Secret Admirers/Cabbage Soup/Email Hacks

[CalmerThanYou]

The set of emails below is from a buddy yesterday.

Characters:
Hacker: Andy
Andy's Buddy: Thomas (guy that the girl has a crush on)
Michelle: Girl that has a crush on Thomas

Background:
A girl in his office building has a "crush" on his buddy at work, but is too shy to just approach him.

This is the email giving me the background story:


From: Andrew K. B********
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 4:20 PM
To: Ted Tob****; Kolby ******
Subject: FW: In response to the note that was delivered.

She works in an office in our complex. We were walking back from lunch and next thing you know she sent one of her co-workers up here to ask the secretary about him because she was “embarrassed”. However, we weren’t sure if it was him or me she was asking about. So, in continuing the high school theme, we drew the note below and had our secretary send it down to their office. It says to circle the one she was talking about and return it to our office. This is the email her co-worker sent back. Some hi-larious shit…
http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l289/kolbycap/note.jpg



From: Kimberly D*******
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 2:53 PM
To: Brodie T. *****; Shivani *****; Andrew K. *****
Subject: In response to the note that was delivered.
Importance: High

Here is the email...in response to the note (pictures above) that was delivered.

________________________________________
From: Danielle **********
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 2:28 PM
To: Kimberly Der*******
Cc: Michelle R******
Subject: Michelle R******
Importance: High

Dear Kim,

Thanks for the drawing. I gave it to Michelle. She circled the smaller male figure. :) Our boss is coming back from a late lunch shortly, so we’ll only be able to correspond via e-mail. He’d flip if he knew what we were doing during business hours.

Anyways, is Thomas single and would he be interested in having lunch or drinks with Michelle sometime? She is a great girl, college educated, has her own home, very stable. Big Green Bay Packers fan. Our firm has a function tonight at Pelican Grille, but she is available after 8pm tonight or tomorrow night.

She can be reached at mreck@mc*******.com. Tell Thomas and see what he says.

Thanks,

Danielle M. *********




So that's the background. My buddy went on this guys computer when he stepped out, and "sent" her this email:


From: Andrew K. B******
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 5:05 PM
To: Thomas W. Q*****
Cc: Michael D. *****; Annmarie *****; Raj D. *****; Kendra R. *****; Brodie T. *****; Shivani *****; Jason F. *****; Nick *****; Lydia *****; Jo *****; Cindi L. *****
Subject: FW: Hi

Thomas – I sent this email to Michelle while you were getting cupcakes. The lesson of this story? 1) Always log out of your computer when you are gone. 2) Who leaves to go get cupcakes???



From: Thomas W. *******
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 4:45 PM
To: mreck@mc*******.com
Subject: Hi

Hi Michelle,

Kim (our administrative assistant) forwarded the email that Danielle sent to me and I wanted to shoot you a quick note. To tell you the truth, I have actually noticed you as well. Every time I walk by your window, I am truly amazed by how beautiful you are. I have also noticed you use your left hand to control your mouse – I am left handed too! But the thing that I notice the most is your elegant posture. I mean the way that you sit so erect at the computer inspires me to work harder to fix my scoliosis. I bet that your L3 vertebrate is in immaculate condition and that you never have to go to a chiropractor to ease any lumbar discomfort like I must do daily 

To say that I was happy when I heard you think I am attractive would be a gross understatement – euphoric would be more appropriate. I would be honored to take you out to dinner sometime. Perhaps you would accompany me one of my favorite restaurants in Newport Beach this weekend. It is called the Beach Ball and is located on the Balboa Peninsula. They make the best cabbage soup you have ever tasted – it is to die for! And it is not very expensive which is good because I am just an analyst at The Concord Group and do not make much money. In fact, my car broke down this morning on PCH! I hope it will not cost too much money to fix as I really don’t think I could afford it.

Anyway, I sit eagerly in my cubicle awaiting your answer. Please be prompt with your response, as tardiness is something that I just cannot allow in a relationship. I look forward to hearing about your hopes, dreams and deepest, darkest secrets over a piping hot bowl of cabbage soup. Who knows – if we hit it off I might even ask you to escort me to our company’s holiday party. Anything would be better than last year when I had to take my cousin.

With Undying Affection,

Thomas



THEN I GET THIS:

From: Andrew K. ******
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 5:15 PM
To: Kolby ******; Ted T******
Subject: RE: Hi

Some of my better work.

Didn’t actually send it, but my buddy thinks I did. He is sending a “sorry my buddy got into my account” email to her right now though…

From: Kolby ******
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 5:08 PM
To: Andrew K. B*****; Ted T******
Subject: RE: Hi

SHUT THE FUCK UPQo;jksdbf;asjfkvasdlfhalsdvflvh as;h dfd

IM CRYINFG!
ldjablsdkfkasdvf

YOU WIN EVERYTHING!




Kolby ******




H4CK3D!

[real talk]

How is going on to someone's unlocked computer and sending an email from their email hacking anything?

[CalmerThanYou]

its just a phrase....the point is the email he sent was priceless IMO

[real talk]

It's not a phrase, it's a word. It's a word with a definition.

[BlackSwan]

It's not a phrase, it's a word. It's a word with a definition.

lol... now that's some real talk.

[leo01g]

haha this is still funny though

[canexplain]

like i can do any better but here is what i thought when i read the email ...x****

You don't talk about:

you being ill (scolionsis whatever that is)

cabbage soup wtf but either way you dont say you buy it because it is not pricey makes you really sound cheap

broke car and i dont make much money .... that will get em banging on your door

tardiness ... that statement is so controlling

I might let you escort me ... you might say just the opposite and that might be ok ... "if I am lucky and we hit it off, my luck would only continue if you let me escort you yada yada "

thats just me , but at least he gave it a shot ...

at my work, if you leave your pc up and walk away, you can get written up, but only if i tell lol .....x

[real talk]

like i can do any better but here is what i thought when i read the email ...x****

You don't talk about:

you being ill (scolionsis whatever that is)

cabbage soup wtf but either way you dont say you buy it because it is not pricey makes you really sound cheap

broke car and i dont make much money .... that will get em banging on your door

tardiness ... that statement is so controlling

I might let you escort me ... you might say just the opposite and that might be ok ... "if I am lucky and we hit it off, my luck would only continue if you let me escort you yada yada "

thats just me , but at least he gave it a shot ...

at my work, if you leave your pc up and walk away, you can get written up, but only if i tell lol .....x

Does this post make sense to everyone but me? I've bolded what I understand.

[matsuolost]

hahahah thats awesome

[fatbastard]

I make a good cabbage soup.

[real talk]

I like red cabbage soup with a little dollop of sour cream.

[canexplain]

Does this post make sense to everyone but me? I've bolded what I understand.

realtalk, you being a neebee wouldnt understand ... its called ronspeak lol .... jk, i talk in circles, but ask a lady if what i said in general makes sense ...x****

[Hopeless Semantic]

so did they end up knockin' boots or what?

[real talk]

realtalk, you being a neebee wouldnt understand ... its called ronspeak lol .... jk, i talk in circles, but ask a lady if what i said in general makes sense ...x****

Which lady should I ask?

[PotVsKtl]

Hey real talk, why don't you keep your newbie piper shutterized?

[PotVsKtl]

That means zip it.

[real talk]

There's no such word as shutterized.

Is canexplain your boyfriend?

[PotVsKtl]

Is a dildo shaped like a douchebag your Dad?

[real talk]

Are you the lady I'm supposed to ask?

[PotVsKtl]

I said put a conch in it neebee. Your hands look like dried fruit.

[matsuolost]

god real talk is the worst newbie

[real talk]

http://lh4.ggpht.com/tenchi71/SBdRuQ_jxhI/AAAAAAAABBU/-mW1qpZ7lzY/s400/mothra_godzilla_500px.jpg

[PotVsKtl]

Delete.

[PotVsKtl]

P.S. marooko is a worse newbie than this real talk dude.

[bmack86]

You two never fail to amaze me. Next time Malkmus plays San Francisco, we'll have to meet up.

[CalmerThanYou]

like i can do any better but here is what i thought when i read the email ...x****

You don't talk about:

you being ill (scolionsis whatever that is)

cabbage soup wtf but either way you dont say you buy it because it is not pricey makes you really sound cheap

broke car and i dont make much money .... that will get em banging on your door

tardiness ... that statement is so controlling

I might let you escort me ... you might say just the opposite and that might be ok ... "if I am lucky and we hit it off, my luck would only continue if you let me escort you yada yada "

thats just me , but at least he gave it a shot ...

at my work, if you leave your pc up and walk away, you can get written up, but only if i tell lol .....x

RON..you are missing the point. My buddy got on his friends computer (co-worker) and wrote the email to the girl. It was meant to be whack in order to make the co-worker look like a complete retard.

[JustSteve]

ah, the beach ball, perfect place to take in a biker brawl and stabbings...or was that at blackie's? either way, perfect place for a first date!

[captncrzy]

Doesn't cabbage soup make you gassy?

[humanoid]

ah, the beach ball, perfect place to take in a biker brawl and stabbings...or was that at blackie's? either way, perfect place for a first date!

last year, I was outside Cassidy's in Newport (definitely unintentionally)..totally randomly on someone's birthday and this huge psychotic biker in a case of total mistaken identity, snuck up behind some cars and jumped me and started a brawl...weirdest thing ever

he mistook me for some guy who apparently was having a party on his yacht and propositioned his stripper girlfriend for sex......the strange thing was that the guy who he mistook me for was in a limo that was parked right next to us on the street, and the guy saw the whole thing happen

I asked him,"if I had a yacht, why the fuck would I be standing here smoking cigarettes on the fucking sidewalk? I'd be fucking your girlfriend on my yacht!" this was after he already hit me in the back and punched me from behind

aw, fun times with bikers

[CalmerThanYou]

lol, cassidys = catch-a-disease

[Barbara, the ninja]

That was a good prank. Am I an asshole because I would've sent that phony email to the girl anyway? Hehe. And I would circle the smaller one too.