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mozabilly54
01-26-2007, 01:55 PM
Post your funniest, cheesiest joke here!::rotfl

Q: What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
A: Dam

Q: Why do bikes always fall over?
A: Because they are two tired.

Q:What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

shotglass75
01-26-2007, 02:03 PM
Carlos Mencia...He's a joke, right?

mozabilly54
01-26-2007, 02:05 PM
Carlos Mencia...He's a joke, right?
hahaha. hell yes he is.

lindseyb
01-26-2007, 03:39 PM
what did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom when they were on a date?

"you're a fungi!"

J~$$$
01-26-2007, 03:44 PM
Someone is going to cry.

CCRGMac
01-27-2007, 05:32 AM
What do you call a stupid dinosaur?


























A Dipwadicus.

J~$$$
01-29-2007, 09:32 AM
A man walks into his psychiatrists office wrapped head to toe in saran wrap. The psychiatrist looks at him and says "Clearly, I can see your nuts."

JOE X
01-29-2007, 09:42 AM
Which James bond actor had a heart attack during filming.
Sean Coronary.

randy ricochet
01-29-2007, 04:08 PM
Did you here about the bloke with 5 dicks?





His pants fit like a glove!!

JohnJohnIII
01-29-2007, 04:24 PM
What do pigs put on a cut?

Oinkment

corbo
01-29-2007, 04:33 PM
what do you call a GAY dinosaur?

a MEGASOREASS

corbo
01-29-2007, 04:33 PM
what do you call a LESBIAN dinosaur?




a LICKALOTTAPUSSY

mozabilly54
01-29-2007, 04:47 PM
What do pigs put on a cut?

Oinkment

hahahaha this is great.

JustSteve
01-29-2007, 08:32 PM
q: what do you call a female peacock?



a: a peacunt

CuervoPH
01-29-2007, 08:57 PM
What did the frog order at McDonalds?

A large croak and an order of flies.

All That I Am
01-29-2007, 10:01 PM
Are you guys getting headaches from eating all those popsicles?

jimmycrackcorn
04-18-2007, 02:22 PM
what do you get when you cross a elephant and a rhinoceros?


elliphino...

think english accent

canexplain
04-18-2007, 03:07 PM
Bush Ö.. I actually have a couple but itís all in the delivery Ö..

joppy-slow
04-18-2007, 03:17 PM
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he was feeling crummy..

ha ha.. get it 'crummy'

bwoooohahhahaaaaa


Why was 6 scared of 7?

Because 7, 8, 9..

ha ha ha.. get it because like 7 ate the #9..
ha ha ha ha

TomAz
04-18-2007, 03:20 PM
this guy goes into a psychologists office and says "doc, you gotta help me. I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee"

the doc says, "Relax, you're two tents."

dalethethug
04-18-2007, 03:24 PM
what's the best thing about 27 year old girls?














there's 20 of them!
hahahahahahahahahahha

its just a joke. i didn't mean it.

semisonic
04-18-2007, 03:25 PM
My wife calls me from the mall and says someone stole the car. But it's all right -- she wrote down the license number.

semisonic
04-18-2007, 03:26 PM
A guy stole my wife's credit card last week but I'm not calling the cops. Guy who stole it is spending less money than my wife did.

TomAz
04-18-2007, 03:27 PM
take my wife. please.

BoneDaddy
04-18-2007, 03:48 PM
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an
attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's
rather taken aback because he can't place where he
knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies,
"I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever
been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you
the stripper from my bachelor party, that I made love
to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm
your son's teacher."

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 03:48 PM
A 2nd grade teacher is trying to teach her students the meaning of the word "definitely."

She says, "Now who thinks they can make a sentence using the word definitely?"

One kid raises his hand, "The sky is definitely blue."

the teacher says, "no, the sky can sometimes be cloudy, and gray. Try again."

the students trys again..."the grass is definitely green"

"no" the teacher says, "sometimes the grass is dead, and brown. Anyone else wanna try?"

the student raises his hand again..."Do farts have lumps?"

"What?" says the teacher

"Do farts have lumps?"

"uhh...no" she says

"Then i definitely just crapped my pants"

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 03:50 PM
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an
attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's
rather taken aback because he can't place where he
knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies,
"I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever
been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you
the stripper from my bachelor party, that I made love
to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm
your son's teacher."

haha

miscorrections
04-18-2007, 03:50 PM
q: what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

a: where's my tractor?

BoneDaddy
04-18-2007, 03:51 PM
Olaf and Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar.

Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.

"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into
his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his
hands. "Vhere did yew git dat monster??"

"Vell", replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie."

"You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked.

"Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle
box," says Olaf.

"Could I see him?"

So Olaf opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of
your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?"

"Yes, I will," says the genie.

So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears
back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his
million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million
ducks...flying overhead, raining a virtual duck poop storm down on them.
Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Olaf.

"Yumpin' Yimmny I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew that da genie is hard of
hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?

kimery08
04-18-2007, 03:58 PM
3 women work together in an office. their boss always leaves early and is gone for the rest of the day.
one day the 3 women decide to leave right after the boss leaves, knowing they wont get caught.
the brunette goes home, naps, and cooks dinner for her family.
the red head goes to the gym and plans a dinner date with some girlfriends.
the blonde goes home and hears odd noises coming from her bedroom. she quietly opens the door and sees her boss in bed with her husband. she quietly closes the door and leaves the house.
the next day at work the brunette and red head decide to leave early again. they ask the blonde if she wants to leave with them and she says "heck no im not leaving early. i almost got caught yesterday."

lindseyb
04-18-2007, 04:10 PM
what do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

a dictator.

semisonic
04-18-2007, 04:12 PM
Guy takes his wife golfing. He has a terrible tee shot on one hole and the ball ends up on the far end of a barn on property adjacent to the golf course. The guy thinks he can make a shot straight through the barn and has his wife open the doors on each end. She stands behind him as he takes his swing. The ball goes too high, bounces off the wall above the barn door, rebounds into the wife's head and kills her. A year later the guy is at the same golf course with friends and makes the same crappy tee shot, ending up at the barn again. His buddy says, "Hey, if you open the barn doors you could make a shot right through it." The guy says, "No. I tried that last year and ended up with a triple bogey."

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 04:20 PM
Guy takes his wife golfing. He has a terrible tee shot on one hole and the ball ends up on the far end of a barn on property adjacent to the golf course. The guy thinks he can make a shot straight through the barn and has his wife open the doors on each end. She stands behind him as he takes his swing. The ball goes too high, bounces off the wall above the barn door, rebounds into the wife's head and kills her. A year later the guy is at the same golf course with friends and makes the same crappy tee shot, ending up at the barn again. His buddy says, "Hey, if you open the barn doors you could make a shot right through it." The guy says, "No. I tried that last year and ended up with a triple bogey."

hahahaha

betao
04-18-2007, 04:28 PM
I think I've lost IQ reading this thread. However, these jokes make a bad day good.

Keep em coming!

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 04:39 PM
A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 04:41 PM
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

xxxxxxxxxx
04-18-2007, 04:43 PM
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full.

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 04:44 PM
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 04:46 PM
Desert Outpost
[Cat.: Animals ] [c] [ Calif.: 8.28]

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".

The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 04:47 PM
ok, i know im posting a lot, but this one is fucken funny....



Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"

She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says gain "Man! My hands are really freezing!"

She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."

He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.

When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"

She looks at him and says, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DON'T YOUR EARS EVER GET COLD?"

fober
04-18-2007, 04:50 PM
From some late night standup I was watching:

A little girl walks into an ice cream shop,

GIRL STARES AT MENU
GIRL WALKS UP TO COUNTER
GIRL: Mr. Ice Cream man, can I have 4 scoops of Chocolate please?
MAN: I'm sorry little girl, we're all out of Chocolate.
GIRL: Oh ok.
GIRL STARES AT MENU
GIRL WALKS UP TO COUNTER
GIRL: Mr. Ice Cream man, can I have 3 scoops of Chocolate and 1 scoop of Vanilla please?
MAN: I'm sorry little girl, we're all out of Chocolate.
GIRL: Oh ok.
GIRL STARES AT MENU
GIRL WALKS UP TO COUNTER
GIRL: Mr. Ice Cream man, can I have 2 scoops of Chocolate, 1 scoop of Vanilla and 1 scoop of Strawberry please?
...
MAN: Little girl can you do me a favor, and spell the VAN in Vanilla?
GIRL THINKS FOR A SECOND
GIRL: V-A-N
MAN: Very good! Now, can you do me a favor, and spell the STRAW in Strawberry?
GIRL THINKS FOR A SECOND
GIRL: S-T-R-A-W
MAN: Great job! Now, can you do me a favor, and spell the FUCK in Chocolate?
GIRL THINKS FOR A SECOND
GIRL: Mr. Ice Cream man, there's no FUCK in Chocolate...
MAN: BITCH THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYIN' TO TELL YOU

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 04:56 PM
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 05:04 PM
At the end of the funeral service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out. When they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they are walking the husband cries out, "watch out for the wall!"

Mr.Nipples
04-18-2007, 05:14 PM
this is a terrible joke...
3 guys are walking through a foggy haunted forest and encounter an enchanted castle nestled admist a wide bushel of giant thornbushes. they decide to enter, but it takes the strength of all 3 of men to pull open the tall redwood door. They trudge into the darkened hallway, weary from their work when the door suddenly slams shut, all under its own strength. The men are all left in the dark, clutching for their piddly weapons when a beacon of light explodes and the room is lit as if it was the work of magic. They let their eyes adjust and settle on the only thing that is in front of them, 4 doors, 3 white and glowing, one red and drab. The men converse for a moment. Then, another, brighter yet smaller light than before, starts to descend on the men. The light suddenly goes off and they are then greeted by a gorgeous sorcerous maiden with steel wings arching from her back and reaching for the sky. The men stand silent and in awe as the maiden begins to speak.
"You have found my castle, now you will be rewarded. In front of you are 4 doors. 3 of these doors hold surprises greater than your minds can contain. Im sure you will not be disappointed. The red door, that red door there, is a room you may NOT ENTER! Doing so will result in something i cannot speak of. i hope my silence on your punishment is enough to deter any of you from walking through that door"
Then all of a sudden, she vanished...right through a plume of lavender smoke. The men were left stunned and excited and each one went for a different door. A few moments passed until all 3 men came out. They looked at eachother with their faces painted in shame as if they were let down. It seems that they were disappointed after all, and then started to talk and stare down the red door, as if the maiden was hiding something, the good stuff. They decided to go forth onto the red door. They try to enter but it takes the strength of all 3 men to peel the red slab wide enough for them to get through. They wearily trudge into the darkened room when the door shuts behind them, all on its own strength. The men try to look at eachother in the dark, knowing that this is something all too familiar. One of the men complains of a funny odor as they look for a sign of light. All of a sudden, the room is illuminated and they are met with a most horrific site. The mens mouths open in awe as they gaze up at the tall seemingly infinite wall around them, covered in penises. Short ones, Long ones, Thick ones, Thin ones, every penis that could be built from the great lord above seemed to have been plastered all over this very wall, there is not even a wall, just penises. The men all drop to their knees paralyzed in fear as a shrill voice fills their eardrums, but this voice is one they have heard before. The maiden once again appears. This time coated in red and her eyes filled with anger. "YOU HAVE ENTERED MY SACRED CHAMBER! I WARNED YOU ALL AND YOU DISOBEYED ME"
The men still at their knees, grovel and beg for the maidens forgiveness as she strikes her finger in the direction of one of the men.
"YOU! STAND UP"
The man arises quivering ready to fail at her command at any moment.
She bellows once more.
"WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!"
The man looks confused as to why she would ask such a thing, but he responds in his broken voice.
"Im a carpenter"
The maiden strikes and pulls the saw blade out of his old withered belt and pulls his trousers down and then saws his penis clean off in one quick motion. He falls down screaming and grabs at the meat that is no more and proceeds to bleed to death. The 2 men are frozen in horror as one dashed for the door, only to find it locked. The maiden stabs the dick onto the infinite wall of phalluses before she turns around and points her finger at the man trying to break the door open with all his might.
"YOU! WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!!!"
the man doesnt answer and is oblivious to her call with all his concentration on getting the door open. The maiden then shoots a blast of light from her finger hitting the door and knocking the man back far enough to have him land right at the maidens feet. She stare down at him as he tries to compose himself. He lifts himself up as he stares back at the maiden right in her eyes and says "IM A BLADESMAN"...Before he can reach for his battered blade to attempt to strike, she pulls it right out of his reach and slices his dick off right through his pants. She picks it up off of the stone floor as he grabs at his arm and chest, as if he was dying from something else other than the blood loss. The 3rd man stands there, the look of shock on his face has left and is replaced by a cocky glare. The maiden squeezes the dick onto the wall, trying to make room on the already saturated cock-wall. She turns around and glares at the last man in the room, lying on his back comftorble, as if he is surrendering to the oncoming horror that he knows is all too certain. she bellows one last time...
"WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!"
the man smiles and starts to pull open his trousers, pulling his dick out while exclaiming in a commanding, superior voice...
"IM A CANDY MAKER...YOU'RE GONNA' HAVE TO SUCK MINE OFF"

blackchango
04-18-2007, 05:40 PM
why did the dog wear a sweater?
because it was a chili dog!! :)
waka waka waka!!

dalethethug
04-18-2007, 05:46 PM
we need more one-liners!

i hate long jokes.

Good Luck Bear
04-18-2007, 06:20 PM
That St. Peter joke was some funny shit!

Mr.Nipples
04-18-2007, 06:30 PM
its just a joke. i didn't mean it.

http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n180/cklein13/the_big_lebowski_jesus.jpg

dalethethug
04-18-2007, 07:00 PM
the dude abides

theburiedlife
04-18-2007, 08:15 PM
The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.

"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"

All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple".

"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".

Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".

This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.

The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.

Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a big, fat, fuckin' Rat, with a huge motherfucking dick!"

BoneDaddy
04-18-2007, 09:14 PM
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?





































































*gag*

i_like_cake530
04-18-2007, 10:16 PM
A husband and wife both wake up in the middle of the night, both equally angry at each other. the wife says, "i had a dream that they were auctioning penises off. the long ones were a thousand, and the thick ones were two thousand."
"How much was mine?" says the husband. "they were giving yours away for free." she says.

"well i had a dream that they were auctioning off vaginas. the tight ones were one thousand, the looser ones were two thousand." says the husband
"how much was mine?" says the wife. "thats where the auction was held."

BoneDaddy
04-25-2007, 10:52 AM
TRAGEDY

The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a
primary school class, found themselves in the middle of a
discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the
discussion of the word "tragedy". So the illustrious Rev Jackson
asks the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who
lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor
comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."

No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50
children drove over a cl iff, killing everyone inside, that would be a
tragedy."

I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Al. "That's what
we would call a great loss." The room goes silent. No other
children volunteer.

Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can
give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises his hand.
In a stern voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Reverends Jackson
and Sharpton were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that
would be a tragedy. "

Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson and Sharpton, "That's right. And
can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be
a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

SillyGrl<3
04-25-2007, 11:09 AM
From some late night standup I was watching:

A little girl walks into an ice cream shop,

GIRL STARES AT MENU
GIRL WALKS UP TO COUNTER
GIRL: Mr. Ice Cream man, can I have 4 scoops of Chocolate please?
MAN: I'm sorry little girl, we're all out of Chocolate.
GIRL: Oh ok.
GIRL STARES AT MENU
GIRL WALKS UP TO COUNTER
GIRL: Mr. Ice Cream man, can I have 3 scoops of Chocolate and 1 scoop of Vanilla please?
MAN: I'm sorry little girl, we're all out of Chocolate.
GIRL: Oh ok.
GIRL STARES AT MENU
GIRL WALKS UP TO COUNTER
GIRL: Mr. Ice Cream man, can I have 2 scoops of Chocolate, 1 scoop of Vanilla and 1 scoop of Strawberry please?
...
MAN: Little girl can you do me a favor, and spell the VAN in Vanilla?
GIRL THINKS FOR A SECOND
GIRL: V-A-N
MAN: Very good! Now, can you do me a favor, and spell the STRAW in Strawberry?
GIRL THINKS FOR A SECOND
GIRL: S-T-R-A-W
MAN: Great job! Now, can you do me a favor, and spell the FUCK in Chocolate?
GIRL THINKS FOR A SECOND
GIRL: Mr. Ice Cream man, there's no FUCK in Chocolate...
MAN: BITCH THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYIN' TO TELL YOU

LOL

corbo
02-13-2010, 07:07 PM
A wife is naked in front of the mirror and says to her husband "honey i feel fat and ugly, give me a compliment"
he says "well, you have perfect vision"

brando4n82
02-13-2010, 07:44 PM
Post your funniest, cheesiest joke here!::rotfl

Q: What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
A: Dam



What do you call a Fish without an eye?

A Fsh



Wait..that jokes doesnt work when you type it out...oh well.

JustSteve
02-13-2010, 07:48 PM
well, if we're going that route:

what did the ghost say to the bee?

"boo, bee"

get it? boobie.

ha?

brando4n82
02-13-2010, 07:50 PM
fuck....

Steve, you'll be happy to know i literally let out one "Ha" out loud.. I just couldnt help myself

betao
02-13-2010, 08:33 PM
an oldie but goodie:

What do you have when you have 3 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?



Not enough sand.

suprefan
02-13-2010, 09:20 PM
Post your funniest, cheesiest joke here!::rotfl



The non funny joke was when you took peoples money for the wrong reasons.

jimmycrackcorn
02-13-2010, 09:22 PM
The non funny joke was when you took peoples money for the wrong reasons.

help her get to coachella 08?

NachoCat
07-11-2011, 10:25 AM
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Wanna ride bikes?

chunk
07-11-2011, 12:09 PM
Rodney Dangerfield once went to a hotel so bad, they stole his towels.