The Mystery of Michael Pare

[mob roulette]

Okay, a primer. To begin with, the guy starred in three of the greatest cult classics of the 1980's,

The Philadelphia Experiment:

http://www.zone-sf.com/images/philyexp.jpg

Eddie and the Cruisers, which I already brought up in another thread:

http://redlightnaps.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/eddie.jpg

(Note: please ignore all sequels in this series. Just watch the original. Thank you.)

And perhaps the greatest one of them all, the amazing and ultraprophetic Streets Of Fire:

http://www.thefixx.com/discography/images/Records/StreetsOfFire.jpg

This film had quite a cast. Here is Michael getting friendly with my childhood crush, Diane Lane:

http://hkpark.netholdings.co.kr/files/45/manual/96175/743/Streets_of_fire039.jpg

Here he is doing it again (cheeky bastard):

http://www.salon.com/ent/movies/tayl/1998/06/src/02streets.gif

And here he is being menaced by the always menacing Willem Dafoe (good job buddy):

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/film/streetsoffirewillem460.jpg

Now here's where the mystery starts. I guess these days he mostly makes b-list horror movies and psychodramas that sort of fly under the mainstream radar, which is kind of cool all by itself. I guess he makes a living at it. But yet he still also has enough screen presence or magnetism or something to have landed a part not only in David Lynch's riveting Inland Empire:

http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Film/Pix/pictures/2007/03/08/inland460.jpg

But he also has one of the greatest cameos of the last twenty years or so (in a part that seems written for him) in Sofia Coppola's The Virgin Suicides:

http://www.melofanas.lt/katalogas/images/goods2/164790_virgin_suicides2.jpg

Here's the question. How did he do that? Let me also just state here for the record that I have never seen a Michael Pare movie that I haven't enjoyed. Have you? Plus, as stated, his role in TVS certainly looked like it could have been created just for him, as an obvious tribute of sorts. Why is this? Did Sofia have a childhood crush on Michael the same way that I did on Diane? Was this bit of casting based solely on the strength of the three aforementioned movies from the 80's? And if so, did Michael Pare sign a deal with the devil or something for the 1984-85 film season? Or did he just happen to have a really good agent? The funny thing is, I don't think any of these films made a great deal of money on their original theatrical release, but for the people who really like these movies, they really, really like them. Ask around. It's strange.

So what is it? What is this odd power, this force, that Michael Pare seems to hold over people (over otherwise reasonably intelligent people, one would have to assume). It can't all just be a pretty face. For starters, he's not that good looking. Smoldering yes, pretty no. And if in fact he does possess supernatural powers of some kind, what's to stop him for using them on the rest of us? I could already watch Streets Of Fire all goddamned day long. What's to stop him from making me do so? I mean, if he gets hard up for cash and needs to move some DVD's or something. I think he might be able to hypnotize people. Seriously. I am concerned about this. And we may never truly get to the bottom of this if we don't act now. We must investigate this phenomenon, before it's too late. Will you help? Will you? Will you help me? Please. Do it for the kids. You know that they're our future. Yours and mine. Thank you.

[M Sparks]

He must have shared an agent with Michael Biehn.

We musn't forget Pare's seminal work on "The Greatest American Hero." Which reminds me of William Katt...whose career followed a similar path...appearing in "Carrie", "First Love" (where he beds Susan Partridge), and of course the classic "Baby: Secret Of The Lost Legend". But years later, I saw him strangling a hooker on Cinemax late one night and wondered "What went wrong?"

And of course, Katt had hair like Devon Gummersall, who also starred in another short lived cult TV series, "My So Called Life." He reappeared years later in "Dick" as Kirstin Dunst's stoner brother. But now I see him late at night on Showtime, getting stabbed in the head by invisible smell monsters and I wonder "What went wrong?"

Which reminds me of Gummersall's "My So Called Life" co-star Jared Leto. He seemed like such a promising cult film star...being beaten severely by Edward Norton, being ax murdered by Christian Bale, nursing an infected heroin needle wound.... Now I see him late at night on MTV with racoon eyeliner singing mediocre pop-rock and I wonder "What went wrong?"

Which reminds me of Leto's "Requiem..." costar, Jennifer Connolly. She starred in a half-dozen or so cult films- Leone's "Once Upon A Time In America", Argento's "Creepers", the Muppet-packed "Labryrinth" , the After-School-Specialish "Seven Minutes In Heaven", "Dark City", and the one where she rides a mechanical horse in a tight white tank-top. Then she goes and wins an Oscar for an overrated piece of schmaltz and it's been "Hulk" this and "Dark Water" that. And when I see these movies in prime time on HBO, I wonder "What went wrong?"

And what of Connoly's "Seven Minutes..." co-star, Maddie Corman. Sure we all remember her as Eric Stoltz's little sister in "Some Kind Of Wonderful." Sure, she was a great foil for Jeremy Pivin in the underrated "Animal House" ripoff "PCU". And then there was her unforgettable, silent role as the girl playing peek-a-boo at the end of "Swingers" But where has she been since then?

See...MAddie Corman got it right. Just make a minor impression and disappear. That way, no one will have to wonder "What went wrong?"

[PotVsKtl]

Phenomena please.

[mob roulette]

He must have shared an agent with Michael Biehn.

We musn't forget Pare's seminal work on "The Greatest American Hero." Which reminds me of William Katt...whose career followed a similar path...appearing in "Carrie", "First Love" (where he beds Susan Partridge), and of course the classic "Baby: Secret Of The Lost Legend". But years later, I saw him strangling a hooker on Cinemax late one night and wondered "What went wrong?"

And of course, Katt had hair like Devon Gummersall, who also starred in another short lived cult TV series, "My So Called Life." He reappeared years later in "Dick" as Kirstin Dunst's stoner brother. But now I see him late at night on Showtime, getting stabbed in the head by invisible smell monsters and I wonder "What went wrong?"

Which reminds me of Gummersall's "My So Called Life" co-star Jared Leto. He seemed like such a promising cult film star...being beaten severely by Edward Norton, being ax murdered by Christian Bale, nursing an infected heroin needle wound.... Now I see him late at night on MTV with racoon eyeliner singing mediocre pop-rock and I wonder "What went wrong?"

Which reminds me of Leto's "Requiem..." costar, Jennifer Connolly. She starred in a half-dozen or so cult films- Leone's "Once Upon A Time In America", Argento's "Creepers", the Muppet-packed "Labryrinth" , the After-School-Specialish "Seven Minutes In Heaven", "Dark City", and the one where she rides a mechanical horse in a tight white tank-top. Then she goes and wins an Oscar for an overrated piece of schmaltz and it's been "Hulk" this and "Dark Water" that. And when I see these movies in prime time on HBO, I wonder "What went wrong?"

And what of Connoly's "Seven Minutes..." co-star, Maddie Corman. Sure we all remember her as Eric Stoltz's little sister in "Some Kind Of Wonderful." Sure, she was a great foil for Jeremy Pivin in the underrated "Animal House" ripoff "PCU". And then there was her unforgettable, silent role as the girl playing peek-a-boo at the end of "Swingers" But where has she been since then?

See...MAddie Corman got it right. Just make a minor impression and disappear. That way, no one will have to wonder "What went wrong?"

These are all valid points. And I am acknowledging them as such. But you kind of went the opposite direction with this. I am wondering what went right. And what you said has nothing to do with solving the Mystery of Michael Pare. Nothing. No agent is that powerful. And we're talking almost a quarter century in the game now for Mr. Pare. Doesn't that strike anyone else as a little odd? He's no Paul Newman.

EDIT: The problem with telling jokes for a living is that no one believes you when you are being sincere. I am lost and all alone. In the wilderness. With nothing but the internets to comfort me. Who is Michael Pare? What is he? What is the truth here?

[M Sparks]

Phenomena please.

Oops sorry. It was late. I just always picture that VHS box from the 80s.

[M Sparks]

EDIT: The problem with telling jokes for a living is that no one believes you when you are being sincere. I am lost and all alone. In the wilderness. With nothing but the internets to comfort me. Who is Michael Pare? Who?

I was just about to post "You are either the funniest guy on this board, or the most mentally ill." :)

I know how you feel. I was trying to do some kind of meta joke thing where I'm trying to sidetrack a thread (which I did), but I keep sidetracking my own sidetrack.

On the other hand, I did do all that from memory. And I'm a little troubled that I know the name of a bit player with no lines at the end of "Swingers".

I'm sorry I cannot help you in your quest for more Michael Pare knowledge. Fight on, brother.

BY THE WAY...The Devon Gummersall film with the invisible smell monster is "Reeker". That's "Reeker"...playing all this month on Showtime. For some reason.

[mob roulette]

I would also like to point out at this juncture that Eddie and the Cruisers also starred a younger Joe Pantoliano. A man who has also made a career of surviving the game. But that one I understand. Joey Pants at least has some acting talent. Mr. Pare? Not so much.