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RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 06:24 PM
Self-evident.

boarderwoozel3
10-10-2008, 06:34 PM
Do you hate happiness or just life in general?

And female ejaculation, whats the deal?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 06:35 PM
I love happiness, I just hate people.

Female ejaculation is what we call "fucking gross." One wouldn't have thought that a vagina could be made to resemble a small, inverted, friendly alien even more... until it started fucking spitting at you.

greghead
10-10-2008, 06:37 PM
Female ejaculation is what we call "fucking gross." One wouldn't have thought that a vagina could be made to resemble a small, inverted, friendly alien even more... until it started fucking spitting at you.

Sigged.

boarderwoozel3
10-10-2008, 06:39 PM
I love happiness, I just hate people.

Female ejaculation is what we call "fucking gross." One wouldn't have thought that a vagina could be made to resemble a small, inverted, friendly alien even more... until it started fucking spitting at you.

Massive LOL! This is much more entertaining than the scientist thread already.

Indeed.

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 06:40 PM
The Scientist thread is suffering from the fact that the person answering isn't me, and therefore it's not very funny.

Continue.

bmack86
10-10-2008, 06:43 PM
If you could wipe one notable person off the face of the earth, who would it be, and how would you do it?

bballarl
10-10-2008, 06:45 PM
Why New Jersey?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 06:45 PM
Bono. I'd inject him with AIDS. He wouldn't die from that, though, I'd just want his blood tests to reveal that he had AIDS when he seemingly decided to go murder-suicide in the middle of fucking a small boy.

The boy would be an unfortunate but necessary casualty.

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 06:46 PM
Why New Jersey?

Any state that gives birth to me is obviously vastly superior.

bmack86
10-10-2008, 06:46 PM
Where's the best pizza in New York?

greghead
10-10-2008, 06:46 PM
what's up with the people that yell "yeeaaah" after every song at a show? Are these douche's your cousins, associates, or just simply supporters of the douchey cause?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 06:48 PM
Where's the best pizza in New York?

I dunno. Try anywhere in Brooklyn or Manhattan. It's all so much better than here your fucking head will explode.


what's up with the people that yell "yeeaaah" after every song at a show? Are these douche's your cousins, associates, or just simply supporters of the douchey cause?

Those are not douchebags, properly. They're fuckheads. Fuckheads have no idea that they're acting like douchebags--true douchebags know, and that's why we do it.

bballarl
10-10-2008, 06:49 PM
Pete Seeger or Woody Guthrie?

MissingPerson
10-10-2008, 06:50 PM
What's your withdrawal plan for Iraq?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 06:51 PM
http://www.upthedownstair.net/pics/woody.jpg

bmack86
10-10-2008, 06:51 PM
Let's say that I wandered out of the woods, scrappy, bright eyed and cheerful to take on the world. I run into you on the streets of Hollywood and ask for directions. You don't know why, but you take a liking to me immediately and decide to teach me the ways of a true douche. How do you go about this?

bballarl
10-10-2008, 06:52 PM
Do you think Magic Johnson faked HIV, as some talk show hosts from Minneapolis do?

boarderwoozel3
10-10-2008, 06:52 PM
Katie Perry. How did this happen? What did we do to deserve this? And when will it go away? Same goes for 'The Hills'.

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 07:02 PM
Let's say that I wandered out of the woods, scrappy, bright eyed and cheerful to take on the world. I run into you on the streets of Hollywood and ask for directions. You don't know why, but you take a liking to me immediately and decide to teach me the ways of a true douche. How do you go about this?

As a true douche, I would actually just feed you some bullshit long enough to get your wallet.


Do you think Magic Johnson faked HIV, as some talk show hosts from Minneapolis do?

I have no idea what you're referring to. I know Magic had HIV, 'cause he gave it to me.


Katie Perry. How did this happen? What did we do to deserve this? And when will it go away? Same goes for 'The Hills'.

My real question with this chick is how the fuck did she get famous singing a song with a shocking chorus that's ALREADY BEEN FUCKING DONE?

SclQZ4W2VZ0

All That I Am
10-10-2008, 07:17 PM
what drug have you done the least? What drug have you done the most? What drug do you want to do more of?

stinkbutt
10-10-2008, 07:21 PM
Do you think Magic Johnson faked HIV, as some talk show hosts from Minneapolis do?

What is this all aboot

leo01g
10-10-2008, 07:21 PM
whats the best combo you've ever done?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 07:21 PM
Peyote.

Probably heroin, if we're discounting pot.

I'm not sure any of them.

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 07:22 PM
What is this all aboot

I dunno. If you wanna start an Ask Some Other Dumbass Posting In The Douchebag thread, do so.


whats the best combo you've ever done?

Candyflipping, easily.

gaypalmsprings
10-10-2008, 07:29 PM
What's in Uranus?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 07:30 PM
Multiple dicks.

frozen pilgrim
10-10-2008, 07:33 PM
"toe-may-toe", or "toe-maw-toe"?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 07:34 PM
May, and go fuck yourself.

Ardentbiscuit
10-10-2008, 07:36 PM
If you are supposed to be an expert douchebag why can't I find you on any of these sites?

http://www.bigdouchebag.com/

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

http://www.myspacedouchebags.com/

Young blood
10-10-2008, 07:36 PM
how deep is your vagina?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 07:37 PM
Deeper than any ocean.

One for you: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU TYPE?!!! COME ON!

bballarl
10-10-2008, 07:39 PM
The Clap or Herpes?

Young blood
10-10-2008, 07:40 PM
I have 30 wives that do my duties.

Young blood
10-10-2008, 07:41 PM
ie slaves.

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 07:45 PM
The Clap or Herpes?

Clap, that shit can be cured in five days of antibiotics. Herp is one of the only three STDs that actually matter.


I have 30 wives that do my duties.

I'm serious. Do you have a special typing flipper?

fatbastard
10-10-2008, 07:46 PM
There is no question that you're the biggest douchebag on the board, yet you've managed to have your way with two of the most beautiful women on the board (PF+Chairmanmeow). How do you account for this?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 07:47 PM
I'm a "Fuck You Til You Love Me" type.

Seriously though, at the end of the day women don't want to go out to dinner, laugh, or even dance, really--they want to fuck. You'd be amazed how much you can get away with and still seem adorable if you keep their brains constantly basted in orgasm endorphins.

captncrzy
10-10-2008, 07:47 PM
How many dicks have you been able to take inside you at once?

Young blood
10-10-2008, 07:48 PM
Asking me how I type is like asking you how you hold down a job.

amyzzz
10-10-2008, 07:49 PM
haha

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 07:50 PM
How many dicks have you been able to take inside you at once?

I have yet to meet a number of dicks I can't take.


Asking me how I type is like asking you how you hold down a job.

It's easy to keep a job with two hands.

captncrzy
10-10-2008, 07:51 PM
Who is better for a roll-Michael Jackson or Ivy?

And you can't just say Ivy because she's your current "special friend". You have to be honest.

Young blood
10-10-2008, 07:51 PM
hahaha douchebag.

stinkbutt
10-10-2008, 07:59 PM
When you chose the title of this thread why did you choose douchebag over douchenozzle?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 09:01 PM
Who is better for a roll-Michael Jackson or Ivy?

And you can't just say Ivy because she's your current "special friend". You have to be honest.

Meaning who's better in the sack? MJ lacks in the titties department, although he nearly rivals in the facefucking department.


When you chose the title of this thread why did you choose douchebag over douchenozzle?

Cause douchenozzle is 14 year olds' humor. Kinda like "stinkbutt."

All That I Am
10-10-2008, 09:07 PM
Clap, that shit can be cured in five days of antibiotics. Herp is one of the only three STDs that actually matter.



What's the other one besides da Aidz

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 09:08 PM
HPV.

Cdubby
10-10-2008, 09:38 PM
what are your thoughts on the office?

psychic friend
10-10-2008, 09:43 PM
Dear Randy aka douche...

its obvious you really believe yourself. do you ever consider the fact that your doucheness isnt quite as awesome as you perceive? just curious.

amyzzz
10-10-2008, 10:19 PM
But yours is.

psychic friend
10-10-2008, 11:18 PM
im sorry im on too much acid to comprehend that

PassiveTheory
10-10-2008, 11:26 PM
In a game of life or death you are given a gun with one bullet as you must kill one of three people. Your choices are: Suprefan, BROKENDOLL, or Adolf Hitler (just before his rise to power, as to stop WW2 and the Holocaust from ever happening).

Whom do you chose?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 11:37 PM
what are your thoughts on the office?

It's good, it's also overrated and the first season was just terribly embarrassing.


Dear Randy aka douche...

its obvious you really believe yourself. do you ever consider the fact that your doucheness isnt quite as awesome as you perceive? just curious.

... I have honestly actually never considered this possibility. Wow, really? You think?

I'm gonna have to digest this and get back to you.


In a game of life or death you are given a gun with one bullet as you must kill one of three people. Your choices are: Suprefan, BROKENDOLL, or Adolf Hitler (just before his rise to power, as to stop WW2 and the Holocaust from ever happening).

Whom do you chose?

You're a fuckin idiot, Passive. Hitler.

Bosco
10-10-2008, 11:38 PM
what's your favorite ice cream flavor?

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 11:41 PM
http://mar.baronelawyer.com/images/Breyer%20coffee%20half%20gal.gif

RotationSlimWang
10-10-2008, 11:53 PM
Actually no. I'm a Jew, Passive isn't. If he was, he would be funny. Or smart. There would be some kind of redeeming quality is my point. Now you see how that doesn't apply.

Blinken
10-10-2008, 11:55 PM
Are you born a douchebag or does the environment turn into a douchebag?

sbessiso
10-10-2008, 11:57 PM
Are we going to finally hold hands when no one is looking next year?

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 12:05 AM
Are you born a douchebag or does the environment turn into a douchebag?

It's all environment I'm pretty sure, unless you want to count the parents you end up with as a genetic relation.


Are we going to finally hold hands when no one is looking next year?

No. I will be busy fondling huge knocks. You know, there's plenty of gay boys in the world, you don't have to always be lusting after the straight and extremely talented. Just somehow work up the desire to pork some worthless, dime-as-a-dozen poofter.

sbessiso
10-11-2008, 12:30 AM
I enjoy the thrill of the chase. You'd be surprised how many "straight" and "talented" guys turn out to be queerer then you or me. But fine, I'll leave the handholding for Mark

apostle2
10-11-2008, 01:11 AM
can using you really wash bacteria up into the fallopian tubes, causing infections that may lead to fertility problems? what if you contain a mixture of water and vinegar?

Mr.Nipples
10-11-2008, 01:16 AM
gEgWEtYouWU&hl=en&fs=1
tpbqd9FypvA&hl=en&fs=1
YmOOgFUA2I0&hl=en&fs=1
911fpJti0gc&hl=en&fs=1

Geno_g
10-11-2008, 01:19 AM
That last video was hilarious, fucking hard core unicycle people, I saw some dude trying to do Mountain Bike stunts on a Unicycle

Mr. Dylanja
10-11-2008, 01:26 AM
Douchebag, have you ever sucked a cock longer than mine?

ivankay
10-11-2008, 08:17 AM
Hi a Douchebag.

i was curious. What is the ritual of passage for a Douchebag? How did it develop? Is there a secret Douchebag Society? Bush seems like a major douchbag. Is he one of your members?

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 08:17 AM
can using you really wash bacteria up into the fallopian tubes, causing infections that may lead to fertility problems? what if you contain a mixture of water and vinegar?

Got a fertility problem, yo I'll solve it--check out my hook while the DJ revolves it.


Douchebag, have you ever sucked a cock longer than mine?

Only one that wasn't bigger than yours was yours.

wmgaretjax
10-11-2008, 08:40 AM
Dear Douchebag,

What is your favorite kind of mac and cheese? The sky is the limit, and I just can't choose.

Love,
Jared

captncrzy
10-11-2008, 08:43 AM
Dear Douchebag,

I'm hungover and have to go to my niece's birthday party in a couple of hours. It's at a bowling alley. What should I do?


J.

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 08:43 AM
White cheddar will show you the way. I assume we're talking about Kraft brand.

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 08:43 AM
Dear Douchebag,

I'm hungover and have to go to my niece's birthday party in a couple of hours. It's at a bowling alley. What should I do?


J.

Your niece is an ungrateful bitch, pass.

wmgaretjax
10-11-2008, 08:47 AM
White cheddar will show you the way. I assume we're talking about Kraft brand.

Any brand, any restaurant... I have never tried white cheddar though, I always go with the thick and creamy. Thanks for the guidance.

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 08:52 AM
In that case just make it yourself. Quick and easy alternative to actually baking a real dish is to just cook some pasta and when you dump it into the collander to drain it throw in plenty of butter, kosher or sea salt, fresh ground pepper, some garlic powder, some fresh ground parmesan, extra sharp cheddar, and mozzarella. Stir stir stir, eat.

wmgaretjax
10-11-2008, 09:03 AM
In that case just make it yourself. Quick and easy alternative to actually baking a real dish is to just cook some pasta and when you dump it into the collander to drain it throw in plenty of butter, kosher or sea salt, fresh ground pepper, some garlic powder, some fresh ground parmesan, extra sharp cheddar, and mozzarella. Stir stir stir, eat.

Thank you sir. Particularly for the kosher/sea salt recommendation, I use normal salt far too often. It is my downfall. You have pushed me to become a better man.

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 09:05 AM
Douchebags always do.

Jon Blazed
10-11-2008, 09:05 AM
Tell me the truth about Santogold?

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 09:07 AM
She's quality pop music, and I would leave your mother for either one of her backup dancers.

gaypalmsprings
10-11-2008, 09:08 AM
what's your favorite brand of douche?

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 09:08 AM
Randouche.

Jon Blazed
10-11-2008, 09:13 AM
Nice. I trust you tell the truth. I'll see her tonight.


When is it proper to spell tonight like this>>>>>>tonite?

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 09:21 AM
Tonight. Read a fucking book.

Jon Blazed
10-11-2008, 09:24 AM
tits, ass, or legs

gaypalmsprings
10-11-2008, 09:36 AM
Randouche, when will you propose to Ivy?

SoulDischarge
10-11-2008, 09:40 AM
Gay for pay. How much?

luckyface
10-11-2008, 09:40 AM
What has been the most traumatizing event of your life? Did this have any impact on you becoming a douche?

wmgaretjax
10-11-2008, 09:48 AM
What has been the most traumatizing event of your life? Did this have any impact on you becoming a douche?

Shit, way to bring out the big guns.

BROKENDOLL
10-11-2008, 09:50 AM
I love happiness, I just hate people.

Female ejaculation is what we call "fucking gross." One wouldn't have thought that a vagina could be made to resemble a small, inverted, friendly alien even more... until it started fucking spitting at you. If you hadn't of missed the "Close Encounters" intro before it started spitting, you'ld probably feel differently, Douchebag.

BROKENDOLL
10-11-2008, 10:07 AM
What's in Uranus?


Multiple dicks. Have you ever considered being an enema nozzle instead?


If you are supposed to be an expert douchebag why can't I find you on any of these sites?

http://www.bigdouchebag.com/

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

http://www.myspacedouchebags.com/ Maybe the douchebag is really full of shit? Lookup www.myassisfull.com or www.friendswithenemas.com. It couldn't hurt...Or, maybe it could?

BROKENDOLL
10-11-2008, 10:20 AM
I have yet to meet a number of dicks I can't take.



It's easy to keep a job with two hands. In other words, he jacks off all day.


Who is better for a roll-Michael Jackson or Ivy?

And you can't just say Ivy because she's your current "special friend". You have to be honest.


Meaning who's better in the sack? MJ lacks in the titties department, although he nearly rivals in the facefucking department.



Cause douchenozzle is 14 year olds' humor. Kinda like "stinkbutt." Ivy may be his only friend, but it's comforting to know that a ball of silly putty can keep him amused when she's not around...


But yours is. Amyzzz! You've got swollen balls!


http://mar.baronelawyer.com/images/Breyer%20coffee%20half%20gal.gif Shit, this puts a whole new prospective on my feelings about the douchebag...He has taste!

BROKENDOLL
10-11-2008, 10:25 AM
And, here's my question now...Douchebag, have you ever considered trying to be fresh and clean like a fieldfull of daisies, or are you destined to spend forever as acidic vinegar? I'd recommend Rosey, but that's pushing it, I know.

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 10:58 AM
tits, ass, or legs

Tits, but you can fuck all three.


Randouche, when will you propose to Ivy?

Too late.


Gay for pay. How much?

Depends on what's involved and whether or not they have to come inside me. But I'm known for coining the phrase "Look, you can do whatever you want to me for fifteen minutes for fifteen thousand if nobody ever has to find out."


What has been the most traumatizing event of your life? Did this have any impact on you becoming a douche?

Probably killing my dad, but watching one of my friends get shot in the back of the head from about ten feet away was pretty fun too. I would say it probably had an effect in that it even further crystallized how much the rest of you suck.

Somewhat Damaged
10-11-2008, 11:02 AM
Mr. Douchebag,

Does the recent surge in your activity on the board mean that you are no longer among the gainfully employed?

R

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 11:05 AM
I am very much so employed and making bank, thank you.

BROKENDOLL
10-11-2008, 11:20 AM
I am very much so employed and making bank, thank you. But, that's what you said the last time...and the time before that, and the time before...

sbessiso
10-11-2008, 11:33 AM
$15,000, eh?

luckyface
10-11-2008, 03:56 PM
Probably killing my dad, but watching one of my friends get shot in the back of the head from about ten feet away was pretty fun too. I would say it probably had an effect in that it even further crystallized how much the rest of you suck.

That is pretty intense.

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 04:04 PM
$15,000, eh?

Start saving up.

Mr.Nipples
10-11-2008, 04:07 PM
dear douchebag,

have you ever freebased your own schmegma?

love,
david

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 04:08 PM
That is one of the few things I have not freebased, no.

Mr.Nipples
10-11-2008, 04:09 PM
you just havent really lived randy till you give it a whirl...

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 04:10 PM
I've freebased smegma alright, just not my own.

PotVsKtl
10-11-2008, 04:16 PM
Delete.

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 04:24 PM
Rephrase that in the form of a question.

boarderwoozel3
10-11-2008, 04:28 PM
Mr. Bag,

What is the difference between a douchebag and a douchenozzle? And are there any other douche derivatives?

Thanks for clarifying,
J

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 04:31 PM
Mr. Bag,

What is the difference between a douchebag and a douchenozzle? And are there any other douche derivatives?

Thanks for clarifying,
J

We're going over well-tread and not particularly funny ground here.


When you chose the title of this thread why did you choose douchebag over douchenozzle?


What's your withdrawal plan for Iraq?

Missed this one. My plan would involve pulling out and C'ing on Iraq's T's.

Sushov23
10-11-2008, 04:37 PM
How many licks till you get to the center of the pop?

SoulDischarge
10-11-2008, 04:52 PM
Douchebag,

What are the correct answers to get a score on a Unicru personality test that would get you considered for an interview?

Joey Jismo, age 6.

luckyface
10-11-2008, 05:05 PM
Mr. Bag,

What is the difference between a douchebag and a douchenozzle? And are there any other douche derivatives?

Thanks for clarifying,
J

This thread is starting to limp...


How many licks till you get to the center of the pop?

...And now the legs have been blown off.

boarderwoozel3
10-11-2008, 05:31 PM
This thread is starting to limp...



...And now the legs have been blown off.

:rolleyes

emtgreg
10-11-2008, 05:46 PM
hey douchebag,

the girl i am semi-seeing sincerely wants me to do all sorts of adult recreational chemicals, her suggestion is avoid weed, but the only thing she loves more than lsd and coke is really rough sexx0rz...

what are your suggestions for a n00b?

also, is this awesome? y/n

clarky123
10-11-2008, 05:51 PM
Randy\Roto

Im wired all the time thesedays and I need help. I cant find a decent dentist and my girlfriend likes to hang out in totesterone fuelled bars with me amd her girlfiend and make me feel inferior.

Any Suggestions?

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 05:59 PM
Douchebag,

What are the correct answers to get a score on a Unicru personality test that would get you considered for an interview?

Joey Jismo, age 6.

Not familiar with that type of test by name necessarily, but here's the general rule: these tests are designed to weed out people who would try to cheat a personality tests. With the exception of the tests they give to Blockbuster applicants apparently, because my roommate failed his and we discussed his answers in length and it seems Blockbuster wanted to be lied to.

What they look for is small admissions of guilt--a sign of honesty in questions like "Some days I just don't feel like being nice to people"--and inconsistencies. There's about five to eight different phrasings of the same question spread throughout the test. "Occasionally I don't feel like being nice to people but I try anyway" might come later, then "When I don't feel like being nice everyone should just leave me alone."

Answer honestly about the fact that work is frustrating but never allow yourself to reveal how anti-social you really are. Don't let trick questions like "I have said something hurtful to a family member" trip you up--everyone has done these things, or so it is assumed.


hey douchebag,

the girl i am semi-seeing sincerely wants me to do all sorts of adult recreational chemicals, her suggestion is avoid weed, but the only thing she loves more than lsd and coke is really rough sexx0rz...

what are your suggestions for a n00b?

also, is this awesome? y/n

You've never done any drugs? Avoiding weed can be both a good and bad thing. It might mean that she's just not a typical slug-headed California bag of sprout-scented incense, but at the same time the coke alarm suggests she's only into drugs that are emotionally intense. Women drawn--usually uncontrollably so--to emotional intensity are a serious fucking pain in the ass, and the only people who like coke hate themselves. She has some real daddy issues and there's a 75 percent chance that she feels responsible for instigating an instance of what turned into sexual abuse by someone before she was 16. My advice is run like the hills.

Unless she's really hot/depraved, in which case I recommend you get some coke and some viagra, crush the viagra up and mix it in with the coke and do rails with her until she starts rubbing her clit without noticing, then fuck her like a beast. She'll always wonder how you managed to put such a Superman boning to her and even guys much better at sex than you will fall short. Acid, though, is not remotely conducive to your sexual duties, but find a way to fuck her while she's on it and it's equally mind-shattering.

Whatever you do though, always pull out. These kind of girls will urge you otherwise, don't fucking trust them. The last thing you want is to have a kid with a coke whore.

RotationSlimWang
10-11-2008, 06:04 PM
Randy\Roto

Im wired all the time thesedays and I need help. I cant find a decent dentist and my girlfriend likes to hang out in totesterone fuelled bars with me amd her girlfiend and make me feel inferior.

Any Suggestions?

I don't understand how dentistry applies to this circumstance. Aren't you in Britain? Don't you get free health care? Actually, if you're in Britain then you need not explain why you can't find a decent dentist. Perhaps get them all pulled and dentures put in? Or try another country.

To sleep though you can still use that socialized medicine to acquire some bromazepam or phenobarb or Seconal or something. The DHSS is a marvelous thing.

Your girlfriend sounds like she's gone beyond the pale. Once a woman allows her friends to mock you to your face it's over--she's fucking somebody else. All you can do now is try your best to take to heart that maturity is nothing more than the measure of how well you handle the inevitable nature of goodbye. So after you get the Seconal, roofie her and her friend and film pr0ns of them.

4. PROFIT!!!

Somewhat Damaged
10-12-2008, 10:41 PM
I am very much so employed and making bank, thank you.

Good, glad to hear it.

So when is it okay to speak in the third person? And can doing so indicate a fractured personality even if dissociative identity disorder and schizophrenia have been ruled out as afflictions?

Last night in bed, Jennifer said I kicked her really hard in the shin. It was so hard that it woke her up and she asked me, "What's wrong?" She says I replied, "Nothing," though I don't recall the exchange. She opened her eyes and saw a little boy, almost an apparition, sitting on my shoulder. She blinked and looked again but he was no longer there. My questions are: do you believe in ghosts? Could this mean I'm haunted? If so, do you believe this would be a viable defense in the event that I did something truly abominable (like, claim that I'm possessed and not always in charge of my faculties)? Or was her mind simply playing tricks on her?

Astrid
10-12-2008, 11:53 PM
is it best to tell someone you are getting involved with that you are in love with someone else? or wait for them to figure it out themselves?

normally i wouldnt give a fuck, but i actually care about this person....which horribly complicates the whole not giving a shit routine i have become so fond of.

apostle2
10-13-2008, 12:18 AM
maybe not the best thread to come to with legitimate issues...

RotationSlimWang
10-13-2008, 12:32 AM
Good, glad to hear it.

So when is it okay to speak in the third person? And can doing so indicate a fractured personality even if dissociative identity disorder and schizophrenia have been ruled out as afflictions?

Last night in bed, Jennifer said I kicked her really hard in the shin. It was so hard that it woke her up and she asked me, "What's wrong?" She says I replied, "Nothing," though I don't recall the exchange. She opened her eyes and saw a little boy, almost an apparition, sitting on my shoulder. She blinked and looked again but he was no longer there. My questions are: do you believe in ghosts? Could this mean I'm haunted? If so, do you believe this would be a viable defense in the event that I did something truly abominable (like, claim that I'm possessed and not always in charge of my faculties)? Or was her mind simply playing tricks on her?

Can't really give you a definitive as to whether she actually had an extra sensory moment, but yes I do believe that there is some form of existence after death and to the best of my experience I have verified that they do maintain a connection to the living. The real question is can you think of anyone who might have a strong relation to you who would take the form of a young boy? Could be a stray, which happens but is vastly less relatable or confirmable.


is it best to tell someone you are getting involved with that you are in love with someone else? or wait for them to figure it out themselves?

normally i wouldnt give a fuck, but i actually care about this person....which horribly complicates the whole not giving a shit routine i have become so fond of.

It's best to not get involved with them. But failing that, fess up that you are still exorcising someone else from your thoughts. Question for yourself: Is this the kind of person who might be able to take your mind off the one you can't have?

Astrid
10-13-2008, 01:23 AM
maybe not the best thread to come to with legitimate issues...

pshhhhh most honest answer ive received as of yet...

apostle2
10-13-2008, 01:54 AM
if I hadn't posted first you would've gotten something to the tune of "Face fuck the both of them"

RotationSlimWang
10-13-2008, 03:25 AM
Valid questions receive valid answers. See, this basic lack of judgment on your part is exactly why no one's asking you any questions. Nobody wants to ask an apostle--apostles are fucking assholes.

sbessiso
10-13-2008, 03:27 AM
Douchebag, Is it possible to find a decent paying job without having a college degree of some sort? If so, how??

RotationSlimWang
10-13-2008, 03:45 AM
Of course, college is almost total horseshit. First, pick a career or general trade/field you think you might be good in. It would probably help if you had any skills. If you don't have any skills, pick a field or company you think you might be able to tolerate for a few years and look into what entry level jobs are available. You might want to try to pull off hopping in a low-level spot doing mindless crap--not terribly dissimilar to your current position--without bothering to lie about having a degree. Just have a plausible story prepared about how you went to some school for two years (basing that on you being twenty, if you weren't under 21 I'd just say fucking lie about it already) but then the economic collapse hit your family really hard and you just didn't feel it was appropriate to not be focusing on gainful employment.

If that doesn't work after a couple attempts, consider shaving any silly hair you might have grown, or otherwise making an effort to look like a respectable person. If you still can't get even a shitty job, time to make up a resume full of lies. Claim to have worked for six months or so at one of the other jobs who interviewed you. Mail room. Feel free to try lying about your college even bigger, since you're already taking a chance.

There are plenty of jobs you don't need a college degree for that pay better money than Starbucks, but you wouldn't like them. You wouldn't like them probably because they require either hard or otherwise taxing work. Waiting tables, for example. Gay bartender. Drug mule.

If none of this works... diet?

Somewhat Damaged
10-13-2008, 08:41 AM
Can't really give you a definitive as to whether she actually had an extra sensory moment, but yes I do believe that there is some form of existence after death and to the best of my experience I have verified that they do maintain a connection to the living. The real question is can you think of anyone who might have a strong relation to you who would take the form of a young boy? Could be a stray, which happens but is vastly less relatable or confirmable.

The only person in my family who's died and could potentially take the form of a young boy is an uncle of mine who died of AIDS back in 2001. He was the smartest person in the family (till I came around, ha) and had severe bouts of depression, so we had that in common. But it's not like we ever really talked all that much. *shrug*

EDIT: Care to clarify the "verified" remark? Sounds intriguing.

BROKENDOLL
10-13-2008, 09:34 AM
maybe not the best thread to come to with legitimate issues... Uh, I don't know about that. Amazingly enough, his last few posts have been pretty legit and free of any face fucking. Let's see...

BROKENDOLL
10-13-2008, 10:23 AM
With all due respect... Attn: Mr. Massengil,
Due to the fact that I spent my summer unemployed and was forced to follow a tight budget, this message board became an important part of my daily routine as opposed to normal social activities and interaction with others. What began as company with my morning coffee, quickly turned into a somewhat compulsive/obssessive disorder. At times, I would find myself hours later, still wearing bedhead and not a damn thing done around the domicile! I had reached a point of remaining logged on so I could periodically get my "fix" in between chores, sleep, meals, etc... It had gotten so bad that even when the other posters ignored or insulted me, I continued coming back for more. For the past 5 months, it has been cheap, amusing, and educational entertainment.
Quite recently it was brought to my attention that all good things must end and my work season begins in about 2 weeks...Quite frankly I've begun to also realize this message board can be compared to a drug addiction.
I'm aware that you are a prominent member of the board and specialize in drug addictions, and I recall a recent hiatus you took with Anne Frank. I must tell you, I was impressed with your ability to blow everybody off so easily. (Not that I want to blow anybody, but...) Could you provide me with any helpful information and advice that would make my impending detox more managable? I've seriously considered having myself banned, or worse, my computer taken away until I get over the initial withdrawal symptoms. With as much respect that I can muster up, I thank you, Douchebag~ A Broken Message Board Addicted Doll

apostle2
10-13-2008, 01:16 PM
Valid questions receive valid answers. See, this basic lack of judgment on your part is exactly why no one's asking you any questions. Nobody wants to ask an apostle--apostles are fucking assholes.

Yeah, but see you ARE a douchebag in real life, I'm unfortunately NOT an apostle. If I started a thread called Ask an Apostle, I'd just be lying to myself. I could probably start up an Ask a Low Level Production Company Employee thread, but shit that would be lamer than Ask a Scientist, or salah's Ask a Gay thread (wait, has that not happened yet?)

amyzzz
10-13-2008, 01:19 PM
Douchebag, Is it possible to find a decent paying job without having a college degree of some sort? If so, how??
You could still get a decent job if you are really good with computers/IT stuff.

luckyface
10-13-2008, 01:26 PM
What are your thoughts on this WWII poster?

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2317/1758988833_cff25c7552.jpg

greghead
10-13-2008, 02:26 PM
Interestingly, during WWI, more American soldiers were hospitalized for VD than for combat injuries. However, we must remember that some guys required treatment on two or three (at least) different occasions, which certainly skewes the data. But still . . .

Moral the story? Fuck French whores and avoid getting your ass shot off

ShyGuy75
10-13-2008, 02:29 PM
DBag, why does BDoll continue to post here? Everytime I check in on this board, it seems to be the same stuff. Her posting dumb shiat and nobody responding to it. Her addressing specific posts and no response from the specific poster. What do you think causes this?

Also, more tunes?

leo01g
10-14-2008, 09:38 AM
randy,
what the fuck is up with me being really itchy? I had my last 40mg oxy last night since i wont be doing anything for a while and i cant stop fucking itching. I look like a fucking crack head!
help,
Leo

amyzzz
10-14-2008, 09:39 AM
Take some Benadryl (if you don't mind getting drowsy).

leo01g
10-14-2008, 09:43 AM
benadryl? Isnt that for allergies? Ill go to the store and buy some

amyzzz
10-14-2008, 09:44 AM
It's for itches too. My husband uses it when his painkillers make him itch.

leo01g
10-14-2008, 09:46 AM
ah cool thanks amy!

RotationSlimWang
10-14-2008, 10:21 AM
DBag, why does BDoll continue to post here? Everytime I check in on this board, it seems to be the same stuff. Her posting dumb shiat and nobody responding to it. Her addressing specific posts and no response from the specific poster. What do you think causes this?

Also, more tunes?

You might as well ask, "Why does BDoll go on living?" The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Also, MORE TUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES.


randy,
what the fuck is up with me being really itchy? I had my last 40mg oxy last night since i wont be doing anything for a while and i cant stop fucking itching. I look like a fucking crack head!
help,
Leo

Opiates make you itchy, dumbass. Why do you think junkie are always scratching and covered in scabs?

BROKENDOLL
10-14-2008, 10:59 AM
You might as well ask, "Why does BDoll go on living?" The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Also, MORE TUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES.



Opiates make you itchy, dumbass. Why do you think junkie are always scratching and covered in scabs?
Blowin' in the Wind?
How many posts must a Douchebag put down, before he can act like a
man?
How many insults must I take from this clown, before he sees that I can?
How many times must the cannonballs fly, before we both end up banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind,
The answer is blowing in the wind...

leo01g
10-14-2008, 11:27 AM
You might as well ask, "Why does BDoll go on living?" The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Also, MORE TUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES.



Opiates make you itchy, dumbass. Why do you think junkie are always scratching and covered in scabs?

i figured but this is the first time its happened to me

RotationSlimWang
10-14-2008, 11:31 AM
Then stop fucking snorting them. I'm warning you, dude. It's a bad road to go down.

greghead
10-16-2008, 08:25 AM
i figured but this is the first time its happened to me

First time you got itchy? Really? How long have you been using opiates?

Take Douche's advice, and quit blowing that shit.

stinkbutt
10-23-2008, 01:31 AM
Douche are you going to be at Hard Haunted Mansion, if so you think I could get something from you?

Mr. Dylanja
12-09-2008, 11:24 PM
Dear Douchebag, what the fuck is up with all this kumbaya board member of the weak bullshit? If I wanted to get blown by a bunch of internet dweebs I would've dressed up for comic con....

allyjoy
12-09-2008, 11:26 PM
If I wanted to get blown by a bunch of internet dweebs I would've dressed up for comic con....

sig'd!

blakely
12-09-2008, 11:31 PM
Dear Douchebag, what the fuck is up with all this kumbaya board member of the weak bullshit? If I wanted to get blown by a bunch of internet dweebs I would've dressed up for comic con....

YES! Where is delta when you need him?!

MissingPerson
12-10-2008, 01:21 AM
Rocking back and forth making a low humming noise, I'd imagine. And telling inanimate objects about IraK.

Also, Internet dweebs are like Fight Club and we run your money. Step off, yo'.

Mr. Dylanja
12-10-2008, 10:03 AM
Being sigged almost feels as good as getting laid.

locachica73
12-10-2008, 10:07 AM
then your doing it wrong... ;)

bug on your lip
12-10-2008, 10:26 AM
then your doing it wrong... ;)

*giggle*

allyjoy
12-10-2008, 10:27 AM
^ditto

algunz
06-03-2009, 10:49 PM
It was douchebag, but if you wanna call yourself an asshole - that's cool.

RotationSlimWang
06-03-2009, 10:52 PM
I prefer to douche anally, thank you.

algunz
06-03-2009, 10:54 PM
Is that possible? Isn't that something else?

RotationSlimWang
06-03-2009, 10:56 PM
It would be an enema if I wasn't using a douchebag and pouring in vinegar and epsom salt.

algunz
06-03-2009, 10:57 PM
"do you believe that humans have free will even though studies of the brain have proven that when presented with a choice, the synapses of the parts of the brain that are responsible for actually making a decision fire BEFORE the parts responsible for logical deduction, reason, and the various other functions that we think we are using every time we perceive ourselves making a decision. Is free will really just mostly an illusion, a backtracking revision of the course of mental events we delude ourselves with because humans are so convinced were are creatures of reason and thought and willpower?"

RotationSlimWang
06-03-2009, 11:04 PM
That question is actually a test in disguise. It evaluates whether or not the recipient is remotely self-aware.

algunz
06-03-2009, 11:05 PM
You tricky.

RotationSlimWang
06-03-2009, 11:08 PM
I forgot, you're a teacher, how would you possibly recognize anything thought provoking?

algunz
06-03-2009, 11:15 PM
Only because you can't get the subtleties.

TheWatcher
06-04-2009, 08:14 AM
Douchebag -- Why is it that the grass is always greener on the other side? Is it because of the quality of light refracting depending on angle and distance, or are we neglecting to water our lawns? Do we fail to see whether the grass is, indeed, green, or are we unable to enjoy what we have?

chairmenmeow47
06-04-2009, 08:18 AM
it's because douchebags want what they feel they can't have :p

TheWatcher
06-04-2009, 08:32 AM
Ah... I see you are wise, grasshopper!

Mr. Dylanja
07-29-2009, 01:18 PM
Douchebag, will I see you at Plump DJs in SD?

RotationSlimWang
07-29-2009, 01:23 PM
Yes you will. I will be driving down and back up that same night. How are you getting down there?

Mr. Dylanja
07-29-2009, 02:21 PM
Douchebag, can I grind from behind or do you prefer I back dat ass up?

amyzzz
07-29-2009, 02:59 PM
Soooo Randy. When are you going to get over your obsession with me? (re: sig and avatar). :thu

RotationSlimWang
07-29-2009, 03:52 PM
Douchebag, can I grind from behind or do you prefer I back dat ass up?

Depends--will I have to pretend I'm a barely legal girl?


Soooo Randy. When are you going to get over your obsession with me? (re: sig and avatar). :thu

It ain't my fault you set yourself up for such an awesome zzznap on my part. As far as the avatar, I dunno. Whenever I find a funnier way to put someone else in my avatar.

BlackSwan
07-29-2009, 03:59 PM
As far as the avatar, I dunno. Whenever I find a funnier way to put someone else in my avatar.



http://www.politeinpublic.com/photos/20090626_PLT01/pip_20090626_PLT01_0268.jpg
[/IMG]


..?

RotationSlimWang
07-29-2009, 04:16 PM
Alright, I take back the bad things I said about you Swan. Could somebody please crop that for me? I'm on a laptop with absolutely no editing tools.

Still-ill
07-29-2009, 04:21 PM
Cropping can be easily done in Photobucket, so if you aren't happy with this one you can just do it again yourself.

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a38/Bnoon/pip_20090626_PLT01_0268-1-1.jpg

RotationSlimWang
07-29-2009, 04:23 PM
Thanks gang.

Still-ill
07-29-2009, 04:24 PM
Hahaha... that's fucking perfect.

BlackSwan
07-29-2009, 04:26 PM
Ahahahahahahha

pancakespancakes
07-29-2009, 04:37 PM
Oh man. I love you.

Forza is gonna love this attention though.

RotationSlimWang
07-29-2009, 04:37 PM
Now I can't wait for monkey season to begin again. Oh lord, the angry, angry lurker comments...

RotationSlimWang
07-29-2009, 04:40 PM
I can't even take credit for this one.

pancakespancakes
07-29-2009, 04:41 PM
The big flower behind him is what makes it for me. Perfection.

BlackSwan
07-29-2009, 04:42 PM
I can't even take credit for this one.

You definitely deserve some of the credit. You are going to have to look at him everytime you make a post.

zenidogx
07-29-2009, 04:46 PM
The big flower behind him is what makes it for me. Perfection.

The two beers is what I like.

Is there any way a popped collar can be added to that? Or would that be over the top?

bmack86
07-29-2009, 04:58 PM
What the hell is a forza?

RotationSlimWang
07-29-2009, 05:00 PM
<-------- that's a forza.

Blinken
07-29-2009, 05:18 PM
Well done board, :thu

Wheres the beef?
07-29-2009, 07:57 PM
Randy just burned all of you. Now you all have to look at forza's face ALLLL THE TIME.

djandrews25
07-29-2009, 08:30 PM
lol ryan

PotVsKtl
07-29-2009, 08:50 PM
lol ryan

TommyboyUNM
07-29-2009, 08:52 PM
Ryan, you're such a jokester. You made Andrew lol.


Edit: Get out of my head, Pot. Dickhead.

gaypalmsprings
07-29-2009, 09:03 PM
lol ryan

CalmerThanYou
07-29-2009, 09:05 PM
ttyl ryan

gaypalmsprings
07-29-2009, 09:06 PM
who is ryan?

CalmerThanYou
07-29-2009, 09:07 PM
stfu gay

Mr. Dylanja
07-29-2009, 09:44 PM
hay gay :cat

gaypalmsprings
07-29-2009, 09:51 PM
hay gay :cat

is that you, ryan?

algunz
07-30-2009, 09:06 AM
I was wondering who the douchebag in Randy's new avatar was.

luckyface
07-30-2009, 09:07 AM
I was wondering who the douchebag in Randy's new avatar was.

At first, I thought it was Pau Gasol celebrating the Lakers title.

Wheres the beef?
08-01-2009, 02:07 PM
http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/8/1/128936378864645638.jpg

greghead
08-01-2009, 03:52 PM
http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/8/1/128936378864645638.jpg


http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll239/greg-head/vigo.jpg

algunz
08-01-2009, 10:44 PM
"Are you the key master?"

malcolmjamalawesome
08-02-2009, 09:29 AM
Douchebag, do you find that it's more tolerable because it's a dry heat?