15 AM
Well if you are lame you are the prettiest lame girl I know. Yeah I am still tired, luckily I was off from work until tomorrow. I swear I might call in sick the next 2 days so I dont have to go back until next monday.

caco0283
05-02-2007, 08:11 PM
suprefan i have some advice for you....just wait till tomorrow though

chrislasf
05-02-2007, 08:13 PM
*sets alarm for tomorrow

Jenniehoo
05-02-2007, 09:39 PM
Dear Relationship Ronnie,

This past weekend, I was really surprised to find out two of my friends were gay. At least, I think they're gay. Here's my story...

So...I was at this house for Coachella and I had to pee. I went to the back bedroom to use the bathroom - but the door was closed, so I knocked. One of my friends yelled, "don't come in, we're fucking!" I thought to myself, "ha ha...fat chance" - like it was all a joke - but when I opened the door, I saw the two of them close together holding a pie. It really freaked me out. They both looked shocked. The pie was falling apart. My eyes moved from one element of the scene to the next. The ruined pie...the drunken eyes...the pants being fixed...and back through again. I said, "what the fuck are you guys doing in here?" They both blathered on, offering one incoherent explanation after another - but they never offered an actual answer..."WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?"

Are my friends gay? Are they Ronnie?

Sincerely,

Nonplussed in North Hollywood

chrislasf
05-02-2007, 09:40 PM
Sweet sweet jesus - I love it when you drink.

Random question Jen....was Hendrix playing during this scenario?

gaypalmsprings
05-02-2007, 09:41 PM
mkay, I think str8 men do pies.

caco0283
05-03-2007, 11:24 AM
Dear Relationship Ronnie,

This past weekend, I was really surprised to find out two of my friends were gay. At least, I think they're gay. Here's my story...

So...I was at this house for Coachella and I had to pee. I went to the back bedroom to use the bathroom - but the door was closed, so I knocked. One of my friends yelled, "don't come in, we're fucking!" I thought to myself, "ha ha...fat chance" - like it was all a joke - but when I opened the door, I saw the two of them close together holding a pie. It really freaked me out. They both looked shocked. The pie was falling apart. My eyes moved from one element of the scene to the next. The ruined pie...the drunken eyes...the pants being fixed...and back through again. I said, "what the fuck are you guys doing in here?" They both blathered on, offering one incoherent explanation after another - but they never offered an actual answer..."WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?"

Are my friends gay? Are they Ronnie?

Sincerely,

Nonplussed in North Hollywood


Sweet sweet jesus - I love it when you drink.

Random question Jen....was Hendrix playing during this scenario?


omg jennie....you had me on the floor laughing with this one. Clever girl, I don't know how to answer this yet so give me some time

chris...sad enough about 90% of that story is true

Caitlin
05-16-2007, 12:18 PM
RONNIE.
I've got one now.
This one, however, requires a serious answer. As serious as you can possibly be anyways.

I met a guy through mutual friends. We did a double date this past Friday and the next night he and I went to a house party and hung out all night. I got wasted, I had a whole bottle of Captain Morgan Tattoo to myself. He drank about the same. We got back to their house and put on a movie. The next thing I remember I woke up completely naked and was laying with him. (This doesn't get x-rated, never fear.) He was a perfect gentlemen. Apparently, I decided it would be a good idea to get naked and pass out that way. No sex. No nothing. That morning we cuddled and he was very sweet. The instant I got home he had already left me a message saying how much fun he had and wanted to see me again.

CUT TO: Yesterday I went out to his place to hang out with him again and watch movies, etc. He's really shy, he found ways of touching me like massaging my hands until he finally had the nerve to carress, cuddle, etc. Throughout the entire day he didn't kiss me, didn't even try. After dinner we laid together and he sat through American Idol for me when he FINALLY made moves to kiss my cheek and forehead before he got the nerve to kiss me. We did that for awhile, there was touching and then...he tried to have sex with me. I stopped him by saying, "I don't think thats a good idea." He stopped, said OK very nervously and then instantly closed up and didn't touch me for the rest of the night.

So did I fuck any future up by turning him down, or is he just embarrassed right now?

full on idle
05-16-2007, 12:21 PM
http://kscakes.com.nyud.net:8080/LolCats/Uploads/Saved/yablonowitz-yablonowitz.jpg

amyzzz
05-16-2007, 12:28 PM
I can't wait.

caco0283
05-16-2007, 12:30 PM
sorry i havent had the chance to get to these....my love life is just a mess again....so i just dont feel up to it

bug on your lip
05-16-2007, 12:31 PM
should have taken your NoBloQ before u started the relationship monkey

Caitlin
05-16-2007, 12:33 PM
sorry i havent had the chance to get to these....my love life is just a mess again....so i just dont feel up to it

Awe<3 I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. I hope it gets better.

caco0283
05-16-2007, 12:35 PM
should have taken your NoBloQ before u started the relationship monkey

NoBloQ has nothing to do with it....i got caught mid air guitar

bug on your lip
05-16-2007, 12:38 PM
was it a George Michael song ?

kimery08
05-16-2007, 12:38 PM
im not caco but im throwing my thoughts in anyways. considering you woke up naked next to him the second day you hung out he more than likely thought he wouldnt have any trouble hitting it. and when you didnt let him he was probably thinking a) what a fucken tease or b) what a fucken tease.

i dont think you fucked up any future with him by turning him down. if you eventually give it up i see a nice booty call in the future.
i do however, think you fucked up any chance of having a respectable relationship/friendship with him when you got naked on the second date.

caco0283
05-16-2007, 12:40 PM
i have to disagree with you

J~$$$
05-16-2007, 12:40 PM
not true, there is so much more respect if you get naked by the second date.

bug on your lip
05-16-2007, 12:41 PM
is Captain Morgan Tattoo the black one

Caitlin
05-16-2007, 12:42 PM
She's right about the tease thing though, that was pretty fuckin' dumb on my part to have got him started in the first place. I forget its not as easy for men to turn off the switch as it is for women.

miscorrections
05-16-2007, 12:42 PM
i do however, think you fucked up any chance of having a respectable relationship/friendship with him when you got naked on the second date.

no, you can have a short and kind of pointless relationship.

Caitlin
05-16-2007, 12:42 PM
is Captain Morgan Tattoo the black one

Yes, its very delicious with cherry cola.

Caitlin
05-16-2007, 12:43 PM
Its a no win situation. Had I had sex with him, he'd lose all respect for me and it certainly would go no further. I don't have sex with him and I'm a tease. Jesus.

bug on your lip
05-16-2007, 12:44 PM
let's drink tattoo & have sex

miscorrections
05-16-2007, 12:44 PM
Its a no win situation. Had I had sex with him, he'd lose all respect for me and it certainly would go no further. I don't have sex with him and I'm a tease. Jesus.

nah, you can have sex with a dude and still have things work out. true story.

Caitlin
05-16-2007, 12:45 PM
let's drink tattoo & have sex

No no, remember - I just get naked and pass out. There's no sex. Hahaha.


nah, you can have sex with a dude and still have things work out. true story.

Not in my experience - and i've had a lot of experience. Snort.

J~$$$
05-16-2007, 12:46 PM
LOL1 <3!

miscorrections
05-16-2007, 12:46 PM
No no, remember - I just get naked and pass out. There's no sex. Hahaha.

i hope you didn't get sleep-raped.

bug on your lip
05-16-2007, 12:47 PM
No no, remember - I just get naked and pass out. There's no sex. Hahaha.



wait a sec....

is this a fukkin Caco alias ?!?!??!

kimery08
05-16-2007, 12:47 PM
hahahahhaa

miscorrections
05-16-2007, 12:47 PM
Not in my experience - and i've had a lot of experience. Snort.

well, then, our experiences have differed. 'nuff said.

Caitlin
05-16-2007, 12:47 PM
i hope you didn't get sleep-raped.

No, I can tell if I've had sex the night before. Besides, the guy didn't even have the gonads to kiss me for three days.

bug on your lip
05-16-2007, 12:48 PM
that's true

he sounds weenie-ish

caco0283
05-16-2007, 12:50 PM
No, I can tell if I've had sex the night before. Besides, the guy didn't even have the gonads to kiss me for three days.

thats a perfect cover....damn you people i didnt want to get into this but now i think i have to

thefunkylama
05-16-2007, 12:56 PM
do it.

caco0283
05-16-2007, 01:05 PM
aight im off to have a cigarette...but enjoy this old one for now...its the only one i could find on my computer from the old board....full of all those wonderful little typos!!!!

Caco - Can you share with us some masturbating techniques that might be fun to try (hopefully these would not involve falling asleep afterwards with your junk out)? I wonder if I've grown a little stale using the same method week after week. I would like to do something to spice up my autoerotic stimulation methods.



Greg there are many ways to spicy up your evenings alone. Many guys when they play with themselves do it wrong from the start. They either don't want to get caught, or just want to get to the point of the 5 second orgasmic satisfaction. You have to remember, very few people are going to love you, like you love yourself. So make love to yourself the way you deserve to be made to. As Taalam Acey said "the way you'll know its done right, is if your nipples are harder than your life is."

Now how to you get yourself there?? Well to start don't get it over with right away. Masturbate as long as you can. Grab yourself like you can push it through the bed, like you can cum through the bed, think of yourself as a fire-hose, you are strong, you are mighty, you are a man, if you wanted you would spray all over the room, cos you are strong enough to do that and no woman can take that away from you. Now I would just suggest start off slow, give yourself some four play while you do it. You have build confidence, so when you have sex with a partner, make sure you have resistance built. As you stroke yourself, pinch your nipples. Touch your body as if youre a blind reading Braille. Not one part of your body should go unsatisfied.

Do not be afraid to lick your fingers gently moving that wet finger to down to your member. Drive your inner muscles crazy with little moves like that. When you start feeling like you are going to explore like Krakatoa, loosen your grip a bit and look down at yourself AND MAKE NO MISTAKE, what you see is a god. God doesn't give up. Speak to god and tell him not yet. Once he understands that its not time, grab god again and start stroking that snake eye faster and harder than you have ever gone before. Push youre pelvic region up and down. Close your eyes and picture the most gorgeous human being you have ever seen. Grab some hot finger wax and drip it on your finger tips and massage yourself some more while you picture massaging it unto this gorgeous persons nipples. Now while you are still thinking of doing your actions to this person grab more wax and do the same thing to yourself and to this persons butt so it simultaneously stings and tinkles. Picture doing things to this person that normal human beings wouldn't consider with someone else in their bed. As much you want to cum so bad DONT, i repeat. As much as you want to come so bad DONT. Keep it going. Your wrist may hurt, your might be out of air, you dog might be howling like a wolf, but DONT STOP, I know just what your thinking. Hold the flesh harder, don't let your fluids flow, I want you to just moan. Jerk, and twist, and moan if you have to. Once you can't hold any longer, Scream and let go and moan like you've never moaned before and let those fluid tensions flow, while you roll your eyes to the back of your head and your looking at your bed, moan some more and push your pelvic region harder as god makes it snow in the room. Once the snow storm is over. Pleasure your body some more as you lay there in ecstasy. Gently caress yourself and think off all the beautiful things on earth. After you gave yourself a bit of post-nut-four-play, get up go to the mirror in the bathroom look at yourself, smile and say "thats right, I am a man"

one little extra... make sure you have some music on in the background. Change your music selection and see what that does to you. You might find that some music you hate, brings something out of you while you are in bed and makes your god drip with clarity and spray offspring into the world.

caco0283
05-16-2007, 01:47 PM
warning before i post this dont read if you get offended easy....that is all

caco0283
05-16-2007, 01:55 PM
i went to vegas for a few days with some friends. i talked to the guy im dating on the last night i was there. i wasnt drunk yet so i know i didnt say anything stupid. ive been trying to hang out with him since ive gotten back and well... he isnt having it. we talked the day i got home. he was out with his friends and said he would call me when he got home so we could meet up. didnt happen. two more days, nothing. am i being an ass for still thinking about him? is he more than likely banging some other chick?

Im going to make this short and simple...just how you like it


Will Kimery here is what I think of the situation. You start off by saying you talked to him but you weren't drunk and didn't say anything stupid. Well that was your first mistake. What do you have to hide?? Maybe the fact that you won first place in the double vagina double anal contest at Crazyhorse. The thing is you don't need to tell him about that. He knows about that already. It was all over youtube after the last set of guys were done with you. Now while you were waiting for his call, he wasn't just out with his friends. I don't doubt that he was out with one of your girlfriends. Why would he want a crazy girl that loves DVDA. He would rather want a crazy girl that would like to go to a strip club and watch people receive a DVDA. So this is what you can do before you end up wasting you life away with a shotgun to the head, which might be the best solution after all. You never know when you might go to the dollar movie theatre to watch some old movie and there is your gf taking it in the wrong crack in the back from your ex while she plays with his sack.

So tip number one...dont go to the dollar movie theatre.

tip number two: take your significant other to Vegas with you.

tip number three: if you want to make things work with him try this. Shave your head break into his room and lay there naked. Tell him you are sorry for being such a nasty girl but now you are a born again virgin and you need him to baptize you in his love juice so you can be fully saved. Get on your knees and beg his god for forgiveness. Taste his holiest of holy and sing him this praise song "What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the seman of your god in your pants
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the seman of your god in your pants

Oh, precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow
No other fount I know
Nothing but the seman of your god in your pants
Nothing but the seman of your god in your pants"


After you sing those praises to him. He needs to baptize you and all will be right all will be just because of the seman of the god in his pants

kimery08
05-16-2007, 02:01 PM
if only you told me this two months ago...

*sigh

J~$$$
05-16-2007, 02:04 PM
do you still have that halloween pic of you with all the seaman Caco?

invisiblerobots
05-16-2007, 02:18 PM
http://www.rootsweb.com/~usgenweb/mi/muskegon/photos/tombstones/seaman/seaman16831gph.jpg

schoolofruckus
05-16-2007, 02:18 PM
Likening penises to gods......that's so old board.

PineapplePete
05-16-2007, 02:19 PM
threads like these make me wish i had joined the forum earlier :(

caco0283
05-16-2007, 02:20 PM
gabe its not my fault your penis is the size of gregs

schoolofruckus
05-16-2007, 02:40 PM
....house

caco0283
05-16-2007, 02:44 PM
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH.....wtf did you have to remind me that i saw gabe penis at the house......motherfucker....now i have to go coach a softball game and the only thing i can think about is gabe penis....damnit it all to hell

edit: come to think of it there was a lot of homo moments with guys in that house

Yablonowitz
05-16-2007, 02:51 PM
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH.....wtf did you have to remind me that i saw gabe penis at the house......motherfucker....now i have to go coach a softball game and the only thing i can think about is gabe penis....damnit it all to hell

edit: come to think of it there was a lot of homo moments with guys in that house

I CERTAINLY DON'T REMEMBER ANY, RONNIE. I JUST ENJOYED ALMA'S AWESOME MINI PIES.

full on idle
05-16-2007, 02:52 PM
THE HOMOEROTIC AIR WAS THICK, A SHIRTLESS CHRIS STOOD AMIDST THE MOON OF AIR MATTRESSES. I HAD TO GO OUTSIDE.

Yablonowitz
05-16-2007, 02:54 PM
THE HOMOEROTIC AIR WAS THICK, A SHIRTLESS CHRIS STOOD AMIDST THE MOON OF AIR MATTRESSES. I HAD TO GO OUTSIDE.

I had a dream that Ronnie locked me in the master bedroom. I know it was just a dream, but when I woke up, my underwear was bloody.

caco0283
05-16-2007, 02:54 PM
I CERTAINLY DON'T REMEMBER ANY, RONNIE. I JUST ENJOYED ALMA'S AWESOME MINI PIES.

BUT THE PIE HAD A HOLE IN IT!!! AND YOU WERE IN A ROOM WITH ANOTHER GUY!!! AND ANOTHER GUY CAME IN AND ASKED IF HE COULD JOIN!!! STOP ME IF IM WRONG BUT THATS A BIT HOMO

Yablonowitz
05-16-2007, 02:56 PM
BUT THE PIE HAD A HOLE IN IT!!! AND YOU WERE IN A ROOM WITH ANOTHER GUY!!! AND ANOTHER GUY CAME IN AND ASKED IF HE COULD JOIN!!! STOP ME IF IM WRONG BUT THATS A BIT HOMO

Stop it. Now you're bringing up parts of my dream that you have no way of knowing. Come to think of it, that hankie you put over my nose was the last thing I remember. Hmmm. Why did you do that again?

caco0283
05-16-2007, 03:00 PM
Stop it. Now you're bringing up parts of my dream that you have no way of knowing. Come to think of it, that hankie you put over my nose was the last thing I remember. Hmmm. Why did you do that again?

you know thats not what really happened....if i did that i would have to drag you across the dozens of air mattresses with people in them....if that was even possible there would be no way i would be able to drag you past Foi and her queen mattress without waking her up. So come clean already greg. You wanted to be in that room, you needed to be in that room.

schoolofruckus
05-16-2007, 03:00 PM
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH.....wtf did you have to remind me that i saw gabe penis at the house......motherfucker....now i have to go coach a softball game and the only thing i can think about is gabe penis....damnit it all to hell

edit: come to think of it there was a lot of homo moments with guys in that house

Ronnie, are you high? YOU brought up my penis.

That whole "what happens in the Coachella house stays in the Coachella house" just climbed out the window and jumped off the roof.

Yablonowitz
05-16-2007, 03:04 PM
Ronnie, are you high? YOU brought up my penis.

That whole "what happens in the Coachella house stays in the Coachella house" just climbed out the window and jumped off the roof.

Gabe's right, Ronnie. You fucking traitor.

caco0283
05-16-2007, 03:29 PM
wtf i never made that pack.....if i did there would be pictures of me sleeping....so shame on you greg.....shame on you...so stick that apple pie up your ass

Caitlin
05-16-2007, 03:58 PM
Fuck it. I'm becoming a nun.

Yablonowitz
05-16-2007, 04:22 PM
wtf i never made that pack.....if i did there would be pictures of me sleeping....so shame on you greg.....shame on you...so stick that apple pie up your ass

Ronnie, I can't help that I caught you looking beautiful twice. But I didn't give away any information about your, frankly, odd behavior during the whole stay.

caco0283
05-16-2007, 04:34 PM
greg dont try to woo me with your kind words...you just put butterflies in my stomach

jjphotos420
05-17-2007, 10:25 AM
Caco0283 you give the worst advice ever, but I do have to admit it's pretty funny. I hope people don't take this serious.

schoolofruckus
05-17-2007, 10:54 AM
Somwhere, there's a guy laid up in a hospital bed, with a zuchini lodged in his anus, who wishes he'd had the good sense not to follow caco's advice verbatim.

jjphotos420
05-17-2007, 12:06 PM
Thanks for the tip, I wont ever ask for advice.

bug on your lip
05-17-2007, 01:23 PM
Somwhere, there's a guy laid up in a hospital bed, with a zuchini lodged in his anus, who wishes he'd had the good sense not to follow caco's advice verbatim.

i'm nominating that for Quote of the Year

fukkin brilliant

caco0283
05-18-2007, 06:43 AM
Caco0283 you give the worst advice ever, but I do have to admit it's pretty funny. I hope people don't take this serious.

here's a secret from me to you, dont lodge zuchini up your anus. If need to know what to put up there ask and I will answer.



Somwhere, there's a guy laid up in a hospital bed, with a zuchini lodged in his anus, who wishes he'd had the good sense not to follow caco's advice verbatim.

Are you sure it was a zuchini?? I thought it was a cucumber.

bug on your lip
05-18-2007, 06:56 AM
you know once the Monkey King went into reruns that this thread has pretty much run its course

invisiblerobots
05-18-2007, 07:00 AM
http://www.amycrehore.com/images/charmer.jpg

caco0283
05-18-2007, 07:02 AM
negro please...i know im a bit rusty...but i got the rust off of me....now when i answer jennie's question its going to be one of your favorite's....trust me

jjphotos420
05-18-2007, 10:08 AM
here's a secret from me to you, dont lodge zuchini up your anus. If need to know what to put up there ask and I will answer.

You disgust me. :mad: I do not need you to answer that question for me.

wmgaretjax
05-18-2007, 10:43 AM
....house

wow so simple.... but so fucking perfect.

caco0283
05-18-2007, 10:57 AM
You disgust me. :mad: I do not need you to answer that question for me.

sorry if my humor disgusts you...but sometimes you have to shake your hips and get the sand out of your vagina....all will be good when you do that

caco0283
05-21-2007, 11:30 AM
WARNING!!!! IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE DONT READ MY NEXT POST!!! IT IS FULL OF GAY HUMOR, IT IS SEXUAL, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE BUT MOTHERFUCKERS YOU BETTER REALIZE THIS IS ALL A JOKE!!!! SO WARN TO THE MOTHER FUCKIN G!!!!

caco0283
05-21-2007, 12:04 PM
Dear Relationship Ronnie,

This past weekend, I was really surprised to find out two of my friends were gay. At least, I think they're gay. Here's my story...

So...I was at this house for Coachella and I had to pee. I went to the back bedroom to use the bathroom - but the door was closed, so I knocked. One of my friends yelled, "don't come in, we're fucking!" I thought to myself, "ha ha...fat chance" - like it was all a joke - but when I opened the door, I saw the two of them close together holding a pie. It really freaked me out. They both looked shocked. The pie was falling apart. My eyes moved from one element of the scene to the next. The ruined pie...the drunken eyes...the pants being fixed...and back through again. I said, "what the fuck are you guys doing in here?" They both blathered on, offering one incoherent explanation after another - but they never offered an actual answer..."WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?"

Are my friends gay? Are they Ronnie?

Sincerely,

Nonplussed in North Hollywood






Nonplussed in North Hollywood,

Well this one troubled my heart. I didn't want to come off as a person that is anti-gay or as a butt loving homosexual that masterbaits to Richard Simmons yearning to pump him in the back while his ears are glued to the sweet sound of Hendrix.

Ohhhh Nonplussed in North Hollywood, can you see by the dawn's early light? Now if they were gay you would of seen rocket's red glare in their eyes, when you bursted in on them. Because they could of been getting to the point of having their liquid bombs bursting in air. Which would
give proof through the night that their rainbow flag should be there.
Oh, did that rainbow banner yet wave? Did it?? Was he going to land it in the land of the free and the home of the brave? Now none of this makes sense but...
















http://www.hec.unil.ch/cei/pics/chewbacca.jpg



See that picture?? It doesn't make sense, why am I showing you a picture of Chewbacca?? Well here let me try to explain to you why they can't be gay. Now I have two main points to get explain to you, one is what was said to you when you opened the door, "we're fucking." I will touch that one later. First I want you to think about what they were holding. They had an apple pie. Now what is an apple pie?? Well my confused friend, an apple pie is a fruit pie. Fruit can be another name for homosexuals if used in the context of "I had to wash my bosses clothes yesterday and his underware was full of blood, the fucking fruit" or " I wonder if fruits give better head than women"

Now you said the fruit pie was falling apart. Now think about this. Think out of the box. If Apple pies are fruit pies; if fruit is another word for faggits, and if the pie was falling apart doesn't that mean that the fags are about to fall apart?? I think the APPLE pie in the scene tells you the whole story. They were coming up with a scheme to get rid of the ones that go for the same team. If ya know what I mean. Now I know that may confuse you but just think of this...











http://kimskorner.zed1.net/albums/Answers/chewbacca.jpg






Now on to my next point. They screamed out "we're fucking" Now how do queers fuck. The slide their rodes in each others butt, right? Now what rhymes with butt? Slut rhymes with butt and women are sluts, men are dogs. So they can't be gay. and gay means happy....see what I mean....THEY AREN'T FUNNY LIKE THAT!!! They are just happy, joyful, sparkling, thrilled, cheerful guys thinking of how to get rid of guys that got turned on during the tent scene of Brokeback Mountain. They were doing this for AMERICA!!! Because they are as American as the APPLE PIE. They were doing this for GOD. They were doing this for our children, for me, for you, for the future of all man-fucking kind. FOR FUCKING SANJAYA!!! They weren't in there for each other, I mean if they were that pie would not have been falling apart, it would of been filled with their joy. As they looked each other in the eye, as they caressed each others thigh. As the first one jumped behind the other one and drove his hummer into the parking spot and threw up his arms and played every cord that came on the radio, His partner who is being pushing into the bed like a pedal will take out his white arm and reach behind himself and start hitting the guitar players ass as if he himself is playing the drums...boom boom bang...boom boom bang....yeah thats right....come on play that drum...snare snare cymbal...snare snare cybal. E, A, D, E, E Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....wait what??












http://www.gamekapocs.hu/jatekok/hirek/chewbacca-large.jpg

http://graphics.boston.com/images/bostondirtdogs//Headline_Archives/bdd_Chewbacca.jpg

http://www.bat-girl.com/archives/chewbacca.jpg

What I meant to say is maybe they were just telling a secret to each other, maybe one of them was so drunk that they threw up and that's what you saw in their hands. All I'm saying is....don't ask don't tell. Okay does that help you jennie. Damn you and damn your questions...fuck this thread I'm going to a titty bar.




Who am i kidding, i'm not going to a titty bar. The truth is Greg wanted to know what it was like to have a real man lay it down. He wanted me to put my latin spice in him and feel the grasp of my reach around on his wee wee. That's the truth, and I told him no. I told him I love women and that's that. Women are God's gift to me. I did tell him he could give me a blow job though. If I closed my eyes it would feel like the same thing. Plus there is that question....do men give better head than women....WELL THANKS JENNIE FOR SCREWING UP MY CHANCE TO FIND OUT.


http://farm1.static.flickr.com/212/507983230_9c1e8fa966_o.jpg



edit: im the only person responsible for this post....so take out your anger on me if and not anyone else

schoolofruckus
05-21-2007, 04:34 PM
Who am i kidding, i'm not going to a titty bar.

After all that madness, THIS is the only part of it that I'm certain of. Although you almost had us with that bulletproof Chewbacca defense.

jjphotos420
05-21-2007, 04:40 PM
I don't understand why you are changing the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner. On a side note, if that picture is of the two guys I wouldn't be surprised if they were have relations. They look like a cute couple.

Courtney
05-21-2007, 04:41 PM
I don't understand why you are changing the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner. On a side note, if that picture is of the two guys I wouldn't be surprised if they were have relations. They look like a cute couple.

This alias is like ten times better than sillygrl.

jjphotos420
05-21-2007, 04:43 PM
This alias is like ten times better than sillygrl.

Funny thing is I don't know sillygrl and I'm not an alias. Ask Bug he's the only person that got to know me.

Courtney
05-21-2007, 04:44 PM
ok.

SillyGrl<3
05-21-2007, 04:44 PM
WTF???
























































































LOL <3

Courtney
05-21-2007, 04:47 PM
LOL JK I STILL LOVE YOU SILLYGRL <3 <3

SillyGrl<3
05-21-2007, 04:48 PM
<3 awwwwwwwwwwww LOL

caco0283
05-21-2007, 04:54 PM
I don't understand why you are changing the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner. On a side note, if that picture is of the two guys I wouldn't be surprised if they were have relations. They look like a cute couple.

Its an inside joke....I don't know how I feel about me and Greg as a couple

schoolofruckus
05-21-2007, 04:57 PM
I don't understand why you are changing the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner. On a side note, if that picture is of the two guys I wouldn't be surprised if they were have relations. They look like a cute couple.

He changed it because he's an illegal alien and he doesn't know the actual lyrics.....or was that not spelled out explicitly enough?

caco0283
05-21-2007, 05:01 PM
He changed it because he's an illegal alien and he doesn't know the actual lyrics.....or was that not spelled out explicitly enough?


listen bitch don't make me kill your white ass....i fucking hate you.... i didn't want to tell everyone this but gabe tried to rape me when i crashed at his place before i caught me plane back to florida......hes the real homo.


also when i get sent back and have to buy my freedom at least i can borrow 5grand from you....i knew that promotion was good for me too

schoolofruckus
05-21-2007, 05:02 PM
That's true. I could try to hire you in my office now so you can get your visa.

caco0283
05-21-2007, 05:05 PM
anybody else notice he didnt deny the attempt of rape??? whats with you board members trying to get on my shit

schoolofruckus
05-21-2007, 05:06 PM
Ronnie, you fuck guys? It's okay if you fuck guys, I got friends that fuck guys.......in jail.

caco0283
05-21-2007, 05:09 PM
still no denial

jjphotos420
05-21-2007, 05:10 PM
You boys need a woman.

caco0283
08-30-2007, 11:58 AM
As I was reading my book "Real Questions, Real Answers about Sex: The Complete Guide to Intimacy as God Intended" by Melissa McBurney I started to think that it was full of shit. I decided to rant about my thoughts on some things the book brought up.

The book did a study in Marble, Colorado on how many couples are informed about sex and are having problems sexually. They make a big deal in the book that 46% struggle with sex. Well listen my fellow Christians, put the fucking bible down and think about this. YOU ARE IN MARBLE, COLORADO. WHERE THE FUCK IS MARBLE, COLORADO??? It sounds like some hick ass town full of Baptist that don't even like to dance. Of course they are going to have problems in the bed. Baptist women don't suck dick. The only fish a Baptist guy eats comes from a lake. Sure they have a lake called Beaver Lake in Marble, but the men don't even eat the fish from that lake cos it may cause problems with God. They just throw the fish back.


Most women don't realize testosterone creates a physiological drive in their husbands that demands expression ever few days. Without that kind of hormonal insistence, women have less physical drive for sexual release. Rather, what they crave is the relational closeness that leads to sexual intimacy Every time I watch men filled with ego and testosterone on ESPN I want to jump on top of every girl at the bar and make her scream my name until all she can scream is "i cant breath let me get some air...i cant breath let me get some air air air i i i cant breath" fucking idiot, Melissa McBurney, testosterone doesn't make me want to blow a load. God's work of art on a woman's body makes me want to blow the bass from my tuba all over her face.


Many husbands assume their wives will get aroused and reach climax as quickly as they do. But most women are only in the early arousal stage when their husbands acheive orgasm. So a wife feels cheated when her husband falls asleep just when she's getting interested. And a husband feels inadequate as a lover because he has failed to bring his wife to orgasm.
Melissa McBurney you sound like Amy, by that I mean you are really a woman that loves the flesh between a woman's legs. Its ok so do I. But listen hear you closet lesibian, who doesn't like dick. Most men don't assume women bust what I like to call A NUT. Guys have off nights. OK? Sort of like the weather. You want to go snowboarding with your friends, you want some fresh powder the next morning but you don't know what you are going to get till the moment. It may pour the rich whiteness all over the place, or it might be a disappointment. Most of the time its womens fault anyways, all they do is lay there and scream "ah ah ah ee eh eh ee ah ah" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BUST A NUT. All that screaming is just going to make my head hurt. Instead of exerting all your engergy by screaming you need to hold that energy in and build up a pressure inside your body and trust me, Krakatoa wont have nutting on you baby. You will explode and send cosmic sexual energy into the houses around you and they will get all horny from it. Ever sit there bored, watching ESPN with your hubby?? Then out of nowhere you get horny?? Well that's cos your neighbors wife shut the fuck up and busted a nut.
Also men dont feel inadequate when they don't get their women to pop one. Want to know what I feel??? Nothing, cos my ass is satified and asleep. I always keep a carrot around for my ladies. I call it the R.T.M.Y.C. That stands for the Ronnie That Makes You Cum. It even has bushy hair on top so it looks like me. You can get as freaky as you want with RTMYC. Place him on the chair and ride him, put him between your boobs, bend over and stick it in the dark hole. Take him in the shower and have a three-some with Miss Shower Head. Satisfy yourself when your man doesn't. You don't hear me bitch when I'm not getting laid everyday. I just jack the straw. I school my palms in the art of self-ruckus. I rue my day. Ya, blow a load I just did about 3 times during this rant. See? I find ways to make it happen.

Well thats all for now on my rant about this book...i hope you enjoyed it

PotVsKtl
08-30-2007, 12:09 PM
So in summation, according to Melissa, most women don't realize men typically want to have sex more often than them, and most men don't realize women do not get off as easily as a man. And you have the gall to question her expertise? You ought to be ashamed of yourself, I've learned so much just by reading those excerpts.

J~$$$
08-30-2007, 12:10 PM
goodtimes.

J~$$$
08-30-2007, 12:14 PM
When are you going to write a book Ronnie?

TomAz
08-30-2007, 12:14 PM
So in summation, according to Melissa, most women don't realize men typically want to have sex more often than them, and most men don't realize women do not get off as easily as a man. And you have the gall to question her expertise? You ought to be ashamed of yourself, I've learned so much just by reading those excerpts.

it's actually surprising the people of Marble, Colorado have figured out how to propagate at all.

caco0283
08-30-2007, 12:14 PM
So in summation, according to Melissa, most women don't realize men typically want to have sex more often than them, and most men don't realize women do not get off as easily as a man. And you have the gall to question her expertise? You ought to be ashamed of yourself, I've learned so much just by reading those excerpts.


Pot I'm glad you learned from Amy #2. Maybe deep down inside I want to be her, I want to be a man hating lesbian

caco0283
08-30-2007, 12:15 PM
When are you going to write a book Ronnie?


I cant write a book, do you know how much my editor will hate me?? Plus I have no inspiration

fatbastard
08-30-2007, 12:22 PM
http://www.cookbookwiki.com/images/0/0a/Walnut.jpg

J~$$$
08-30-2007, 12:24 PM
Marble is a town in Gunnison County, Colorado, United States. The population was 105 at the 2000 census.

Thats slim pickings.

caco0283
08-30-2007, 12:26 PM
Marble is a town in Gunnison County, Colorado, United States. The population was 105 at the 2000 census.

Thats slim pickings.

thats awesome, i think i should send my rant to Melissa

mob roulette
08-30-2007, 12:28 PM
I swear to Christ I was just getting ready to bump this. Well done Ronnie.

J~$$$
08-30-2007, 12:30 PM
I visit the quarry in marble Marble, CO quite often for business. The mountain people there all start to look the same, flannel "butch"

caco0283
08-30-2007, 12:32 PM
http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/41iuE3Bv6sL._SS500_.jpg

PotVsKtl
08-30-2007, 12:33 PM
No wonder coitus is such a baffling ordeal.

J~$$$
08-30-2007, 12:34 PM
AS god intended? I think you need to bust out the "god" advice from awhile back.

caco0283
08-30-2007, 12:38 PM
AS god intended? I think you need to bust out the "god" advice from awhile back.

say what

:confused:

J~$$$
08-30-2007, 12:39 PM
I think it was more of a descriptor than advice.....

caco0283
08-30-2007, 12:40 PM
old board or new board?

J~$$$
08-30-2007, 12:41 PM
old board im not seeing it here.

caco0283
08-30-2007, 12:44 PM
i can only remember calling my penis a god, i think thats old board though

on a side note i think im going to start reading marriage partnership magazine and submit questions to the writers of this book. I didn't really buy the book, I just found it on Amazon and read the excerpts they have. But its time for me to read the book

J~$$$
08-30-2007, 12:46 PM
Do not be afraid to lick your fingers gently moving that wet finger to down to your member. Drive your inner muscles crazy with little moves like that. When you start feeling like you are going to explore like Krakatoa, loosen your grip a bit and look down at yourself AND MAKE NO MISTAKE, what you see is a god. God doesn't give up. Speak to god and tell him not yet. Once he understands that its not time, grab god again and start stroking that snake eye faster and harder than you have ever gone before. Push youre pelvic region up and down. Close your eyes and picture the most gorgeous human being you have ever seen. Grab some hot finger wax and drip it on your finger tips and massage yourself some more while you picture massaging it unto this gorgeous persons nipples. Now while you are still thinking of doing your actions to this person grab more wax and do the same thing to yourself and to this persons butt so it simultaneously stings and tinkles. Picture doing things to this person that normal human beings wouldn't consider with someone else in their bed. As much you want to cum so bad DONT, i repeat. As much as you want to come so bad DONT. Keep it going. Your wrist may hurt, your might be out of air, you dog might be howling like a wolf, but DONT STOP, I know just what your thinking. Hold the flesh harder, don't let your fluids flow, I want you to just moan. Jerk, and twist, and moan if you have to. Once you can't hold any longer, Scream and let go and moan like you've never moaned before and let those fluid tensions flow, while you roll your eyes to the back of your head and your looking at your bed, moan some more and push your pelvic region harder as god makes it snow in the room. Once the snow storm is over. Pleasure your body some more as you lay there in ecstasy. Gently caress yourself and think off all the beautiful things on earth. After you gave yourself a bit of post-nut-four-play, get up go to the mirror in the bathroom look at yourself, smile and say "thats right, I am a man"


Here.....advice as "god intentded". I would love to see you have a sex/advice blog or to have more people ask you questions....

caco0283
08-30-2007, 01:00 PM
ah man i forgot about all of that....good shit...which board is that from??

J~$$$
08-30-2007, 01:04 PM
This one. I forgot how many gems there are in this thread.

schoolofruckus
08-30-2007, 01:11 PM
Jesus Krispy Kreme Christ, that was a glorious comeback. I'd sig the whole thing.

Also, Marble, CO is atrocious. It is very close to Gunnison, although it takes about 2 hours to navigate the treacherous mountain passes that constitute the only avenue into town. Justin should put a patent on the term "flannel butch" because I see it ending up on the "Welcome to Marble!" sign in the near future. But on the plus side, there's some beautiful scenery.

Seriously though, why is this supposed sexual scholar writing a book that has anything to do with Marble?

full on idle
08-30-2007, 01:35 PM
As I was reading my book "Real Questions, Real Answers about Sex: The Complete Guide to Intimacy as God Intended" by Melissa McBurney I started to think that it was full of shit. I decided to rant about my thoughts on some things the book brought up.

The book did a study in Marble, Colorado on how many couples are informed about sex and are having problems sexually. They make a big deal in the book that 46% struggle with sex. Well listen my fellow Christians, put the fucking bible down and think about this. YOU ARE IN MARBLE, COLORADO. WHERE THE FUCK IS MARBLE, COLORADO??? It sounds like some hick ass town full of Baptist that don't even like to dance. Of course they are going to have problems in the bed. Baptist women don't suck dick. The only fish a Baptist guy eats comes from a lake. Sure they have a lake called Beaver Lake in Marble, but the men don't even eat the fish from that lake cos it may cause problems with God. They just throw the fish back.

Every time I watch men filled with ego and testosterone on ESPN I want to jump on top of every girl at the bar and make her scream my name until all she can scream is "i cant breath let me get some air...i cant breath let me get some air air air i i i cant breath" fucking idiot, Melissa McBurney, testosterone doesn't make me want to blow a load. God's work of art on a woman's body makes me want to blow the bass from my tuba all over her face.


Melissa McBurney you sound like Amy, by that I mean you are really a woman that loves the flesh between a woman's legs. Its ok so do I. But listen hear you closet lesibian, who doesn't like dick. Most men don't assume women bust what I like to call A NUT. Guys have off nights. OK? Sort of like the weather. You want to go snowboarding with your friends, you want some fresh powder the next morning but you don't know what you are going to get till the moment. It may pour the rich whiteness all over the place, or it might be a disappointment. Most of the time its womens fault anyways, all they do is lay there and scream "ah ah ah ee eh eh ee ah ah" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BUST A NUT. All that screaming is just going to make my head hurt. Instead of exerting all your engergy by screaming you need to hold that energy in and build up a pressure inside your body and trust me, Krakatoa wont have nutting on you baby. You will explode and send cosmic sexual energy into the houses around you and they will get all horny from it. Ever sit there bored, watching ESPN with your hubby?? Then out of nowhere you get horny?? Well that's cos your neighbors wife shut the fuck up and busted a nut.
Also men dont feel inadequate when they don't get their women to pop one. Want to know what I feel??? Nothing, cos my ass is satified and asleep. I always keep a carrot around for my ladies. I call it the R.T.M.Y.C. That stands for the Ronnie That Makes You Cum. It even has bushy hair on top so it looks like me. You can get as freaky as you want with RTMYC. Place him on the chair and ride him, put him between your boobs, bend over and stick it in the dark hole. Take him in the shower and have a three-some with Miss Shower Head. Satisfy yourself when your man doesn't. You don't hear me bitch when I'm not getting laid everyday. I just jack the straw. I school my palms in the art of self-ruckus. I rue my day. Ya, blow a load I just did about 3 times during this rant. See? I find ways to make it happen.

Well thats all for now on my rant about this book...i hope you enjoyed it

Ronnie I had to get up and walk around my office for a minute because I was WEEPING with laughter.

Jenniehoo
08-30-2007, 09:41 PM
Ronnie, I love you so much.

On the flip side, you're not allowed to meet my family, ever.

bballarl
08-30-2007, 09:48 PM
Classic.

caco0283
08-31-2007, 02:34 AM
Ronnie, I love you so much.

On the flip side, you're not allowed to meet my family, ever.

Jennie, thats not nice!!! Im very well behaved around parents. Ask Adam, Greg, and ValARie

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 10:37 AM
hey caco...help me out for a sec

k so, there's this girl, and i kinda like her, but she's another mans property, and has been for almost two years. so two nights ago she ims me and starts hittin on me hardcore...questions like "do you have a girl friend? do you like hooking up?" and shit like that. at this point im super confused cuz as far as i know...she's still going out with another guy. then she asks "would you ever hook up with me?" and i get all paranoid...thinking that someone else figured out ur pasword and is fuckin around with me. anyways...i validify her identity though some questions and make sure its her. so...i just log off without answering her questions. yesterday i im her again and was like "wow, it was really hot today" and she answers "ya you shouldve come over and swam in my pool ;)" and starting calling me "baby"....and sht like that. so now im really divided...cuz i do really like her...but i couldnt do it if shes cheating on her man with me...mostly cuz he's a big guy that could tear me apart.

so, what would you do in my situation? why would you think she'd do this? is she bored with him?

miscorrections
09-03-2007, 11:25 AM
validify is not really a word. just so's you know.

bumper31
09-03-2007, 11:33 AM
im super confused cuz

....no change there

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 12:49 PM
validify is not really a word. just so's you know.

kthx now help me

RotationSlimWang
09-03-2007, 02:02 PM
Pete, stop being such a pussy. Let me go out on a limb here and venture a guess that you don't get too many hot young things throwing themselves at your inept ass. Fuck her if you can, deal with the boyfriend later with a 2x4 if necessary, and for god's sake shut the fuck up.

anti-square
09-03-2007, 02:13 PM
and for god's sake shut the fuck up.

haha, for some reason, I imagined this being yelled in Jules'(Pulp Fiction) voice.

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 02:14 PM
randy, dont worry about me....you're just upset because all you get is this:

http://www.onea.org/images/Meth%20User.png

RotationSlimWang
09-03-2007, 02:15 PM
I don't worry about you Pete, I just want you to shut the fuck up. And do you want the Arcade Fire tickets or not, you sloppy bitch?

TomAz
09-03-2007, 02:17 PM
Pete, one of three scenarios is going on here.

1. She is putting you on.

2. You are putting us on.

3. You need to grow a pair.

if it's #1, that's too bad she's teasing you like that.

if it's #2, well, you're no mob roulette that's for sure

if it's #3, well, can't help you there son.

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 02:21 PM
randy...do you have meth-mites..."down there"?




teehee

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 02:22 PM
o and tom...i've never seen/heard of an instance of a girl "putting a guy on" as you said. does this happen?

TomAz
09-03-2007, 02:24 PM
she asked you if you were "into hooking up".

i bet she got a giggle out of that one. i know i did.

RotationSlimWang
09-03-2007, 02:28 PM
Tom giggles a lot. Especially if you tickle him under the chin.

anti-square
09-03-2007, 02:36 PM
I guess you wanted an excuse for all of us to know that you don't trim your ball hair

RotationSlimWang
09-03-2007, 02:53 PM
Hahaha, um... yeah sure, I'll take that. It's not accurate, but Tom DOES inhale my schvantz, so we've got half the truth and that's better than most.

clarky123
09-03-2007, 02:54 PM
There is never a doctor on this thread when you need one....typical!

caco0283
09-03-2007, 05:57 PM
hey caco...help me out for a sec

k so, there's this girl, and i kinda like her, but she's another mans property, and has been for almost two years. so two nights ago she ims me and starts hittin on me hardcore...questions like "do you have a girl friend? do you like hooking up?" and shit like that. at this point im super confused cuz as far as i know...she's still going out with another guy. then she asks "would you ever hook up with me?" and i get all paranoid...thinking that someone else figured out ur pasword and is fuckin around with me. anyways...i validify her identity though some questions and make sure its her. so...i just log off without answering her questions. yesterday i im her again and was like "wow, it was really hot today" and she answers "ya you shouldve come over and swam in my pool ;)" and starting calling me "baby"....and sht like that. so now im really divided...cuz i do really like her...but i couldnt do it if shes cheating on her man with me...mostly cuz he's a big guy that could tear me apart.

so, what would you do in my situation? why would you think she'd do this? is she bored with him?


Alright. I'm going to try my best on this one but I'm warning you in advance that its going to suck. Why is it going to suck? Well I'm having lady problems myself and its tearing me apart. So here we go

First of all you either like her or you dont.....there is no such thing of sort of liking a girl....once you admit that you like the girl well you are moving on the right direction.

2nd, a woman is not anyones property!!!! She can have a man, she can have a woman (if shes like amyzzz) or she can be single....but shes not property. So if somebody doesn't own her what the fuck are you worried about? Man up to the plate and swing at that shit. Express your feelings to her in ways that make her thong drown. What the fuck do you have to lose? NOTHING *****!!!! She turns you down, big fucking deal, move on. She sucks your dick, EVEN BIGGER DEAL.

3rd, if this guy kicks your ass....who cares...get your ass kicked in the day time and fuck her at night...fuck her super hard to make up for it. Smack her ass around and take out your agression on her two butt cheeks. Okay dont really pay attention to number 3 expect for this....dont worry about getting your ass kicked.

4th, if you dont know its her IMing you, well call her on the damn phone!!!! Ever think of that?? Dont tell me you had sand in your vagina and didnt want to call her.

5th, nothing wrong with hanging out with a girl if she has a man. just dont fuck her. Cos you are going to worry about her cheating on you in the future. While you hang out, you better step up and be super suave, and make her like you more than him. That way she will ditch the bitch and move on to you

6th, if you just want to get your dick wet, well screw all my advice and next time she hits on you lay it on her.

that is all i have to say, i am now going to sit in my room and figure out how to fix my fuck up

Hannahrain
09-03-2007, 06:00 PM
I can pretend to be you for a minute if you want to ask some advice, Ronnie.

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 06:50 PM
4th, if you dont know its her IMing you, well call her on the damn phone!!!! Ever think of that?? Dont tell me you had sand in your vagina and didnt want to call her.



she was IMing from her 'kick



First of all you either like her or you dont.....there is no such thing of sort of liking a girl....once you admit that you like the girl well you are moving on the right direction.


i do like her...but not in a strictly "i wanna fuck you" sorta way, nowudmsayin?....she's fuckin perfect in every way...and i dont just want a hookup...but i have no clue wht her intentions are so at this point i guess its not really up to me...can you help me figure this shit out? like....what would be some good ways of figuring out what she wants from our relationship?

o and tom brought up the point that she could be fuckin with me...which i've never had happen to me or to anyone i know...but.....is there a way to tell whether or not she's messing with me? cuz i wanna know before i go ahead and have a heartfelt talk with her that would be extreeeeeemly embarassing if she didnt like me back...

Cpt. Funkaho
09-03-2007, 07:32 PM
she was IMing from her 'kick

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Sidekicks can also receive phone calls last time I checked.


what would be some good ways of figuring out what she wants from our relationship?

Consider asking her.

TomAz
09-03-2007, 07:36 PM
i wanna know before i go ahead and have a heartfelt talk with her that would be extreeeeeemly embarassing if she didnt like me back...

"do you like hooking up?"

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 07:39 PM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but Sidekicks can also receive phone calls last time I checked.


im saying that theres no point in calling her because she was IMing from her sidekick...which would also be her phone as you have pointed out

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 07:41 PM
"do you like hooking up?"

im more for long moonlit walks on the beach followed by a cuddle session.

Hannahrain
09-03-2007, 07:47 PM
The first step to solving your problem is mastering punctuation. Then maybe puberty.

RotationSlimWang
09-03-2007, 08:05 PM
i do like her...but not in a strictly "i wanna fuck you" sorta way, nowudmsayin?....she's fuckin perfect in every way

Paging Pete to the You're Fucked If You Think You're Seeing A Stitch Of Pussy With That Attitude thread.

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 08:15 PM
The first step to solving your problem is mastering punctuation. Then maybe puberty.

o so thats the problem...

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 08:17 PM
Paging Pete to the You're Fucked If You Think You're Seeing A Stitch Of Pussy With That Attitude thread.

randy....im not sure i want to see a stich of pussy at this point. as i said...its not just a physical attraction i have for her

thinnerair
09-03-2007, 08:26 PM
randy....im not sure i want to see a stich of pussy at this point. as i said...its not just a physical attraction i have for her

if that's the case, maybe you should have a little cuddle session with her boyfriend.

anti-square
09-03-2007, 08:26 PM
go home son. You're just begging to get ridiculed...

RotationSlimWang
09-03-2007, 08:26 PM
Well good, then you won't mind never getting to lay a hand on her.

Ahh, younguns...

RotationSlimWang
09-03-2007, 08:27 PM
Hahaha, they came out of the woodwork to bag on you for that one, Pete.

Now shut the fuck up, Pete.

PineapplePete
09-03-2007, 09:19 PM
srsly...who are you people?

and yea...i shouldve expected that...

schoolofruckus
09-03-2007, 10:06 PM
Come on Pete, keep your head up! This situation is yours for the taking. All you need to do is go to the nearest Tiffany's, buy the biggest, most resource-devouringly fucking expensive diamond ring they can possibly cut, and then spring it on her while her boyfriend is around and ask her to be your wife. She'll be so blown away by the size of your balls in this situation that she'll practically bite her tongue off trying to scream out "YES!!!! I want to be Mrs. Pineapple Pete!!!!" to the heavens. Then you'll get all the moonlit beach walks and cuddle sessions you could ever want.

bballarl
09-03-2007, 10:10 PM
I did that for Gabe and it worked perfectly. He pawned the ring though.

betao
09-03-2007, 10:54 PM
This tells you about what kind of girl she is - she obviously loves to flirt with other people, despite the fact she may/may not have a b/f. You should take this into consideration if you're actually going to consider dating her.

you've been warned.

RotationSlimWang
09-03-2007, 11:45 PM
Wait, is someone seriously giving Pete advice?

Cut that out.

Stefinitely Maybe
09-04-2007, 12:43 AM
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1121/1231868364_dbdf83f229_o.jpg

mob roulette
09-04-2007, 05:18 AM
Jesus, Stef. Also:


The first step to solving your problem is mastering punctuation. Then maybe puberty.

Sigged. Point, set, and match.

Yablonowitz
09-04-2007, 06:56 AM
Pete - Are you smooth like a Barbie down there?

Yablonowitz
09-04-2007, 07:02 AM
Melissa McBurney you sound like Amy, by that I mean you are really a woman that loves the flesh between a woman's legs. Its ok so do I. But listen hear you closet lesibian, who doesn't like dick. Most men don't assume women bust what I like to call A NUT. Guys have off nights. OK? Sort of like the weather. You want to go snowboarding with your friends, you want some fresh powder the next morning but you don't know what you are going to get till the moment. It may pour the rich whiteness all over the place, or it might be a disappointment. Most of the time its womens fault anyways, all they do is lay there and scream "ah ah ah ee eh eh ee ah ah" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BUST A NUT. All that screaming is just going to make my head hurt. Instead of exerting all your engergy by screaming you need to hold that energy in and build up a pressure inside your body and trust me, Krakatoa wont have nutting on you baby. You will explode and send cosmic sexual energy into the houses around you and they will get all horny from it. Ever sit there bored, watching ESPN with your hubby?? Then out of nowhere you get horny?? Well that's cos your neighbors wife shut the fuck up and busted a nut.
Also men dont feel inadequate when they don't get their women to pop one. Want to know what I feel??? Nothing, cos my ass is satified and asleep. I always keep a carrot around for my ladies. I call it the R.T.M.Y.C. That stands for the Ronnie That Makes You Cum. It even has bushy hair on top so it looks like me. You can get as freaky as you want with RTMYC. Place him on the chair and ride him, put him between your boobs, bend over and stick it in the dark hole. Take him in the shower and have a three-some with Miss Shower Head. Satisfy yourself when your man doesn't. You don't hear me bitch when I'm not getting laid everyday. I just jack the straw. I school my palms in the art of self-ruckus. I rue my day. Ya, blow a load I just did about 3 times during this rant. See? I find ways to make it happen.

Well thats all for now on my rant about this book...i hope you enjoyed it

How in the hell did I miss this one? Primo, Ronnie. Seriously your best work.

caco0283
09-05-2007, 12:26 PM
How in the hell did I miss this one? Primo, Ronnie. Seriously your best work.


Thanks Greg, I'm working on writing a few short stories to post on here....ive got about 4 pages written already.....so here is a warning for people.....if you think this thread is too graphic or immature for you DO NOT READ MY SHORT STORY THREAD

PotVsKtl
09-05-2007, 12:32 PM
This is all pretty exciting. Will this be an illustrated volume of prose?

caco0283
09-05-2007, 12:36 PM
not at all....its going to be exciting though....very exciting....i had to rub one off yesterday while writing

caco0283
02-21-2008, 03:51 PM
Questions men hate: woman take notes

5. After sex many woman aske , "what are you thinking" WOMEN LISTEN TO ME!!! Don't ask that....isn't obvious what we are thinking. We just busted a nut and are asking ourselves one thing....how long it will take till we can get it back up. Sure we know you want to make sure we are only thinking of you and we are....we are thinking of doing what we just did to you but longer since its the second time around.

4. Do you have fantasies of other woman???
Never ask that question...the answer is yes....but if we say yes we are going to be single cos you cant handle the truth and in return she wont be a fantasy she will be reality

3. How many woman have you slept with???
Does it really matter ladies? Come on are you going to break up with us if the number is 60 instead of 3? What you should ask is this, "how many woman have you slept with that you cared about"....the number is much more heart warming

2. Why don't you put the toliet seat down?
Why?? Cos we fucking don't want to. Where is it a rule that the toliet seat has to be down, why can't it be up. You say its annoying to put the seat down....well its just as annoying to put it up and down. We don't want to hear that bullshit about you falling into the toliet, if a chic is fucking dumb enough to fall into the toilet you aren't a keeper....you are just a sixty-night-stand

1. Did you cum?
I hate answering this question more than anything....of course we did....why else would we stop?? Do you really think we are going to stop having sex after you bust??? WTF is wrong with yall??

PineapplePete
02-22-2008, 09:40 PM
this is bad...so many things to delete...

afterword: you guys are assholes. i've been going out with her for 4 months now. i dont even know where i pulled "are you into hooking up" from.

kreutz2112
02-22-2008, 09:58 PM
1. Did you cum?
I hate answering this question more than anything....of course we did....why else would we stop?? Do you really think we are going to stop having sex after you bust??? WTF is wrong with yall??

srsly. Thats my #1 as well.

Cpt. Funkaho
02-22-2008, 10:10 PM
Ronnie, this doesn't get said enough: you are awesome.


That is all.

boarderwoozel3
02-22-2008, 10:32 PM
I have another bullet point to add:

-Never ask your significant other if they love you or not if you do not love them. This is called mind games, not cool.

I had a girl pull this on me once right after sex a few years back. I felt trapped and forced to say yes so I did. When I asked her if she felt the same way she said no. WTF? My reaction was mixed relief, shock, anger and dumbfoundedness. It wasn't like I could say "ok then, good, I was lying anyway." Girl mind games, out of control.

caco0283
02-25-2008, 03:21 PM
I have another bullet point to add:

-Never ask your significant other if they love you or not if you do not love them. This is called mind games, not cool.

I had a girl pull this on me once right after sex a few years back. I felt trapped and forced to say yes so I did. When I asked her if she felt the same way she said no. WTF? My reaction was mixed relief, shock, anger and dumbfoundedness. It wasn't like I could say "ok then, good, I was lying anyway." Girl mind games, out of control.


thats fucking awesome....i had a chick say she loved me once while we were having sex....i felt like i should reply back so i said it "i love you....right now"

caco0283
02-25-2008, 03:40 PM
ValARie...don't hate cos i wouldnt stick it to you when i spent the weekend with you....I figured out your who plan....get Ronnie to SF....get Ronnie fucked up....get Ronnie to fuck me up reaalllll goood

Young blood
02-25-2008, 03:46 PM
lol

PotVsKtl
02-25-2008, 04:04 PM
Women find your sexual advances gross Ronald.

Young blood
01-20-2009, 03:39 PM
holla!

bug on your lip
01-20-2009, 06:10 PM
http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/banana-dogs.jpg

caco0283
11-19-2009, 08:52 AM
I FOUND IT.....must save this thread

caco0283
06-24-2010, 12:48 PM
wow....i forgot all about this...good times we had back then




Ronnie,

We have a new co-worker here who is a little older than me, but has a very cute face. She smiles at me all the time and says "hi" every single time I come near her. She's carrying some extra baggage though. She's all the way downstairs and I rarely see her because I'm upstairs and have no reason to be down in her area. This is an impediment to further fraternizing and flirtatiousness. I also don't know if she's aware of my marital status and if that would be prohibitive for her. She shares an office with two other women who I don't really want to observe me pursuing her. You have suggested the bathroom in a previous commentary, but there are no locks on the doors. I don't really want to spend a lot of time and money on this (ie - arranging hotel room visits, etc) because she's not all-that.

How do I pull this off and where should I do it? That is...the sex with her.


Greg,

As promised this is the first thing I did online today. I love the fact that you wont spend a lot of time and money on her cos she's not all-that. Now I don't know exactly what her extra baggage could be so I'm going to assume its not kids because you have kids and you wouldn't consider yourself extra baggage. Maybe your'e talking about daddy issues. If this is true, during intercourse stay away from asking her "who's your daddy" This may trigger something in her that isn't an orgasm. She may flip and scream her dad's name while she lays left and rights on your face like a bear would to a gorilla. Which would end up making you think of Gabe while you are having sex, and thats a whole different issue we need to talk about.

Now if you are referring to her being downstairs you must remember this my friend. Getting laid is easy, sometimes its cheap, but you always have to do some work. I would take something off her desk one night at work, when nobody else is around. This has to be something she will miss. The next day place the item close to your desk, maybe if you have a copier.....or a fax machine leave it next to that. She will be forced to walk upstairs and see you. This will give her the oppurtunity to find out where you sit, and give you the chance to woo her away from the other women.

Now what do you say to her, well I always like to act like I have a problem and you are asking her for her suggestion. This gives women the sense of empowerment and they love that sort of stuff. Now you have to be clever with your problem because you want to add in the follow up motion. The follow up motion is what you live and die for....but I'll get back to the follow up motion in a moment. Now what kind of problems should you have....maybe you are bored with the books you have been buying and you need something new that you normally wouldn't buy. Maybe you need a new place to go to lunch. After discussing with her the problem and hearing her suggestions you hit her with the motion. "I'll give that book a try and take you out to lunch so we can discuss it (you could even add in a book for her to read)" or "We can do this, I'll take you out to lunch there so we can both decide if their fish is better than Caco's House of Fish" You want to make sure you show her youre confident and charming. You are showing her you care about her opinion and not about the crevis between her legs.

Now where can you bust one in her...well I believe back in June or July I told you had there is nothing better than having sex like a teenager. Go back to that. Its true. Take her to the movies and part her while you watch the Departed. You can also drive somewhere for lunch and have sex in the car, which also gives you the oppurtunity to get some road-head. Just watch out for the speed bumps, you don't want to choke her too bad. Good luck and let me know how things go


As I was reading my book "Real Questions, Real Answers about Sex: The Complete Guide to Intimacy as God Intended" by Melissa McBurney I started to think that it was full of shit. I decided to rant about my thoughts on some things the book brought up.

The book did a study in Marble, Colorado on how many couples are informed about sex and are having problems sexually. They make a big deal in the book that 46% struggle with sex. Well listen my fellow Christians, put the fucking bible down and think about this. YOU ARE IN MARBLE, COLORADO. WHERE THE FUCK IS MARBLE, COLORADO??? It sounds like some hick ass town full of Baptist that don't even like to dance. Of course they are going to have problems in the bed. Baptist women don't suck dick. The only fish a Baptist guy eats comes from a lake. Sure they have a lake called Beaver Lake in Marble, but the men don't even eat the fish from that lake cos it may cause problems with God. They just throw the fish back.


Most women don't realize testosterone creates a physiological drive in their husbands that demands expression ever few days. Without that kind of hormonal insistence, women have less physical drive for sexual release. Rather, what they crave is the relational closeness that leads to sexual intimacy

Every time I watch men filled with ego and testosterone on ESPN I want to jump on top of every girl at the bar and make her scream my name until all she can scream is "i cant breath let me get some air...i cant breath let me get some air air air i i i cant breath" fucking idiot, Melissa McBurney, testosterone doesn't make me want to blow a load. God's work of art on a woman's body makes me want to blow the bass from my tuba all over her face.



Many husbands assume their wives will get aroused and reach climax as quickly as they do. But most women are only in the early arousal stage when their husbands acheive orgasm. So a wife feels cheated when her husband falls asleep just when she's getting interested. And a husband feels inadequate as a lover because he has failed to bring his wife to orgasm.

Melissa McBurney you sound like Amy, by that I mean you are really a woman that loves the flesh between a woman's legs. Its ok so do I. But listen hear you closet lesibian, who doesn't like dick. Most men don't assume women bust what I like to call A NUT. Guys have off nights. OK? Sort of like the weather. You want to go snowboarding with your friends, you want some fresh powder the next morning but you don't know what you are going to get till the moment. It may pour the rich whiteness all over the place, or it might be a disappointment. Most of the time its womens fault anyways, all they do is lay there and scream "ah ah ah ee eh eh ee ah ah" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BUST A NUT. All that screaming is just going to make my head hurt. Instead of exerting all your engergy by screaming you need to hold that energy in and build up a pressure inside your body and trust me, Krakatoa wont have nutting on you baby. You will explode and send cosmic sexual energy into the houses around you and they will get all horny from it. Ever sit there bored, watching ESPN with your hubby?? Then out of nowhere you get horny?? Well that's cos your neighbors wife shut the fuck up and busted a nut.
Also men dont feel inadequate when they don't get their women to pop one. Want to know what I feel??? Nothing, cos my ass is satified and asleep. I always keep a carrot around for my ladies. I call it the R.T.M.Y.C. That stands for the Ronnie That Makes You Cum. It even has bushy hair on top so it looks like me. You can get as freaky as you want with RTMYC. Place him on the chair and ride him, put him between your boobs, bend over and stick it in the dark hole. Take him in the shower and have a three-some with Miss Shower Head. Satisfy yourself when your man doesn't. You don't hear me bitch when I'm not getting laid everyday. I just jack the straw. I school my palms in the art of self-ruckus. I rue my day. Ya, blow a load I just did about 3 times during this rant. See? I find ways to make it happen.

Well thats all for now on my rant about this book...i hope you enjoyed it