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View Full Version : Colonics, anyone?



UnicornsForBreakfast
09-19-2007, 11:09 PM
Has anyone ever had a colonic? I'm thinking about it.

Does it suck, does it kick ass?

BROKENDOLL
09-19-2007, 11:11 PM
Prepare yourself for a shitload of smart-assed remarks from this group!

UnicornsForBreakfast
09-20-2007, 12:28 AM
Prepare yourself for a shitload of smart-assed remarks from this group!

Oh I'm ready. I'm not new to this.

Mr.Nipples
09-20-2007, 12:28 AM
ive had one and it was a blast!

UnicornsForBreakfast
09-20-2007, 01:23 AM
ive had one and it was a blast!


I read that is wasn't supposed to be a blast.

gaypalmsprings
09-20-2007, 05:06 AM
http://content.funnyhumor.com/pictures/elephanttrunk.jpg

bug on your lip
09-20-2007, 06:21 AM
i know Penn & Teller had an episode about it on their show "Bullshit"

but i don't recall all the points they made...

i do remember them saying the human body does not store Toxins, & those claims are bullshit

captncrzy
09-20-2007, 07:37 AM
I heard it's ...uncomfortable. I'm not down with having a stranger stick a water tube up my butt and sitting there watching while the remanents of my dinner come flying out of me. My friend said she saw undigested salad in the machine..like actual pieces of green lettuce. Gross.

marooko
09-20-2007, 09:03 AM
http://content.funnyhumor.com/pictures/elephanttrunk.jpg

where do you find this shit, GPS?

All That I Am
09-20-2007, 09:26 AM
I heard its pretty much bullshit, you may come out a few pounds lighter, but that's just because they flushed all the shit out of your system.

I dunno maybe try bloodletting or something.

disgustipated
09-20-2007, 09:41 AM
I have had a few. Most recent being two weeks ago. I have digestion problems, so it helps.


It's odd and uncomfortable your first time, but not unbearable. You will get light headed and sweat, some even pass out and/or puke...depends on your lifestyle.

Eat a light vegetarian diet for a few days before, refrain from drinking and other pleasures and the side effects will be minimal.


No reason to use it as a weight loss tool. You really are just loosing shit.

BROKENDOLL
09-20-2007, 09:50 AM
I was actually wondering about it myself awhile back so I did some research...There's like a two week system you have to follow in order to completely cleanse yourself properly, as well as eating certain foods and omitting others...As soon as they said "No coffee, no smoking,no alcohol" I decided I would have to live my life out as an Old Human Bong...

BROKENDOLL
09-20-2007, 10:20 AM
I'm actually waiting with anticipation for a response from RotationSlimWang on this subject matter...Being an expert and so full of shit, you know...LOL

fatbastard
09-20-2007, 10:20 AM
I would post pictures of what is retreived from a colonics procedure but I'm eating lunch right now.

shoegazer76
09-20-2007, 10:24 AM
The build up of shit on yr intestine walls are the toxins that are being removed. Like what draino does for your pipes. It just makes it so you can have more regular bowel movements & supposedly helps prevent cancers. Toxins are removed by the body in yr piss & shit. John Wayne is reported to have had 50 lbs worth of built up shit in his intestines when he died.

shoegazer76
09-20-2007, 10:28 AM
I've never had one because I'm too scared my intrestines would rupture or something. There is also another method of fasting & drinking some sorta tea that flushes everything out. I've heard that vegetarians who hadn't eaten meat in years tried this & excreted meaty substances through this process. This gives you an idea of just how long something could be trapped inside yr inards.

BROKENDOLL
09-20-2007, 10:29 AM
The build up of shit on yr intestine walls are the toxins that are being removed. Like what draino does for your pipes. It just makes it so you can have more regular bowel movements & supposedly helps prevent cancers. Toxins are removed by the body in yr piss & shit. John Wayne is reported to have had 50 lbs worth of built up shit in his intestines when he died. No wonder he talked in that sort of languid, drawn out way...(John Wayne voice)"Weellll, I'll tell you, lil' missy...I have a gut feeeelin' yer assuuumin' I'm full of shit..."

fatbastard
09-20-2007, 10:29 AM
http://www.medaloffreedom.com/JohnWayneTrueGrit.jpg

BROKENDOLL
09-20-2007, 10:30 AM
I've never had one because I'm too scared my intrestines would rupture or something. There is also another method of fasting & drinking some sorta tea that flushes everything out. I've heard that vegetarians who hadn't eaten meat in years tried this & excreted meaty substances through this process. This gives you an idea of just how long something could be trapped inside yr inards.Hence my reasoning about remaing in life as an Old Human Bong...

shoegazer76
09-20-2007, 10:31 AM
No wonder he talked in that sort of languid, drawn out way...(John Wayne voice)"Weellll, I'll tell you, lil' missy...I have a gut feeeelin' yer assuuumin' I'm full of shit..."

hahahahahahahahahahah.
Thats probably why he walked bow legged too. Not from riding horses.

BROKENDOLL
09-20-2007, 10:31 AM
http://www.medaloffreedom.com/JohnWayneTrueGrit.jpg That pic right below my post made me coat my screen with coffee!

mountmccabe
09-20-2007, 11:02 AM
There is also another method of fasting & drinking some sorta tea that flushes everything out. I've heard that vegetarians who hadn't eaten meat in years tried this & excreted meaty substances through this process. This gives you an idea of just how long something could be trapped inside yr inards.

"meaty substances" = bits of their intestines

People will say all kinds of nonsense to sell you odd foodstuffs/convince you to do crazy things/stick things in your ass.

J~$$$
09-20-2007, 11:07 AM
KGms1Am32rw

Mr.Nipples
09-20-2007, 11:10 AM
i want that bigfoot shirt...

JustSteve
09-20-2007, 11:18 AM
shit does not build up and attach to your intestines and sit there for years or decades. that's a load of, well, crap.

orbit
09-20-2007, 01:30 PM
Colon contains mucus but no way there are 5 pounds of undigested meat in it. Unless I have some colon related problems, I wouldn't get colonics; I've not heard any proven benefit of it. When I got a colonoscopy months ago, the doctors only asked me to take some laxatives, and drink plenty of water to clean the colon out for the procedure, but never suggested the use of colonics.

So, better ask your doctor, and change your eating habits.

Mr.Nipples
09-20-2007, 02:09 PM
WHI9yJiA4_w

luckyface
09-20-2007, 02:13 PM
Colon contains mucus but no way there are 5 pounds of undigested meat in it. Unless I have some colon related problems, I wouldn't get colonics; I've not heard any proven benefit of it. When I got a colonoscopy months ago, the doctors only asked me to take some laxatives, and drink plenty of water to clean the colon out for the procedure, but never suggested the use of colonics.

So, better ask your doctor, and change your eating habits.

Ugh, I do not know too many procedures worse than a colonoscopy.

gazercmh
09-20-2007, 02:19 PM
leeches are the way forward.

orbit
09-20-2007, 02:20 PM
Ugh, I do not know too many procedures worse than a colonoscopy.

Yeah, I was sedated anyway.

gaypalmsprings
09-20-2007, 04:11 PM
http://www.csoltis.com/gallery2/d/24603-4/shit.jpg

fatbastard
09-20-2007, 04:37 PM
http://www.dwtherapy.com/images/Updated%20colonic-barefoot%20pics%20024.jpg

Mr.Nipples
09-20-2007, 04:40 PM
could you imagine if that thing malfunctioned...

UnicornsForBreakfast
09-21-2007, 02:44 AM
could you imagine if that thing malfunctioned...

That made me giggle.

UnicornsForBreakfast
09-21-2007, 02:44 AM
leeches are the way forward.


I got attacked by a bunch of leeches in a lake one time when I was little. I can't say the ordeal made me feel any better.

RotationSlimWang
09-21-2007, 03:23 AM
I would have liked to see what a colonic from me would've looked like back around the summer of 99 or anytime between 03 and June 05. Is it possible for a colonic to pump out no fecal matter whatsoever but just partially digested powders?

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 08:50 AM
I would have liked to see what a colonic from me would've looked like back around the summer of 99 or anytime between 03 and June 05. Is it possible for a colonic to pump out no fecal matter whatsoever but just partially digested powders? No shit???

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 08:51 AM
Like little smoke signals...

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 08:52 AM
My PC screen is now sporting remanents of canteloupe! LOL

algunz
09-21-2007, 08:56 AM
A healthy colon is vital to a healthy body. It is by no means the only step, as some would have you believe, but nevertheless essential to regaining optimum health.

OK, to many this may seem a revolting topic and could well be the reason most people do little or nothing about maintaining a healthy colon. However, no one who eats a "modern" diet can escape the formation of caked deposits on the lining of the colon, which inevitably interferes with its normal function.

One example of our modern diet is the consumption of white bread, which contains little or no fibre and has large amounts of gluten, which is a very sticky wheat protein. Our digestive system simply was not designed to handle this garbage and is constantly under strain to expel it from the body. In many cases this "gunk" ends up blocking or sticking to the colon wall. White bread is but one example of the junk most people consume these days.

Most people would be amazed at what actually comes out of an average "healthy" person during a colonic. Quite often there are rock hard discs, dark lumpy strings, sheets or flakes of brown mucous and last but not least the occasional tape worm. All of which are disgusting to look at (not to mention the smell!). It is not surprising why people shy away from discussing the subject or decide to have colonic treatment. However, if the average person is carrying around all this toxic sludge how can they possibly have a healthy body? This unwanted build-up within the colon interferes with peristalsis (the rippling motion of the colon) and can be a primary cause of constipation.

When large amounts of the colon's surface become coated with impermeable dried fecal matter or lumps of mucous three things happen:

Delays in expelling fecal matter increase the amount of toxins absorbed into the body.
The absorption of nutrients that the body needs is severely interfered with.
Water within the intestine should be filtered back into the blood stream. However, if the lining of the intestine is caked, this water cannot be absorbed and can lead to dehydration.
There are two types of colon cleansing, enemas and colonic. Enemas are self administered, whereas a colonic is generally carried out at a clinic. A colonic achieves more in less time with up to 50 gallons of water being flushed through the intestine. A colonic machine can administer the equivalent of six enemas in less than one hour.

menikmati
09-21-2007, 08:58 AM
when I go camping, I can go a whole week without uh....

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 08:59 AM
A healthy colon is vital to a healthy body. It is by no means the only step, as some would have you believe, but nevertheless essential to regaining optimum health.

OK, to many this may seem a revolting topic and could well be the reason most people do little or nothing about maintaining a healthy colon. However, no one who eats a "modern" diet can escape the formation of caked deposits on the lining of the colon, which inevitably interferes with its normal function.

One example of our modern diet is the consumption of white bread, which contains little or no fibre and has large amounts of gluten, which is a very sticky wheat protein. Our digestive system simply was not designed to handle this garbage and is constantly under strain to expel it from the body. In many cases this "gunk" ends up blocking or sticking to the colon wall. White bread is but one example of the junk most people consume these days.

Most people would be amazed at what actually comes out of an average "healthy" person during a colonic. Quite often there are rock hard discs, dark lumpy strings, sheets or flakes of brown mucous and last but not least the occasional tape worm. All of which are disgusting to look at (not to mention the smell!). It is not surprising why people shy away from discussing the subject or decide to have colonic treatment. However, if the average person is carrying around all this toxic sludge how can they possibly have a healthy body? This unwanted build-up within the colon interferes with peristalsis (the rippling motion of the colon) and can be a primary cause of constipation.

When large amounts of the colon's surface become coated with impermeable dried fecal matter or lumps of mucous three things happen:

Delays in expelling fecal matter increase the amount of toxins absorbed into the body.
The absorption of nutrients that the body needs is severely interfered with.
Water within the intestine should be filtered back into the blood stream. However, if the lining of the intestine is caked, this water cannot be absorbed and can lead to dehydration.
There are two types of colon cleansing, enemas and colonic. Enemas are self administered, whereas a colonic is generally carried out at a clinic. A colonic achieves more in less time with up to 50 gallons of water being flushed through the intestine. A colonic machine can administer the equivalent of six enemas in less than one hour. Suddenly my canteloupe has lost it's appeal...

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 09:01 AM
when I go camping, I can go a whole week without uh.... Apparently, you're not really roughing it then...Get it? Roughing it?

menikmati
09-21-2007, 09:02 AM
no I don't...

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 09:07 AM
no I don't... Please tell me you're full of shit...

menikmati
09-21-2007, 09:18 AM
what?

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 09:29 AM
when I go camping, I can go a whole week without uh....


Apparently, you're not really roughing it then...Get it? Roughing it?


no I don't... Okay, I'll attempt an explanation...


Please tell me you're full of shit...


what? Explanation failed... Okay...roughage\ re-fij\ n.: fiber. 2. Also food containing much indigestible material acting as fiber. Fiber=Cleaner colon....No shit...

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 09:30 AM
Suddenly I feel as if a RSW "spell "is coming on....Oh, please, no, not me too!!!

TomAz
09-21-2007, 09:57 AM
I can't find it on youtube but I'm reminded of that scene in LA Story where Steve Martin is dating a very young Sarah Jessica Parker and she suggests they both go for colonics cuz it'll be fun.

Mr.Nipples
09-21-2007, 09:59 AM
ddwfwVDyGTs

RotationSlimWang
09-21-2007, 10:19 AM
Suddenly I feel as if a RSW "spell "is coming on....Oh, please, no, not me too!!!

Broken, don't you get tired of saying the same things day in day out?

And in response to your earlier question, I probably averaged half a meal twice a week from 2003-2005. Although fuck, duh, that went all into the mucous membrane. But I'd bet that I didn't eat more than two meals over four weeks spanning July-August in 1999. Anyone ever shit literally nothing but chemicals?

Yes, it is gross, you're correct.

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 11:18 AM
Broken, don't you get tired of saying the same things day in day out?

And in response to your earlier question, I probably averaged half a meal twice a week from 2003-2005. Although fuck, duh, that went all into the mucous membrane. But I'd bet that I didn't eat more than two meals over four weeks spanning July-August in 1999. Anyone ever shit literally nothing but chemicals?

Yes, it is gross, you're correct. You mean like, yada,yada,yada...blah,blah,blah? Then I'd be BrokenRecord, no? As for those chemical omits of yours...Lil' puffs of smoke, I'm tellin' ya...

J~$$$
09-21-2007, 11:29 AM
SHUT THE FUCK UP.

BROKENDOLL
09-21-2007, 12:12 PM
SHUT THE FUCK UP. RUDE...Just plain rude...

J~$$$
09-21-2007, 12:23 PM
SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I still stand by this.

invisiblerobots
09-21-2007, 12:26 PM
http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/content/11753.jpg

fatbastard
09-21-2007, 01:03 PM
A healthy colon is vital to a healthy body. It is by no means the only step, as some would have you believe, but nevertheless essential to regaining optimum health.

OK, to many this may seem a revolting topic and could well be the reason most people do little or nothing about maintaining a healthy colon. However, no one who eats a "modern" diet can escape the formation of caked deposits on the lining of the colon, which inevitably interferes with its normal function.

One example of our modern diet is the consumption of white bread, which contains little or no fibre and has large amounts of gluten, which is a very sticky wheat protein. Our digestive system simply was not designed to handle this garbage and is constantly under strain to expel it from the body. In many cases this "gunk" ends up blocking or sticking to the colon wall. White bread is but one example of the junk most people consume these days.

Most people would be amazed at what actually comes out of an average "healthy" person during a colonic. Quite often there are rock hard discs, dark lumpy strings, sheets or flakes of brown mucous and last but not least the occasional tape worm. All of which are disgusting to look at (not to mention the smell!). It is not surprising why people shy away from discussing the subject or decide to have colonic treatment. However, if the average person is carrying around all this toxic sludge how can they possibly have a healthy body? This unwanted build-up within the colon interferes with peristalsis (the rippling motion of the colon) and can be a primary cause of constipation.

When large amounts of the colon's surface become coated with impermeable dried fecal matter or lumps of mucous three things happen:

Delays in expelling fecal matter increase the amount of toxins absorbed into the body.
The absorption of nutrients that the body needs is severely interfered with.
Water within the intestine should be filtered back into the blood stream. However, if the lining of the intestine is caked, this water cannot be absorbed and can lead to dehydration.
There are two types of colon cleansing, enemas and colonic. Enemas are self administered, whereas a colonic is generally carried out at a clinic. A colonic achieves more in less time with up to 50 gallons of water being flushed through the intestine. A colonic machine can administer the equivalent of six enemas in less than one hour.

Have you done this?

algunz
09-21-2007, 01:38 PM
Yes, once in the early '90's, and I will never do it again. Although it was the flattest my stomach has ever been.

fatbastard
09-21-2007, 02:33 PM
Yes, once in the early '90's, and I will never do it again. Although it was the flattest my stomach has ever been.

What happened? Painful?

Bud Luster
09-21-2007, 02:33 PM
RUDE...Just plain rude...

retarded, just plain retarded. Why make X number of banal posts, when one would do?

Mr.Nipples
09-21-2007, 02:40 PM
Mk_TEbr7IGU

algunz
09-21-2007, 07:31 PM
What happened? Painful?

I wouldn't call it painful, just uncomfortable and gross - liquid poop. Creeped me out.

UnicornsForBreakfast
09-22-2007, 12:45 AM
I think I'm still gonna do it. I just have to find out for myself.

J~$$$
09-22-2007, 08:04 AM
EXPRESSING THE ANAL GLANDS (OR SACS)

External Method:
A rag or tissue is held up to the anus and both sides of the anal area are squeezed. If the secretion is very pasty, this method may be inadequate to empty the sacs. If the glands are pressed against each other by pinching the rectal area together they will usually express. It is hard to get them as empty as the vet can by doing this rectally but most pets tolerate it better so it can be done more frequently. Don't push so hard that you rupture an anal sac, as this can lead to significant problems.

Internal Method:
A lubricated gloved finger is inserted in the anus and the sac is squeezed between thumb & forefinger into a tissue held externally. The procedure is repeated on the opposite side.

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c193/mmmmdoughnuts/A-2.gif

NOTE: If the process of squeezing out of the glands is neglected, the glands sometimes become infected and surgery becomes necessary. This is seldom the case, but if needful at all, it must be entrusted to a skillful veterinary surgeon well experienced with Bulldog's anesthesia requirements.

If the sacs have been emptied adequately, the scooting should resolve in a couple of days.

gaypalmsprings
09-22-2007, 08:12 AM
http://www.stinkcomics.com/images/ghettocolonic/ghttocolonic%201.png
http://www.stinkcomics.com/images/ghettocolonic/ghttocolonic%202.png
http://www.stinkcomics.com/images/ghettocolonic/ghttocolonic%203.png
http://www.stinkcomics.com/images/ghettocolonic/ghttocolonic%204.png

J~$$$
09-22-2007, 08:15 AM
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaahhahaha

J~$$$
09-22-2007, 08:16 AM
http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x276/ccwyyz/eew.jpg

gaypalmsprings
09-22-2007, 08:20 AM
LOL

J~$$$
09-22-2007, 08:25 AM
http://thetravisty.com/Saturday_Night_Live/mov/Colon_Blow.htm

UnicornsForBreakfast
09-22-2007, 09:11 AM
Dude, my mum said people are sometimes hospitalized for colon tears from colonics. Since they're performed by technicians, and not doctors, the person performing te procedure doesn't claim any responsibility for anything they do wrong.

Fuck. I guess I'm stuck with my shitty colon. I don't wanna implode. :(

BROKENDOLL
09-22-2007, 09:45 AM
To GPS and Je$$...Those posts made me laugh so hard I almost shit my pants!