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mob roulette
08-08-2007, 11:31 PM
I searched for it. I think it's gone.

Shit's self-explanatory.

Here's my new favorite:

"There is no street with mute stones and no house without echoes."

-Gongora

AAM!!!
08-08-2007, 11:37 PM
"Why do people think artists are special? It's just another job."
-andy warhol

Mr.Nipples
08-08-2007, 11:41 PM
There's a moment coming...it's still in the future...it's not here yet...it's on the way...here it comes...here it is! Oh Shit!...it's gone...
-George Carlin

clarky123
08-09-2007, 07:47 AM
A wise man once said "Every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them".

marooko
08-09-2007, 07:49 AM
^ or lazy?!

marooko
08-09-2007, 07:53 AM
if you dont want to work, become a reporter. that awful power, the public opinion of the nation, was created by a horde of self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditch digging and shoemaking and fetched up journalism on their way to the poorhouse.
-mark twain, 1881

clarky123
08-09-2007, 07:57 AM
^ or lazy?!

I didn't read that into it I'm afraid sorry.

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 08:01 AM
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" asked Alice.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where …" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

-Lewis A. Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland

marooko
08-09-2007, 08:18 AM
I didn't read that into it I'm afraid sorry.

i wasnt directing the question at you, it was just in general. i dont remeber where i first heard that quote but i dont like it. people that make stupid decisions are looked at as less fortunate. i dont agree with this. this is where my right wing side comes out. if youre willing to help yourself, im willing to help you help yourself. if youre looking for a hand out, dont expect shit from me. i have no problem walking by someone that isnt trying to better themselves.

TomAz
08-09-2007, 08:21 AM
-20, marookoo

TomAz
08-09-2007, 08:26 AM
I love PJ O'Rourke even though I disagree with him on a few things.
C&P. sue me.

***

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
P. J. O'Rourke

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
P. J. O'Rourke

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
P. J. O'Rourke

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
P. J. O'Rourke

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'Rourke

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
P. J. O'Rourke

Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
P. J. O'Rourke

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
P. J. O'Rourke

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'Rourke

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.
P. J. O'Rourke

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
P. J. O'Rourke

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid.
P. J. O'Rourke

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
P. J. O'Rourke

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
P. J. O'Rourke

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.
P. J. O'Rourke

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.
P. J. O'Rourke

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
P. J. O'Rourke

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'Rourke

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
P. J. O'Rourke

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'Rourke

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'Rourke

No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
P. J. O'Rourke

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort.
P. J. O'Rourke

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'Rourke

Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.
P. J. O'Rourke

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
P. J. O'Rourke

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
P. J. O'Rourke

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
P. J. O'Rourke

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
P. J. O'Rourke

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
P. J. O'Rourke

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
P. J. O'Rourke

There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
P. J. O'Rourke

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.
P. J. O'Rourke

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.
P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
P. J. O'Rourke

When a couple decide to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with comments, criticism and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce along.
P. J. O'Rourke

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
P. J. O'Rourke

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
P. J. O'Rourke

clarky123
08-09-2007, 08:28 AM
i wasnt directing the question at you, it was just in general. i dont remeber where i first heard that quote but i dont like it.

Ok, its requires reading in context with the long story that precedes the quote. It relates to a disabled boy, a subject matter which does not always sit well with people or make them comfortable.

Hannahrain
08-09-2007, 08:38 AM
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" asked Alice.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where …" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

-Lewis A. Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland

Carroll was a creep and a pedophile. Love Alice, though. Love. (Obviously).

thinnerair
08-09-2007, 09:03 AM
"I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think? "
-Calvin & Hobbes

miscorrections
08-09-2007, 10:11 AM
Carroll was a creep and a pedophile. Love Alice, though. Love. (Obviously).

he probably was a pedophile but all of his outings with that family were chaperoned.

marooko
08-09-2007, 10:14 AM
-20, marookoo

because i dont wanna help someone that doesnt wanna help themselves?

marooko
08-09-2007, 10:16 AM
Ok, its requires reading in context with the long story that precedes the quote. It relates to a disabled boy, a subject matter which does not always sit well with people or make them comfortable.

i think i just read it a few minutes ago. i dont have a problem helping less fortunate people. people that cannot for whatever reason help themselves. the problem i do have is giving hand-outs to people that are just looking for hand-outs.

Mr.Nipples
08-09-2007, 10:20 AM
just because you have diarrhea doesnt make it cool to shit in the shower...
-Frank Zappa

nothingman00
08-09-2007, 10:22 AM
"I haunted the city of your dreams, invisible and insistent as a fire of thorns in the wind". from Anabasis by St. John Perse.

rampaige
08-09-2007, 10:26 AM
"Anyone that hates dogs and children can't be all that bad." - WC Fields

"I never drink water. Fish shit in it." -WC Fields

fatbastard
08-09-2007, 10:32 AM
The ultimate measure of a man is where he stands at times of challenge and controversy - MLK

bumper31
08-09-2007, 01:00 PM
Ainchya sposed to get a personality wiv a face like that?

Eastenders - Phil Mitchell

ficklecycle
08-09-2007, 01:02 PM
"I just shot Marvin in the face."

-Vincent

TomAz
08-09-2007, 01:05 PM
because i dont wanna help someone that doesnt wanna help themselves?

because you presume to know what you don't really know.

woogie846
08-09-2007, 01:14 PM
"I play the honeys like the butter play toast" - Christopher Wallace

kreutz2112
08-09-2007, 01:16 PM
woogie, your avatar makes me happy.

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 01:22 PM
because you presume to know what you don't really know.

well said

marooko
08-09-2007, 01:24 PM
because you presume to know what you don't really know.

i go by things ive experienced and witnessed myself, the majority of which were not positive. the last person i tried to help ended up stealing over $600 worth of DJ equipment from me. i got most of it back and took things from him to make up for what i didint get back. things like that are why i choose not to help people. not cause i think theyre all bad people or moochers. so your answer might reflect why you think i feel that way also.

TomAz
08-09-2007, 01:26 PM
one bad guy does not make everyone bad.

also, employed people steal too.



EDIT: wait wait wait wait. you complain about people who don't want to help themselves. Then a guy shows some initiative and helps himself to your stuff and you complain about that too. I think you're just a misanthrope.

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 01:29 PM
C'mon 'koo...you're what, 19? The majority of your life experiences involve sleeping, eating, pooping, and jerking off.

Tom's just saying to not make generalized judgments about things that you really don't know much about.

marooko
08-09-2007, 01:30 PM
one bad guy does not make everyone bad.

also, employed people steal too.

the "one" or few bad guys is why we have laws and rules we all have to follow, because the minority cant control themselves.

im not saying i dont help anyone anymore. i always try to, but im very cautious.

marooko
08-09-2007, 01:32 PM
one bad guy does not make everyone bad.

also, employed people steal too.



EDIT: wait wait wait wait. you complain about people who don't want to help themselves. Then a guy shows some initiative and helps himself to your stuff and you complain about that too. I think you're just a misanthrope.


now thats just stupid tom.
(the edit)


C'mon 'koo...you're what, 19? The majority of your life experiences involve sleeping, eating, pooping, and jerking off.

Tom's just saying to not make generalized judgments about things that you really don't know much about.


maybe you wanna take your own advice.

kreutz2112
08-09-2007, 01:33 PM
a guess does not equal a judgement.

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 01:35 PM
Um, I'm not 19. I'm a real grown up with a high paying job and a kid and a college degree who's traveled all over the world and, suffice it to say, have had a lot more life experience than you.

Also, I don't jerk off. Or poop.

marooko
08-09-2007, 01:36 PM
a guess does not equal a judgement.

well, im guessing most people are bad.

TomAz
08-09-2007, 01:36 PM
A wise man once said "Every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them".


the "one" or few bad guys is why we have laws and rules we all have to follow, because the minority cant control themselves.

im not saying i dont help anyone anymore. i always try to, but im very cautious.

I think the point of the original quote is that it's easy to find excuses not to help people out. "They don't deserve it", "they'll only buy drugs with it", "they should get a job", all these are easy things to say, feel and do. And maybe there's some truth to it, but it also comes across as a cop out. an excuse. "They don't deserve my help" makes us feel good about ourselves. The original quote is saying, instead, that it takes a certain selflessness to overcome that kind of thinking, to give freely and abundantly without prejudice.

TomAz
08-09-2007, 01:37 PM
now thats just stupid tom.
(the edit)


of course it was. How kind of you to notice.

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 01:37 PM
Not to mention the fact that the REAL reasons why someone would do those things with a "handout" in the first place is due to an illness that they can't help. It's not that they don't want to help themselves, it's that they can't.

marooko
08-09-2007, 01:41 PM
I think the point of the original quote is that it's easy to find excuses not to help people out. "They don't deserve it", "they'll only buy drugs with it", "they should get a job", all these are easy things to say, feel and do. And maybe there's some truth to it, but it also comes across as a cop out. an excuse. "They don't deserve my help" makes us feel good about ourselves. The original quote is saying, instead, that it takes a certain selflessness to overcome that kind of thinking, to give freely and abundantly without prejudice.

i think part of this explanation is why...



Not to mention the fact that the REAL reasons why someone would do those things with a "handout" in the first place is due to an illness that they can't help. It's not that they don't want to help themselves, it's that they can't.

...people feel like this.

TomAz
08-09-2007, 01:52 PM
would you rather be rich or poor?

marooko
08-09-2007, 02:03 PM
would you rather be rich or poor?

i would like to do what i do now, work for what i have. wether it brings me riches or not is not the issue for me. i wanna be able to support myself and my family on my own and excell at my chosen profession.

algunz
08-09-2007, 02:08 PM
"The things taught in school are not an education, but the means to an education."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

marooko
08-09-2007, 02:12 PM
"The things taught in school are not an education, but the means to an education."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

beautiful.

algunz
08-09-2007, 02:12 PM
Can't take credit, obviously.

thinnerair
08-09-2007, 02:17 PM
C'mon 'koo...you're what, 19? The majority of your life experiences involve sleeping, eating, pooping, and jerking off.

Tom's just saying to not make generalized judgments about things that you really don't know much about.


im 26 and I can tell you that sleeping, eating, pooping and jerking off make up a fair amount of my life. Add drinking, kickball, and a dash of apathy and you've basically got me.

TomAz
08-09-2007, 02:20 PM
are you looking for a handout, punk?

algunz
08-09-2007, 02:21 PM
"demented and sad, but social"

disgustipated
08-09-2007, 02:23 PM
"shut up bitch, go fix me a turkey pot pie."

algunz
08-09-2007, 02:37 PM
"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?"

disgustipated
08-09-2007, 02:39 PM
"eat my shorts"

algunz
08-09-2007, 02:41 PM
Ok, we need to stop - this could go on forever.

"I got my eye on you."

disgustipated
08-09-2007, 02:42 PM
"So"

pewter14
08-09-2007, 02:46 PM
"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest ... I wasted."
- George Best


"I don't believe in damn curses. Wake up the damn Bambino and have me face him. Maybe I'll drill him in the ass."
- Perdo J. Martinez

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 02:46 PM
Don't mess with the bull young man; you'll get the horns.

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 02:47 PM
i think part of this explanation is why...




...people feel like this.

Addiction is a proven medical condition, stupid ass.

pewter14
08-09-2007, 02:49 PM
"eat my shorts"

you ever see this on TNT or USA?

The always change it to "Eat my (cue voice that is SO not Judd Nelson) SOCKS!"

that kills me.

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 02:52 PM
I love the parts where they're supposed to be saying "fuck you" and it comes out "flip you" on TNT.

algunz
08-09-2007, 02:59 PM
TNT needs to be burnt with a cigar.

marooko
08-09-2007, 03:00 PM
Addiction is a proven medical condition, stupid ass.

thats not what i was refering to captain stupid ass.

amyzzz
08-09-2007, 03:02 PM
Some Oscar Wilde:
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation.

algunz
08-09-2007, 03:08 PM
My favorite Oscar Wilde:

"Sarcasm is the last refuge of a lost wit."

(Or something like that.)

amyzzz
08-09-2007, 03:09 PM
Morrissey:
All I said was 'bring me the head of Elton John', which would be one instance when meat would not be murder, if it was on a plate.

Artists aren't really people. And I'm actually 40 per cent papier mache.

That's why I do this music business thing, it's communication with people without having the extreme inconvenience of actually phoning anybody up.

Robert Smith is a whingebag.

Yes I have had a tan actually. I went to Los Angeles recently and got one there, but it didn't make it back to Britain. It got stopped by customs - you're not actually allowed to come through customs with a tan.

algunz
08-09-2007, 03:11 PM
Or maybe somehow I combined Oscar's "Consistency" quote with the following:

"Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded." -- Fyodor Dostoevski

Either way . . . "I got that goin' for me which is nice."

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 03:19 PM
thats not what i was refering to captain stupid ass.

That's Ms. Captain Stupid-Ass to you.

marooko
08-09-2007, 03:20 PM
oh shit.....sorry

algunz
08-09-2007, 03:20 PM
"And now for something completely different."

pewter14
08-09-2007, 03:24 PM
WHERE'S THE BEEF?

captncrzy
08-09-2007, 03:26 PM
"You don't like spam?"

J~$$$
08-09-2007, 03:26 PM
_X1EjgVjqjg

betao
08-09-2007, 03:41 PM
"you've got red on you."

menikmati
08-09-2007, 03:59 PM
one more special message to go, then I'm done and I can go home

disgustipated
08-09-2007, 04:01 PM
"you've got red on you."

I say that all the time at work when someone has a wine stain on their apron or jacket, no one gets it.

betao
08-09-2007, 04:22 PM
I say that all the time at work when someone has a wine stain on their apron or jacket, no one gets it.

i feel sorry for the people you work with.

mob roulette
08-09-2007, 06:01 PM
Interviewer: Rocky Raccoon?

John Lennon: That's totally Paul. All that stuff about Gideon's bible? I mean honestly, would I bother?

John Peel is My Co-pilot
08-09-2007, 06:14 PM
The 19th Century had Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde. The 20th Century had Bill Hicks...



Bill On U.S. Foreign Policy

"I'm so sick of arming the world, then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries, then we go and blow the shit out of them. We're like the bullies of the world, y'know. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol at the sheepherder's feet.

"Pick it up."

"I don't wanna pick it up, Mister, you'll shoot me."

"Pick up the gun."

"Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister."

"Pick up the gun."

(He picks it up. Three shots ring out.)

"You all saw him - he had a gun."

Bill On Drugs

If you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, then go home and burn all your records, all your tapes, and all your CDs because every one of those artists who have made brilliant music and enhanced your lives? RrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrEAL fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few songs!

Bill On Abortion

We gotta come to some new ideas about life folks ok? I'm not being blase about abortion, it might be a real issue, it might not, doesn't matter to me. What matters is that if you believe in the sanctity of life then you believe it for life of all ages. That's what I hate about this child-worship syndrome going on. "Save the children! They're killing children! How many children were at Waco? They're killing children!" What does that mean? They reach a certain age and they're off your fucking love-list? Fuck your children, if that's the way you think then fuck you too. You either love all people of all ages or you shut the fuck up.

Bill On Anti-Intellectualism

I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: "<smack smack smack smack> Hey, whatchoo readin' for?"

Isn't that the weirdest fucking question you've ever heard? Not what am I readING, but what am I reading *for*? Well, godammit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well... hmmm... I dunno... I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one is so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress.

Bill On Pornography

Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that's their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm... Sounds like...every commercial on television, doesn't it? You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I'm not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that's the connection they're trying to make.


Bill On Fundamentalist Christianity

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks to me like He rushed it!

******

Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It's a very interesting defense mechanism and the only way to get by it -- and believe me, I was raised Southern Baptist -- is to take massive amounts of mushrooms, sit in a field, and just go, "Show me."

******

I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.

******
Fundamentalist Christianity - fascinating. These people actually believe that the the world is 12,000 years old. Swear to God. Based on what? I asked them.

"Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years."

Well how fucking scientific, okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble. That's good. You believe the world's 12,000 years old?

"That's right."

Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?

"Uh-huh."

Dinosaurs.

You know the world is 12,000 years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point.

"And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend.

"And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O so many years inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills.

"And oh Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you Lord, thank you Lord. Thank you Lord."


Bill On Governmental Control

I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that's interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy. Sarcasm - come on in. People say "Bill, quit talking about Kennedy man. It was a long time ago, just let it go, alright? It's a long time ago, just forget it." I'm like, alright, then don't bring up Jesus to me. As long as we're talking shelf life here...

******
Go back to bed, America, your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed America, your goverment is in control. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up, go back to bed America, here is American Gladiators, here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on the living in the land of freedom. Here you go America - you are free to do what well tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!

*******

If the FBI's motivating factor for busting down the Koresh compound was child abuse, how come we never see Bradley tanks smashing into Catholic churches?


Bill On Women

I've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, "Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them." And Eve said, "Yeah... it's just not enough is it?"



Bill On Our Fucked Up Priorities...

I'm gonna share with you a vision that I had, cause I love you. And you feel it. You know all that money we spend on nuclear weapons and defense each year, trillions of dollars, correct? Instead -- just play with this -- if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world -- and it would pay for it many times over, not one human being excluded -- we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever in peace. Thank you very much. You've been great, I hope you enjoyed it.




I did, Bill...

mob roulette
08-09-2007, 06:27 PM
It's hard to be a saint in the city.

-Springsteen. He might have stolen it from Genet though. Or somebody. Sounds like something somebody else might have thought of first.

Great Bill Hicks stuff, btw. I love the dinosaur bit.

fasttrack
08-09-2007, 07:05 PM
"we're all going to die anyway"

-crazy old man after being told he wouldn't be sold expired chicken

algunz
08-09-2007, 11:26 PM
"Didn't know it'd be so much, I won't pay."

Said the library guy after the Ghostbusters had just rid the building of the blobby thing.

betao
08-12-2007, 01:51 PM
"I like you.

You've got balls.

I like balls."

york707
08-12-2007, 02:06 PM
C'mon 'koo...you're what, 19? The majority of your life experiences involve sleeping, eating, pooping, and jerking off.


I'm 29, and most of my life experiences still involve those four things.

york707
08-12-2007, 02:08 PM
im 26 and I can tell you that sleeping, eating, pooping and jerking off make up a fair amount of my life. Add drinking, kickball, and a dash of apathy and you've basically got me.

Well shit, I should have kept reading the thread before I commented.

TomAz
01-04-2008, 08:39 AM
I saw this one the other day, for the first time, and it made more sense to me than anything I've read in a long time. From Robert Frost: "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

kreutz2112
01-04-2008, 08:44 AM
Thank you Tom. That just made me so less nervous. I have my oral qualifying exams in like 6 hours, that pretty much make or break whether I stay in graduate school or not. I usually dont take quotes to heart because I think they are cheesy, but that one I did.

full on idle
01-04-2008, 08:56 AM
“We have a double standard, which is to say, a man can show how much he cares by being violent - see, he's jealous, he cares - a woman shows how much she cares by how much she's willing to be hurt; by how much she will take; how much she will endure;”

marooko
01-04-2008, 08:58 AM
so if the bitch is willing to lose teeth, its true love?

full on idle
01-04-2008, 09:03 AM
"The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls."

gaypalmsprings
07-15-2008, 08:27 AM
I quoted this from another forum:

Forum Rules
In order to proceed, you must agree with the following rules:

READ THIS!! IT'S NOT THE USUAL CRAP

Forum Rules

* Don't be racist or homophobic.
o ****** is racist
o Raghead is racist
o All mexicans smell is racist
o All muslims are terrorists is racist
o ***, ****** and fucking ****** are all homophobic
* Take time with your posts. Do NOT type things like OMFG or plz thx. Type real sentences. This is NOT an AOL chat room. Type as if you were applying for a job.
* Don't post money making schemes, outwar crap or free ipod shit.
* When starting a new post use a descriptive topic. You will be banned if you use a topic like "sum cool shit" or "wow check this out!" or "funny stuff".
* Don't sass the mods.
* Don't tell us we need to ban someone.
* Don't reply to trolls. Just report their posts and we will deal with them.
* USE CAPITAL LETTERS YOU MORONS

Use of this forum is a privilege not a right.
I have read, and agree to abide by the Facepunch Studios rules.

Young blood
07-15-2008, 08:50 AM
o All mexicans smell is racist
o All muslims are terrorists is racist

so most mexicans smell and some muslims are terrorists is okay?

Roadkillhighway951
07-15-2008, 09:02 AM
"e.t. phone home"

"penis breath"

"a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do"

"hey hey hey who cut the sausages"

chairmenmeow47
07-15-2008, 10:26 AM
Carroll was a creep and a pedophile. Love Alice, though. Love. (Obviously).

i love the story too; however i could not even get through the book after reading the intro about carroll. my god, think of how difficult it was to take a picture back then and yet he took several of 12 year olds in their underwear. disgusting.

here are a few of my favourites:

people overwhelmed with trouble do not look behind; they know only too well that misfortune follows them.

--victor hugo, les miserables

the surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

--friedrich nietzsche

battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster... and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you.

--friedrich nietzsche

i want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd.

-- the postal service

if the bitch don't smoke, get her drunk

-- method man (i believe, it's some sort of WU)

shakermaker113
07-15-2008, 10:46 AM
I like that first Nietsche quote Ivy. where is it from?




Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

- Philip K Dick, How To Build A Universe That Doesn't Fall Apart Two Days Later.

algunz
07-15-2008, 11:02 AM
The appearance of another mind that thinks and talks as yours does is something close to a blessed event.
-Robert Pursig

bug on your lip
07-15-2008, 11:03 AM
"God, this tastes like shit.........try it !!! "

greghead
07-15-2008, 11:26 AM
"I play the honeys like the butter play toast" - Christopher Wallace

Jesus, you butchered this shit; this was supposed to be a rhyme:
"Now honeys play me close like butter play toast"




"I can resist anything but temptation"
--Oscar Wilde

garrett222
07-15-2008, 12:23 PM
"i'll see you in another life, when we are both cats" - Penelope Cruz

fiyahhh!
07-15-2008, 12:30 PM
a toast -
"to the roof above us, may it never fall in
to the friendships beneath it, may they never fall out"

BROKENDOLL
07-15-2008, 12:34 PM
The appearance of another mind that thinks and talks as yours does is something close to a blessed event.
-Robert Pursig In my case, it's more of a miracle...

gaypalmsprings
07-15-2008, 01:40 PM
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

George W. Bush

kreutz2112
07-15-2008, 01:42 PM
"Fuck you Randy, you jobless, dickless, son of a bitch"

RotationSlimWang
07-15-2008, 09:48 PM
Who said that?

kreutz2112
07-15-2008, 10:23 PM
Multiple people have said that on numerous occasions. Just like every other famous quote.

RotationSlimWang
07-15-2008, 10:55 PM
It's really not much of a quote unless you can attribute it to someone.

algunz
07-15-2008, 10:59 PM
Some of the best and most famous quotes are anonymous.

Hopeless Semantic
07-16-2008, 09:00 AM
"Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell." -E. Dickinson

woogie846
07-16-2008, 09:16 AM
"Open the pod bay doors, Hal."

locachica73
07-16-2008, 09:32 AM
ok I know this is girly but it is my favorite girly quote:

Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies…-Carrie, Sex and the City

This is why I will be single forever, I want butterflies but I think all my butterflies died from alcohol poisoning.

gaypalmsprings
07-16-2008, 01:29 PM
There was an elderly couple sitting in church last week and the husband leans over to his wife and says "I just let out a silent but deadly fart, what do you think we should do?" The wife turns and says "I think we should get your hearing aid checked"

locachica73
07-16-2008, 01:34 PM
LOL Ok that was cute.

BobCaygeon
07-16-2008, 08:51 PM
"Some of the best and most famous quotes are anonymous." - Anonymous

RotationSlimWang
07-16-2008, 09:05 PM
There was an elderly couple sitting in church last week and the husband leans over to his wife and says "I just let out a silent but deadly fart, what do you think we should do?" The wife turns and says "I think we should get your hearing aid checked"

You go to church?

allyjoy
08-01-2008, 03:51 PM
I'm bumping this because I think it's interesting to hear what sticks out to people.

"One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person." -William Feather

fourty oz
08-01-2008, 03:52 PM
you wonder whyy they call you bitch - tupac

Hopeless Semantic
08-01-2008, 03:54 PM
"The real question is not whether machines think but whether men do. The mystery which surrounds a thinking machine already surrounds a thinking man. "

-B.F. Skinner

allyjoy
12-30-2008, 09:35 AM
To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch... to know even one life has breathed easier becase you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

coldstart
12-30-2008, 09:40 AM
"Because to me, it's a great archetype example of how the totalitarian goverment who rules this planet partitions out information in such a way that we, the masses, are forced to base our conclusions on erroneous......... oh, I'm sorry, wrong meeting." - Bill Hicks

Donaldj
12-30-2008, 09:43 AM
"...I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films -- these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth, and by this measure I was having one of the best dates of my life." - John Cusack/High Fidelity

Suffacated
03-13-2011, 06:02 PM
on a related note, do you guys douche your asses like gals do before butt love or you just let nature take its course?


Beef Supreme