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View Full Version : Ladies-Ass Guard Method?



captncrzy
11-28-2007, 01:39 PM
So, when I go to the toilet, I usually put the ass-guard down like this:

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/captncrzy/seatcover2.jpg

The other day, on accident, I laid it down like this:

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/captncrzy/seatcover1.jpg

The second method seemed to work better. For the first time ever, the ass guard didn't get stuck in the crack.

Thoughts?

mvanwinkle
11-28-2007, 01:42 PM
I put one down like the second method then i put another one on top like the first method. so i use two pieces. i feel more safe and clean with two for some reason.

marooko
11-28-2007, 02:13 PM
on accident

on accident....hhahahah. thats fucking killer. my GF laughs whenever i say that.

mvanwinkle
11-28-2007, 02:15 PM
i didnt realize the part that said ladies. i obviousy use ass guards for number 2.

leo01g
11-28-2007, 02:17 PM
i use toilet paper its easier for number 2

mvanwinkle
11-28-2007, 02:19 PM
toilet paper takes too long. i always wait to the last minute. so i just go for the a-guars. when i was little my parents called them cowboy hats. and for the longest time thats what refered to them as.

leo01g
11-28-2007, 02:24 PM
Yeah but you always have to rip the front or stick your penis under it because when you start peeing the paper starts getting all wet. im talking about the ass guards

mvanwinkle
11-28-2007, 02:30 PM
this method works. pee standing up. then flush. then place ass gard. then sit down. then poo.

mvanwinkle
11-28-2007, 02:30 PM
actually i have never tried this method. i will call it a theory.

RotationSlimWang
11-28-2007, 02:30 PM
Just wipe the seat off and stop being several bunches of fags about it.

mvanwinkle
11-28-2007, 02:31 PM
wipe it off with tp?

RotationSlimWang
11-28-2007, 02:31 PM
Yup.

Alchemy
11-28-2007, 03:10 PM
I've never used an ass-guard, and I'd be embarrassed to carry them around. Just don't sit down on a seat with shit rubbed all over it, and take good showers.

mvanwinkle
11-28-2007, 03:13 PM
i only use them if they are provided in the restroom other wise i just make one with tp.

gaypalmsprings
11-28-2007, 03:14 PM
I hate it when it falls off the toilet, & I walk outta the restroom with the assguard stuck to my shoe.

suprefan
11-28-2007, 03:14 PM
Hahaha on accident huh?

ThomThom
11-28-2007, 03:42 PM
If the stall has no assguard I squat, toilet paper takes way too much time and normally when I take a dump in a public restroom it's because I really really have to go.

leo01g
11-28-2007, 03:48 PM
Yeah but squating? i would rather put my ass on that dirty seat for a couple of minutes than to take an uncomfortable shit

ThomThom
11-28-2007, 03:52 PM
I'd rather have an uncomfortable but quick dump rather than shitting my pants while placing toilet paper on the seat. If I have a little bit of time and there is no ass guard sure toilet paper it is, but if you have a monster about to come out of your ass you gotta go.

gaypalmsprings
11-28-2007, 04:09 PM
I hate when there is no toilet paper. That's when I use assgaurds to wipe with.

ThomThom
11-28-2007, 04:10 PM
I hate when there is no toilet paper. That's when I use assgaurds to wipe with.

LOL...You sick motherfucker!

marooko
11-28-2007, 04:34 PM
I'd rather have an uncomfortable but quick dump rather than shitting my pants while placing toilet paper on the seat. If I have a little bit of time and there is no ass guard sure toilet paper it is, but if you have a monster about to come out of your ass you gotta go.

on the rare occasion a monster needs to come out of my ass, i totally squat. otherwise, home is never that far away. fuck public restrooms, bunch a dirty motherfuckers peeing all over the place and shit.

PotVsKtl
11-28-2007, 04:38 PM
Or you could stop being paranoid about germs on your thighs.

marooko
11-28-2007, 04:39 PM
i could, but i wont.

gaypalmsprings
11-28-2007, 04:42 PM
paper towels work too

http://www.tscorp.cleanseats.com/imgs/toilet-bad.jpg

PotVsKtl
11-28-2007, 04:44 PM
Your children are all going to die of the flu.

marooko
11-28-2007, 04:48 PM
no they're not. they're just not gonna catch anything in a public restroom. im not concerned about germs, just bodily fluids that aren't mine or my girlfriends.

PotVsKtl
11-28-2007, 04:57 PM
Luckily human beings do not have orifii on the backs of their legs.

dorkfish
11-28-2007, 05:19 PM
i had no clue that society had so many filth fearing paranoids.

woogie846
11-28-2007, 06:55 PM
Why don't you just stand up and poo?

invisiblerobots
11-28-2007, 07:08 PM
What is it that you think those assguards are protecting you from? Do you enjoy wasting some extra paper while you're shitting?

ThomThom
11-28-2007, 07:26 PM
i had no clue that society had so many filth fearing paranoids.

Yes they still exist, I am definitely one of them. I am that idiot that opens restroom doors with a paper towel.

marooko
11-28-2007, 07:30 PM
Why don't you just stand up and poo?

well that would just be stupid, kinda like this question.

marooko
11-28-2007, 07:33 PM
Yes they still exist, I am definitely one of them. I am that idiot that opens restroom doors with a paper towel.

that is not being an idiot thom, im totally with you. i dont mind germs, i just dont wanna sit on a seat that someone else just got done pissing on.

summerkid
11-28-2007, 07:57 PM
What is it that you think those assguards are protecting you from? Do you enjoy wasting some extra paper while you're shitting?

http://www.cleanseats.com/toilet_seats/view/how.html

woogie846
11-28-2007, 08:17 PM
I'm gonna make a fortune off the reusable ass guard. I'll let you even customize it with your very own personal ass plate.

menikmati
11-28-2007, 08:19 PM
I don't "go" in other bathrooms besides my own.

bballarl
11-28-2007, 08:20 PM
Has someone suggested the "Man-the-fuck-up-and-just-use-toilet-paper-to-wipe-off-the-seat" method?

Wheres the beef?
11-28-2007, 08:25 PM
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f209/carbine000/toilet-bad.jpg

ThomThom
11-28-2007, 08:28 PM
Has someone suggested the "Man-the-fuck-up-and-just-use-toilet-paper-to-wipe-off-the-seat" method?

Yes

algunz
11-28-2007, 08:35 PM
I don't use anything. I just sit and go. If necessary, I'll wipe the seat with toilet paper, but I try to keep my hands away from that area all together.
Besides, there's more germs on the handle of the door you walk out of then on the toilet seat.

shoegazer76
11-28-2007, 08:57 PM
What do you poor folks do when you gotta use a porta potty?
Does anybody have an actual list of diseases that can be picked up from a toilet seat? The toilet is kinda like a person you'd pick up in a bar. They look clean but are they really? Fuck a seat cover how about a test kit that you spray a test liquid onto the seat that changes color indicating what potential contaminants are on the seat. That'd be soooo CSI.

algunz
11-28-2007, 09:00 PM
You think the test kit would get past Coachella security?

shoegazer76
11-28-2007, 09:03 PM
I'm gonna hide mine in me bum. Better safe than sorry. I bet those seats would change all kinds of different colors after a test spray.

algunz
11-28-2007, 09:09 PM
We should project the "show" in the Sahara during Underworld.

shoegazer76
11-28-2007, 09:11 PM
Yeah that'd be so fuckin trippy. Dude I never knew staph infections could be so magenta like wow man!

algunz
11-28-2007, 09:18 PM
giggle

Steez
11-28-2007, 09:44 PM
ass guards are one of the worst inventions, that shit always falls in.

TP TP TP

Hannahrain
11-28-2007, 09:57 PM
There's fecal coliform bacteria on every single one of your toothbrushes.


That is all.

roberto73
11-28-2007, 10:09 PM
This is why I haven't brushed my teeth since 1976.

ThomThom
11-28-2007, 10:11 PM
I change mine every two weeks or so.

RotationSlimWang
11-28-2007, 10:23 PM
What do you poor folks do when you gotta use a porta potty?
Does anybody have an actual list of diseases that can be picked up from a toilet seat?

I'm pretty the list is empty. You can't catch shit from a toilet seat.

keriann
11-28-2007, 10:29 PM
Are those things seriously commonly referred to as assguards? I have never heard this nomenclature before.

mvanwinkle
11-28-2007, 10:37 PM
What do you poor folks do when you gotta use a porta potty?


The hover method works perfect in this situation. I had to use the hover at the mcdonalds by amoeb. the toilet was covered in fecal matter

thefunkylama
11-28-2007, 10:45 PM
You can't catch shit from a toilet seat.

well except that i'm pretty sure shit is the one thing you CAN catch from a toilet seat.

leo01g
11-28-2007, 11:09 PM
I don't "go" in other bathrooms besides my own.

do you really hold it for 3 days during Coachella?

summerkid
11-28-2007, 11:14 PM
The added day makes it impossible. In 2006 though I went without taking a shit, but I didn't really eat much that year.

goodgrl
11-28-2007, 11:14 PM
well except that i'm pretty sure shit is the one thing you CAN catch from a toilet seat.

TRUTH BE DAT!

BROKENDOLL
11-28-2007, 11:44 PM
So, when I go to the toilet, I usually put the ass-guard down like this:

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/captncrzy/seatcover2.jpg

The other day, on accident, I laid it down like this:

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/captncrzy/seatcover1.jpg

The second method seemed to work better. For the first time ever, the ass guard didn't get stuck in the crack.

Thoughts?
Yah, only a fat ass would have that problem!

bmack86
11-28-2007, 11:53 PM
Seriously, people, stop being such bitches. If the seat is wet, wipe it off, and sit down. Everybody is so sanitized. It pisses me off.

theburiedlife
11-29-2007, 12:07 AM
Ahh but cleanliness is next to godliness...

I caught stomach bacteria in Villa Hermosa, then took what I call a "bathroom tour" of Mexico for about 2 weeks. Then, after arriving home, spent 3 more weeks not 10 feet from the proximity of my my toilet, until the antibiotics kicked in. If i still have my pictures, I'll put up a pic of what the worst toilet in Mexico looks like (It was near Palenque). I even had to pay a dollar per piece of napkin, the only thing close to TP they had.

Thank god for ass guards.

captncrzy
11-29-2007, 06:25 AM
I'm so suprised that so many guys care about protecting their asses; I just assumed it didn't bother dudes-which is why I addressed it to the ladies.

In any case, I've also learned that assguards make great oil blotters. So next time your face is a little oily, you can use one to blot your face.

gaypalmsprings
11-29-2007, 06:27 AM
http://www.bugsweeps.com/resources/discover/toilet.gif

menikmati
11-29-2007, 12:23 PM
Are those things seriously commonly referred to as assguards? I have never heard this nomenclature before.

Texas t-shirts.

menikmati
11-29-2007, 12:24 PM
do you really hold it for 3 days during Coachella?

I've never "gone" while at Coachella, and I've been going to the festival since 2005. I've also gone on camping trips (sometimes for up to a week) where I never had to uh....

captncrzy
11-29-2007, 12:25 PM
When you say you've never "gone", does that mean you've never done number 2? Or, do you not even do number 1?

menikmati
11-29-2007, 12:26 PM
well of course I go pee at Coachella...but usually only once in the morning when I get out of my tent, and maybe once before I go back to bed in my tent. No number 2's...

menikmati
11-29-2007, 12:28 PM
I just hate using other bathrooms besides my own.

amyzzz
11-29-2007, 01:30 PM
understandable. I hate this thread, btw.

J~$$$
11-29-2007, 01:33 PM
shit, poop, crap, BM.

Mr.Nipples
11-29-2007, 01:36 PM
I will never use a public bathroom again after i witnessed a toilet smothered in shit with a frog swimming around in it...never again...

TomAz
11-29-2007, 01:41 PM
a frog?!??! disgusting.

amyzzz
11-29-2007, 01:46 PM
That's kinda cool.

Alchemy
11-29-2007, 01:54 PM
Some of you need to overcome your fears. Walk into a public bathroom and look for a stall with a puddle of pee around the toilet. Lift up the seat with your bare hands, take off your shoes and let your socks soak up the pee as you sit down so that you fall through and are partially in the toilet water (preferably a used toilet). Then do your business and wash up.

theburiedlife
11-29-2007, 01:59 PM
I've done what you asked, I still feel the need to use assgaurds.

Isn't it a myth that you can catch some sort of STI from toilet seats?

AEversW
11-29-2007, 02:05 PM
i haven't done number 2 in a public restroom since Coachella 2007.

AEversW
11-29-2007, 02:05 PM
i have a very bad phobia about using public restrooms. Also I don't eat in public places.

Alchemy
11-29-2007, 02:08 PM
i have a very bad phobia about using public restrooms. Also I don't eat in public places.

Are you serious? No eating in public places? I'll eat in a public restroom.

marooko
11-29-2007, 02:11 PM
I will never use a public bathroom again after i witnessed a toilet smothered in shit with a frog swimming around in it...never again...

seeing something like that might actually make me want to go in and use a public restroom.


Are you serious? No eating in public places? I'll eat in a public restroom.

fucking g-r-oss.

marooko
11-29-2007, 02:12 PM
I've never "gone" while at Coachella, and I've been going to the festival since 2005. I've also gone on camping trips (sometimes for up to a week) where I never had to uh....

i almost went #2 at woodstock. i went in, came back out. it was nasty as fuck, so nasty my poo didint even wanna be in there.

captncrzy
11-29-2007, 02:17 PM
I just hate using other bathrooms besides my own.

This girl I used to work with had a phobia about going number 2 in the bathroom at work. So, almost every day, she would get in her car and drive down the street to Bed Bath and Beyond to go there instead.



shit, poop, crap, BM.


Doody.

marooko
11-29-2007, 02:42 PM
maybe she whistled when she pooed.

PotVsKtl
11-29-2007, 02:43 PM
fucking g-r-oss.

This is what listening to house music does to you kids. Don't be a marooko.

mountmccabe
11-29-2007, 03:00 PM
Luckily human beings do not have orifii on the backs of their legs.

This is where we should be listening to Pot.

Unless you have a cut or sore you're not going to absorb bacteria, etc through your skin without making a concentrated effort.

mountmccabe
11-29-2007, 03:07 PM
Also it isn't that the door knob or stall lock or whatever is likely to be more dirty than a toilet seat but that it is more likely to be something you don't think of as dirty/dangerous and thus don't treat as unclean.

Yes, wipe the seat and/or use an assguard (I haven't heard that term before either) but no matter what make sure you wash your hands afterwards.

marooko
11-29-2007, 04:11 PM
This is what listening to house music does to you kids. Don't be a marooko.

This is what happens when you try to be a smartass and fail.

gaypalmsprings
11-29-2007, 04:19 PM
If you #2 at Coachella, that blue liquid will splash up your crack.

woogie846
11-29-2007, 08:18 PM
maybe she whistled when she pooed.

I don't know why I found that so funny.

MarkO
11-29-2007, 08:30 PM
I call them ass gaskets and I carry a travel pack of them at Coachella.

algunz
11-29-2007, 09:11 PM
mountmccabe, I like your avatar. It's like playing "I Spy" with my daughter.

captncrzy
11-30-2007, 06:33 AM
Assguard is my super cool special word. Spread it around.

invisiblerobots
11-30-2007, 06:48 AM
http://www.wired.com/news/images/full/bubbleboy1_f.jpg

marooko
11-30-2007, 07:00 AM
I call them ass gaskets and I carry a travel pack of them at Coachella.

awesome.

BROKENDOLL
11-30-2007, 08:50 AM
Assguard is my super cool special word. Spread it around.
With your shit for brains this doesn't suprise me in the least.

Wheres the beef?
12-01-2007, 10:46 PM
Also it isn't that the door knob or stall lock or whatever is likely to be more dirty than a toilet seat but that it is more likely to be something you don't think of as dirty/dangerous and thus don't treat as unclean.

Yes, wipe the seat and/or use an assguard (I haven't heard that term before either) but no matter what make sure you wash your hands afterwards.

I dont have to wash my hands if I didnt touch anything in the bathroom.

Hand sanitizer is better than washing your hands anyways (risk wise).

Yablonowitz
12-02-2007, 09:45 AM
g_dpQfHmAWU

You're TOO clean. But wash your fucking hands. (http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/11/30/dirt_on_clean/index.html)