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ruetheday
12-06-2007, 10:48 PM
sometimes I get bored and check out the singles ads. I often find winners like this one.

http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/w4m/501297593.html

thelastgreatman
12-06-2007, 10:53 PM
You should take her in, Kangarue, and show her that rabbit you've got in your hat.

ruetheday
12-06-2007, 10:54 PM
that lady looks scary.

thelastgreatman
12-06-2007, 10:56 PM
You should write her back and explain that you need a heroine yourself. One with no gag reflex.

ruetheday
12-06-2007, 10:58 PM
good idea, I need to find someone who is into throat fucking.

samiksha
12-06-2007, 10:58 PM
is rue's equipment big enough to warrant that request?

thelastgreatman
12-06-2007, 10:58 PM
He's huge. I not only felt it in my stomach, but all the way through to my intestines.


And yes, Rue. We all do. *single tear*

ruetheday
12-06-2007, 11:00 PM
actually my equipment is pathetic. That's why I try and cut others down. I need to compensate for my pathetic penis. Who am I kidding I can't even call it a penis. Pee Pee is better suited for the broken lead I'm packing.

thelastgreatman
12-06-2007, 11:01 PM
... I guess that means I've kept a really tight mouth all these years.


YAY!

PineapplePete
12-07-2007, 02:11 AM
no homo?

Mr.Nipples
12-07-2007, 07:33 AM
what a mess...

bug on your lip
12-07-2007, 07:38 AM
is there a way to vote negative stars for threads ?

J~$$$
12-07-2007, 07:39 AM
Captain Kirk, can you save me?
Captain Kirk, I wanna have yo' baby.
Captain Kirk, can you save me?
Captain Kirk, I wanna have yo' baby.
Captain Kirk, can you save me?
Captain Kirk, I wanna have yo' baby.
Captain Kirk, can you save me?
Mr. Captain Kirk, I wanna have yo baby.

Jerm05
12-07-2007, 09:12 AM
sometimes I get bored and check out the singles ads. I often find winners like this one.

http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/w4m/501297593.html

Damn that bitch is bangin!

anti-square
12-07-2007, 09:52 AM
at first i thought the chair was her ass while she was bending over all classy like.

amyzzz
12-07-2007, 09:58 AM
Can someone post it? Or is it way too graphic? I am blocked from craigslist at work.

Courtney
12-07-2007, 10:13 AM
It's not all that exciting, Amy.


SEEKING KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR...AND AN X-MAS MIRACLE - 38
Reply to: pers-501297593@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-06, 7:45PM PST


It will be raining soon and I will be thankful for the roof over my head. A roof that will no longer be there Sunday at midnite. Trusted the wrong person, and that misplaced trust will cost me my home, my things, my beloved pets....and has brought me here, seeking nothing short of a miracle, and a hero.

Who am I? A decent, honest, loyal woman whom is in dire need of some help. I trusted (silly, silly rabbit, tricks are for kids)an attorney whom just decided to throw me and mine to the wolves...and cost me evrything. Now I am faced with nowhere for myself and my dog to go, a whole house full of things that I've no time to move out and will to leave, and little money.

I need some help. I never in a million years thought that I would be where I am. Writing this due to quite simply running out of options. Never hurts to try so they say. I need a break...just a small one to get my life back to good...the way it was a mere 10 days ago.I need a place for my dog and I to stay, that is safe and drug free, sane and drama free. All that I have to offer for this is myself...and some stuff. What can be recovered.
Listen, I know that this is a totally insane thing to be doing, writing this, but the only rabbits left in my hat are those with razor sharp teeth and a really bad attitude. I need some help. A hero. A miracle.

serious replies (if any at all) please.

Thanks.

Nik

http://images.craigslist.org/01010401020401030420071206b5a14e2736204fce4c000ab0 .jpg

kreutz2112
12-07-2007, 10:20 AM
Courtney you left off the best part.

Under the picture it says:


Location: LOST

Courtney
12-07-2007, 10:22 AM
Well, she DOES live in Orange County. The "lost" part is pretty self-evident.

Ill_Eagle
12-07-2007, 11:15 AM
Who's bored enough to find Brokendoll on the Craigslist singles?

Mr.Nipples
12-07-2007, 11:17 AM
craigslist shingles!
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/mat/501706921.html

J~$$$
12-07-2007, 11:32 AM
hahahahaha

miscorrections
12-07-2007, 04:33 PM
http://filtersweep.shackspace.com/58988662.html

keriann
12-07-2007, 04:38 PM
That is one of the most disturbing things I have ever read.

Why did you do that to me?

Courtney
12-07-2007, 04:38 PM
All his neighbors are graphic artists.

kreutz2112
12-07-2007, 04:39 PM
wow...that is some shit. no pun intended.

amyzzz
12-07-2007, 05:00 PM
argh. not having a home computer is driving me nuts. Post your friggin links plz.

miscorrections
12-07-2007, 05:01 PM
GOD, FINE.


please flag with care : [miscategorized] [prohibited] [spam] [discussion] [best of]

email this posting to a friend
Very Complicated Request, Please Kindly Read!!! - m4mw - 35
Reply to: anon-58988662@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-08, 8:53PM PST


If you are groggy or stoned please do not read this, I need your complete and sober attention, for my request is uniquely detailed. I am a man, 35, white, black hair with brown eyes. Okay, first what I am looking for is a woman primary, but secondary it could be a woman and her man, but the man will have to remain behind the black curtain and only watch through the cut out eyeholes. The black curtain is inside the apartment that I reside in. This apartment is a fashionable studio in the hot part of town, and all my neighbors are graphic artists. So now please kindly listen to my request: what I require foremost in a woman with bushy eyebrows. And they must be TWO eyebrows, because one eyebrow is an abonination against Gaia. What I want is for the woman to become naked and pose herself before me. I have a carpeted pedestal so her feet will not grow cold. I will present her with a very well preserved Mesopotamian bowl. She will hold it and she must be careful not to drop it as it has to be back at the museum by 8am tomorrow (I am a worker there). Next I will hand her tweezers. Then she will pluck her eyebrows until her forehead is vacant. The eyebrows will drift into the bowl and then I will take the bowl from her and go to my kitchenette. I will then toss a salad into the bowl and mix the eyebrows in it. The woman can decide the dressing, but I have only vinegrette and thousand island. Next I will re-present the bowl to the woman, along with a utensil, and she will then consume the salad while I watch. I may masturbate during this part of the exercise. However, if there is a man behind the black curtain he may not masturbate, and I will know if does because I will hear him. However, he is allowed to fantasize, and then he write an essay on his fantasies before I release him. After the woman is finished with her salad, I will present her with a Qing dynasty teapot box, which she will open and deficate in. She must be careful with the box as well as it is also from the mueseum and it must be returned or there will be trouble. When she is finished she will return it to me, and I then I will bid her good-evening. That is all. Please send a photo, eyebrows only. I WILL NOT respond to any photos that include anything but eyebrows.

Please, serious inquiries ONLY. THIS IS NOT JOKE. So do not make funny replies to it. I have no patience for impertinence. Good day.




this is in or around NW
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

comiddle
12-07-2007, 05:07 PM
DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! (http://calgary.craigslist.ca/cas/498624566.html)

That's pretty much gold as far as local CL posts go here. Hilarious, yet vile.

comiddle
12-07-2007, 05:07 PM
Oh, PS. Gross images. Hence Lost in Space.

miscorrections
12-07-2007, 05:08 PM
OH MY GOD EW

Courtney
12-07-2007, 05:11 PM
DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! (http://calgary.craigslist.ca/cas/498624566.html)

That's pretty much gold as far as local CL posts go here. Hilarious, yet vile.

Ew ew ew ew ew! I would post the picture here for Amy, but it's just too vile.


Dirty Panty Sniffing - m4m - 24
Reply to: pers-498624566@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-04, 12:46PM MST


any guys like to smell dirty panties while you get off? I have many pairs to bring over to your place to trade with your stinky pairs, or just for us to sniff together, have a jack maybe a blow. Must be able to host as I cannot.. gf is just out shopping for a few hours. Get back to me and tell me what kinda dirty panties you like to sniff

(NSFW image here (http://images.craigslist.org/01010301021001030420071204ca8335c06c4edf57b600cdbd .jpg))

* Location: NW
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

comiddle
12-07-2007, 05:12 PM
I wonder if she's aware that the laundry machine doesn't actually eat her panties... Only socks. Nothing but socks.

miscorrections
12-07-2007, 05:38 PM
In my day, “Escort” meant something entirely different! - 84
Reply to: pers-502184119@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-07, 4:03PM PST


Aw, for the love of Betty Grabble! I’m sorry, but if you’d be kind enough to indulge an old man for two shakes of a dog’s hind leg, then I have a tale to tell as true as it is frightening- even more frightening than getting stuck in the backside with a tojo bayonet labeled “Please to let shove up your Yankee-Devil-ass.”

You see, I’m just a tadpole on the Lilly pad when it comes to getting the hang of this gewgaw of a contraption you youngsters today are calling “The intranet”. I only know about the intranet because my daughter, Constance… Constance, by the way, is mine and my late wife’s youngest. Barbara, Barbara is the eldest- she lives in Michigan now. And we lost our only son, Nathaniel- God rest his soul- to the pneumonia back in ‘53. (Of course, back then, we didn’t call it “pneumonia”, we called it “Pinko-Lung”.)

Anyhoot, Constance told me not but four (or was it five?) weeks ago… Well, Constance told me not but four or five weeks ago that the next time I take my Sunday morning sabbatical to the library… I like to take a stroll to the library every Sunday morning. It makes for good, fresh air, it keeps my hips lubricated, and it helps me to get away from that tawdry little “man-nurse” that keeps trying to slip valium into my cream of wheat back at the home. (That acey-deucey, he can’t be trusted. He has an earring.)

So, as I was saying, Constance tells me that once I get to the library, I need to stop fretting over listening to my favorite Perry Como records, because the library now has this invention on the computer called the “intranet” and that this “intranet” is the “information roadway,” or something of that nature. And then she says that I can find anything I want to on it. So, I says, “Can it find me a nice picture of Judy Garland’s gams?” (And I wanted a GOOD picture, like one from before she turned into just another crooning hophead)… And Candace says, “You can find whatever you want, Poppy, so long as you go on the ‘Google’”…

Go on the what?

So, anyhow, I found my way to this “computer,” which reminded me a lot of a typewriter mixed with a television. (Of course, back when I was a knee-high to a Chinaman’s chin, we called typewriters “paper bangers” and we called our only black and white television “The Jew Box”... "Hey, get a load of Sid Ceasar posting his jew mug up all over the jew box," we'd say.)

So, I’m at this computer, and I discover the “Google”, and then, lo and behold, I see this hot little number of a librarian with gams to kill Hitler’s firstborn son for, and she’s coming up to me, and she’s offering to show me the “Google”… Well, first this gal says, “Sir, are you searching for anything in particular?”… And then I says, I says, “Well, young lady, I think I’ve already found what I’m searching for. So if you could kindly toss that cute pair of milk puppies you’ve got hiding beneath your blouse into a to-go bag for me, then I’ll get on about my business.”

Well, it seems to me that the skirts these days just don’t understand when a gentleman is trying to chat them up, because this gal, she up and tells me to leave!

Well, I never! I tell you, I didn’t spend four years chasing tojo through some of the most Godforsaken blood, gut and crap-strewn jungles just to have some four-eyed floosie order me to leave a public building! I’m a veteran and former taxpayer!”

So, I says to this floosie, I says, “ Floosie, I didn’t spend four years chasing tojo through some of the most Godforsaken blood, gut and crap-strewn jungles just to have some four-eyed floosie order me to leave a public building! I’m a veteran and former taxpayer!”

So, me and her, we carried on back and forth like this for a good spell, and next thing I know this broad musters-up the gumption to tell me that she’s gonna have security “escort” me out of the building! And then I says, “No, ma’am, no ma’am, I can escort MYSELF out, thank you very much!” And then she says something to the tune of, “Sir, you’ve soiled the front of your pants, and it’s in your best interest to have somebody escort you back home.”

Well, at least that explained why I was feeling so damp down around the ol’ beanstalk.

Anyhoot, I wasn’t about to be shown up by some tart pretending to diagnose my already-well-documented bladder control problems, so I tell this banshee I was perfectly able to find my own damned “escort.” And then she says, “Fine, then, why don’t you ‘Google’ one?”

And so I did.

It took a while for me to punch in “escort” on the computer’s TV screen, but it was WORTH IT, I say! Cause, not only did it turn out that there are over five-million people out there willing to walk an old Marine back to his government-funded care facility of choice, but you should have seen the look on that woman’s face (along with everyone else lined up to use the intranet) when I asked to use the closest telephone and rang up the first escort I saw listed.

Well, as it turns out, the word “escort” has changed a lot since my day. And, I’ve never been one to kiss and tell, but, let’s just say that being “escorted” is no longer just about having a squadron of spitfires help get your ship through the Philippine Sea without incident.

But I see nothing wrong with that. No sir, no sir… Because the nice young oriental woman who pulled up to the library that morning (I think her name was “Jade”) well, she went above and beyond her obligation to walk me home.

And I liked it… I liked it a lot.

But, like I was saying, I haven’t heard from Jade in some two weeks now. She told me to “page her” next time I wanted to meet, but I don’t see any reason for the kid who works the front desk to broadcast my own, private business throughout the whole facility. Besides, I don’t think Jade is a nurse here, so I don’t know what good paging her would do.

And, like I said, that’s why I’m back here at the library. I found the “Craigslist” through the Google, and I’d like to put the open call out to all of you pretty young escorts: I’m an 84-year-old Marine Corps veteran, I like sponge baths, and I’ve managed to start paying that poofter of a man-nurse to smuggle me a couple of the Viagras each morning when I’m in line at the dispensary- and now this old Devil Dog’s ready to hunt.

So, come one, come all, ladies! You’re all welcome here! (All except for those of you with the “S-T-D”s. I’ve been living a clean, Christian life for going on 85 years now, and I didn’t come all this way just to meet my maker too quickly on account ‘a I got the Tinian-Tinkle-Rot from some two-bit harlot.

Oh, and no colored women.

Write back soon, ladies! I’ll be defending this seat at the intranet like a Jap in a Suribachi pillbox until I get a response. (Or, until that no-good-strumpet of a “librarian” gets that security guard from the Rite Aid next door to kick me out again.)

...

thelastgreatman
12-07-2007, 05:48 PM
I want to write a novel now in the medium of a series of Craigslist personal ads. Free distribution, motherfuckers.

MarkO
12-08-2007, 07:54 PM
I met my g/f on craigslist. She has her own house, a good job, good friends and made shrimp & linguini for me one night last week after work just because she wanted to.

They're not all whackjobs on c/l.

gaypalmsprings
12-08-2007, 08:06 PM
Guy in Hearse - m4m (missed connections) (http://palmsprings.craigslist.org/mis/501885750.html)

rage patton
12-08-2007, 08:15 PM
...

That was amazing. Thank you. I have a feeling that is fake... but dear god do I hope that is real.

i_like_cake530
12-09-2007, 08:09 PM
i hope that eyebrow fetish guy is real...

Cpt. Funkaho
12-10-2007, 01:35 AM
i hope that eyebrow fetish guy is real...

I got a distinct B.S. vibe from him, much as I would like there to be a disgusting eyebrow fetishist museum worker stealing priceless heirlooms for his demented sex rituals.

ruetheday
12-12-2007, 10:47 AM
http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/w4m/506511608.html

J~$$$
12-12-2007, 11:05 AM
Is she going to pay for you to go to costa rica with her?

ruetheday
12-12-2007, 11:10 AM
I sent her a message. We will find out soon.

SFChrissy
12-12-2007, 11:49 AM
OH MY...

J~$$$
12-13-2007, 06:51 AM
Are you the winrar of a fabulous Costa Rican vacation and a visit to the clinic?

ruetheday
12-13-2007, 07:19 AM
I haven't received a response.

miscorrections
12-14-2007, 11:49 PM
me&my dogfriend inserch of a vetrinarian highna 2putus up on game - 30
Reply to: pers-509675741@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-14, 5:55PM PST


we got paw ishuis ,looking for a knowledgable tenderlishuss 2 inform us on a medicenal cure, our self medication is no longer working, please excuse my spelling wich i allso could use some assistance with ,perhaps i could perswade a lushiuslishess into assistanting me with a few spelling lessons,,?";:? aaiihh


http://images.craigslist.org/0115080102020103032007121432e9c80adf001857780073bc .jpghttp://images.craigslist.org/0101110102040103022007121486727c603f9f15977a00725f .jpg
http://images.craigslist.org/01011201020001030520071214125dc9247f871e4f1900b873 .jpghttp://images.craigslist.org/0101120102020103062007121464ceb7df8ee76d0af300ca5a .jpg

Tenderlishuss.

kreutz2112
12-15-2007, 12:37 AM
so does this guy want to have a foursome with his two dogs and a vet, or am I missing something?

miscorrections
12-15-2007, 12:38 AM
No, he's got paw ishius.

kreutz2112
12-15-2007, 12:43 AM
ohhhh "ishius"

I was pronouncing that as one word phonetically: paw-ishess

aynalehcar
12-15-2007, 12:44 AM
w.t.f.

ruetheday
12-15-2007, 12:52 AM
that is amazing. I love craigslist.

miscorrections
12-15-2007, 12:53 AM
I like that the dog is better dressed than him.

bballarl
12-15-2007, 12:55 AM
I swear to God, everyone started talking about this shit overnight. Admittedly, it is pretty awesome/golden.

miscorrections
12-15-2007, 12:55 AM
Come on. Hannah and I started a thread about this quite a while ago, but it wasn't popular.

ruetheday
12-15-2007, 12:57 AM
It takes someone like me to make it popular. I set trends.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lgb/w4m/508722236.html

miscorrections
12-15-2007, 12:57 AM
Rudimentary coloring skills are such a turn-off.

ruetheday
12-15-2007, 12:58 AM
not for that freak bitch

All That I Am
12-15-2007, 08:13 AM
ohhhh "ishius"

I was pronouncing that as one word phonetically: paw-ishess

is that supposed to be paw issues?

kreutz2112
12-15-2007, 09:54 AM
yes.

ruetheday
12-15-2007, 01:02 PM
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/cas/510422836.html

this guy wants a tranny.

edit: what do you say Tessa?

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 01:08 PM
Oh man, that's my favorite one yet.
I need a sexy Transexual top who can fuck me real good. You must be passable and have tits. No Crossdressers please. My dream is being fucked in the ass doggy style as hard as possible as long as possible and then having you put that hard cock in my mouth and watch me swallow your sweet juice. You must have clean cock, good hygiene, be desease-free and drug-free. You should enjoy having your cock and balls sucked, and enjoy fucking for a long periods of time. If tht's you please reply with pic for consideraton

"You must be passable and have tits" is my criteria too, funnily enough.

kreutz2112
12-15-2007, 01:12 PM
this guy has chlamydia and has been spreading it around SLC for weeks.

http://saltlakecity.craigslist.org/cas/509934547.html

ruetheday
12-15-2007, 01:14 PM
sounds to me like the poster is a little bitter about catching the chlam.

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 01:15 PM
Kreutz, what the fuck? Now what am I going to do when I visit the Mormons?

aynalehcar
12-15-2007, 01:16 PM
I met my g/f on craigslist. She has her own house, a good job, good friends and made shrimp & linguini for me one night last week after work just because she wanted to.

They're not all whackjobs on c/l.

I met my boy on Craigslist Rideshare :thu

kreutz2112
12-15-2007, 01:19 PM
Kreutz, what the fuck? Now what am I going to do when I visit the Mormons?

dont worry Randy I am sure there are plenty of guys you can fuck. this guy's not mormon...I wonder why??

http://saltlakecity.craigslist.org/cas/509648191.html

aynalehcar
12-15-2007, 01:21 PM
NO ONE OVER 30 Plz

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 01:23 PM
It looks like that dude is holding a baseball bat while in his leather mask? Alright, that's kinda hot. Good work, dude.

ruetheday
12-15-2007, 01:35 PM
Looking to go Dutch
Reply to: pers-477194473@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-13, 6:09AM CET


lovley lady just turned 50 looking for a Dutch friend/lover. Must be free to travel to the states. I am looking long term. I live in a south shore harbor on LongIsland, New York. Comeuting distance to NYC. So why Dutch? I feel that i have met some interesting educated liberal Dutch people while traveling in Europe and would like to do so again. Must enjoy music, arts, peace,420,simple living, and sharing ones heart. 45-56, 5'10 or taller. Lets go Dutch,50/50 give and take, no users please,Be kind.




Ladies love the Dutch.

ruetheday
12-15-2007, 01:42 PM
Hot zombie sex roleplay - t4w
Date: 2007-12-03, 1:00PM PST


I am *so* serious.

Sex has become so boring! For a while, I was having sex at the Power Exchange, because that was fun -- I could mix things up, I could do it in public, and I could have an audience! It was like putting on a show for everyone else, and I got to be the star!

Unfortunately, lately we've gone into re-runs, and I'm just not having fun anymore.

Let's go to the Power Exchange together. Let's go to the Power Exchange together and roleplay. Let's go to the Power Exchange together and roleplay HOT ZOMBIE SEX. I mean it. I know it sounds really ridiculous, but I've always loved zombies and the undead, and I've always loved sex, so I want to mix the two. Additionally, I've seen (and am friends with) some really cute zombie girls, and I could really enjoy the mix of horror, terror, shock value in others, and, y'know. Sex.

I'll dress up like an office professional or something like that, in some clothes I don't care about, and pretend to be doing some work in an office or something. Maybe then I'll listen to a prop radio and look shocked, act scared, peer out a mimed window or something, and then you batter on the door. And batter, and batter, and push -- and break in! And I let out a blood-curdling shriek, and you lunge at me and rip my clothes apart and splatter fake blood all over me (we'll use a tarp on the floor, to be polite), and proceed to savagely violate me. Or something like that -- I'm not really tied to that exact SCENE, but I think something that goes that way would be fun.

Requirements:
Be attractive -- sorry, I know, an attractive zombie, but it's possible. HWP, at the very least.
Know how to *act like a zombie*. I am specifically looking for someone with *zombie experience*. In San Francisco, I don't think this is asking a lot.
Be able to *look like a zombie*. This means dressing the part and knowing how to appropriately do your makeup.
Don't be shy. You're going to be dressed like a zombie and growling and groaning and spattering fake blood and all else everywhere. In public. To an audience that may not even be that into it (but I bet they will be!)

I'm *not* posting pictures of me this go round for obvious reasons, but if you mail me you're of course welcome to a ton. I'm very pretty.

About me:
5'6-5'7", 124#, non-smoker. Red hair, blue eyes, glasses, 32D. Anything else, ask. I am *so* into this idea.

I am primarily looking for a *FEMALE*. Males will be *considered*, but are not really what I'm up for. If you are, however, a *zombie couple*, that's acceptable. To that end:

t4m t4mw

I'm really looking forward to hearing from someone.


This tranny is fucked up.

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 01:45 PM
No, she's *so* fucked up.

summerkid
12-15-2007, 01:45 PM
why are you looking up trannies on craigslist rue?

ruetheday
12-15-2007, 01:51 PM
do you not understand the purpose of this thread?

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 01:52 PM
He's afraid you're going to find his post, Rue.

ruetheday
12-15-2007, 01:59 PM
just for you baby - t4m - 26
Reply to: pers-506371527@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-11, 4:39PM PST


You need have a huge and very thick tool , very very hung,I prefer 8 inches or more, I am transgender, tall 5 10, 38 DD, pretty and nice big ass, sorry I don't have any pick, so dont aske me for them,if you are into to a blind date send me your pics and we can meet.

you must be free DD's and HIV pos. very clean and discrete, no money and no drama, just safer sex, I cant host, you need pay a hotel room at San Diego area.

I love guys with tattos and shaved head.

email me your pics and we can have fun ! only serious men


why do you want someone who is HIV positive summerkid?

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 02:01 PM
You'd be amazed what someone who's HIV positive will let you get away with. Seriously.

summerkid
12-15-2007, 02:11 PM
why do you want someone who is HIV positive summerkid?

Rue you can do better than that can't you?

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 02:15 PM
AMAZED

summerkid
12-15-2007, 02:21 PM
AMAZED

that's my reaction too considering i just found out i had 38 DD breasts and that I'm somehow able to conceal those bad boys. I wonder how long it takes until I get bored playing with my own tits.

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 02:23 PM
I was referring to my hilarious comment about what HIV positive people will let you get away with, not your disgusting Craigslist post. Pervert.

summerkid
12-15-2007, 02:27 PM
I was referring to my hilarious comment about what HIV positive people will let you get away with, not your disgusting Craigslist post. Pervert.

you speak as though you have experience in these matters.

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 02:44 PM
... yes, that would be what makes it a joke. Thanks for pointing out what makes it a joke. You've managed to prove that you're both observant and completely oblivious simultaneously.

Wheres the beef?
12-15-2007, 02:47 PM
This tranny is fucked up.

dude at least come up with something original instead of posting from the best of section.

Wheres the beef?
12-15-2007, 02:52 PM
Awesome!


Anal Slut who loves to suck cock - w4m - 32 (albany / el cerrito)
Reply to: pers-510435227@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-15, 2:09PM PST


I'm the kind of girl who likes to be jackknifed in the ass. Definetly not for the faint at heart. Let's just say, after a good drilling in my ass I love to have my mouth filled with a nice hard cock.

Looking for a no strings attached. Will ONLY respond to answers with a picture. Please be devious. I love a man that is in charge. Makes my pussy drip.

thelastgreatman
12-15-2007, 02:59 PM
Um... you realize the point of this thread is to post funny craigslist ads, not just pornographic ones? No, of course you don't. You don't have the first clue what funny is.

Wheres the beef?
12-15-2007, 05:08 PM
Um... you realize the point of this thread is to post funny craigslist ads, not just pornographic ones? No, of course you don't. You don't have the first clue what funny is.

When someone says "I like to be jacknifed in the ass" I think its pretty funny.

Alchemy
12-15-2007, 07:48 PM
Reply to: pers-509189914@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-14, 10:52AM MST


Ladies in El Paso, hello!
Going home to visit my family on the 19th Dec. Like to meet new friends while I'm in the mother land! I live in San Diego and in the military (Navy). I'm a latino 5'11',205 lbs. a bit scarey looking but I think I'm cute enough to put on a leash haha. Pretty active and I've been around the world a couple of times.. not always places I wish to have visit, ha ha ha. I'm eduacted and for the most part mature,nahh. I'm a silly person just wanting to laugh and see people around me smile.Lets have fun and laugh for a few day!Hope to leave EL Paso knowing I'd made new friends and maybe more.I hope I'm worth your time to reply? Hope so ladies...Have a good day and thank you for your time.

Eduacted.

miscorrections
12-15-2007, 09:22 PM
The post this picture from is mostly unremarkable, but the picture itself is a real gem:

http://images.craigslist.org/0101020102090103002007121579200e2019ed97c02d00c513 .jpg

roberto73
12-15-2007, 09:30 PM
Someone needs an editor. There's much to enjoy in here; I'll let you choose your own favorites.


the names abilio people just call me bill , let me tell you about myself, im a goofy creative person who comes up with corny ideas like this one I thought up, remember that old Reeses commercial How do you eat your Reeses? Well I came up with my own tv ad for it . Have Reese Witherspoon(the actress) holding a large spoon and then say ,¨ How do you eat your Reeses?Witherspoon¨ Get it !! well I told you it was corny lol. Anyways my other goofy idea which is much better and if I have the time I would like to get it published is my own cartoon, I call it Violent Violet the Crayon gone bad.. It¦s a cross between the sopranos and flinstones .You see in my cartoon emotions represent the colors of the crayons I have characters such as green envy ,purple passion(violent violets girlfriend) anger management(hes the red crayon) etc. My first episode is titled dare to draw first blood.Also a random thought , wouldnt it be cool if Dustin diamond(played screech powers on saved by the bell) fought emmanuel lewis( tv show Webster)on celebrity boxing , I can imagine dustin diamond getting himself pummeled by emmanuel lewis but the bell rings and ends the round, I can imagine the announcer saying something silly like,¨ looks like dustin diamond just got saved by the bell.¨ Announcer chuckles. Oh yeah I got one more stupid joke I created , its kind of not me but a creative person takes whatever he can get. Here¦s the joke,¨ what did judge judy say after screwing the jury?¨ It¦s a well-hung jury¨ stupid . Okay heres another . I work in a pharmacy so one day I was asked to do a delivery for mr. Johnson. So I grabbed his prescriptions and headed down to his apartment. I knocked on his door and a 70-year old senior citizen answers the door ,¨ Mr.Johnson I say,¨ heres your prescriptions¡¨ Mr.Johnson replies , thanks sonny boy¨ he grabs the bag peeks in the bag and says,¨ hey young man wheres my Viagra prescription?,cant you people do anything right, Hows a guy like myself suppose to do for fun besides playing bingo and doing crosswords all day? So I say ,¨ Sorry about that Mr.Johnson , no hard feelings tonight¨ laugh track here . Some more one liners that I invented,¨ I had sex only once,and that¦s because I believed that old saying my parents use to tell me,¨ If you do it right the first time you don¦t have to come and do it over again.¨ I have good friend of mine , nice kid but on the chunky side . One day I saw him shopping at walmart , so I went over to to see what he was buying, I took a quick glance into shopping cart and hold and behold , I saw a bunch of soda ,chips, candy and a bathroom scale. So I say to him , hey Andrew don¡¦t you know bathroom scales have limitations?¨ I think you need to buy another one so you¦ll have one for each foot.¨ Also I came up with some ideas for t-shirts, remember the hamburger helper commercial that had the little talking hand , well put him on a blank t-shirt and have the saying,¨ never bite the hand that¦s feed’s you¨ another idea is just to have this saying on a t-shirt,¨ Im anal retentive, in other words Im a perfect asshole!!!!. Heres some more old jokes that need work but I don’t have the time cause that damn organic chemistry course takes all my time up, anyways here it goes, “ I’m going to write a book on famous people who use Viagra…It’s going to be a pop-up book!!!!. Heres one that I need to seriously rework hey some people like it,” There once was this guy who was impotent. So he went to the doctor to fix his problem. The guy says to his doctor,” Doc ‘I’m ashamed of my impotency and I don’t want people seeing me taking Viagra pills.” Doctor replies,” Don’t worry about it , we’ve got Viagra pills that look like candy, no one will suspect a thing.”Just make sure no one sees you taking the them out of the prescription bottle.”The guy then says,” No problem I’ll just hide them in my fred flinstone pez dispenser.” So the guy goes home and puts the pills in his pez dispenser. Later that night he wants to make love to his wife so he takes a pill out of his pez dispenser and with the instant excitement forgets to put the dispenser back in his pockets and leaves the pez dispenser on the kitchen counter. The next morning his son josh is in the kitchen eating breakfast and notices the pez dispenser, and says,” cool a fred flintstone dispenser.. better take this with me to school.” So at school josh’s friends proudly shows his pez dispenser to his friends, afterwards they all ask if they can have some pez candy .. so josh gives one to each of his friends and to himself, 5 minutes later all of them have pointy pants, so one of joshs friends says ,” hey buddy what the hell,what kind of candy did you give us ?” Josh replies, I dunno, but I guess you could call it hard candy!!!!! I suck but I gave it my best But what do you expect I do have a sense of humor like screech lol. Hey did you know a sex toy company is coming out with a twisted version of play-doh?.. Its called play-dildoh. Hey heres a real put down you can use if people ever make fun of how you look,” hey my dog gets more compliments from men/women than you do! .. heres one last one , an elderly couple are at the museum , they come up to the statue of david, and the wife starts admiring it, saying how lovely and great it is.. well the husband starts getting jealous because his wife seems to be giving more attention and compliments to the statue than he has everhad had from his wife , so he says” So whats so great about the statue?.. whats it got that I don’t have?”.. the wife replies with a grin on her face,” For one thing hes always hard!!”.. also I don’t know if I thought of this before but heres another idea for tootsie rolls pop commercial, have someone sucking on a tootsie rool pop and then say,” theres a sucker born ever minute… on a toostsie roll pop. Okay I know I should keep my day job, but hey I tried my best to brighten your day  okay now to the serious stuff.

Besides being a weird little man(im 5 10, 180 lbs) Im also a very flexible person who doesnt mind horseback riding, going to the aquarium/museum,the opera, staying at home watching a movie , playing chess or board games. hoping to meet someone who always keeps an open mind to whatever crazy idea that i come up with. i like doing a lot of things, as i believe everything new that i learn , will only make me a better person and less ignorant. i like working out ,chess, cooking,flying,reading,ufc,watching old tv shows etc. of course im always looking for new things to try, i love the knowledge and experience that comes with trying something new. hey maybe you can teach something new and i can teach you something new.

. Im a thoughtful person who always thinks of others before himself. If I was in a relationship and I was reading the Sunday paper and happened to stumble upon a coupon for my partners favorite make-up , I would cut it out attach it to a sticky note and write,¨ thought I would save you money babe¨ and put it in her purse.I guess I get satisfaction in helping others without getting anything in return. That feeling that you get from making someone happy , is worth more to me than money or any material goods.I also take pleasure in cheering people up, hey if my partner had a bad day or feeling under the weather, i would probably give her a nice massage and feed her fresh strawberries dipped in hot dark chocholate. Money and material possessions are fleeting but the lasting memory of helping or making someone feel better is forever. I think honesty is my best trait, being honest is so much easier, why go to the trouble of lying, when in the end it catches up with you. What ive just said is charming but means nothing if I cant put it to action. I rather do than talk, here’s an example for ya ladies: would you rather date a guy who can charm you too death but does not keep his words.. basically he’s all talk and no action or would you rather date a mime. Sure you’ll have communication problems in a relationship with a mime , but at least his actions speak louder than his words.( bad joke I know just trying to make a point). Anyone can talk but Few keep their words, I really hate people like that.

Anyways I have a dog named aries a sheltie mix and 6 zebra finches (birds). Going to school to become a nutritionist , I love food and cooking(if only I had enough time to devote to it) but my major career goal is in aviation . I love flying and traveling all around the world, my mom tells me when I was baby and we were on a plane the only thing that came out of my mouth was ,¨ I want fly the plane) this was of course in Portuguese as I came to states when I was 3. I think this travelling fetish probably had to do with going to portugal every year as a kid.. My parents have a house there and every summer we would go there. My parents have tons of property there that they take care of( like picking grapes,almonds oranges, and getting the soil properly fertilized ect.) So i would help them and i made friends with other Portuguese and other kids who came from other parts of europe(france,germany,switzerland,spain,netherland s)so somehow i became fixated with travelling.

Anyways hoping to meet someone where we cant start out as buddies as I believe when you date someone expectations are high, you put to much pressure on date. I believe getting to know someone over a long period time (as friends) can tell if your right for each other. Hey when you go on date you or you date may have had a bad day and that may leave an undesirable impression. Anyways sorry im not good at this writing thing but if your interested feel free to write back. Oh yeah one more thing heres my list of favorite movies,tv shows, board games ,video games.

Favorite movies: platoon, sniper, napoleon dynamite,clerks(1 and 2),breakfast club,fast times at ridgemonte high, Harold and kumar, bill and ted excellent adventure,a very brady sequel adventure,transformers the movie,anger management,not another teen movie, karate kid 1,2, rocky III, rocky balboa, home alone 1 and 2, problem child 1 and 2,chucky, nightmare on elm street (all of them),searching for bobby fischer,ferris buellers day off,the crow, ghostbusters,E.T., star wars(all of them), star trek(all movies) the lost boys,goonies,the outsiders,back to the future(1 and 2),a very brady sequel.last of the Mohicans,lord of the flies,stand by me, Indiana jones,little nicky,Brewster millions,billy Madison,enter the dragon,dodgeball,hitch,therock and gremlins( all 3 movies).

Favorite childhood shows and current favorites;Seinfeld,the Bernie mac show smurfs,transformers,gi joe,get along gang,pacman, the shirt-tales, force five,starblazers,voltron,beavis and butthead, Webster, punky Brewster,different strokes, all in the family, baby looney tunes, batman:animated adventures, teenwolf,snorks,doug,rugrats,spongebob,malcom in the middle,smallville, Garfield and friends,rugrats,supernatural,everbody loves Raymond, Johny zero, last comic standing( seasons 2 and 3),the littles,Alvin and the chipmunks, heathcliff,wait till your father gets home, mr.belvidere,home improvement,dennis the menace,little archie, yogibear,flinstones,aqua hunger teen force, reno911,chappelle show, you cant do that on television, heman and the masters of the universe,gobots,ducktales,silver spoons, chip and dale, the Charlie brown show,alf, fat albert,the munsters,leave it to beaver, spiderman and his amazing friends,teenage mutant ninja turtles, Kirby, dragonball z, battle of the planets,muppet babies, the muppets,Richie rich , angel,buffy the vampire slayer,stargate, family ties,wonder years,the highlander,airwolf,hey Arnold,knightrider,facts of life,happy days,Baywatch, parker lewis cant lose,brady bunch, life goes on,tour of duty,thundercats,alice,golden girls,Sanford and son,happy days,one day at time,facts of life,the fall guy,macgyver,welcome back kotter, threes company,perfect strangers,mask,ghostbuster,growing pains,I love lucy,whos the boss,small wonder,Kirby,dragonball z,alf,quantum leap,Laverne and Shirley,simpsons,I think I should stop now cause ive got like a 100 more shows lol.

Favorite board games: operation,life, battleship,chess,chutes and ladders,hungry hungry hippo, mouse trap.

Favorite music bands: skid row( 18 and life), def leppard, toto,motley crue,poison,guns and roses,bon jovi,warrant, van halen, Madonna, new kids on the block(just joking )whitesnake,nirvana, alice copper.


Favorite cereals:cocoa pebbles,cocoa puffs, count chocula,golden grams,apple jacks.


Favorite movie and tv characters: Gizmo,gonzo,slimer(ghostbusters)fozzie bear,gargamel,archie bunker,ferris bueller, boom boom Washington,juan Epstein,alf, AC slater,ferris bueller, zach morris,angel,spongebob,Charlie brown, spiderman,macgyver,Donald duck,Winnie the pooh,tigger,jughead jones, sam and dean Winchester(supernatural) lex luthor(smallville), green arrow (smallville),jeff spicolli, randall (clerks)kara(smallville).


Favorite romantic things to do: I know this gonna sound lame, but I think cuddling up with someone on a couch with a cup of hot chocolate , watching a movie or Saturday cartoons together is romantic, otherwise nothing beats a walk on the beach followed with a picnic,or a hot air ballon ride.

All time favorite video games: animal crossing( this game totally cracks me up :)
Mike tysons punch out,Zelda ,castlevania, super mario3, tecmo bowl

By the way does anyone remember lasertag and photon?

Also does anyone remember collecting garbagepail kids?

Also does anyone remember teddy ruxpin?

Okay, ladies. If you're still awake, any takers?

miscorrections
12-15-2007, 09:38 PM
That gave me a headache.

roberto73
12-15-2007, 09:44 PM
You mean his lists of favorite cereals, board games, and TV show characters couldn't save it for you?

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:48 AM
dude at least come up with something original instead of posting from the best of section.

are you fucking stupid or just retarded? The whole point of this thread is copying and pasting shit other people write. There is nothing original about this entire thread. Learn some comprehension skills philistine.

vinylmartyr
12-16-2007, 08:58 AM
http://www.sfu.ca/~gsa7/dickinabox1.jpg

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 09:03 AM
Is there meant to be a penis in there?

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 12:22 PM
Is there anywhere a penis isn't meant to be?

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:11 PM
In an electrical socket.

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 01:12 PM
Man, just wrap that shit in some black tape and go to work on that electrical pussy.

DaOneManWonda
12-16-2007, 01:12 PM
shark tank

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:13 PM
shark tank

they make shark suits stupid.

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 01:14 PM
Man goes in the cage, cage goes in the shark tank.

DaOneManWonda
12-16-2007, 01:14 PM
what if your dick resembles a seal?

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 01:16 PM
Dick goes in the seal.

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:16 PM
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v669/powerpop17/128295333672657500richarddreyfuss.jpg" border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a>

DaOneManWonda
12-16-2007, 01:17 PM
who had that short story about fucking a dolphin...was that algunz?

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 01:18 PM
You know one thing that's always bugged me about that line? Almost everyone misquotes it. I'm not saying I actually care about it with regards to the lolcat, but everyone I've ever heard quote it says "We're gonna need a bigger boat," when in fact it's "You're gonna need a bigger boat." Much better line that way.

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:18 PM
putting your dick in a blender is a bad idea

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 01:20 PM
Only if you leave the blades in. I recommend filling the blender with fake pussies, hit liquify, then when it's done just unplug and take the blades out and go to work.

DaOneManWonda
12-16-2007, 01:21 PM
l69Vi5IDc0g

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:23 PM
You know one thing that's always bugged me about that line? Almost everyone misquotes it. I'm not saying I actually care about it with regards to the lolcat, but everyone I've ever heard quote it says "We're gonna need a bigger boat," when in fact it's "You're gonna need a bigger boat." Much better line that way.

That movie is amazing. Mainly because of the fact that Roy Schneider and Richard Dreyfus hated each other. Robert Shaw was amazing as well. I love to quote him from that movie.

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 01:23 PM
Sure it looks cool and all, but can you fuck it?

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 01:24 PM
I was just talking about what bullshit it is that Robert Shaw didn't get any notable work after that. He was fucking amazing. Not to take anything away from Scheider or Dreyfuss, but they didn't have shit on Quint.

DaOneManWonda
12-16-2007, 01:24 PM
sure u can...how awesome would it be to have a glowing green penis? u can play alien v. predator with your friends

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:30 PM
Well he died three years after Jaws was made. He had a pretty good career leading up to that though.

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 01:31 PM
That'd explain a lot. I guess the shark finally caught up to him.

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:32 PM
3 men go in the water, only two men come back.

DaOneManWonda
12-16-2007, 01:33 PM
what happened to the other one

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:38 PM
Richard Dreyfus or Roy Schneider?

DaOneManWonda
12-16-2007, 01:39 PM
rob shneider

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 01:41 PM
rob Schneider is a douche bag. Roy Schneider still makes better movies.

DaOneManWonda
12-16-2007, 01:43 PM
where the fuck is that guy anyways

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 02:00 PM
It's Scheider not Schneider.

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 02:06 PM
my bad

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 02:07 PM
How did this turn into the Jaws thread? Someone make a craigslist singles post as Jaws, please.

ruetheday
12-16-2007, 02:14 PM
Better yet make a missed connection from Jaws to Quint.

thelastgreatman
12-16-2007, 03:19 PM
Oh that's fucking genius. It's your thread, you gotta do it.

ruetheday
12-17-2007, 12:53 PM
I tried, I'm too hung over to actually do that.

thelastgreatman
12-17-2007, 04:06 PM
hair of the dog, Lloyd. Hair of the dog.

miscorrections
01-08-2008, 07:54 PM
Who wants to date a rapping ninja?? - 24
Reply to: pers-532816753@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-08, 3:37PM PST


Dear Sexy Ladies,

I wrote the follow rap in hopes capturing your interest in dating a rapping ninja:

**cue gangster rap music in the background first, it really helps with atmosphere. maybe light some candles too.

Let me start with a little introduction,
My name is Steve and this is my ninja production,
I was born a normal human man,
At the age of five I was sent to Japan,
There,I learned how to Karate chop,
I would fight bad guys, then go to Ihop,
Because who doesn’t love eating pancakes after kicking some but,
Lets go out on a date, maybe play some putt putt.
I know you girls want to date a rapping ninja,
So now’s your chance, something something Hinja (sorry nothing rhymes with ninja)
I’m a rapping ninja, so now you know,
If you don’t date me, I’ll karate chop you hoe!

**stop gangster rap music in the background

Followed by:

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/Stevenolli/steve_the_rapper.jpg

miscorrections
01-08-2008, 07:56 PM
Also:


Let us frolic in my totally dope blanket fort - 33
Reply to: pers-532727097@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-08, 2:08PM PST


Yes, I know what you’re saying, “dude, that blanket fort sucks.” That would not be the first time I’ve heard such scathing reviews. Its structural integrity is dubious at best and there isn’t a whole lot of headroom. But c’mon, it’s not like I’m a fucking architect. Besides, this little baby is just a prototype. I have vast resources of cushions for anchoring and blankets in order to maximize square footage. My living room is just waiting to be turned into a wicked sweet labyrinth of love.

http://images.craigslist.org/010108010211010407200801082d26d6ac67c86e18310037eb .jpg

mountmccabe
01-08-2008, 09:12 PM
The rapping ninja called it "putt putt."

full on idle
01-08-2008, 09:13 PM
god dammit John.

schoolofruckus
01-08-2008, 09:14 PM
See? He knows!

full on idle
01-08-2008, 09:14 PM
www.diaf.com

mountmccabe
01-08-2008, 09:34 PM
Gabe, do you really want a rapping ninja on your side?

mountmccabe
01-08-2008, 09:34 PM
OK, fine, maybe you would.

keriann
01-08-2008, 09:34 PM
I have to admit I like blanket fort guy.

miscorrections
01-08-2008, 09:36 PM
Do you want what he claims is his picture? It wasn't funny, so I didn't post it.

keriann
01-08-2008, 09:38 PM
I am curious to see, yes.

letitbe_
01-08-2008, 09:40 PM
Uh, wow. Gold. Pure gold.

miscorrections
01-08-2008, 09:49 PM
http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s226/miscorrections/keriannsman.jpg

keriann
01-08-2008, 09:56 PM
ahahahahaha

That picture does not match that post. Dorky-cute I would buy, but not model-cute.

samiksha
01-08-2008, 09:57 PM
what's going on with his chest hair? i see a heart and a skull and crossbones.

keriann
01-08-2008, 10:03 PM
Or maybe he looked like that when he was 25 and is bald now. I'd also buy that.

I noticed the heart in the chest hair too.

miscorrections
01-08-2008, 10:05 PM
You ought to respond and do some investigatory journalism. Find out if he's got any more patterns hidden in his chest.

kroqken
01-23-2008, 07:28 PM
People should have the guts to put their real picture on if they run a Craigslist singles ad.

miscorrections
01-23-2008, 07:29 PM
Have you ever put up a Craigslist ad, Ken?

Hannahrain
01-23-2008, 07:29 PM
Have you ever responded to a craigslist ad and found that the person wasn't who they said they were?

thefunkylama
01-23-2008, 07:31 PM
Unfortunately, Ken, very rarely do internets people have guts.


Or, I should say, they have beer guts. Which amounts to the same thing, in the end.

kroqken
01-23-2008, 07:52 PM
I do not respond to craigslist singles ads or place ads. I go on there to look at jobs. I used to run personal ads in various newspapers in the early 1990s, before the internet caught on. Archie Bunker met some of these women.

Hannahrain
01-23-2008, 07:53 PM
Did you ever get any good responses? I bet some of the people who answered were pretty funny.

kroqken
01-23-2008, 08:11 PM
Some women were cute, others were nasty. SOme had good personalities and some did not. It ran the whole gamut. I prefer seeing what a person looks like before I meet that person, but personality is also very important to me as well.

Archie Bunker
01-23-2008, 08:29 PM
Some women were cute, others were nasty. SOme had good personalities and some did not. It ran the whole gamut. I prefer seeing what a person looks like before I meet that person, but personality is also very important to me as well.

Ken used to have a way to call the 1-900 response number to the ads for free, so he literally blanketed them with hundreds of responses.

As you might guess, there was a wide variance of who he ended up talking to. Most of them were either crazy, ugly, obese, or really trashy.

And as far as craigslist goes, you have to realize that a high percentage of those ads are phony. Basically craigslist personals has degenerated to become nothing but a variety of hoaxes, hookers, and pervs. A lot of the ads you guys posted were obviously fake. I don't know about the rest of you, but to me a wacky craigslist ad is only funny if the author is actually serious.

kroqken
01-23-2008, 08:45 PM
I met one girl off a personal ad who looked just like Alicia SIlverstone and ended up dating Archie Bunker for about a month.

Ardentbiscuit
01-26-2008, 11:15 PM
The best is missed connections, it's so psychotic...

Man jacking off in his car on 101 fwy 11am - w4m - 34
Reply to: pers-552659079@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-26, 2:25PM PST


Saw you jacking off in your car on the 101 frwy nice cock. I wanted you to finish but I had to get off at tampa if you get this get back to me I want to watch finish. Loved your look you gave me.




* Location: sfv
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 552659079

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/mis/552659079.html

boarderwoozel3
01-26-2008, 11:23 PM
That shit is nuts

Hannahrain
01-31-2008, 03:45 PM
Cashier Beauty from New Frontier - m4w - 29

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-31, 4:05PM PST


I purchased some toilet paper and smokes. You rang me up, and my heart melted like cheese on a pop tart. Your curly brown hair and buttermilk breasts are all the cream I need for my coffee. I would love to touch your skin with my bird feathers (I have an assorted collection). You were working yesterday, and I hope you are working tonight so I can ride you home on my horse. Also, why are avocados so expensive there? Just curious. Let's be more than friends; let's be lovers. Meet me by the beer at 8pm if you're pants are feeling the way my pants are feeling. I'll be holding a squash and some tortillas.

amyzzz
01-31-2008, 03:51 PM
hahahahhahahaha

Hannahrain
02-03-2008, 06:43 PM
Taco? - w4m - 28

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-02, 1:46AM PST


It was on about 3 p.m. of a long, cold day when suddenly, from the parking lot, I caught the dulcet tones of a harmonica accompanied by your howling siren's song. I turned just in time to catch you swaggering toward the park exit in a fitted wetsuit that would've made even Jesus sexy. And for one second, just for one freaking second, the sun shone in southern Eugene.

If you can read this, pick up a phone and throw me a bone - I've got a fresh jar of peanut butter with your name on it.


---------------------------------

Re: Taco - m4w

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-03, 3:27PM PST


I was unaware "Three Blind Mice" was a siren song. I'm pleased to know it caught your attention. I too, saw the sun shine in Eugene- and though clothed in wetsuit glory, felt your stare burn through me as I swaggered away. And for that one freaking second, when I let my guard down, I was tempted to ask you to leave your stalking point from behind the bushes and be whisked away -by my Christ-like sexiness- to the nearest 7-11 for fine cuisine and conversation.

Next time you see me, don't bother to bring the peanut butter. I am not a dog, and do not require it to enjoy your taco.


Location: Gomorrah

boarderwoozel3
02-03-2008, 07:02 PM
Some people... :nono

smoke
02-06-2008, 11:24 PM
Mustang Bookstore - m4m - 62
Reply to: pers-565197467@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-06, 1:36PM PST


You fisted my ass in a booth yesterday afternoon (Tuesday). I found your ring this morning...get back to me with a discription.




* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 565197467

miscorrections
02-07-2008, 01:05 PM
Heavy brutal extreme death crushing metal heavy music - 21
Reply to: pers-565525050@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-06, 6:45PM PST


I'm fucking aggro and I listen to garbble garbble chug smash death shit.

Garbble garbble?

nationocean
02-07-2008, 01:09 PM
it is on my must list to read craigslist missed connections weekly

Jenniehoo
02-07-2008, 10:46 PM
Followed by:

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/Stevenolli/steve_the_rapper.jpg


I love this thread. And the "man" above is a woman. It's all in the eyes.

smoke
02-07-2008, 10:54 PM
best of craigslist anyone?

Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch (http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/540076210.html)

Jenniehoo
02-07-2008, 10:57 PM
It looks like he was eaten by the couch. It also looks as if he might be gay. Which would possibly explain his artistic need to create a couch that looks like vagina by which he could be swallowed.

The whole thing's actually genuinely upsetting.

Hannahrain
02-08-2008, 06:41 AM
It looks sort of like a developmentally disabled giant clam. Also I think it's a woman. She might have a penis, though.

TomAz
02-08-2008, 06:43 AM
the pictures didn't load for me.

BROKENDOLL
02-08-2008, 07:12 AM
It resembled....Uh, nevermind...

Hannahrain
02-08-2008, 10:10 AM
White trash girl at the Dollar Tree

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-07, 11:36PM PST


Hey Lady,

It's us the Japanese/Filipino couple in line behind you at the dollar store. We just wanted to commend you on the etiquette and overall classiness you display out in public.
Everyone at the register was especially impressed by your discourse on lower back "tribal" tattoos,and how your boyfriend thinks you give good enough blow jobs without your tongue ring. Your words made me reminisce back to 1998 when tongue rings and tribal tats were actually popular. Then you non-chalantly launched into a rant about how you hate not being able to understand all the stupid asian and mexican people at your work.

Now, please don't think we were eavesdropping,it was just that it was so very hard to tune you out at the 82 decibel gangsta/latina/white-trash accent you've adopted as your normal indoor speaking voice. But I must say we were puzzled, how someone who seems to undoubtedly spend hours watching shows on the CW to cultivate your entire persona, that you failed to notice the two brown people you were staring directly at when you unleashed your obnoxiously loud-ass ignorant remark.

We're not sure exactly why you were being so loud when you said that. Maybe you were buzzing off the excitement of your first time in such an upscale establishment as the "Dollar Tree". Maybe it was because a friend or family member told you that asians wouldn't be able to see you that far away('what on account of their squinty eyes an such'). But rest assured using the Kung Fu skills that we all possess, we picked you out right away.

We were about to call you out on your ignorance until we noticed how pathetically trashy you were dressed and that you were doing all your household and grocery shopping at a store where every item is guaranteed to cost $1 or less. Maybe on the first when your Oregon Trail card is re-upped we can all go shopping at Winco together...

Stay Classy,
Your new Asian friends

Jenniehoo
02-08-2008, 01:24 PM
That's really funny. Craigslist is the pulse of the passive-aggressive community.

gaypalmsprings
05-10-2008, 08:33 PM
This was posted in M4M missed connections:

To the beautiful man at coachella - m4m - 25 (Coachella)
Reply to: pers-661789314@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-29, 10:53PM PDT


you have Courage tattoo'd along your spinal column. This is a Long shot but we made eye contact multiple times. Let me know if you are interested. i can send pics if you can describe me

Mr.Nipples
06-27-2008, 04:56 PM
To my neighbor who I saw pooping in his yard yesterday - w4m

Date: 2008-06-05, 2:52PM EDT

I saw you couched down with your pants around your ankles. I asked "Hey, what are you doing?". Your reply was "Pooping in a groundhog hole! I read about it online. It's suppose to trick the groundhog into thinking another animal has moved into it's lair.".

Since you are normally a sane person I refrained from calling the police.

matsuolost
06-27-2008, 06:09 PM
i love missed connections hahaha
http://sandiego.craigslist.org/csd/mis/735257997.html

marooko
06-27-2008, 07:12 PM
To my neighbor who I saw pooping in his yard yesterday - w4m

Date: 2008-06-05, 2:52PM EDT

I saw you couched down with your pants around your ankles. I asked "Hey, what are you doing?". Your reply was "Pooping in a groundhog hole! I read about it online. It's suppose to trick the groundhog into thinking another animal has moved into it's lair.".

Since you are normally a sane person I refrained from calling the police.

thats fucking awesome!!!

aeroplanee
06-29-2008, 08:40 PM
An EPIC mount! (warcraft players look inside) - w4m

Date: 2007-04-08, 8:07PM EDT


Hello I need 5000 world of gold for my epic flying mount. In return you can mount me.

You have to have an account on the laughing skull server and I want the 5000 gold BEFORE we do anything, we can make the trade at your place since I can't host. EDIT: Because I am having a lot of dumb guys message me who clearly don't have the gold make SURE to send: a picture of yourself and a screenshot of your character with the 5000g, I will be checking armory profiles, thanks.

I play a level 70 night elf druid and would prefer someone who was into roleplaying (I have a costume!) but honestly anyone will do, as long as you have the gold. I would also be ok with a woman too, as long as you have the gold! Also not adverse to the idea of groups\anal.

Please send a pic and be real and drug\disease free with 5000 gold on the laughing skull server.

boarderwoozel3
06-29-2008, 08:44 PM
^

Thats too much. :rotfl

whynotsmile99
06-29-2008, 09:31 PM
I am interested in guys that don't hook up with very many girls and thought they would never do something like this. If I wanted a boyfriend I would be posting in that section this is temporary. Come over a couple nights a week pretend I'm your girlfriend get naked for a few hours and then go home. I want lots of kissing, passion, nice stuff, and at the same time laugh and have fun. You must have control, stamina, be a nice romantic but FUN guy, be well endowed, clean cut, willing to do whatever I want, submissive, live nearby, be age 22-26. This is about me, not you. If you are very nice to me and make me feel special I will be very, very nice to you. Looks must NOT matter to you. Expect the worst.



wow,

Expect the worst !!! Least shes honest


http://ventura.craigslist.org/mis/728024439.html

lindseyb
08-13-2008, 01:09 PM
This made me LOL:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ksc/725674463.html

Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2008-06-19, 3:59PM CDT



FLAGGERS: Over half the United States population has legitimate concerns about what will happen to their pets after the rapture occurs. Please respect their faith and allow this service to remain posted, just as the waste removal and grooming posts remain posted. Again, over half of the US population feels that this is a concern to them. If there is a specific problem with the ad, please email me. Thank you.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No one knows when that day or hour will come. Even the angels in heaven and the Son don't know. Only the Father knows."
(Matthew 24:36)

"For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord."
(1 Thessalonians 4:15–17)


Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life? The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets? Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in.

I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Do not let my atheism scare you! I am a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal.

For a small deposit of only $50, you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time that you are raptured until the end of their natural life. They will get adequate amounts of food, water, and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as I would imagine there will be a lot of pets that will be abandoned by Jesus the pet hater that will need to be cared for.

If interested, please email me for my PayPal address (you can also send me a check if you prefer) so you can assure that your pets will be taken care of after Jesus comes to take your soul to heaven. $50 is only a small price to pay to know that while you are enjoying everlasting bliss, your pets will be cared for until their end days. Thanks and have a great day!

Please do not flag this ad. It is very serious.

marooko
08-13-2008, 01:16 PM
This made me LOL:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ksc/725674463.html

Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2008-06-19, 3:59PM CDT



FLAGGERS: Over half the United States population has legitimate concerns about what will happen to their pets after the rapture occurs. Please respect their faith and allow this service to remain posted, just as the waste removal and grooming posts remain posted. Again, over half of the US population feels that this is a concern to them. If there is a specific problem with the ad, please email me. Thank you.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No one knows when that day or hour will come. Even the angels in heaven and the Son don't know. Only the Father knows."
(Matthew 24:36)

"For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord."
(1 Thessalonians 4:15–17)


Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life? The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets? Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in.

I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Do not let my atheism scare you! I am a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal.

For a small deposit of only $50, you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time that you are raptured until the end of their natural life. They will get adequate amounts of food, water, and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as I would imagine there will be a lot of pets that will be abandoned by Jesus the pet hater that will need to be cared for.

If interested, please email me for my PayPal address (you can also send me a check if you prefer) so you can assure that your pets will be taken care of after Jesus comes to take your soul to heaven. $50 is only a small price to pay to know that while you are enjoying everlasting bliss, your pets will be cared for until their end days. Thanks and have a great day!

Please do not flag this ad. It is very serious.

fucking genius!!

kroqken
11-23-2008, 05:50 PM
I should put a singles ad in just to see who will respond. Anyone want to help me write it.

Wheres the beef?
03-02-2009, 09:53 PM
A different request - 29 (South Bay)
Reply to: pers-p9ybj-1057996416@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-02, 10:13PM PST


I am an attractive successful woman, looking to meet a man with psoriasis between the ages of 30 and 38. I know its super personal but I really need to find you. Please only reply with pic. No picture no reply. Thanks :)

MantisMel
03-03-2009, 11:39 AM
This was too awesome!!!!




couple looking for another hot girl - mw4w

<hr> Date: 2009-01-06, 11:57PM AKST


come join us and make it a threesome

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/anc/983394945.jpg