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View Full Version : Thousand-and-three-postiversary.



MissingPerson
10-01-2008, 08:02 PM
So, having started but a single thread in a whole year, despite never having met any one of you nor ever having been to the same general landmass as Coachella, I gots my thousand posts. And three.

So let's celebrate me for a bit.

Fun facts:

* I found the forum through Delta.

* My first word here was "Courtesy".

* The first single I ever owned was Cindi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and my first gig was Dolly Parton. She was awesome.

* I once applied to be a police reservist, but was rejected.

* I grew up on a farm.

* The nicest celebrity I've ever encountered was, briefly, Win Butler. He's both very nice and very tall. The worst was Geri Halliwell. She's the worst person on earth, and I saw her literally make tiny children cry.

* Somebody nearly decapitated me with an assault rifle once.

* The most painful thing I've ever done was accidentally snorting a mug of neat vodka. Breaking a finger was a distant second.

* I don't speak any foreign languages, although I do speak Irish and tried to learn sign language for some reason when I was a teenager.

* I won the Gold in the local Community Games under 7's category children's sprint. This is, to date, both the apex of my athletic career and my crowning achievement, not counting the day when -

* - I sold a PSP to a woman with no hands, which is, let's face it, the coolest thing I'll ever do in my life, and it's all downhill from here.

* I ain't afraid of no ghosts. Although I do dislike spiders.

Hooray for me!

So, what's your favourite thing about me?

Beef Jerky
10-01-2008, 08:05 PM
Go you.

Pixiessp
10-01-2008, 08:08 PM
the fact that you snorted vodka has to make you one very unique person.

MissingPerson
10-01-2008, 08:16 PM
It's not as rockstar as it sounds. I was chugging a mug of weird non-brandname vokda when somebody made me laugh, and I somehow managed to get the whole mug's worth back out through my nose. Sobers you right the fuck up, I can tell you. I can't even describe the pain of it, except that it feels like somebody blowtorching your head from the inside out and then inflating the bit they've blowtorched away.

What really ices it is that you will get precisely no sympathy from your friends, because they've just seen you snork raw spirits out your face and they're pissing themselves like the dirty treacherous bastards they are. My nose hurts just thinking about it.

Quadromarshia
10-01-2008, 08:19 PM
the fact that you snorted vodka has to make you one very unique person.


aQm7YpxgOnA

Pixiessp
10-01-2008, 08:24 PM
aQm7YpxgOnA

the look on his face when he's about to do the liquor/wine is priceless!

very hilarious.

idrive1life
10-01-2008, 08:26 PM
p i n g pong pic of win vs. chris is epic, my friend.

MissingPerson
10-01-2008, 08:36 PM
It must be said, the man likes his celebrity p*ng pong.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/tabletennis-1.jpg

The fact that this word is censored still makes me laugh. I've decided from now on I'm going to call it "cunt pong", which is apparently far more acceptable.

Quadromarshia
10-01-2008, 08:42 PM
the look on his face when he's about to do the liquor/wine is priceless!

very hilarious.

that, my friend, was single malt whiskey.

miscorrections
10-01-2008, 08:52 PM
My least favorite thing about you is that you're a girl. My most favorite thing is that you stuck around past the Delta conflagration.

CalmerThanYou
10-01-2008, 09:21 PM
you must be one gnarly chick, half your posts make me think youre a dude pounding whiskey.

humanoid
10-01-2008, 09:25 PM
It's not as rockstar as it sounds. I was chugging a mug of weird non-brandname vokda when somebody made me laugh, and I somehow managed to get the whole mug's worth back out through my nose. Sobers you right the fuck up, I can tell you. I can't even describe the pain of it, except that it feels like somebody blowtorching your head from the inside out and then inflating the bit they've blowtorched away.

What really ices it is that you will get precisely no sympathy from your friends, because they've just seen you snork raw spirits out your face and they're pissing themselves like the dirty treacherous bastards they are. My nose hurts just thinking about it.

my friends are dirty, treacherous bastards as well

PassiveTheory
10-01-2008, 09:28 PM
<--- Didn't know you were a chick.

Tell us more about encountering Win Butler.

TomAz
10-02-2008, 04:52 AM
I think we should use this opportunity to ask MP some questions about herself.

1. Do you have red hair, freckles, high cheekbones and a disarming smile?
2. Is your name Molly? how bout Maggie?
3. When you were younger did anyone ever call you a 'wee lass' and actually mean it as something other than a joke?
4. Sheep farm? pig farm? what?
5. Have you ever blown up a bus full of Protestants?

bleep
10-02-2008, 05:03 AM
Are you familiar with Father Ted? Does a place similar to the fictional Craggy Island depicted on that show exist in your parts?

Young blood
10-02-2008, 07:13 AM
Are you familiar with farmer ted?

Its **** btw.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 07:48 AM
Tell us more about encountering Win Butler.

My Win Butler story sucks. I met him very briefly. He, Richard and Will came back out to shake hands/ hug/ high five the crowd after one of their shows here, and he really really is unbelieveably nice. Which is kinda funny really; on stage he's this big aggressive guy who sings a bit weird and destroys a lot of stuff, off stage he's a slightly awkward and very friendly dude. Who's still rather big.

That story sucks though, so I'm going to pretend the following one is mine: Once upon a time, at an incredibly sold out AF show, a ticketless kid showed up to chance trying to get in. There, they met some touts. Touts are half scalper, half orc. They're aggressive fucking scumbags, who are invariably dodgy and usually covered in knife scars. They were selling tickets for hundreds of quid, which the kid couldn't afford.

Incidentally, while they're hanging around trying to work out what to do, Chris Martin walks past and wishes them luck. Really, that's really actually true.

The kid is about to give up, when some big dude sneaks up to them and politely inquires if they've got tickets. Big dude is, of course, a low-profiling Win Butler, having snuck past his own security. They say no. Right, says he, and leads them backstage.

Kid feels bad for the other ticketless folks still outside, and says so to Win. Win quietly and quickly rounds up nearly a dozen others, and starts sneaking them in, too. As he's doing so, some fucking tout, not recognising who it is, catches sight of this guy making all his potential customers disappear, and starts getting physically aggressive. Our very large army-booted Texan hero explains that it would be in his best interest to back the fuck off. The tout considers this, and agrees. The whole troop proceed inside, Win introduces his shiny new posse to the rest of the band, leads them into the front row of the pit, and wishes them a good show. Nice fucking guy.

On the other end of the spectrum is Geri Fucking Halliwell. This cunt is not only the most unpleasant celebrity I've ever dealt with, I can't actually think of any mammals, generally, who were less fun to deal with. She's awful.

I used to work in a bookshop, and occasionally, we'd have celebrity booksignings. Halliwell was in signing her kid's - mind that, kid's - book with us one weekend.

She arrived late, refused to shake hands with the folks sent to greet her, commandeered our canteen and toilets for "Quiet time" for over an hour, was rude and obnoxious to the people who'd already been queuing for two hours to see her. ie. Very small children.

And what I really hate her for...

She signed for about twenty minutes, then got up and stormed out for no apparent reason, leaving almost the entire queue of little girls behind her crying. Brilliantly, the bitch stomps right out into the middle of the annual Free The Weed parade, and the last we see of her is her stupid little face disappearing into a tidal wave of crusty dreadlocks and hand knitted jumpers. I hope she never makes it back to civilisation.

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 07:54 AM
i wish i had a Win story that didn't happen to me

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 07:55 AM
1. Do you have red hair, freckles, high cheekbones and a disarming smile?

I am, in fact, a brunette. I looked like this when I made my First Communion.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/08-13-2008011223AM.jpg

2. Is your name Molly? how bout Maggie?No, sorry. :D

3. When you were younger did anyone ever call you a 'wee lass' and actually mean it as something other than a joke?
Uh, no... that's... that's Scotland.

4. Sheep farm? pig farm? what?
Moo cows and baa sheep. Did you know that if a sheep eats to much when it's pregnant, it starts to turn itself inside out through it's ass?

True.

5. Have you ever blown up a bus full of Protestants?
Not to my knowledge. Although I know a few of the people I went to school with went on to be gun runners for the IRA.


Are you familiar with Father Ted? Does a place similar to the fictional Craggy Island depicted on that show exist in your parts?

Tragically, Father Ted is often quite unsettlingly accurate. I've met Graham Linehan too, now that I think of it. Quiet fella. I've been to quite a few of the places you see in the show, too, I've seen Ted's house, the Very Dark Caves and that place Ted goes to have a picnic.


Are you familiar with farmer ted?
No, farmers here have to be called Paddy or Joe. That's how you know they're farmers.


**** btw.
Might just say "table tennis".

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 07:57 AM
[B]4. Sheep farm? pig farm? what?
Moo cows and baa sheep. Did you know that if a sheep eats to much when it's pregnant, it starts to turn itself inside out through it's ass?

.

If Yablo pops a viagra and reads this he's going to be in trouble

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 08:03 AM
i wish i had a Win story that didn't happen to me

Just do what I do, and tell people that one of these people is you:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/AF%20General/556613.jpg

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 08:06 AM
can i be the tall one?

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 08:06 AM
My pig turned its ass inside out. Not pretty.

Also, I would like to play p i n g pong with Win Butler. That's about all I'd like to do with him though.

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 08:09 AM
amy

you have the most disgusting posts
a pig with its ass inside out, then some subtle reference that makes one visualize you having sex

its more than i can take

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 08:09 AM
Well, it doesn't have to be table tennis, Arcade Fire are all about the competitive team sports. I mean, basketball is their forté, but they're apparently a force to be reckoned with at wiffle ball too, whatever the fuck that is.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 08:13 AM
can i be the tall one?

Sure. I quite like that red bag though, so I've decided that's me.

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 08:22 AM
Bug, get your mind out of the gutter. That was not a sexual reference AT ALL. I really like playing p i n g pong.

marooko
10-02-2008, 08:25 AM
* - I sold a PSP to a woman with no hands, which is, let's face it, the coolest thing I'll ever do in my life, and it's all downhill from here.



I couldn't read past this. hopefully it's explained, if not, please do so.

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 08:46 AM
post a picture of your titties...

Young blood
10-02-2008, 08:49 AM
post a picture of your titties...

You should post another pic of your girlfriend that looks like a 15 yr old Hispanic boy.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 08:49 AM
Oh, Jon. You with your meagre 457 posts. You ain't no thang to me, boy.

marooko
10-02-2008, 08:54 AM
so, about that handless PSP purchaser.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 09:13 AM
so, about that handless PSP purchaser.

Oh, right!

Yeah, I used to work in a video game shop. Still do, but a different shop. One day, a Filipino lady came in and asked for a Sony. After considerable effort, we figured out that she was asking me for a PSP. I took down the machine and was explaining the features to her, when the cogs all clicked into place and I realised that this lady had no hands. No hands at all. She was hands-bereft. Nary a hand to her name. She was glove redundant.

Her arms ended at the little twin nubs of her forearm bones. There weren't any scars or abrasions - yes, I was really looking - so I figure she a) Must just have been born without hands and b) Didn't use prosthetics, because people who do always have either raw patches or callouses.

Now, I wasn't gonna say "You know you don't have hands, right?" at that point, because I'm assuming that at some point throughout her lifetime, she's noticed. And I couldn't think of a nice way to say "I'm sorry, this machine is for people with hands".

So I did the only thing I could do - carried on as if I couldn't feel my very sanity flaking away with every passing second. I think I did okay. I did notice my own hand gestures getting a little more frantic as I spoke to her though, I hope she didn't think I was hand-flaunting.

Anyway, so this all carries on, and she says "Yes, I'll take one", and I can only think "Holy shit, I am fucking good at this job". I ducked down to pick up a plastic bag, and to this day I'll always regret it, because she got her credit card and pin number into the reader by the time I got back up and I'll never know how. She kind of... trapped the box between her two wrist nubs, and set off on her merry way, leaving me wondering about it for the rest of my life.

Not just about the PSP. About all sorts of things about the manually challenged. How do they use zips? Can they open the fridge? If you closed them into a room with only those twisty door knobs, would they be trapped forever? What kind of windows do they have in their house? Have they ever eaten corn on the cob? What if you're deaf and handless, how do you communicate? And so on, and so on. It sent me off on a whole philosophical journey, that did.

To this day, I'm sometimes introduced as The Girl Who Sold A PSP To A Woman With No Hands, You Remember Me Telling You? by my friends.

bug on your lip
10-02-2008, 09:20 AM
"hand-flaunting"



ahahahahaha

chairmenmeow47
10-02-2008, 09:25 AM
best postiversary post ever.

amyzzz
10-02-2008, 09:27 AM
+1000

marooko
10-02-2008, 09:33 AM
I realised that this lady had no hands. No hands at all. She was hands-bereft. Nary a hand to her name. She was glove redundant.

ending this with "redundant" was too funny.


I did notice my own hand gestures getting a little more frantic as I spoke to her though, I hope she didn't think I was hand-flaunting.


Anyway, so this all carries on, and she says "Yes, I'll take one", and I can only think "Holy shit, I am fucking good at this job". I ducked down to pick up a plastic bag, and to this day I'll always regret it, because she got her credit card and pin number into the reader by the time I got back up and I'll never know how. She kind of... trapped the box between her two wrist nubs, and set off on her merry way, leaving me wondering about it for the rest of my life.


Have they ever eaten corn on the cob?


To this day, I'm sometimes introduced as The Girl Who Sold A PSP To A Woman With No Hands, You Remember Me Telling You? by my friends.

these were the highlights for me. the italicized/bold ones will likely be remembered forever. thank you so much for this wonderful story.

menikmati
10-02-2008, 09:35 AM
Oh, right!

Yeah, I used to work in a video game shop. Still do, but a different shop. One day, a Filipino lady came in and asked for a Sony. After considerable effort, we figured out that she was asking me for a PSP. I took down the machine and was explaining the features to her, when the cogs all clicked into place and I realised that this lady had no hands. No hands at all. She was hands-bereft. Nary a hand to her name. She was glove redundant.

Her arms ended at the little twin nubs of her forearm bones. There weren't any scars or abrasions - yes, I was really looking - so I figure she a) Must just have been born without hands and b) Didn't use prosthetics, because people who do always have either raw patches or callouses.

Now, I wasn't gonna say "You know you don't have hands, right?" at that point, because I'm assuming that at some point throughout her lifetime, she's noticed. And I couldn't think of a nice way to say "I'm sorry, this machine is for people with hands".

So I did the only thing I could do - carried on as if I couldn't feel my very sanity flaking away with every passing second. I think I did okay. I did notice my own hand gestures getting a little more frantic as I spoke to her though, I hope she didn't think I was hand-flaunting.

Anyway, so this all carries on, and she says "Yes, I'll take one", and I can only think "Holy shit, I am fucking good at this job". I ducked down to pick up a plastic bag, and to this day I'll always regret it, because she got her credit card and pin number into the reader by the time I got back up and I'll never know how. She kind of... trapped the box between her two wrist nubs, and set off on her merry way, leaving me wondering about it for the rest of my life.

Not just about the PSP. About all sorts of things about the manually challenged. How do they use zips? Can they open the fridge? If you closed them into a room with only those twisty door knobs, would they be trapped forever? What kind of windows do they have in their house? Have they ever eaten corn on the cob? What if you're deaf and handless, how do you communicate? And so on, and so on. It sent me off on a whole philosophical journey, that did.

To this day, I'm sometimes introduced as The Girl Who Sold A PSP To A Woman With No Hands, You Remember Me Telling You? by my friends.

This is just a wild guess, and I could way way off....but um...perhaps she was buying the PSP for a daughter/son or niece/nephew??? For like a gift?

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 09:35 AM
You should post another pic of your girlfriend that looks like a 15 yr old Hispanic boy.


Her ass does...soooo tight.

thestripe
10-02-2008, 09:36 AM
thats gross on so many levels.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 09:36 AM
This is just a wild guess, and I could way way off....but um...perhaps she was buying the PSP for a daughter/son or niece/nephew??? For like a gift?

Please don't take the magic away. Please.

marooko
10-02-2008, 09:37 AM
This is just a wild guess, and I could way way off....but um...perhaps she was buying the PSP for a daughter/son or niece/nephew??? For like a gift?

this is the interweb, erik. leave reality at home please. thank you.


Her ass does...soooo tight.

pics plz.

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 09:40 AM
Oh, Jon. You with your meagre 457 posts. You ain't no thang to me, boy.

A ***** ready from the get go
Y'all hear my shit go, it's Jon Blazed. Can yo punk ass come out to play?
Stay in your little hole, then coward duck your head
You don't know who you be fuckin with youse better off...dead
Is what I say, best run the other way
In case of physical breakdown...y'all can break now
My kitchen full of heat, if you can't take the temp
Make yourself exempt
Pussy footin around don't be gettin y'all nowhere but stuck
Nowhere to duck, pull his file, niggaz die
By gettin blasted, how drastic
They got the nerve to ask me why I do the things I do
I got the nerve to serve you up just like a waiter do, but naw
I take that back, that's my problem
Turnin and walkin away, this ain't gon work when they be robbin
As long as Big Boi's still livin, never standin by my lonesome
Step up *****, if you want some


Ain't no thang but a chicken wang
We havin a smoke out in the Dungeon with the Mary Jane
It's just a pimps(players), Mack daddies(East Point)
It's all about that ses in yo chest(It's the joint)


Well *****, you softer than silicone, used to pump up tits
It's that ***** down in the Dungeon with them playeristic hits
I'm quick to stop a sucka flow like menopause, it's the
Original ghetto bastard, so now I makes a switch
I used to sell dope, but in 1994
I'm makin Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik
But see these voices in my skull has got me reminiscin
About the days back when me mammy had to work in kitchens
She had me makin better grades to make a better life
But I never had no love or respect, cuz we gon be alright
I ran the streets and broke my curfew cuz I gave a shit
I carried guns and butcher knives cuz I was steadily in the mix, yeah
It was so hard to say goodbye, I'm a man now
I'm at the end of my street, so it's time to take my stand now
I call the wild because it's time to take the streets
So if you ain't got the vertebrae, ya big enough nuts, retreat
I'm ready to wet 'em up like cereal
Just an international playa, comin through your stereo




3-5-7 to your fo'head, there'll be mo' dead
cause I'ma pro, kid
But Lord forgive me, I gots to keep my Milli right Be-near me
My nine be doin fine until these niggaz wants to clear me off my street
But in my hood hood, they hollerin ghetto
Don't got no neighbors, they hit the pipe and never let go
But I feel for them like Chaka Khan feel for you
Ain't shit that we can do but rest in peace, pour a brew
On the concrete, remember when we ran deep
Remember at the party when we served them niggaz dandy
They know not to test us, test me, do me, try me
Trippin with that drama, my Beretta's right beside me
One is in the air and one is the chamber
Y'all ask me what the fuck I'm doin, I'm releasin anger
Quick to dodge danger, I'm takin it one day
At a time, I got the fattest dimes around my way
You can sway with Andre, I'll take it to the Ho-Jo, bitch
Just let you know, yeah



It's on my friend, on the road again, I'm travelin
No more than 65 on 85 off in my Cadillac
I got that ***** Dre, he ridin shotgun
And got my pump under my seat,
in case these yougstas wanna have some fun
I'd do it if I have to,
bustin caps with this a heat and load it clip up after clip
I'm packin my gauge, if I feel it
The glock, the gat, the nine, the heaters
See I be bustin caps like my amp be bustin speakers
So how do you figure that Big Boi be scared to blast ya
You 'posed to be quickest draw, but man, I hail 'em faster
1-2-3, you need to think about the future
Before I shoot your ass and dilute your blood with lead
From my hollow tips, I'll send you to an early grave
You fuckin slave, you better try another way
To take me out, is truly something difficult
Don't even run up on me, unless you want your brain broke
I'm out of bullets lettin loose my last clip
I'ma kick you in your ass and your ***** gettin pistol whipped
You know that's how I do, you know that's how I do


Yeah and it don't stop and it don't quit, to the motherfuckin..
Organized Noize, PA, Goodie Mob, Big Gipp and all the niggaz
Around the East Pointe way
College Park is really on the map
We comin around Atlanta and the niggaz are really strapped
With the muthafuckin guns and the motherfuckin glocks
Steady is the gas *****, don't fear it and it don't stop

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 10:04 AM
I supposed it's only right that after accidentally murdering so many threads myself, my own is put down like a mangy animal. And so young...

marooko
10-02-2008, 10:07 AM
that reads like a really shitty sing. i fucking hate what passes as rap/hip-hop today, its a fucking disgrace.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 10:10 AM
Irish hip-hop, anybody?

t2CRwzkyMjY

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 10:13 AM
that reads like a really shitty sing. i fucking hate what passes as rap/hip-hop today, its a fucking disgrace.

You are a disgrace my friend. That is the one and the only Outkast. Now go STFU.

marooko
10-02-2008, 10:24 AM
they produce some pretty dope tracks, but that still reads like ass.

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 10:28 AM
Well this thread double sticks my vids so I posted the lyrics. It is actually a pretty dope track off their first album. Ain't No Thang.

They rap like pimps to bad you don't read like one...

marooko
10-02-2008, 10:30 AM
yeah, that really is just too bad. i always hoped i could one day read like a pimp.

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 10:37 AM
One day my young Jedi.

Hopeless Semantic
10-02-2008, 10:43 AM
Hey man, Iceberg Slim did write a book you know...

But selling a PSP to a armless Filipino is definitely postacular!

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 10:44 AM
Who is that the Irish rapper? <<< Good guess. I liked him Missing Person.

idrive1life
10-02-2008, 03:41 PM
Yeah, best postiversary thread ever. Original and unpredictable.

indietron
10-02-2008, 03:55 PM
you have had a great life MP... truely spectacular.

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 03:56 PM
Aw, once you get past this board's mind-blowing hostility to everything, everybody's awesome.


Who is that the Irish rapper? <<< Good guess. I liked him Missing Person.

Messiah J is the bald dude, the other guy is The Expert. They are pretty damn good, IMHO.

Also, re:


Are you familiar with Father Ted? Does a place similar to the fictional Craggy Island depicted on that show exist in your parts?

Here's a taste of Father Ted for everybody:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/craggyhistory.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/shallowfork.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/carpet.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/carpet2.jpg

SoulDischarge
10-02-2008, 04:07 PM
Will you marry me MissingPerson? No sex will be involved. We don't even have to live in the same house, or country for that matter. You'll be free to do as you please when you please and you'll get Jon Blazed's severed head on a plate as a dowry. I just can't live my life knowing I didn't at least try to become The Betrothed Of The Girl Who Sold A PSP To A Woman With No Hands, You Remember Me Telling You? This is an offer you really can't refuse, although I'll understand if you do.

Jon Blazed
10-02-2008, 04:24 PM
Sounds like a challenge SD.

I'd rather be ya N-I-G-G-A
So we can get drunk and smoke weed all day
It don't matter if you lonely baby, you need a Thug in your life
Cause busters ain't lovin you right

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 05:24 PM
Will you marry me MissingPerson? No sex will be involved. We don't even have to live in the same house, or country for that matter. You'll be free to do as you please when you please and you'll get Jon Blazed's severed head on a plate as a dowry. I just can't live my life knowing I didn't at least try to become The Betrothed Of The Girl Who Sold A PSP To A Woman With No Hands, You Remember Me Telling You? This is an offer you really can't refuse, although I'll understand if you do.

Ah, you know the way to a girl's heart. And they say old fashioned romance is dead, the fools.

Young blood
10-02-2008, 05:26 PM
do you have any lucky charms?

BlackSwan
10-02-2008, 05:34 PM
wow, this thread was great... I saw it start this morning, but the PSP story put it over the top...

MP I have you new avatar by the way, enjoy...

http://lh4.ggpht.com/BigIronBarbecue/RwQR6bWyObI/AAAAAAAAC0s/Rt1D0_7cVEM/s400/Irish+Sex+Fairy.jpg

MissingPerson
10-02-2008, 05:48 PM
But oh, imagine the dizzy heights we could scale together if we had Tags...

And also, yes, that's what we all look like, all the time.


do you have any lucky charms?

Where I come from, we've got an expression for just such an occasion, and it goes like this:

http://archive.arcadefire.net/img/smilies/v2/tough.gif

TomAz
10-02-2008, 08:45 PM
wee lass is scottish? really? wtf. I have the hardest time telling pale, mumbling toothless peoples apart. my bad.

but there's nothing funnier than mocking disfigured filipina women.

do you like The Commitments?

amyzzz
10-03-2008, 08:37 AM
I was perplexed by the wee lass thing myself, Tom. My Irish grandma died when I was 10, so I unfortunately didn't get a lot of time to hear her reminisce about Ireland (she left when she was 17 in the 1920's). I did meet her sister (my great aunt) when I was 16, but I think I forgot to ask her things too, although she was getting a bit dotty at that point anyway.

MissingPerson
10-03-2008, 09:15 AM
Actually, thinking about it, you probably could hear it from Belfast folk, it's tied a bit more closely by the accent and culture to Scotland. That's boring, but factual, and I'm afraid I've run out of stories about exploiting the differently abled.

bleep
10-03-2008, 09:37 AM
thanks for the LOLs, Missing Person.

you seem to have quite a few celebrity anecdotes. do you have one about Dylan Moran?

MissingPerson
10-03-2008, 09:43 AM
Uh... my aunt looks just like him, but that's it, I'm afraid.

My flatmate once peed right next to Bill Bailey, if that's any good? In a urinal, I mean, he wasn't just peeing at Bill Bailey willy nilly or anything.

Pixiessp
10-03-2008, 01:52 PM
Oh, right!

Yeah, I used to work in a video game shop. Still do, but a different shop. One day, a Filipino lady came in and asked for a Sony. After considerable effort, we figured out that she was asking me for a PSP. I took down the machine and was explaining the features to her, when the cogs all clicked into place and I realised that this lady had no hands. No hands at all. She was hands-bereft. Nary a hand to her name. She was glove redundant.

Her arms ended at the little twin nubs of her forearm bones. There weren't any scars or abrasions - yes, I was really looking - so I figure she a) Must just have been born without hands and b) Didn't use prosthetics, because people who do always have either raw patches or callouses.

Now, I wasn't gonna say "You know you don't have hands, right?" at that point, because I'm assuming that at some point throughout her lifetime, she's noticed. And I couldn't think of a nice way to say "I'm sorry, this machine is for people with hands".

So I did the only thing I could do - carried on as if I couldn't feel my very sanity flaking away with every passing second. I think I did okay. I did notice my own hand gestures getting a little more frantic as I spoke to her though, I hope she didn't think I was hand-flaunting.

Anyway, so this all carries on, and she says "Yes, I'll take one", and I can only think "Holy shit, I am fucking good at this job". I ducked down to pick up a plastic bag, and to this day I'll always regret it, because she got her credit card and pin number into the reader by the time I got back up and I'll never know how. She kind of... trapped the box between her two wrist nubs, and set off on her merry way, leaving me wondering about it for the rest of my life.

Not just about the PSP. About all sorts of things about the manually challenged. How do they use zips? Can they open the fridge? If you closed them into a room with only those twisty door knobs, would they be trapped forever? What kind of windows do they have in their house? Have they ever eaten corn on the cob? What if you're deaf and handless, how do you communicate? And so on, and so on. It sent me off on a whole philosophical journey, that did.

To this day, I'm sometimes introduced as The Girl Who Sold A PSP To A Woman With No Hands, You Remember Me Telling You? by my friends.


I think I might be in love with you.

MissingPerson
10-04-2008, 03:29 PM
Well, like my momma always said, nothing makes a girl hotter than a capacity to sell surreally inappropriate electronics to the manually challenged.

BROKENDOLL
10-04-2008, 05:15 PM
Well, like my momma always said, nothing makes a girl hotter than a capacity to sell surreally inappropriate electronics to the manually challenged. Damn! Just the sound of "Inappropriate Electronics" has me sold!

MissingPerson
10-04-2008, 05:41 PM
My Top 6 Worst Employment Moments.

6) Catastrophic sewage system failure dumping the entire block's raw sewage into the toy/game shop's basement. It was nearly a foot deep in places, and I know for a fact that most of the stock was just rinsed off and sold by my employer. That's how evil they were, they sold sewagey cots to tiny babies.

5) Accidentally murdering Santa for a nine year old by ringing her to tell her that her Wii was in stock. I thought she was her mum.

4) Having a customer promise to kill me because I served the guy in front of him before him. He waited for me after work, and all. I have burly friends. Curse you, Bob the Builder.

3) The fainting puking junkie jamboree! Such a wide spectrum, and such range, from one single puking fit! Awesome.

2) Setting my hands on fire with the shrink wrapper. How do you put yourself out when both your hands are on fire?

And -

1) My very lowest moment: Heavily implying that I had just recieved word of a relative's death to explain to an angry, angry queue why I was chatting on the phone during a busy shift.

The problem was I didn't think it through. Because I'd told this to the start of the big giant queue, the people queuing behind them kept catching word of it. So I had to keep up the pretendy-mourning for at least 50 customers. And, because I didn't want the people I worked with to think I was the kind of freak who'd do something like that, I had to keep it up with them, too. I even made up a relative. His name was Brian. He was an uncle. My boss gave me a day off. I spent all 24 hours of it feeling like the worst person on earth.

Also, there is no Arcade Fire on this page, and that's just not on. So here:


http://www.davidbowie.com/users/spidey/Blue%20Dress.jpg


Much better.

SoulDischarge
10-04-2008, 05:47 PM
Have you considered allowing other board members to commission you to create their I-post-too-much threads?

MissingPerson
10-04-2008, 06:02 PM
Ah, see, much like a wonky poorly-planned tattoo, Postiversaries are a rite of passage that should be personal and custom to the individual.

Reminds me, once upon a time, me and a friend went to get our tattoos together. Mine was small, and hideable, and awesome. Hers was the single worst tattoo I've ever seen. All over her stomach. One of those huge flowery hippie smoking-gnome-on-a-mushroom things with dragons unicorns flying randomly around it atrocities, that make no sense at all. Problem is, by the time I saw it properly, it was indelibly on her. What the hell do you say then?

As long as I live, I never again want to have to deal with the sudden terrific pressure of trying to find the right thing to say, when faced with your best friend's permanent visible act of lunatic idiocy.

I told her it was nice.

It wasn't.

We drifted apart after that, her and I.

miscorrections
10-04-2008, 06:04 PM
What's yours?

MissingPerson
10-04-2008, 06:07 PM
Small black designy thing between my shoulder blades on my back. Only cooler than that sounds. Cooler than the stupid fucking gnome thing, at least.

miscorrections
10-04-2008, 06:09 PM
Claudine, 1,089 posts and no picture or name. I do not approve.

MissingPerson
10-04-2008, 07:31 PM
Hey, maybe I only exist on the internet. You know, like Hotmail, or people who play World of Warcraft.

MissingPerson
10-06-2008, 08:18 AM
Hundred posts in a couple of days, my next Postiversary won't be long, and everybody seemed to enjoy this one, so I think next time we'll extend it into a festival. An internet festival, and I can ban some arbitrary minorities from taking part, just like we did in Old Country.

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 05:33 AM
And another happy mini-postiversary to me!

http://i179.photobucket.com/albums/w302/gaypalmsprings/101908.jpg

I'd like to thank my family and my friends, for always being there to make tea so I didn't have to leave the computer and waste precious posting time. I'd like to thank my Computer Science lecturers for not watching what we're going in the computer labs, and I'd like to thank my Communications lecturer for being so incoherent and boring that she can even make this place seem like a haven of reason.

All of you guys made me the person I am today!

I hope your happy with yourselves. :nono

Barbara, the ninja
10-20-2008, 10:46 AM
Woopee! You're really funny :) I like your bits :) Even though I don't believe that anyone can really [/nerd] themselves.

MarkO
10-20-2008, 11:01 AM
you must be one gnarly chick, half your posts make me think youre a dude pounding whiskey.


She's from Westmeath. No offence Missingperson but that's the West Virginia of Ireland.

MissingPerson
10-20-2008, 11:07 AM
No man, people have heard of West Virginia...

Barbara, I'm only posting here to put off all the C coding I have to do. I reckon I can objectively self-[nerd] in those circumstances. :D

MissingPerson
01-21-2009, 02:49 PM
Three thousand and three!

And to think, I owe it all to abortions.

MissingPerson
03-26-2009, 08:48 AM
A very happy Forty Twenty to each and ev'ry one!

marooko
03-26-2009, 09:01 AM
???

MissingPerson
03-26-2009, 09:05 AM
Well, now it's forty twenty two.

Actually, including this post, it's forty twenty three. It's my Forty-Twenty-Third Postiversary!

Hurrah!

jdaws
03-26-2009, 09:12 AM
what do these silly numbers mean to you?

allyjoy
03-26-2009, 09:13 AM
another thousand twenty bits of gold...

marooko
03-26-2009, 09:14 AM
narf.

Hopeless Semantic
03-26-2009, 09:15 AM
May you have food and raiment, a soft pillow for your head. May you be forty years in heaven before the devil knows you’re dead.

Congrats, MP!

allyjoy
03-26-2009, 09:20 AM
narf.

is that the hybrid of a narc and and a dog?

Stefinitely Maybe
03-26-2009, 09:23 AM
I have played table-football with Win Butler. True story.

MissingPerson
03-26-2009, 09:26 AM
I have played table-football with Win Butler. True story.

Was it a spectacular life-affirming game of table-football, that still somehow retained a dark seam of wistful sadness throughout?

And did he steal the little table football afterwards?

weltschmerz
03-26-2009, 09:41 AM
is that the hybrid of a narc and and a dog?

think saturday morning cartoons. circa mid-late 80's.

BlackSwan
03-26-2009, 10:05 AM
http://www.popfi.com/wp-content/uploads/mime-x-is-for-xenophobia.jpg

MissingPerson
05-13-2009, 08:56 AM
Herein, I shall ongoingly list the impossibly stupid things I do on a regular basis, paying particular attention to things that actively put me in physical danger, and/or accidentally present me as a total bitch.


Last week, while queuing in a supermarket with an indecisive friend, I jokingly started bellowing at her to hurry up. The shaky old gentleman ahead of us in the queue evidently thought I was yelling at him, and ran off as if he thought we were going to beat him up.

Sorry dude.




When another girl went to get her bike from a bike post at the same time as I was getting mine, we had a politely awkward little standoff. Being in the process of moving house, I had literally nowhere to go until my new landlord gave me a key. So I stood back and said "Take your time, I'm in no hurry." Poor chick evidently thought I said "Take your time but I'm in a hurry", like a total cunt, and started trying to pull the bike off the post as if I had a gun to her head.

Realising the misunderstanding just a little too late, I panicked and for some reason decided that the best thing to do was go with it and pretend that I really was in a hurry. I even did a little mimey watch check. I have no idea why I thought this was the best solution to a slight verbal misunderstanding.

Having gotten my bike, despite the fact that I had absolutely nowhere to be for the next three hours, I then raced down the road as if there were actually demons chasing me. My extreme physical unfitness still managed to catch up with me though, and I practically had a heart attack after a few hundred metres. Naturally, I then saw the girl approaching behind me with effortless speed, like Pepé Le fucking Peu. Realising that if I kept up this pace I would die of exhaustion in short order, I veered down an alleyway and hid around a corner beside a load of restaurant bins for ten minutes, like a weirdo, until I was sure she'd cycled past.

This whole retarded Bourne Identity adventure could have been avoided just by repeating myself more clearly in the first place. What the fuck is wrong with the brain that makes these decisions?




Yesterday, I knocked my Nintendo DS off a chair while it was still plugged in. The charger connector was damaged and I needed to bend some of the pins back into shape. So I bit down on them.

I bit down on the metal contacts of a power adaptor while it was plugged directly into mains electrity supply. And I'm still alive. Fuck you, Darwin.

marooko
05-13-2009, 09:00 AM
I love you, MP. The "Pepé Le Peu" reference killed me. i love that guy.

chairmenmeow47
05-13-2009, 09:01 AM
Having gotten my bike, despite the fact that I had absolutely nowhere to be for the next three hours, I then raced down the road as if there were actually demons chasing me. My extreme physical unfitness still managed to catch up with me though, and I practically had a heart attack after a few hundred metres. Naturally, I then saw the girl approaching behind me like Pepé Le fucking Peu. Realising that if I kept up this pace I would die of exhaustion in short order, I veered down an alleyway and hid around a corner like a weirdo until I was sure she'd cycled past.

And this whole retarded Bourne Identity adventure could have been avoided just by repeating myself more clearly.

i love this one!

Mr. Dylanja
05-13-2009, 10:18 AM
:pulse

BlackSwan
05-13-2009, 10:29 AM
Yesterday, I knocked my Nintendo DS off a chair while it was still plugged in. The charger connector was damaged and I needed to bend some of the pins back into shape. So I bit down on them.

I bit down on the metal contacts of a power adaptor while it was plugged directly into mains electrity supply. And I'm still alive. Fuck you, Darwin.
[/LIST]

That is awesome. I am curious what possessed you to first use your teeth. It seems like you are massively underestimating the potential of your hands.

MissingPerson
05-13-2009, 10:59 AM
I guess, in another bit of spite at poor old Darwin, I'm still coming to terms with newfangled "opposable thumbs" idea.

CalmerThanYou
05-13-2009, 10:01 PM
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, this here thread...

vogina
05-13-2009, 11:00 PM
So, having started but a single thread in a whole year, despite never having met any one of you nor ever having been to the same general landmass as Coachella, I gots my thousand posts. And three.

So let's celebrate me for a bit.

Fun facts:

* I found the forum through Delta.

* My first word here was "Courtesy".

* The first single I ever owned was Cindi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and my first gig was Dolly Parton. She was awesome.

* I once applied to be a police reservist, but was rejected.

* I grew up on a farm.

* The nicest celebrity I've ever encountered was, briefly, Win Butler. He's both very nice and very tall. The worst was Geri Halliwell. She's the worst person on earth, and I saw her literally make tiny children cry.

* Somebody nearly decapitated me with an assault rifle once.

* The most painful thing I've ever done was accidentally snorting a mug of neat vodka. Breaking a finger was a distant second.

* I don't speak any foreign languages, although I do speak Irish and tried to learn sign language for some reason when I was a teenager.

* I won the Gold in the local Community Games under 7's category children's sprint. This is, to date, both the apex of my athletic career and my crowning achievement, not counting the day when -

* - I sold a PSP to a woman with no hands, which is, let's face it, the coolest thing I'll ever do in my life, and it's all downhill from here.

* I ain't afraid of no ghosts. Although I do dislike spiders.

Hooray for me!

So, what's your favourite thing about me?

Does Delta still write in here under another alias? His postings were always far sided, yet the truth.

MissingPerson
05-14-2009, 05:49 AM
The beauty of Delta is that he could never use an alias. His craziness is immediately distinctive.

gaypalmsprings
05-14-2009, 06:12 AM
http://hip2besquare.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/deltaspirit_cover.jpg

MissingPerson
05-14-2009, 06:15 AM
That picture is like an optical illusion. From the angle of his mouth and chin, I feel like I should be able to see up his nose. And yet I can't?!?!

I don't understand physics anymore.

BlackSwan
05-14-2009, 10:03 AM
I guess, in another bit of spite at poor old Darwin, I'm still coming to terms with newfangled "opposable thumbs" idea.

"Mistakes are the portals of discovery."

bug on your lip
05-14-2009, 10:22 AM
http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2009/5/14/633778930263467505-mymilkshake.jpg

amyzzz
05-14-2009, 11:07 AM
Oh man, these are gold, MP. :rotfl

MissingPerson
05-15-2009, 10:13 PM
"Mistakes are the portals of discovery."

And if you're very lucky, electricity-based superpowers.

MissingPerson
05-23-2009, 08:28 PM
Childhood trauma, from a drunkenly hijacked thread about Junior Senior. Apologies.


Coachella, when I was very young, I asked for a keeper toy from Santy.

I wanted the pony one, a huge awesome pink and purple pony, with the saddle that you could unlock and store things in. It was awesome.

Unbeknownst to myself, my older sister had also asked for the very same keeper. First. So she got it. I got a lameass snail instead. A fucking snail. It was not awesome, and it did not have a purple mane to comb.

Coachella, please return to me all those years of entirely undeserved resentment I've had for my older sister, and give me the keeper that was rightfully mine so I can finally move on with my life and leave the bitter disappointments of my youth behind.

And Move Your Feet is great.


Turns out it was actually "Keyper", and this is the one my sister had:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3228/2921312759_d9ba236f36.jpg

DRcube
05-23-2009, 08:33 PM
hmm ...i was wondering why you were asking Santa Claus for feminine products

MissingPerson
05-26-2009, 07:50 PM
Just got my head trapped between the fridge and the wall. Not for long, but lemme tell you, every second lasts when you get your head trapped in anything.

boarderwoozel3
05-26-2009, 08:00 PM
Reaching for something?

MissingPerson
05-27-2009, 03:18 PM
I was trying to plug my laptop into the stupidly-placed plug socket behind the fridge. Then I lost my balance a bit, and when I tried to steady myself, pushed the fridge in and pinned my own head behind it.

Couldn't get any leverage to free myself, so I flailed my arms around like a cheap supporting-cast muppet for a bit, and eventually got loose.

There was nobody else around, neither. I can't decide if that makes the set-up more ludicrously tragic, in that it would have been great to have somebody to help me out, or less, because at least nobody had to see, or laugh, or kick me in the ass, while I was helpless.

Here's a visual representation.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/fridge.jpg

marooko
05-27-2009, 03:22 PM
how do you ride your scooter with no legs?

Gribbz
05-27-2009, 03:27 PM
is that the hybrid of a narc and and a dog?

Well I don't like that idea. Not one bit.

TomAz
05-27-2009, 03:28 PM
is the socket stupidly placed, or is the fridge?

MissingPerson
05-27-2009, 03:28 PM
I can't draw legs. Or perspective. So I kind of hoped everybody would lose interest at exactly that point in the picture.

MissingPerson
05-27-2009, 03:29 PM
is the socket stupidly placed, or is the fridge?

The fridge is brilliantly placed - by the previous, and quite insane, tenants - exactly within arm's length of the couch in the living room. So I must say, I have no quarrel with the location of the fridge itself.

marooko
05-27-2009, 03:30 PM
hmm.

so, why exactly did you wanna plug it in there?

that plug is for the fridge. theres usually one behind it, close to where the edge would/should be. same as for a dryer and your stove.

marooko
05-27-2009, 03:31 PM
The fridge is brilliantly placed - by the previous, and quite insane, tenants - exactly within arm's length of the couch in the living room. So I must say, I have no quarrel with the location of the fridge itself.

so then the 26' triangle was just thrown out the window? WTF is going on?

TomAz
05-27-2009, 03:32 PM
The fridge is brilliantly placed - by the previous, and quite insane, tenants - exactly within arm's length of the couch in the living room. So I must say, I have no quarrel with the location of the fridge itself.

so the fridge is perfectly placed for the couch. And the plug is perfectly placed for the fridge.
I think the object that was stupidly placed was you.

MissingPerson
05-27-2009, 03:39 PM
Oh sure, but when dolphins get their faces stuck in plastic, everybody's sorry for them.

marooko
05-27-2009, 03:41 PM
i thought the seagulls did that?

MissingPerson
05-27-2009, 03:50 PM
Dolphins, seagulls, whatever, they're both stupid.

My sister once told me about the time she saw a seagull trying to eat a starfish alive. It was too big to swallow whole, but the gull wouldn't let go, so it just kept bird-gagging. It was trying to gulp down the starfish by one of it's armleg things, but the other four armlegs were still flapping around. And the starfish, tragically, is not a beast built for combat, so it just went on and on. Eventually, she just got too weirded out to keep watching, so I never will know how it ended. I always root for the starfish when I think about it though.

It's an image that's haunted me.

amyzzz
05-27-2009, 03:55 PM
MP, I can't get past the picture of your head trapped behind the fridge. I'm hyperventilating at the thought. Yikes.

marooko
05-27-2009, 03:56 PM
i dont know that i could walk away from that.

amyzzz
05-27-2009, 03:56 PM
I need some xanax now.

MissingPerson
05-27-2009, 03:57 PM
I dunno, Amz, you get too hung up on the image of the noggin itself, you'll miss out on the arms flailing helplessly behind like one of those wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men.

marooko
05-27-2009, 03:59 PM
you know, thats pretty much what i pictured.

BlackSwan
05-27-2009, 10:55 PM
I was trying to plug my laptop into the stupidly-placed plug socket behind the fridge.

Do you only have one electrical socket in your apartment? If so, I feel very privileged right now.

MissingPerson
05-28-2009, 03:32 PM
We gather around it for warmth. Sadly, the fridge makes this both difficult and ineffective.

MissingPerson
06-02-2009, 06:34 PM
Although my ultimate goal is over 9000, so I can get on Oprah*, I feel like the lesser milestone of 5,000 ought to be commemorated nonetheless.

So that's a five thousand postiversary.

GO TEAM!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/goteam-3.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/2497915436_507daca2f5_b-2.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/grouphug-photoshoped2.jpg


*This was a horrible choice of words.

And I'm fairly sure the term would be "climb aboard Oprah"

boarderwoozel3
06-02-2009, 06:37 PM
Congrats, honestly though. I'm dreading the big 10k. Not too sure what I'm going to do then. Keep on posting, create another profile, beg for my count to be reset... choices, they're coming.

MissingPerson
06-02-2009, 06:44 PM
10k should come with perks. The right to delete other people's posts, that'd be awesome.

boarderwoozel3
06-02-2009, 07:00 PM
Or at least a commemorative mug.

MissingPerson
06-02-2009, 07:07 PM
"I GOT TEN THOUSAND POSTS AND ALL I HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT IS THIS COMMEMORATIVE MUG AND AN UNUSUALLY MASSIVE REPERTOIRE OF LOLCATS AND AWKWARD FAMILY PHOTOS!"

boarderwoozel3
06-02-2009, 07:09 PM
Win. And I'm not talking Bulter.

MissingPerson
06-02-2009, 07:12 PM
Pff. If it ain't Win Butler, it's just Fail Butler in disguise.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/AF%20General/Win_Butler_of_the_Acade_Fire_by_fre.jpg

shakermaker113
06-02-2009, 07:23 PM
I was trying to plug my laptop into the stupidly-placed plug socket behind the fridge. Then I lost my balance a bit, and when I tried to steady myself, pushed the fridge in and pinned my own head behind it.

I'm late on this, but this post and the subsequent conversation brought me a lot of joy.

MissingPerson
06-02-2009, 07:39 PM
I'm glad. I mean, in the wild, getting my head trapped in something would put me at the mercy of predators, but that time I was lucky and it just made for an amusing anecdote rather than the last tragic mistake of my life.

boarderwoozel3
06-02-2009, 08:10 PM
I love the hand reaching out to gently caress caress the knee of greatness in that picture.

shakermaker113
06-02-2009, 08:30 PM
I'm glad. I mean, in the wild, getting my head trapped in something would put me at the mercy of predators, but that time I was lucky and it just made for an amusing anecdote rather than the last tragic mistake of my life.

I mean, once I realized you had survived, THEN it brought me a lot of joy.

JebusLives
06-02-2009, 08:43 PM
I just read this thread top-to-bottom - great stuff.

MP I didn't realize you were Irish. I just discovered recently that i'm related to half the people in Ballymena.

BlackSwan
06-02-2009, 10:13 PM
I would have been even more impressed if you had continued to post with your head stuck behind the refrigerator.

MissingPerson
06-03-2009, 07:05 AM
I love the hand reaching out to gently caress caress the knee of greatness in that picture.

Physical contact with a peripheral member of Arcade Fire has been known to cure minor physical and genetic conditions, such as alopecia or myopia.

Contact with Win or Régine is a whole other thing, you're talking regrown limbs, regenerated spinal cords, ressurected loved ones, shit like that.

And I don't like to brag about it, but since high-fiving/ shaking-hands-with no less than three bandmembers, I've noticed that I've developed near-total resistance to fire and most snake venoms.

That, and he's got sexy knees.


I just discovered recently that i'm related to half the people in Ballymena.

lol, we get around, yes. :D


I would have been even more impressed if you had continued to post with your head stuck behind the refrigerator.

Let me grope a few more of Arcade Fire, I probably won't even need the internet then.

JClemy
06-03-2009, 08:20 AM
This thread is a lot of fun.

BlackSwan
06-03-2009, 09:42 AM
And I don't like to brag about it, but since high-fiving/ shaking-hands-with no less than three bandmembers, I've noticed that I've developed near-total resistance to fire and most snake venoms.


Now all you need to do is leave Ireland so you can put that resistance to snake venom in action.

MissingPerson
06-03-2009, 01:13 PM
Now all you need to do is leave Ireland so you can put that resistance to snake venom in action.

The story goes that St. Patrick cast out the serpents.

I'm an atheist. As far as I'm concerned, the snakes never left.

BlackSwan
06-03-2009, 02:09 PM
The story goes that St. Patrick cast out the serpents.

I was actually going to mention that.



I'm an atheist. As far as I'm concerned, the snakes never left.

Or they were never there to begin with and St. Patrick was just trying to take credit for the vagaries of geography.

amyzzz
06-03-2009, 02:10 PM
I'm sure she means snakes figuratively.

MissingPerson
06-03-2009, 04:16 PM
I've seen V. They're everywhere.

I was a bumblebee in a St. Patrick's Day Parade once. I can't remember if I've told that story before, so if so, I apologise, the booze is catching up with me at a faster rate than expected.

amyzzz
06-03-2009, 04:36 PM
YOU'VE SEEN V???


awesome.

MissingPerson
06-03-2009, 04:41 PM
Old V. With wobbly rubber faces.

They used to repeat it late at night, in old country.

amyzzz
06-03-2009, 04:48 PM
I grew up on V. I saw it in when I was in jr high when it first aired as a mini-series.

MissingPerson
06-03-2009, 04:51 PM
Anyway, there are snakes in Ireland. I saw them the other day. They were like the only thing in the zoo that weren't guinea pigs.

BlackSwan
06-03-2009, 04:51 PM
Enslaved snakes don't count.

MissingPerson
06-03-2009, 04:53 PM
We made them our bitches. In Phoenix Park. Where, coincidentally, Arcade Fire played.

Coincidence?

I think not.

MissingPerson
06-03-2009, 06:55 PM
I would like to have power over snakes though.

For the record.

I'll have to remember ask for that, next tour.

TomAz
06-03-2009, 08:14 PM
http://www.smsnoveltiques.com/images/toy-potter.JPG

MissingPerson
06-03-2009, 08:17 PM
And Striking Action. I'll have some of that too please Butler.

Kid on the left looks genuinely terrified. Possibly of his own weirdly thumbless tentacle hand.

shakermaker113
06-03-2009, 11:20 PM
what the hell is V?

MissingPerson
06-04-2009, 04:32 AM
Old timey sci-fi. Big giant hair, secret lizard people. Both elements proved hugely popular with paranoid lunatics all over the world.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V_(science_fiction)

http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2008/10/10/v-lizard-alien-lady.jpg

MissingPerson
06-16-2009, 09:53 PM
As an offshoot of the #cnnfail thread, I realised once again that my American geography blows. So, as an exercise, I downloaded a blank state line map, to see where I thought everything was.

Seems only fair that I share the results.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/mapfail.jpg

EDIT: Oh, one of the ones near Texas is New Mexico, right?

JClemy
06-16-2009, 10:26 PM
At least you got Americas wang!

Still-ill
06-16-2009, 10:28 PM
Not bad MP... Not bad at all... You got all the important one's (except New York)

MissingPerson
06-16-2009, 10:29 PM
At least you got Americas wang!

That's what she said.

Still-ill
06-16-2009, 10:30 PM
http://logo.cafepress.com/2/2725877.1857692.jpg

bleep
06-16-2009, 10:40 PM
There's Virginia. Then there's West Virginia. No North Virginia and South Virginia I'm afraid.

Good effort though.

MissingPerson
06-16-2009, 10:42 PM
Okay, that's the states being stupid rather than me, so I feel okay with that one.

boarderwoozel3
06-16-2009, 11:05 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/mapfail.jpg



Oh the temptation to sig this... Alaskastan for the win!

But of all the states, what made you remember Nevada? That's literally where we gamble and dump our nuclear waste, nothing else.

MissingPerson
07-09-2009, 06:09 PM
Stupid Country is Stupid.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/northern_ireland/8143015.stm

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/46036000/jpg/_46036003_007625894-1.jpg

MissingPerson
07-17-2009, 01:45 PM
EVERYBODY, COME QUICKLY!

Today, but for an attack of conscience, I'd have sold somebody with a wheelchair:


eg.
http://image.examiner.com/images/blog/wysiwyg/image/Larry-Flynt(2)200.jpg

a copy of Wii Fit + Wii Fit Balance Board.
eg.
http://www.blogcdn.com/nintendo.joystiq.com/media/2007/07/wii_fit_board_standing_lg.jpg



I'm losing my edge.

chairmenmeow47
07-17-2009, 01:49 PM
so how did THAT conversation go?

BlackSwan
07-17-2009, 01:49 PM
The saga continues...

Did you tell them the story of the handless customer?

MissingPerson
07-17-2009, 01:57 PM
I spent a couple of minutes talking nonsense, to buy time to devise a polite way to remind her that she had useless teeny tiny stick legs.

In the event, I tactfully recommended a different game that has more arm-exercises. An artful compromise, if I do say so myself.

chairmenmeow47
07-17-2009, 02:01 PM
way to keep the sale :)

i remember working at radioshack, some old lady said she wanted the extended warranty and the salesperson flat out told her she probably didn't want it as she wouldn't live that long. fired shortly thereafter of course.

marooko
07-17-2009, 02:16 PM
dont mean to take the topic astray, but is that a fucking golden wheelchair?!?! WOW!!!

MissingPerson
07-17-2009, 02:28 PM
That is indeed a fucking golden wheelchair, and that is the one and fucking only Larry Flynt.

My customer wasn't Larry Flynt, nor was her wheelchair golden. Just for the record.

marooko
07-17-2009, 02:44 PM
I know the man, I just didn't know he rolled around on gold 24's.

shakermaker113
07-17-2009, 06:58 PM
i remember working at radioshack, some old lady said she wanted the extended warranty and the salesperson flat out told her she probably didn't want it as she wouldn't live that long. fired shortly thereafter of course.

ROFL

Drinkey McDrinkerstein
07-17-2009, 07:03 PM
dont mean to take the topic astray, but is that a fucking golden wheelchair?!?! WOW!!!

it is indeed made of gold. I saw it in person while working for an NPR-affiliate station years ago and Larry came in as a guest on the morning show promoting a book he wrote

MissingPerson
07-17-2009, 07:06 PM
way to keep the sale :)

i remember working at radioshack, some old lady said she wanted the extended warranty and the salesperson flat out told her she probably didn't want it as she wouldn't live that long. fired shortly thereafter of course.

I hate the elderly, as I've said before, so I applaud this.

shakermaker113
07-17-2009, 07:09 PM
he was trying to save her money.

MissingPerson
08-19-2009, 06:07 PM
Six thousand and eleven, you know. I should reassess where my life is, that in mind, but it doesn't bother me to the extent it ought to. Anyway.

32WjO7IiHpI

gaypalmsprings
08-19-2009, 06:07 PM
http://www.iseincstore.com/ProductImages/controls/West6010_3qtr-RedSm%20view%20left.jpg

idrive1life
08-19-2009, 06:25 PM
greatest thread evah

happy 6k+12, mp

LooseAtTheZoo
08-19-2009, 10:43 PM
Apparently I just passed 3000.

Whoopee

gaypalmsprings
08-19-2009, 11:04 PM
Apparently I just passed 3000.

Whoopee

Happy 3003!

MissingPerson
08-20-2009, 06:07 AM
I lovea symmetrical post count.

Never lasts though. :(

faxman75
08-20-2009, 11:39 AM
I lovea symmetrical post count.

Never lasts though. :(

MPeeezy, I sent you a pm a few days ago with more than a couple of questions. They aren't urgent just wanted to make sure you got it.

MissingPerson
08-20-2009, 04:36 PM
Uh yeah, I haven't been overly internet-diligent this last few days. All the booze. :D

I'll get back to you in a bit.

Meanwhile, riddle me this: if you were working at a festival, with a few bands you really, really liked, would you rather be off-shift so you could enjoy their sets properly, or on-shift so you could hang out and work with them for a bit?

BlackSwan
08-20-2009, 04:37 PM
Have you already seen the bands before?

MissingPerson
08-20-2009, 04:39 PM
No. I've seen some of those folks in other bands, but no.

suprefan
08-20-2009, 04:42 PM
Work with them, have a professional relationship so then you can ease into personal and it wont feel so weird when having a conversation if you ran into them again. Do a good job and then next gig they will say ''hey how are you!!? great job the other time on the gig''. Give yourself a way to have them kiss your ass in the future after you kiss theirs first.

BlackSwan
08-20-2009, 04:44 PM
I'd probably want to watch them proper style, but that is a hard call.

faxman75
08-20-2009, 04:46 PM
I agree with Chris. The working experience will make it more special than just another show.

BlackSwan
08-20-2009, 04:47 PM
It kind of depends what the work actually is.

suprefan
08-20-2009, 04:48 PM
I would rather know I can get the hook up later by making their life easier now.

MissingPerson
08-20-2009, 05:07 PM
I'm the chick with the clipboard and walkie-talkie who gets them to their stages on time, is generally nice to them, and keeps them fed and watered. This is a promotion from last time, when I was the chick who built the campsite.

suprefan
08-20-2009, 05:13 PM
Next time youll be the chick who brings them food and whatnot. Slowly but surely... And yeah being the ''your ass is gonna be on time'' girl is vital.

BlackSwan
08-20-2009, 05:16 PM
I'd work it--clipboards are great accessories.

miscorrections
08-20-2009, 05:17 PM
If the band is attractive, work. If not, watch the show.

MissingPerson
08-20-2009, 05:36 PM
Some of them do feature in the pretty folk in bands threads. On the other hand, I will smell like festival by then.

suprefan
08-20-2009, 07:12 PM
They might smell like festivalby then too, so its fine.

MissingPerson
08-21-2009, 06:57 PM
Maybe that's why you're never supposed to meet your heroes. You know, in case they honk like a dead hobo.

gaypalmsprings
08-21-2009, 07:23 PM
post a pic of your clipboards, please

MissingPerson
08-21-2009, 07:28 PM
I'm afraid I have not been issued my clipboard as yet, so here is an example of a girl with a clipboard.

http://www.clublifestyle.com.au/downloads/Image/Images/Page%20Images/Girl_clipboard.jpg

You'll just have to imagine the walkie-talkie and festival stink lines.

MissingPerson
08-24-2009, 12:40 PM
"Ensure running orders are correct and on the wall of each dressing room, Set up dressing room in advance of each artist arrival according to rider list, Clean out dressing room after each artist: clean towels, change tablecloths, change bins, change dressing room sign."

I am going to be working during Bell Orchestre, but not Flaming Lips.

Everything's Milhouse.

gaypalmsprings
08-24-2009, 12:50 PM
I'm afraid I have not been issued my clipboard as yet, so here is an example of a girl with a clipboard.

http://www.clublifestyle.com.au/downloads/Image/Images/Page%20Images/Girl_clipboard.jpg

You'll just have to imagine the walkie-talkie and festival stink lines.

Your clipboard is HOT!

MissingPerson
08-24-2009, 01:01 PM
It's got that sexy black PVC finish too. Which will go nicely with my by-then manky hoody, rank t shirt and muddy jeans.

MissingPerson
09-02-2009, 08:07 PM
Off to bed before the fest

Back in five days, don't burn the place down or talk shit about any Canadian bands or anything.

emtgreg
09-03-2009, 09:18 PM
no promises.

zenidogx
09-03-2009, 09:36 PM
I hope she doesn't pop Wayne Coyne's bubble or anything.

Oh, and fuck Sum 41.

MissingPerson
09-07-2009, 06:57 PM
post a pic of your clipboards, please

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/epboard.jpg

MissingPerson
09-15-2009, 09:04 AM
The story goes that St. Patrick cast out the serpents.

I'm an atheist. As far as I'm concerned, the snakes never left.


I was actually going to mention that.

Or they were never there to begin with and St. Patrick was just trying to take credit for the vagaries of geography.

Saint Fail.

http://www.rte.ie/news/2009/0915/python.html

http://dynimg.rte.ie/000298a310dr.jpg



Python pulled from Wexford river
Tuesday, 15 September 2009 16:56

A python measuring 10ft (3.08m) in length has been removed from the River Slaney.

The snake's body was recovered at Ardimine Bridge near Enniscorthy yesterday during tests undertaken by the local Fisheries Board.

The board officers had been undertaking an electro fishing survey, where an electric pulse is sent through a river channel to stun fish and allow them be examined.
Advertisement

A local ranger from the National Parks and Wildlife service was called when the snake floated on the water and he identified it as a python.

The snake was emerald green in colour and had a circumference of eight inches .

It is believed the python may not have eaten for several months and was under nourished.

marooko
09-15-2009, 12:21 PM
Emerald green?! Fucking love it!!

MissingPerson
09-16-2009, 02:19 PM
A tram ploughed into a bus on O'Connell street earlier today.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2666/3926337805_3cd1208ee2.jpg

26-ish hurt, and it looked very bad for the tramdriver. As far as I could see, the bus ran the stoplight.

TomAz
09-16-2009, 02:26 PM
the only good mick is a dead mick

Mr. Dylanja
09-16-2009, 02:32 PM
A tram ploughed into a bus on O'Connell street earlier today.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2666/3926337805_3cd1208ee2.jpg

26-ish hurt, and it looked very bad for the tramdriver. As far as I could see, the bus ran the stoplight.

There you go stopping traffic again...

amyzzz
09-16-2009, 02:35 PM
I bet she was wearing her furry hat.

Still-ill
09-16-2009, 02:58 PM
the only good mick is a dead mick

:nono

MissingPerson
09-16-2009, 03:06 PM
You know "Mick" is slang for penis in this country, right Tom?

TomAz
09-16-2009, 03:14 PM
I did not know that, but it seems appropriate.

MissingPerson
09-16-2009, 03:16 PM
This makes Murder She Wrote even more unintentionally entertaining than it usually is.


Then when my back was turned, he slipped me the mickey!

MissingPerson
09-16-2009, 04:43 PM
Also, if I'm deciphering the ironically unusable website for my Computer Science Course properly, I've passed my repeat exam and get to go to college again this year.

My exam was the day before I went to Electric Picnic, so I was very stressed.

Anyway, hooray for me.

BlackSwan
09-16-2009, 05:08 PM
Saint Fail.

http://www.rte.ie/news/2009/0915/python.html

http://dynimg.rte.ie/000298a310dr.jpg

One can only hope that python is St. Patrick reincarnated.

amyzzz
09-16-2009, 05:15 PM
Or at least Patrick Swayze.

BlackSwan
09-16-2009, 05:16 PM
That doesn't make any sense.

MissingPerson
09-16-2009, 05:36 PM
St. Patrick vs. Regular Patrick. And nobody puts Regular Patrick in the corner.

shakermaker113
09-16-2009, 07:16 PM
Or at least Patrick Swayze.


That doesn't make any sense.

for some reason I found this hilarious.

MissingPerson
09-18-2009, 12:38 PM
Oh lord.

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs269.snc1/9618_154507765232_508400232_3129829_991691_n.jpg

It's a photoshop though.

MissingPerson
12-27-2009, 05:50 PM
As an offshoot of the #cnnfail thread, I realised once again that my American geography blows. So, as an exercise, I downloaded a blank state line map, to see where I thought everything was.

Seems only fair that I share the results.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/jill_valentine/mapfail.jpg

EDIT: Oh, one of the ones near Texas is New Mexico, right?

This reminded me of this:
US States renamed for countries with similar GDPs. (http://strangemaps.wordpress.com/2007/06/10/131-us-states-renamed-for-countries-with-similar-gdps/)