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View Full Version : the thread in which we find ivy a new career



chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 08:18 AM
this is the thread in which we all find me a new career that doesn't involve the use of my right hand. i have tendonitus, and the pain has been embarrassingly awful lately. i literally hurt myself using a q-tip the other night.

so, any suggestions? even if it's something silly, i wanna hear it for a laugh at least. and something besides fluffer, people. lol

(and i'm aware of the irony of typing to ask this, i'm wearing a specially made brace as i type if it makes you feel better)

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 08:21 AM
Slumwang will still say fluffer

1. cuz he thinks it will be edgey to say it
2. cuz u told him not to

Hannahrain
10-02-2008, 08:21 AM
Clumsy left-handed hooker.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 08:22 AM
Oh my God, I can't believe you gave this:


this is the thread in which we all find me a new career that doesn't involve the use of my right hand.

to the Coachella board.


EDIT: Too late.

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 08:23 AM
Clumsy left-handed hooker.

well, i've got the clumsy part down. i'm still working on my left-handed stealing-from-the-john's-wallet-while-they-are-sleeping skills :p

RotationSlimWang
10-02-2008, 08:23 AM
Baby factory.

faxman75
10-02-2008, 08:23 AM
Well hopefully it makes you feel better (the brace that is).

Anyway, I think you should sell cars. Chicks who sell cars make bank compared to guys who do it. Guys love to test drive with girls and are way more at ease with the buying experience because it is way more fun to flirt than argue about prices.

I vote for you to sell cars and make bank. I also think you should go shopping and get some of those executive suits so you can primarily hit Lexis, Audi and BMW type dealerships. The economy sucks but rich people still have money and the luxary cars aren't taking as big of a hit as the other dealers.

Selling cars is not hard either, just be yourself and pretend you are on a date talking about some basic features and mpg in the middle. :)

downingthief
10-02-2008, 08:24 AM
That reminds me, Ivy. Where's my hundred dollars?

downingthief
10-02-2008, 08:25 AM
What about using your performance background?

faxman75
10-02-2008, 08:26 AM
What about using your performance background?


It's only $50 if she used her left hand.

garrett222
10-02-2008, 08:26 AM
Ivy is a free spirit...you can't tie her down to have your babies.

Roadkillhighway951
10-02-2008, 08:28 AM
a ventriloquist

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 08:28 AM
model Conservative t-shirts

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 08:29 AM
What about using your performance background?

it's funny you mention that. i've had acting come up way more than i'd like in the past two weeks. "why aren't you acting, come act for me, blah blah blah blah". i just hated having to do 80 stupid plays for one good role every now and again. plus, i enjoy my spare time. but yeah, i've thought about it.

and interesting about the car salesman thing. my friend jill used to be a used car salesman. she's 5 feet tall. she had so much trouble working with the guys because they were more aggressive than her. i think i'd be good at distracting men with my boobies while they sign the contracts, but i'm not aggressive enough to get to the sales in the first place i think.

i've tried to think of handless careers, and sales generally comes to mind.

and baby factories are expensive, pants :p

thestripe
10-02-2008, 08:30 AM
Perform all right hand duties with right foot.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 08:30 AM
You could demonstrate PSPs, apparently.

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 08:31 AM
Baby factory.
I thought about doing that once. (the accepted term is surrogate mother)

Are you going to a workman's comp doctor, Ivy? I had brief bouts of tendonitis early in my career here, but it just seemed to go away on its own. I wore an elastic fingerless glove thing for a while that my mom gave me. Maybe I had minor tendonitis issues.

faxman75
10-02-2008, 08:31 AM
Pre School teacher? You can finger paint and stuff.

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 08:33 AM
Milker for Ben and Jerry's new ice cream.

Roadkillhighway951
10-02-2008, 08:34 AM
a nun

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 08:34 AM
Ooh, Ooh! Test subject! They pay good money, and you probably won't die or go purple!

garrett222
10-02-2008, 08:34 AM
Miss Lippe from Billy Madison

Roadkillhighway951
10-02-2008, 08:39 AM
A one armed yo yo master of the 3rd degree kind

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 08:40 AM
Perform all right hand duties with right foot.

thread over, we have a winner!


You could demonstrate PSPs, apparently.

LOLOL, i'm afraid of your saleswoman abilities!


I thought about doing that once. (the accepted term is surrogate mother)

Are you going to a workman's comp doctor, Ivy? I had brief bouts of tendonitis early in my career here, but it just seemed to go away on its own. I wore an elastic fingerless glove thing for a while that my mom gave me. Maybe I had minor tendonitis issues.

it's an issue i've had most of my life. i was in gymnastics as a child. i eventually had a two inch cyst on my right wrist. a teacher noticed when i was in like 6th grade. doctor's said it was eating away at my tendons and i'd lose useage by the age of 18 probably. so they removed it in 7th grade. i had to go to physical therapy for a long time and was hooked to all these weird electrical machines that moved my hand for me until i could do it again on my own.

it's just gotten progressively worse as i've gotten older. i've always had to use the 8 pound bowling ball, but after years at a computer, it started going numb. it's not carpal, i've had to argue with several doctors and after a nerve test they finally ruled that out. last year i finally went to a specialist, and he really couldn't do anything except marvel at my inability to squeeze the hand test thing very hard. i've had MRIs on my hand and they can't really "see" any specific problem.

the only thing they could do for me is construct a special brace that fits my hand. it helps a LOT with typing, but handwriting still is a bitch, along with any sort of "twisting" motion like opening tylenol bottles when my wrist is sore. i'm just sort of at a loss as to what i can do at this point, besides get a pirate hook installed. just THINK of the attachments!


Pre School teacher? You can finger paint and stuff.

that is definitely an idea. i bet they don't have to "grade" anything either.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 08:40 AM
Pirate!

luckyface
10-02-2008, 08:40 AM
Do you have ergonomic accessories that you can use while working at the desk? That should address some of the tendinitis issues.

Or not, now that you posted an explanation of your issues.

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 08:43 AM
i do have an ergonomic keyboard. the only reason it's helpful though is because the brace forces my hand to angle like an ergonomic keyboard. it's really hard to wear my brace at home and use my laptop for example, because of the way the keyboard is laid out. thankfully the typing isn't TOO bad, it's more the mouse action that gets me.

i went to an ENT last year that spoke into her computer for everything. i wish i could do that. especially when i'm posting shit like this when i should be working :p

marooko
10-02-2008, 08:45 AM
what are you good at?

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 08:57 AM
HANDS FREE

captncrzy
10-02-2008, 08:57 AM
The one-armed man in the Fugitive

Roadkillhighway951
10-02-2008, 08:57 AM
u could be bob doles left hand

marooko
10-02-2008, 09:08 AM
well, i guess its jokes and hands free cock sucking. have a ball...or ten.

shakermaker113
10-02-2008, 09:29 AM
it's an issue i've had most of my life...

have you just learned to use your left hand for everything? or does it not work like that?

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 10:05 AM
The one-armed man in the Fugitive

best answer i've heard to this question EVER!

and let's see, what am i good at... well, people literally stop by my cube in amazement of my typing. but that's kinda out. i'm very, very good at public speaking. i need to find a way to do that somehow probably. problem is, you generally have to a subject matter expert in something, which i am not.

and my new years resolution was to become more left-handed this year. i haven't done as well as i thought, except become just as much of a badass at wii tennis with my left hand as i am with my right hand, lol. also, at the beginning of the year my friends and i went left handed bowling and i won, even though one of our friends is actually left handed, lol. i try to text left-handed, but i don't always remember to. when i first had my surgery, i could type like 30 wpm with just my left hand. i need to practice that again.

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 10:09 AM
There's a guy at my work who only has one arm, and in my job we type all day long, so you definitely CAN get by typing one-handed.

mountmccabe
10-02-2008, 10:10 AM
Have you thought about politics?

CalmerThanYou
10-02-2008, 10:15 AM
tooth paste capper.

humanoid
10-02-2008, 10:21 AM
Well hopefully it makes you feel better (the brace that is).

Anyway, I think you should sell cars. Chicks who sell cars make bank compared to guys who do it. Guys love to test drive with girls and are way more at ease with the buying experience because it is way more fun to flirt than argue about prices.

I vote for you to sell cars and make bank. I also think you should go shopping and get some of those executive suits so you can primarily hit Lexis, Audi and BMW type dealerships. The economy sucks but rich people still have money and the luxary cars aren't taking as big of a hit as the other dealers.

Selling cars is not hard either, just be yourself and pretend you are on a date talking about some basic features and mpg in the middle. :)

so true,.....last time I was in the market for a car, I abruptly left this car dealership because I caught myself being seduced by the most beautiful car saleswoman I had ever seen....if I had stayed longer, she would've had me hooked!

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 10:25 AM
Have you thought about politics?
haha I was gonna say that too.

higgybaby23
10-02-2008, 10:45 AM
If you have a Bachelor's degree and no criminal record, then you are qualified to be a substitute teacher in the state of AZ. It's not the most glamorous profession, but it has its perks. Decent pay, summers/holidays off and very little responsibility. I know quite a few subs, and they all seem to enjoy their jobs.

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 10:45 AM
wet nurse

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 10:47 AM
If you have a Bachelor's degree and no criminal record, then you are qualified to be a substitute teacher in the state of AZ. It's not the most glamorous profession, but it has its perks. Decent pay, summers/holidays off and very little responsibility. I know quite a few subs, and they all seem to enjoy their jobs.
Good to know. Maybe I can do that if my union goes on strike (we're voting down the Qwest contract, folks...)

shakermaker113
10-02-2008, 10:47 AM
There's a guy at my work who only has one arm, and in my job we type all day long, so you definitely CAN get by typing one-handed.

left-handed dvorak keyboard, designed especially for this purpose:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/49/KB_UK_Dvorak_Left.png

woah... transparency.

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 10:48 AM
web cam shows

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 10:49 AM
What happens if I press the "win" key. Do I win? :)

BROKENDOLL
10-02-2008, 11:02 AM
it's funny you mention that. i've had acting come up way more than i'd like in the past two weeks. "why aren't you acting, come act for me, blah blah blah blah". i just hated having to do 80 stupid plays for one good role every now and again. plus, i enjoy my spare time. but yeah, i've thought about it.

and interesting about the car salesman thing. my friend jill used to be a used car salesman. she's 5 feet tall. she had so much trouble working with the guys because they were more aggressive than her. i think i'd be good at distracting men with my boobies while they sign the contracts, but i'm not aggressive enough to get to the sales in the first place i think.

i've tried to think of handless careers, and sales generally comes to mind.

and baby factories are expensive, pants :p LOL I thought you were referring to "Randy Pants" in the first paragraph! LOL And as far as car sales? First, you draw them in with the boobies, get their attention...Then ask if they'ld like to test drive something sporty and topless. You'll be back at your desk to sign paperwork in no time! :)


thread over, we have a winner!



LOLOL, i'm afraid of your saleswoman abilities!



it's an issue i've had most of my life. i was in gymnastics as a child. i eventually had a two inch cyst on my right wrist. a teacher noticed when i was in like 6th grade. doctor's said it was eating away at my tendons and i'd lose useage by the age of 18 probably. so they removed it in 7th grade. i had to go to physical therapy for a long time and was hooked to all these weird electrical machines that moved my hand for me until i could do it again on my own.

it's just gotten progressively worse as i've gotten older. i've always had to use the 8 pound bowling ball, but after years at a computer, it started going numb. it's not carpal, i've had to argue with several doctors and after a nerve test they finally ruled that out. last year i finally went to a specialist, and he really couldn't do anything except marvel at my inability to squeeze the hand test thing very hard. i've had MRIs on my hand and they can't really "see" any specific problem.

the only thing they could do for me is construct a special brace that fits my hand. it helps a LOT with typing, but handwriting still is a bitch, along with any sort of "twisting" motion like opening tylenol bottles when my wrist is sore. i'm just sort of at a loss as to what i can do at this point, besides get a pirate hook installed. just THINK of the attachments!



that is definitely an idea. i bet they don't have to "grade" anything either. You almost lost me at "Think of the attachments." But, seriously, a few years ago I had a lump/ pain/ something wrong with my wrist, which isn't good for bartending. They thought it was carpal tunnel or tendinitis and wanted to do the whole MRI thing, etc. My insurance didn't cover that, so the specialist also suggested a Cortisone shot as an alternative. That MRI would have been $2200! I settled for the shot which was done directly on the lump in my wrist. It stung for about 5 minutes and by the next day, you'ld have never thought anything had been wrong. It's been like 3-4 years now and it's never even gotten sore. Wouldn't hurt to ask the Dr. about it. BTW...Do you smoke? The reason I ask is, if not, scratch the car dealer idea. You usually see those guys smoking like chimneys, pacing back and forth like vultures just waiting for a sale, and you'ld end up stuck listening to all their bullshit remarks about your headlights, etc...:)

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 11:18 AM
her headlights are a HUGE BUBBLY SOFT asset !!

shakermaker113
10-02-2008, 11:48 AM
What happens if I press the "win" key. Do I win? :)

ejector seat.

Tylerdurden31
10-02-2008, 11:55 AM
I worked with a programmer that could only use his left hand. He programmed like a mofo.

fiyahhh!
10-02-2008, 01:18 PM
you could play drums for Def Leppard.

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 01:20 PM
"The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one hand! The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one hand!"

marooko
10-02-2008, 01:23 PM
you could play drums for Def Leppard.

it freaked me out as a wee lad when i first noticed that.

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 01:52 PM
If you have a Bachelor's degree and no criminal record, then you are qualified to be a substitute teacher in the state of AZ. It's not the most glamorous profession, but it has its perks. Decent pay, summers/holidays off and very little responsibility. I know quite a few subs, and they all seem to enjoy their jobs.

thanks for the tip! i have a friend who is starting as a sub. my problem is, i'm not very good with kids. it's not that i'm bad with them, i'm just ignorant. i've never even changed a diaper, lol. and i need that whole bachelor's degree thing ;)

maybe i should just quit my job and go to school full-time. man, why'd i have to fuck that up when i was younger? oh right, because i had no clue what i wanted or was good at until i started working.

fatbastard
10-02-2008, 01:54 PM
this is the thread in which we all find me a new career that doesn't involve the use of my right hand. i have tendonitus, and the pain has been embarrassingly awful lately. i literally hurt myself using a q-tip the other night.

so, any suggestions? even if it's something silly, i wanna hear it for a laugh at least. and something besides fluffer, people. lol

(and i'm aware of the irony of typing to ask this, i'm wearing a specially made brace as i type if it makes you feel better)

Surgery?

mountmccabe
10-02-2008, 03:14 PM
Surgery?

Surgeons generally need the use of both of their hands so I'm not sure that's the right career for Ivy.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 03:16 PM
What happens if I press the "win" key. Do I win?

Ahem.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/demot2.jpg


Also, Def Leppard guy could both drum and beat his wife, so quit yer mopin' Ivy, you can still have a full and significant-other abusing life ahead of you.

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 06:46 PM
Also, Def Leppard guy could both drum and beat his wife, so quit yer mopin' Ivy, you can still have a full and significant-other abusing life ahead of you.

thanks for helping keep it positive. i've still got one good arm to beat randy with :p

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 06:49 PM
Exactly. If you were running for Vice President, you'd be in with a slogan like that.

RotationSlimWang
10-02-2008, 06:52 PM
You left out "off," Ivy.

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 06:53 PM
You left out "off," Ivy.

goddamn you for being funnier than me. i was quoting tombstone though, so i should at least get points for that :p

RotationSlimWang
10-02-2008, 06:55 PM
goddamn you for being funnier than me

You'd be AMAZED how many times a day I have to hear that. =)

TomAz
10-02-2008, 07:25 PM
Have you thought about politics?

to succeed in arizona she'd have to have an active, functioning right wing.








groan.

RotationSlimWang
10-02-2008, 07:30 PM
Tom's drunk.

TomAz
10-02-2008, 07:32 PM
I am.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 07:32 PM
I laughed, and then felt disappointed with what that says about me.

RotationSlimWang
10-02-2008, 07:43 PM
You're drunk too?

We know--you're Irish.

SoulDischarge
10-02-2008, 07:45 PM
Don't insult my wife teabagger.

RotationSlimWang
10-02-2008, 07:46 PM
You're gay and she's Irish, forget it already.

SoulDischarge
10-02-2008, 07:48 PM
Eh. Semantics.

TomAz
10-02-2008, 07:48 PM
peas in a pod.

RotationSlimWang
10-02-2008, 07:49 PM
peas in a pod.

Tom's a clever drunk.

MissingPerson
10-03-2008, 08:40 AM
Oh pish, I can't think of a more traditional Irish wedding than a sexless resentful one.

chairmenmeow47
10-03-2008, 08:43 AM
Oh pish, I can't think of a more traditional Irish wedding than a sexless resentful one.

i'm glad this thread could bring such resentment into people's lives. plur.

speaking of, i guess i could be a minister. i've TOTALLY found my calling. let me heal your sins, people!!!

RotationSlimWang
10-03-2008, 08:44 AM
I got some sins for you, lady.

MissingPerson
10-03-2008, 08:46 AM
Uh... I think I hear someone calling me from one of the other threads.