The Girls Only Thread

[casey]

I have no idea how I would meet guys if my boyfriend and I broke up. LA is an intimidating city, and I don't know how comfortable I would feel with online dating, even though I know that's probably the norm now. Hats off to you ladies!

[chiapet]

Weirdly, every time I'm in another city, one that my friends say is tough for meeting guys (like, Seattle and LA namely), I meet a bunch of cute guys who seem at least mildly interested. It's so frustrating. I'm assuming I act differently when I'm not in my own city, cuz that never happens to me in SF.

[JustSteve]

a question for you ladies about all this dating site stuff. would you date a guy who has a terminal disease, one that requires several hospitalizations a year, 2-3 surgeries, and so on? back in my single days 7+ years ago i was always tempted to sign up for one of those sites but figured i would never find anyone willing to deal with what my life entails. it's not like i would have kept all my health issues a secret until later on in a possible relationship, never could be that person who hid something like that and then just dropped a bomb one day.

so happy that a little over 7 years ago i bumped into someone who was willing to take the risk. don't think i would be alive today if i hadn't.

[Goatchella]

Goatchella, do you think the bar is a bad place to meet people?

To back one page sir


If this was directed to me, I most certainly do not clean, and I cook, but I prefer to make boys do it for me.
Boys do the cleaning? This does not scare me. This makes me curious. You have magic or voodoo or bomb sex.

Voodoo magic puss

[locachica73]

Steve, I dated a guy for quite a while that I met on a dating site that had some sort of heart disease. I can't remember what exactly, basically the explanation was that his heart beat too hard/fast and was running out of steam, he was on all sorts of meds, hospitalized regularly, etc. We hit it off because he was a tattoo artist and we started out talking about tattoos.

[casey]

Weirdly, every time I'm in another city, one that my friends say is tough for meeting guys (like, Seattle and LA namely), I meet a bunch of cute guys who seem at least mildly interested. It's so frustrating. I'm assuming I act differently when I'm not in my own city, cuz that never happens to me in SF.
I always found SF to be quite full of guys, and people are out in the open more. You see more people walking and on public transit who are easy to talk to, and people are generally friendlier at bars. They want to have an actual conversation, and it just seems like less of a party city to me. Also, in LA I feel waaaaay more self-conscious. I constantly compare myself to other girls because it seems like everywhere you turn you see girls who are basically perfect-looking. In SF I never really worried about that. Basically, I would be a terrible dater if I had to do it again, so let's hope I don't have to.

[chairmenmeow47]

steve, if i liked the person enough, i would be fine with it. i just don't think it's profile worthy.

[locachica73]

Yeah, that info wasn't in Barak's profile, he informed me of it after an amazing date of dinner and a walk around tempe town lake, probably one of my best first dates. Once I was sucked in he let me know about the health issues. Had I known up front I don't know that I could have let myself get attached.

[chiapet]

a question for you ladies about all this dating site stuff. would you date a guy who has a terminal disease, one that requires several hospitalizations a year, 2-3 surgeries, and so on? back in my single days 7+ years ago i was always tempted to sign up for one of those sites but figured i would never find anyone willing to deal with what my life entails. it's not like i would have kept all my health issues a secret until later on in a possible relationship, never could be that person who hid something like that and then just dropped a bomb one day.

That's a tough one to answer, Steve. I think it would largely depend on what both I and the guy were looking for at the present time. If he was looking for a partner for the rest of his life, I'm sorry to say I would pass him by. Not specifically because he was ill, but because I don't have a strong interest in serious relationships, and I'd feel like every date / day I strung the guy along would possibly prevent him from finding someone who could offer him something more meaningful. I'd be glad to offer friendship though, or casual sex to cheer him up. :)

I've been put to the test on this when I was pretty young, and my reaction surprised me. It was a friend that I cared for a lot, and when I found out that his illness was possibly terminal, I found myself doing... kind of crazy things. Offering to marry him (we had never even dated but we were really close), take care of him until he died, have his kid even though I don't want kids (he was upset about being an only child and dying childless), ensure his parents were taken care of. For someone I'd never dated! I also realized that I was incredibly attracted to him, perhaps at his most when his body was destroyed by illness & treatment, because at that point he was most dependent on personality and intelligence and humor. Very happily he had a kind of miraculous recovery,.... unhappily, our relationship was permanently altered by the things that were said. I realized that I actually did love the guy, and he clearly felt uncomfortable with how readily I would have given up all of my plans for him. The situation still makes me really sad, he's literally the only guy in my (past) life that I won't really talk about.



Boys do the cleaning? This does not scare me. This makes me curious. You have magic or voodoo or bomb sex.

No idea, but typically I find guys who are happy to clean and cook and such. I don't make them do it, or anything like that.



I assume that guys are intimidated by women who are perpetually scowling/looking frustrated at the inane stupidity of the world surrounding them, yes?

Maybe this is part of the problem, there is a lot of stupidity to scowl at in SF.

[casey]

There's more stupidity in LA...BY FAR!

[JustSteve]

steve, if i liked the person enough, i would be fine with it. i just don't think it's profile worthy.

yeah, it's not something i would have put on a profile...unless i was just looking for some pity sex. damn, why didn't i think about the pity sex back then!

[unknown]

I've never had any interest in checking out a dating site. It seems like a lot of work to find someone that I think would be interesting/compatible to date. I don't think I'm that picky of a person but then when I think about the relationship I'm in now, I think fuck yes I'm picky!

[chairmenmeow47]

it's a lot less work than going out a bunch of times, hoping to meet someone you like.

[chiapet]

I don't think it's even that it's less effort (it seems like more effort to me -- but I like going out)... I just don't MEET people that I am interested in, when I go out. Most often the ones I find interesting turn out to not be single, or not interested in me "in that way" (yes, guys, we women hear it too, all the time).

That sounds whiny, I realize, but really, it's baffling to me how I might meet interesting single guys who would be interested in me.


This is kind of ridiculous, but after hearing from a couple of friends that they met cool people (or at least hooked up with hot people) at Yelp events, I've actually been considering going to some. At least then I'd know the people I'm meeting like to eat too much, drink too much, and go out too much. :P

[chairmenmeow47]

yeah, i'm not saying it sucks to go out, but that it is hard to meet people in general. at least in my experience, i don't meet someone i'd want to date every.single.time i go out, whereas online i get enough emails to find at least one person every week or so i'd be ok going on a date with.

[malcolmjamalawesome]

I do not want to make a choice in selecting someone to date based on useful information about that person made available through the Internet.

I buy the first television I see.

I do not do research about anything.

I feel god will direct me to make wise choices.

[chiapet]

Opposite for me. I can almost always see someone I think it attractive enough, and talk to someone I think is interesting enough... at least to give dating the person a TRY. It probably helps that I have no intention of getting married, so I'm looking for Mr. Right Now. :)

Online, I dunno... on dating sites, profiles seem really contrived. I can't get a sense of what the person would really be like at all.
Online on non-dating sites, like, uhm, the board, I actually "meet" a lot of people I think would be interesting enough to date.*

*I don't mean the board really, I'm just using it as an example. I've dated guys I met on other forums and such in the past. It didn't work out, but they were interesting guys.

[malcolmjamalawesome]

Heidi: the girl for whom everything was different.

[chiapet]

Whatever, dude. I guess I'm saying I'm really not SO picky that I don't see guys that would interest me when I'm out and out... it just seems like they're all either taken or not interested.

I agree completely with ThatGirl that they become less attractive when there is a large selection to browse from. I just also feel like I get little sense of their real personality from a dating profile. That's not 'different', is it? I would think most everyone feels that way.

[casey]

I met my boyfriend on this board, so I get what you're saying, Heidi. You get to really know someone's interests and personality over time and not just in a snapshot of a profile.

To be clear, I wasn't trolling the board looking for dudes to date. Don't get the wrong idea!

[chairmenmeow47]

i see attractive guys when i go out, but even when i was looking for "mr. right now", most of them didn't seem to like me when i approached them. like i said, i don't really read profiles, i just wait for someone with a cute picture to message me, then i meet-up with them to see if they are fun to talk to. i've had four dates in about a month. before that, i hadn't dated anyone since my last boyfriend, who i met through friends. i dunno, i'm not trying to force online dating on anyone, i just don't think it's that hard.

[chiapet]

I probably just go out so much that I'm not really willing to spend my free evenings on bad dates. :P

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I know several people who have been successful finding mates on dating sites, and i myself have dated people I've met on message boards in the past.

Mostly though, I have found that just having good groups of friends who have good ancillary groups of friends is the best way to find people to date. i guess it's hard when you're in a city where you don't know a lot of people, but I've never had problems making friends and meeting new people for social situations, and the dating pool just grows and grows when you have access to people that you can get to know as acquaintances through other people before trying to date.

[casey]

Ivy's way is probably the way to do it. I know some girls who check their profile all the time, take various pictures to make sure they look the absolute best they are ever going to look, and spend time pouring over people's profiles trying to find hidden meaning. THAT is definitely too much work.

[locachica73]

I spent a few years doing online dating, the dates were typically after work for happy hour/dinner during the week. My weekends were for my friends, or additional dates if the guy I met during the week was worthy. It was fun and I got a lot of free beer. I think dating is a lot like job interviewing, you need practice, even if you don't think the guy is who you want to spend the rest of your life with it can be fun just meeting new people. I like meeting guys more than meeting girls usually so it worked well for me.

[chairmenmeow47]

yikes, ya that is way too much work!

i agree that a lot of relationships happen by meeting people through friends. i'm just kinda sick of the incestuous feelings that come with that. i'd love a dating site that was more like a message board. i have also started relationships through message boards and like that you get to see the person interact, as opposed to reading lame emails. which is again why i choose to meet instead of chat a bunch. i meet people in public places and i usually don't go directly home so that i'm not followed.

[ThatGirl]

yikes, ya that is way too much work!

i agree that a lot of relationships happen by meeting people through friends. i'm just kinda sick of the incestuous feelings that come with that. i'd love a dating site that was more like a message board. i have also started relationships through message boards and like that you get to see the person interact, as opposed to reading lame emails. which is again why i choose to meet instead of chat a bunch. i meet people in public places and i usually don't go directly home so that i'm not followed.

I spent 3 years on dating sites and while a met a few nice people I found you end up on a lot of dates with pervy guys, just looking to score, and a lot of people that misrepresent themselves on line. I had one guy that even asked to borrow 500 bucks during our first date to get some work done on his car. Then I gave it up because I was sick of it and... met my spouse.. in a bar. During the Calgary Stampede (which is pretty much the most whorish, slutty, worst possible time to meet someone -10 day period every year - in the history of the world.) So you never know. :)

[locachica73]

Oh yes, there are definitely creeps out there, I had a guy demand I pay him back the money he had spent on the dates because I had no intention of sleeping with him. He kept emailing and texting me after the date demanding $43. oooh big spender.

[chairmenmeow47]

if i don't like someone, i insist on paying. and you just never know how you will met someone great. for me, i just wanted to get in the habit of dating and meeting new people. i don't go out a lot anymore to places where i'd meet lots of new guys. plus with my health problems and having to wake up early, i can't really. i had not been on an actual date since july of 2010 when i went out with my last boyfriend, so i'm glad i joined. also i haven't met any creeps yet. it's nice meeting people that aren't in my circle of friends. like my last date was with a guy i probably wouldn't see again romantically, but he was new to town and we had great conversation and yummy food at kazimierz. not a total loss!

[scenicworld]

I have a couple dating profiles, but I have a really hard time keeping up with them. I found the quality of guys to be much higher on OKC than the other dating site I used, but mostly I think that's because the other one is highly specialized and attracts a certain quality that I don't find enticing. I've only dated one guy from OKC so far, and it went well, but there wasn't a really great connection to build a relationship. we still talk occasionally and are still friendly towards each other, but I don't think either of us felt the click during our date. I've dated a few guys from that other dating site, but after meeting them in real life and seeing their true intentions, I quickly realize that they aren't the guys for me. Now I only keep up with OKC but only once or twice a week just to see if Mr Right has signed on yet. still waiting!

I'm in a place in my life where I'm putting dating and meeting guys on the back burner until I sort out some stuff in my life, but later this year I may find myself in a better position to give OKC another go. some girl friends have used plenty of fish, and that site seems like just another meat market site to set up hookups and that's just not my style. another girl friend met a pretty great guy on Match.com, but I can't see myself paying for a dating site.

[Hannahrain]

God, there is no fucking thing worse than the lists of likes and dislikes people seem to think highlight their charming idiosyncrasies and differentiate them from the rest of the pack. Let's see. I never know what to write about myself in these things...I'm a total snob about wine, but I'll drink cheap beer until the sun comes up =) I'm really into hand-sharpened pencils. I like typography. I'm afraid of ghosts. I'm afraid of goats. I'm afraid of goat ghosts. I'm curious about trepanation. I like reptiles. I claim not to be superstitious, but I always knock on wood. I'm a vegetarian except for bacon (teehee). I'm so interesting. I'm so fucking interesting. Pick me.

[guedita]

Do you like movies? But HATE Yelpers?

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

Ah, Hannah's post prompted me to remember this fascinating study that breaks down the interests listed on OkCupid and divides them by race. It's extremely entertaining.
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-real-stuff-white-people-like/

Even after reading this for the first time over a year ago, i still like to joke to heather that I'm just a simple guy.

[chairmenmeow47]

that's why i made a joke out of my profile. i figure it has to be different than what people normally see, and it's a good test to see if people get my sense of humour. i feel bad not taking the time to read guys profiles, but i'd just rather talk to them and figure out if they TRULY are scared of ghosts or are just lying.

[Hannahrain]

I love i am cool. I may be wrong about this whole online dating thing.

[Hannahrain]

Oh Jesus fucking Christ. I'm a girl looking for a good man. My interests are: mascara. Could I be your perfect match?

[guedita]

Hahahaha. Jodi Picoult. Ghostbusters.

[Hannahrain]

Dude. If I treat this chick to an evening of putting mascara on Jodi Picoult, I am going to get SO BLOWN.

[chiapet]

I almost feel like Hannah went and found my profile and now is making fun of me not so surreptitiously.

Edited: Jeezus. Well, coffee and wine are in my interests. I'm baffled that there are apparently a large number of women who care, or pretend to care, about the Red Sox.

And the guys are apparently polyamorists with terrible taste in music.

[LetThereBeLight]

I always found SF to be quite full of guys, and people are out in the open more. You see more people walking and on public transit who are easy to talk to, and people are generally friendlier at bars. They want to have an actual conversation, and it just seems like less of a party city to me. Also, in LA I feel waaaaay more self-conscious. I constantly compare myself to other girls because it seems like everywhere you turn you see girls who are basically perfect-looking. In SF I never really worried about that. Basically, I would be a terrible dater if I had to do it again, so let's hope I don't have to.

This is me. Lol.

[HotHamWater]

It seems like every woman on OKCupid loves hiking. Is that like the default thing to say when you have nothing else? When I go hiking, I might see one other person out there. Apparently I'm avoiding the places where the whole fucking city goes.

I signed up on OKCupid last month. I just looked at it as another tool for meeting people. A different pool out of my routine, I guess. My cirlce of friends has dwindled over the years, so that's not really a good way for me to meet people. OKCupid was just a way to shake things up a little. I went on a date with someone a couple of weeks ago, and the conversation was really good. Though, I feel like she misrepresnted herself a little bit (shocker). Went out again a week later, and it just wasn't clicking. So I told her I wasn't interested in anything romantic with her.

I don't overcomplicate it. If we're a good match, and I find her attractive enough, I'll send a message. I don't read through profiles in too much detail. Just a quick once-over will do. I just really focus on things like religion and if she has any kids. Other than that, I'll find out what I need to know by meeting up. So I guess I'm like Ivy in that sense.

[mountmccabe]

that's why i made a joke out of my profile. i figure it has to be different than what people normally see, and it's a good test to see if people get my sense of humour.

This is a very good idea.

Also it seems like this all could be spun off into its own thread?

[unknown]

My comment about dating sites being too much work is mainly a reflection on how lazy I am (and how little faith I have in the general public). I have never been one open to blind dates nor do I find most people to be very interesting. So for me, going through different profiles, emails, whatever the case may be, just seems like it wouldn't result in many decent prospects.

I agree with Drinkey - friends of friends with like minded interests is the way to go.


I spent 3 years on dating sites and while a met a few nice people I found you end up on a lot of dates with pervy guys, just looking to score, and a lot of people that misrepresent themselves on line. I had one guy that even asked to borrow 500 bucks during our first date to get some work done on his car. Then I gave it up because I was sick of it and... met my spouse.. in a bar. During the Calgary Stampede (which is pretty much the most whorish, slutty, worst possible time to meet someone -10 day period every year - in the history of the world.) So you never know. :)
Yeah. This is pretty much what I think a dating site would land me. Pervy man whores.

[chiapet]

I used to rely solely on the friends of friends thing but my social circle (locally, anyway) feels smaller and is pretty incestuous. SF is not a very big city.

[casey]

^^ THAT is true and part of the reason I was okay with moving to LA. After awhile, you end up seeing the same people over and over, especially if you're into a certain activity (be that biking, going to shows, whatever). I got tired of running into the same people over and over again. It makes the world feel so tiny.

[chairmenmeow47]

yeah, the incestuous thing gets me. especially when my last boyfriend let me borrow a swimsuit that was left at his place by a girl he used to fuck that i know. i didn't KNOW he used to fuck her though, so it kinda took me back. i didn't say anything, i got over it, but i hate feeling like everyone i know has slept with my man.

[Courtney]

Ok, I retract my previous commentary about OkCupid. A seemingly very cute urban planning phd student messaged me this morning, and was entirely charming and talked about Battlestar Gallatica and bicycle commuting and the awesomeness of Carrie Brownstein. Winnah winnah. He did not show up on my initial search because he is 26 and I had set my parameters for 27+.

[chiapet]

... You have your parameters set for 27+?

I have mine set for 24.... I revised because I felt I was being a bit pervy with the initial 22+ setting.

[Courtney]

I thought 27+ was generous! I'm 29 (30 in June) and the youngest I have ever dated is one year older than me.

[chairmenmeow47]

http://www.ivy.aholic.us/gallery/d/908009-1/WTFokcupid.png

[chiapet]

I thought 27+ was generous! I'm 29 (30 in June) and the youngest I have ever dated is one year older than me.

Well, it's not like I'm looking for a husband. :P

23 is as young as I've gone.

[Courtney]

I'm not against marriage, but I woudn't consider myself husband-hunting either. Mostly I'm just looking to meet someone that maybe, possibly has the potential to develop into a long term committed relationship over time.

[guedita]

Apparently I created an OKCupid account a few years ago and my handle on there is "gingerbreath."

[chiapet]

Yea, I just want sex. And 24 year olds are as good for that as anyone.

Gingerbreath... wow. Actually, ginger smells pretty awesome.

[Courtney]

Hahahaaa. Cara that is fantastically wonderful.

[ThatGirl]

I thought 27+ was generous! I'm 29 (30 in June) and the youngest I have ever dated is one year older than me.

Courtney younger guys can be great. Every dude I had a relationship with that was older than me turned out to be a bit of a douchebag. Younger guys appreciate your experiences, and they don't tire out (wink), and as long as they half way have their shit together and you don't end up being their bank account/ chauffer/ laundro-maid, it's all good. :)

[ThatGirl]

Apparently I created an OKCupid account a few years ago and my handle on there is "gingerbreath."

Ginger breath = Cute red headed lass with a blinding wit and firey sharp toungue. :) Boys beware!

[chiapet]

Geez, my OKcupid babbling on FB just caused me to out myself to my brother's best friend. I'd restricted the post but forgot he was in one of my SF groups.

[ThatGirl]

Geez, my OKcupid babbling on FB just caused me to out myself to my brother's best friend. I'd restricted the post but forgot he was in one of my SF groups.

Yikes. Re-adjust the privacy setting on the post and maybe he won't see it?

[chiapet]

No, I realized he saw it because he commented on it. It's fine. He lives in SF, so I'm sure he's heard worse. ;)

[Tangerine]

Hilarious!!!!

[Originalbob]

There should be a thread for online dating advice...

But anywho, my two cents. I've done quite a bit of online relationships. Most, if not all were meant for sex but one could be pleasantly surprised the quality individuals you may find also searching for someone. That's how I met Miroir Noir. I will throw him under the bus a bit and say: sometimes you need to give guys a chance. I was dooped on multiple occasions by old, much skinnier pictures. Maybe I'm the opposite of shallow and find happiness in male interactions despite their obvious deceaving profile pictures.

I also don't have many friends because I'm a bit of an introvert so I've never met someone through a friend.

[amyzzz]

haha I just noticed your location abbreviation, ob. :)

[chiapet]

It's weird that it never occurred to me that guys would put up slimmer pictures than they currently are. Guess I expect guys not to be very vain? Not sure why.

I made sure to put up a full body shot that wasn't unnecessarily flattering, because I dread that moment of meeting where the other person is like ".....Oh" (you're fat / you're ugly / etc).

[locachica73]

I went on a date with a guy who posted a pic that had been taken several years/pounds/grey hairs earlier, or it was his son in the photo. Although, having spent 30 minutes on the date I am guessing he had never had sex so scratch the son idea.

[amyzzz]

I went to the eye doctor yesterday to get new glasses and I splurged on a 2nd pair that is just sunglasses. I'm excited because I usually never wear sunglasses because of my near-sightedness (I never wanted to spend the big bucks to get prescription sunglasses). So yay. I won't be all squinty this year at Coachella!

[chairmenmeow47]

yay, are they cute?

i need to buy new sunglasses. i love my big white glasses, but they are not technically "real" sunglasses. i really want a pair of big white jackie o style glasses with "real" sunglass lenses. i don't wear glasses, so not prescription, just something a step up from "costume" lol.

[Courtney]

I went on a date with a guy who posted a pic that had been taken several years/pounds/grey hairs earlier, or it was his son in the photo. Although, having spent 30 minutes on the date I am guessing he had never had sex so scratch the son idea.

Ha! I tried to include photos that were cute, but recent. I mean, I don't see anything wrong with wanting to portray yourself in a good light as long as it is accurate.


I went to the eye doctor yesterday to get new glasses and I splurged on a 2nd pair that is just sunglasses. I'm excited because I usually never wear sunglasses because of my near-sightedness (I never wanted to spend the big bucks to get prescription sunglasses). So yay. I won't be all squinty this year at Coachella!

Let's see the glasses!

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I found good clip-on sunglasses to go over my frames. I would lose or break a pair of prescription sunglasses that i had to carry around too easily. i guess it's easier if you have a purse though.

Do you not ever wear sunglasses Amy? that's REALLY bad for your eyes.

[chairmenmeow47]

i noticed a lot of guys on ok cupid kinda have shitty pics. they do the mirror pic thing, and there's flash so you can't really see their face. or they're too far away to see what they look like. i've seen a few that take multiple pictures in the same outfit and position with slightly different expressions. so weird. after our conversation yesterday, i added two more recent pics. i also searched for the first time and messaged a few people. i figure it's a little pompous of me to expect all the men to come crawling to me lol.

[chiapet]

Amy, I bet you'll love them! I held out for many years because prescription sunglasses seemed like such an extravagance, but I don't know what I'd do without them now.

I posted my latest pair quite a few pages back but omg... I love them. They're the glasses Audrey Hepburn wears in Breakfast at Tiffany's (the manufacturer re-released the style last year to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the movie). They come in a bunch of colors and I love them so much that I might try to get a second pair.

[scenicworld]

i noticed a lot of guys on ok cupid kinda have shitty pics. they do the mirror pic thing, and there's flash so you can't really see their face. or they're too far away to see what they look like. i've seen a few that take multiple pictures in the same outfit and position with slightly different expressions. so weird. after our conversation yesterday, i added two more recent pics. i also searched for the first time and messaged a few people. i figure it's a little pompous of me to expect all the men to come crawling to me lol.

I've seen a lot of the same, but I've even seen some pictures of guys that are in the exact same position, in the exact same place, with the exact same expression but they have a different shirt on (usually a random team jersey or an affliction tshirt) almost like they photoshopped the same picture a few times. usually these are also the guys that message me about wanting to have "fun" some night, so I just keep swimming.

[Courtney]

i noticed a lot of guys on ok cupid kinda have shitty pics. they do the mirror pic thing, and there's flash so you can't really see their face. or they're too far away to see what they look like. i've seen a few that take multiple pictures in the same outfit and position with slightly different expressions. so weird.

Ha, I agree. And I'm a total photo snob. If they don't have at least two photos, with at least one showing their face clearly, I automatically won't respond to messages. Partially because I like to know what I'm getting, but also partially just because I feel like if they can't be bothered to take the time to at least do that, then that's probably not a very good sign about their overall level of commitment.

[chairmenmeow47]

yeah, most of the "are you DTF" type messages come from people with no picture and nothing in their profile. that makes no sense to me! i also keep swimming.

i see what you're saying courtney. i also think it shows a lack of self-awareness. it's 2012. everyone has a camera. have you not realized which pictures look good yet?

[Courtney]

Also, what is wrong with their personality detection system? Because I'm not very laid back, and I am very geeky.

http://i40.tinypic.com/r10n5d.png

[chiapet]

i also searched for the first time and messaged a few people. i figure it's a little pompous of me to expect all the men to come crawling to me lol.

I was really happy to find this morning, when reviewing my sent messages, that when I got wrecked last night, announced on tinychat that I was going to find someone in my neighborhood to come over and bone me, and started sending off a flurry of messages.... that I didn't send any really nasty messages, nor anything exceptionally sub-literately written.

[chiapet]

This is going to attract some real winners.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7032/6767105737_ce235c238f_z.jpg


Edit: I don't get 'more mathematical'?! Did I answer the stupid math questions incorrectly or something? haha.

[Courtney]

Ha, Heidi, I have no idea about the "mathematical" part. Considering that my recent GMAT score was significantly higher in verbal than quantitative, I think that personality trait is also probably pretty questionable.

Also, why don't I get "independent"? This is bullshit.

[Courtney]

I just checked, and we've answered almost the same number of questions, so it's not that.

[amyzzz]

Courtney, I am waiting for the glasses to get fixed up for me; then I will attempt to post pics. I don't have them now. I tried google-searching for the pair I got (or something similar), but I can't find it.

Andrew, no I don't wear sunglasses. I think my normal glasses have some kind of anti-UV ray coating.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I guess your eye doctor would be the one to know. i used to never wear sunglasses, but then my eye doctor started screaming at me. i wore those huge over-the-glasses old man sunglasses for a couple years until i found the nice clip-ons. Mostly only for driving or if I'm out in the sun for long periods of time.

Sometime I miss my old big sunglasses though.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/205048_763719627770_18915774_39352673_5412482_n.jp g

[chiapet]

Oh, San Francisco. The number of incredibly attractive guys on OKCupid that describe themselves as being in open marriages and looking for people to sleep with / listen to music with is staggering.... and... if I'm honest... kind of appealing. Most of them seem fairly legit about their marriages being open, at least in the sense that they have pictures posted with their wives, and their wives appear to have accounts and are doing the same thing....

[kitt kat]

I have no idea how I would meet guys if my boyfriend and I broke up. LA is an intimidating city, and I don't know how comfortable I would feel with online dating, even though I know that's probably the norm now. Hats off to you ladies!

Yeah dude. I can tell you that IF (IF!!! NOT SAYING WHEN) you ever break up, it is VERY HARD to bounce back being single in LA. Speaking from my experience. I am also wary of internet dating (because of the stigma my family would put onto it, and because it freaks me out). Since my ex and I broke up in October I've turned into this asexual blob. I go out, but no one wants to talk to you and all the guys in bars in Silver Lake have pretty girls on their arms.

Hold onto that guy tight. LA is a sad place to be when you're single. I'm considering moving when I'm done with school because I'm sick of being alone here.

I have two friends who are 29/30 who use OK Cupid. They've found some real weirdos. I dunno, I don't think that Internet dating is for me. I know ti works for some...but I don't think I'll do it ever.

[chiapet]

Hrm. Guys always talk to me when I'm in LA. I find it surprising because I just assume they're all into the hot but really fake body obsessed LA chicks.

Seriously I have no problem pulling when I'm not in my own city. It's fucking stupid.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

As was stated before, and not to sound like a dick, your problems are most likely because of something you are projecting kat. i know many, many people that have no problems meeting people and going on dates.

[HotHamWater]

Also, I think you're just as likely to meet weirdos in person.

[Courtney]

I had no problem finding men I would want to date when I lived in Los Angeles, but I also had a lot of connections to the graduate student and faculty communities at USC and UCLA, as well as the entire staff of the Getty to draw from -- so that helped. I think if you live in LA and only have interaction with the more stereotypically douchey aspects of the entertainment industry and whatnot, then yes dating can be a real problem. I certainly would not have wanted to date guys I met at bars in LA.

[ThatGirl]

Ok folks forgive me if I sound like a moron, but what's DTF?

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

"Down To Fuck"

[LetThereBeLight]

lol! down to fuck....you're forgiven but that was funny.

[ThatGirl]

Ok I feel like a giant idiot. But down to fuck? Really? Even the perviest dudes on Plenty of Fish didn't use that acronym. Holy crap.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

l00king 4 hawt BBW, 420-frendli, DTF wit DSL

[ThatGirl]

l00king 4 hawt BBW, 420-frendli, DTF wit DSL

To me this looks like a high tech term I'd be researching to recruit on, not someone I'd be looking to date.

[Hannahrain]

Jesus fuck. That is so unintelligible that I found myself briefly wondering what a "100 king" was.

[Hannahrain]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/205048_763719627770_18915774_39352673_5412482_n.jp g

You look like Nicole Richie.

[locachica73]

l00king 4 hawt BBW, 420-frendli, DTF wit DSL

haha, Plenty of Fish has plenty of profiles that look like this.

[ThatGirl]

haha, Plenty of Fish has plenty of profiles that look like this.

I guess things have changed in the 5 years since i've been on one of these sites. I'm grateful I don't do this anymore!

[locachica73]

It was about 5 years ago for me as well. I don't know that it was the norm for the site, I just tend to have a weirdo magnet. I didn't understand half the shit people would email to me, I needed a thug to english dictionary.

[chairmenmeow47]

i have not bought non-workout sneakers in a very, very long time. like three years. since my state taxes arrived today, i bought some. i've been i love with DC chelseas for years.

http://dcs.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pDCS1-9580927v370x364.jpg

http://dcs.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pDCS1-10805956v370x364.jpg

[amyzzz]

I love those rainbow sneakers!

[romanticizer]

http://i41.tinypic.com/30bhjsm.jpg

Since we are discussing clothes - I made an outfit blueprint.

[Courtney]

One suggestion: you might think twice about the romper and ease of use in the portapotties.

[chiapet]

I feel it necessary to point out to you that rompers are super UNpractical at coachella. You will regret it each time your romper touches the piss-covered (and that's probably not all) floor of the port-a-potty.

[romanticizer]

POINT TAKEN!
I didn't think about that.
Now I remember it being a problem at Sasquatch. Thanks!

[chiapet]

Have you been to Coachella before?

Sasquatch port-a-potties are absolutely amazingly clean. Like, it's something I rushed to the board to post about after my first Sasquatch. People put the lids down! And they don't smell bad! And the floor (and walls and seat and hell, even the door) are not covered in bodily fluids, even by the end of the night).

Coachella's are... not like that.

I think ideal Coachella outfits are reasonably short skirts/dresses that can easily be hiked/held up while squatting. I try not to wear anything that has to be pushed down too low to the ground nor anything very long.

[romanticizer]

No. I'm a virgin so clothes suggestions are helpful.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

Don't forget your malaria pills and keep up to date with all your shots.

[chiapet]

No. I'm a virgin so clothes suggestions are helpful.

Well, your choices look good otherwise. Remember it's a desert climate (despite all the greenery and palm trees) - it will most likely be in the 90's, possibly 100's, it's very dry and the sun is pretty intense in the afternoon. If you're not accustomed to getting that much direct sun and heat (and I assume, being from Seattle, you're not :) ), it can be pretty intense. Definitely factor a hat (wide brim are best) into your outfits. I also bring a long sleeved breathable shirt, or a large wrap/scarf, that I can put over my shoulders if I start to get burned or too hot. (Scarves are nice, as you can also dip them into water to cool down a bit).

It does cool down a lot at night - not as cold as Sasquatch though. :)

[romanticizer]

My family is from the South. Dallas and New Orleans specifically so I'm good on that front. But lots of good info here. Thanks so much. :)

[suprefan]

Ok folks forgive me if I sound like a moron, but what's DTF?

Down to fuck. Something you're obviously not.

[chairmenmeow47]

Down to fuck. Something you're obviously not with me.

fixed :)

[HotHamWater]

Down to fuck.

She knows now.......


"Down To Fuck"


lol! down to fuck....you're forgiven but that was funny.


Ok I feel like a giant idiot. But down to fuck? Really? Even the perviest dudes on Plenty of Fish didn't use that acronym. Holy crap.

Late to the party as always.

[Pixiessp]

I would tend to shy away from someone who would even think to use DTF in an online dating profile. That's just hideous.

[ThatGirl]

fixed :)

Hahahah love. :)

[Ha.SK]

Love makes you do stupid things.

[amyzzz]

Anything you want to share?

[Ha.SK]

As I was sipping my morning coffee and reading the last couple pages of this thread along with my own past experiences along with '500 days of summer' playing in the background... I guess I had an epiphany of sorts. That and my bitterness towards Love.

[kitt kat]

So my ex took it upon himself to meet with me yesterday to tell me he has a girlfriend. Thanks, asshole.

Mainly, I am sad — but it's more of a deep seated disappointment. It's barely been 4 full months. This is not the person I thought he was.

I am bummed about it, but it's not in a completely life-ruining way.

What I am telling myself, and what my friends (who were our friends and now have said they do not want to speak to him after doing this) keep telling me: It's good I am taking the time to be alone and not pursue a serious relationship because I need to move on and figure out who I am apart from another human being. He, most likely, was plagued by loneliness and missed having someone around who would take care of him when he was bogged down with stuff. He is replacing a void in his life with someone else; I am too good to do that.

I just want to figure out who I am. I spent 4.5 years defining myself as part of a duo, but never spent time finding out who Kat is. It's time.

In the end, even if I feel shitty now, I know I'll come out on top by acting like this. I don't want a boyfriend until I find myself first. (Doesn't mean I don't want fun dates and stuff...but no boyfriends.)

[ThatGirl]

So my ex took it upon himself to meet with me yesterday to tell me he has a girlfriend. Thanks, asshole.

Mainly, I am sad — but it's more of a deep seated disappointment. It's barely been 4 full months. This is not the person I thought he was.

I am bummed about it, but it's not in a completely life-ruining way.

What I am telling myself, and what my friends (who were our friends and now have said they do not want to speak to him after doing this) keep telling me: It's good I am taking the time to be alone and not pursue a serious relationship because I need to move on and figure out who I am apart from another human being. He, most likely, was plagued by loneliness and missed having someone around who would take care of him when he was bogged down with stuff. He is replacing a void in his life with someone else; I am too good to do that.

I just want to figure out who I am. I spent 4.5 years defining myself as part of a duo, but never spent time finding out who Kat is. It's time.

In the end, even if I feel shitty now, I know I'll come out on top by acting like this. I don't want a boyfriend until I find myself first. (Doesn't mean I don't want fun dates and stuff...but no boyfriends.)

Kat, I think your assessment of your needs is spot on and that it can be very liberating to make the conscious choice to go it alone. Bravo.

[amyzzz]

Good for you, Kat.

[romanticizer]

I had a sort of similar liberation this weekend when I simply decided to stop chasing someone who doesn't have the same feelings for me. I know I'm worthy of someone loving and respecting me and I just have to say if you don't realize what you could have had then goodbye! I'm excited to get back into action as a single person tied down by no one. Good luck on this new chapter, Kat. :D

[locachica73]

Good luck ladies! I believe it's important for women to spend at least a few years alone learning how to love themselves before they should settle down. It took me till my 30's to figure that out though. I am glad to see the younger generations learning this lesson early. I hope my daughter can also figure this out, I am trying to teach her without it feeling as though I am giving her a lesson, which has been difficult. I hope she finds some strong/independent women like you all to help guide her. :)

[chairmenmeow47]

kat, i agree with others. that's a great epiphany to have. i know it's a bummer when someone else moves on, but hopefully this well help YOU move on knowing that he has. sometimes in a relationship when people haven't done anything horrible to each other (like cheating), it can be hard to let go.

also, dillards had a 30% off clearance sale on saturday. i'm wearing a sexy new dress (pics later).

[Hannahrain]

I got new insoles. Pics later!

[Courtney]

I bought new whole wheat pita bread. No pics! Ever!

[chairmenmeow47]

ha ha ha ha, i was just trying to pre-empt the pics request that usually comes from statements like that :)

also, i got a navy suit. i already have another navy dress and some navy pants, yet i still don't own a pair of navy shoes. why are they so hard to find?

[Hannahrain]

We do have a pretty big navy. They probably nab them as soon as they hit shelves.

[chairmenmeow47]

*rim-shot*

[chiapet]

Kat, your last post is possibly the most adult thing I've ever seen you post. Congratulations for coming to this realization. It may hurt a lot right now, but you'll be better off in the long term for taking this time to find yourself.

[kitt kat]

Thanks, ladies. I do appreciate all the caring and thoughtful responses.

I cried this morning. It's hard. Ivy, you are definitely right with the whole "no cheating = hard to move on" bit. I'm just trying my best to stay positive and tell myself this is the right thing to do. Really excited to wake up one day and feel happy and not care anymore.

Did get to spend some time with a friend this weekend — the girl from the other couple Chris and I were close with since college. She and her boyfriend (a close friend of Chris) broke up shortly after we did. They were living together and dated about the same length of time. It was nice to have someone to talk with who really related to what I had bee going through; she's been going through a lot of the same things, and even her relationship ended under similar circumstances. She just moved close by me (she's been couch surfing with some friends while she moved out of her and her ex's place) so hopefully we can have each other to rely on when things get tough.

[Originalbob]

This pisses me the fuck off!
Susan G Komen foundation has pulled their grant money from Planned Parenthood. Since I went a year without insurance, I've been using Planned Parenthood to get my Pap Smears! I will no longer join in the Race for the Cure and will instead direct that money straight into PP. Komen doesn't have clinics to check for breast cancer, but PP does. WTF!

http://www.npr.org/2012/01/31/146160911/susan-g-komen-halts-grants-to-planned-parenthood

[kitt kat]

Oh, I know. It pisses me off. As someone who supports PP but also supports breast cancer research (I lost my grandmother because of it) I am UBER ANGRY about all this. I sent to my mom and, even though she's pretty moderate, she was upset, too.

From now on, PP gets my money. That's it.

[Courtney]

Yes, the Komen thing is bullshit. Even if you don't agree with all of PP's politics, it is undeniable that they serve a large demographic that would otherwise have no place to go for basic healthcare needs. Pulling grant funding is short-sighted and will polarize the community enough to do more harm to Komen's image than it's worth.

[Originalbob]

Thank you, I'm glad you guys agree. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a reverse on their decision. It was good reading in that article a philanthropist, after hearing the news, donated $250,000 to Planned Parenthood. I can proudly admit I pay the full amount of my bill, even though my wages could drastically reduce it.
Well, it was fun doing the race last year with my friend, but I would much rather give my support directly to the people housing the clinics versus the funding powerhouse.

I am tired of people waging war on women's rights. Have we reverted back to the 1960s? I don't appreciate white, Protestants males telling me how, where, and when I can run my body. (sorry, I'm on my femi-nazi soap box -_-) Expletives, expletives, expletives. aaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh

[chiapet]

I'm pretty pissed about it too. In the past I've supported both organizations, but can't see fit to give money or resources to Komen now.

Wanting to have control over your body and your reproductive health is not being a "femi-nazi." If roles were reversed, and men (especially straight men) were subject to the same risks as women, reproductive care would be secured and low-cost or free. It's utter bullshit.

I'm really to the point where I am probably going to have tubal ligation in case my options are limited in the future. It's something I worry about a lot the way the tide has turned over the past ~10 years.

[Originalbob]

Does PP perform tubal ligation? I know it's an outpatient procedure and use anesthesia which doesn't take very long to complete...

The feminist inside me really gets heated when I hear about removing options for my own health / other women's health because of political views. I should make signs saying: I'm sorry I have a VAGINA that needs care and attention

You're absolutely right about having the tables turned. Men have it easy with their reproductive organs visible, whereas we get the "duckhead", cultures, fingering and vaginal scraping.

It's absurd how wrapped up in politics women's health gets, but honestly, women don't have recreational abortions.

[Pixiessp]

Well...I didn't come in here to talk about tubal ligations or pap smears or vaginas. That Susan B. Komen thing is pretty rotten though.
I came in here to tell Kat I was proud of her.

[chiapet]

PP, here, at least does not perform tubal ligation, and I don't know of a state where they are involved in that. Perhaps for referrals? They seem to get involved in more temporary and reversal BC only. I think my insurance will cover it, at least to some extent though. In the past, I got flak because I am single, childless and relatively young. I think I've crossed the age though (35) where they stop pushing back so much. I just have to find a surgeon to do it now. I'm pretty motivated since I'm 100% certain I never want kidlets. I've been really lucky never to have a very serious pregnancy scare, but I can't trust that I'll always be that lucky, and I am absolutely terrified that at some point, our right to abortions will be taken away or limited.

[locachica73]

I wasn't aware of the pulling of funding, that makes sense, several of our PPs have closed and the ones open only have limited services. Such bullshit.

I have decided I need to find a real OBGYN, I hate that search, I feel like there should be an interview process before you hire one, but instead you pick one off a list, make an appointment and get naked. I kind of like the idea of knowing someone a little bit more before they see me in the most uncomfortable way.

[chairmenmeow47]

i love mein, but she's far. she used to be in tempe, but then moved to gilbert.

and fuck that komen bullshit.

[ThatGirl]

I wasn't aware of the pulling of funding, that makes sense, several of our PPs have closed and the ones open only have limited services. Such bullshit.

I have decided I need to find a real OBGYN, I hate that search, I feel like there should be an interview process before you hire one, but instead you pick one off a list, make an appointment and get naked. I kind of like the idea of knowing someone a little bit more before they see me in the most uncomfortable way.

I'm glad I don't have to deal with this stuff anymore. And from what I hear you ladies describe in your health system, it seems so different there than in the great white north. But despite the fact we have lots of access to the services we need at no cost, it's not easy to find a family doctor. And you can wait ages to see a specialist depending on where you live and what type of help you need.

[HowToDisappear]

I already can't stand the Susan G. Komen Foundation (for other reasons which I have elaborated before). You won't find me running in the Race for the Cure anytime soon. Or ever.



In other news, the new H&M Super Bowl ad has reminded me that although David Beckham as a human being doesn't do it for me at all, David Beckham's BODY is another story altogether. HOLY FUCK he looks GOOD.

Uh, that is all. Carry on.

[guedita]

I'm with HtD. The Komen Foundation has long been a massive business operation first and a foundation seeking a cure second.

[Hannahrain]

You're absolutely right about having the tables turned. Men have it easy with their reproductive organs visible, whereas we get the "duckhead", cultures, fingering and vaginal scraping.


But, prostate exam.

[Hannahrain]

On that note - and sorry if it's been covered here already - apparently there's a movement this year to boycott Girl Scout cookies both because they've worked with Planned Parenthood and because they've accepted transgender youth. Sounds to me like a pretty fucking solid reason to buy cookies.

[HowToDisappear]

Already have my two boxes of Thin Mints on order.

[chairmenmeow47]

waiting for my trefoils!

beckam is yummy. i went into an h&m for the first time over the weekend and was not at all impressed. i felt like i was at forever 21, only less cool.

has anyone used lush cosmetics? i bought some soap for a girlfriend's birthday over the weekend. i asked if they had gift bags, and they had these scarves made of recycled bottles. the lady tied the scarf into a little drawstring bag. i thought that was the coolest thing. and she gave me a free sample of soap since i was buying a gift.

[ThatGirl]

waiting for my trefoils!

beckam is yummy. i went into an h&m for the first time over the weekend and was not at all impressed. i felt like i was at forever 21, only less cool.

has anyone used lush cosmetics? i bought some soap for a girlfriend's birthday over the weekend. i asked if they had gift bags, and they had these scarves made of recycled bottles. the lady tied the scarf into a little drawstring bag. i thought that was the coolest thing. and she gave me a free sample of soap since i was buying a gift.

I've been obsessed with Lush bath products for eons. I use the Karma solid shampoo, Coolaulin conditioner, and It's Raining Men bath/shower gel. Their stuff is like heaven. They also have a lotion called Lovely Jubblies which helps keep the girls perky. It smells great and is nice going on too.

[casey]

Beckham is a hottie; I just watched that commercial teaser with him yesterday too and fuck he is sexy.

Ivy, my friend moved to Scottsdale to work for Lush as a trainer and she loves her job. She's always telling me about the awesome products they have and the samples I've gotten from her have been amazing!

In other news, did you guys see that Pfizer recalled one million packs of birth control (http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5h7oszk1RBsQuNjBK_8wMMkiqKDaA?docId=0cc71c595 a72410a8375533c9c5eb70c)?

[chairmenmeow47]

i heard that this morning. how scary! i wonder if they'll have lawsuits if people get pregnant.

and i was at the scottsdale store! i wonder if your friend helped me :)

i want to go back and try their face masks.

[chiapet]

i went into an h&m for the first time over the weekend and was not at all impressed. i felt like i was at forever 21, only less cool.

has anyone used lush cosmetics? i bought some soap for a girlfriend's birthday over the weekend. i asked if they had gift bags, and they had these scarves made of recycled bottles. the lady tied the scarf into a little drawstring bag. i thought that was the coolest thing. and she gave me a free sample of soap since i was buying a gift.

Love Lush. I try not to go into the store often though because scented soaps (even nice ones like theirs) can give me a bit of a headache, yet they're so wonderful that I end up buying them anyway.

H&M is weird. The type of merchandise they carry is radically different from market to market. The closer you get to suburbia or college towns, the worse the stuff is. The downtown SF one used to be OK. (I haven't been in there for years because most of it doesn't fit me). I love H&M in Europe though. Imagine walking into a H&M store in Scandinavia and finding almost everything in the store is... neutral colors.... interesting/asymmetrical.... nothing super slutty. I went nuts. :)

[chiapet]

In other news, did you guys see that Pfizer recalled one million packs of birth control (http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5h7oszk1RBsQuNjBK_8wMMkiqKDaA?docId=0cc71c595 a72410a8375533c9c5eb70c)?

Saw that, and also that hilariously, they're trying to claim there are not negative side effects from the mis-formulation. Like... a fetus seems like a hell of a side effect.

[Gribbz]

Hi ladies. So, I've been seeing this girl for a few months now and we've hit a little bump in the road. She's upset about how much time I spend with my friends and the lack of time I spend with her. I see her about 3-4 times a week and every time I do hangout with my friends I invite her to come along(more or less). I don't think I'm doing anything wrong but I wanted to get an outsider's perspective. I like her, but she's coming off quite needy (she appeared to be the opposite when we first met).

[guedita]

Why doesn't she want to hang out with your friends? Or, what is the reason that she gives?

[Gribbz]

Why doesn't she want to hang out with your friends? Or, what is the reason that she gives?
I don't think she's against hanging out with them. She just wants more "alone time". 3-4 times a week seems plenty though, yeah?

I should have known this wasn't going to work out when she told me she disliked the Beatles and the Muppets.

[casey]

When you say you see her 3-4 times a week, what is that time like? The amount of time may be fine, but it may be the quality of your time spent together that makes her feel as though something is lacking.

[rage patton]

I don't think she's against hanging out with them. She just wants more "alone time". 3-4 times a week seems plenty though, yeah?

I should have known this wasn't going to work out when she told me she disliked the Beatles and the Muppets.

I find, in general, I don't get along with people who don't like The Muppets.

[guedita]

I don't think she's against hanging out with them. She just wants more "alone time". 3-4 times a week seems plenty though, yeah?

I should have known this wasn't going to work out when she told me she disliked the Beatles and the Muppets.

Yes, that does seem like plenty of time. Shouldn't she want some alone time to hang out with her friends?

[guedita]

I find, in general, I don't get along with people who don't like The Muppets.

This is a stone cold truth.

[chiapet]

Uh... is it bad that I interpret "alone time" to mean, actually being alone? By oneself?.... Take that into consideration with my response.

That sounds incredibly needy, and quite frankly, if you aren't of a similar mindset, it's something that I feel usually becomes an impasse in the relationship... ie, as time goes on, she is probably not going to demand less of your time than she is now.

Is it that you're not spending time alone with her when you do see her? (Like, going out rather than staying in?) Or just that she... wants more time?

If you're to hang out with her MORE than 4 times a week, when are you to hang out with your friends, or get to be alone, or go out and do things she's not interested in?

[motionnn77]

Lush face masks are great. They say they go bad within two weeks, but it's not true. Oatfix is my fave and they have a green moisture mask that I can't remember the name of that is also nice. I've yet to buy their dream cream. It's body lotion, but damn, it feels good and smells heavenly.

[Gribbz]

When you say you see her 3-4 times a week, what is that time like? The amount of time may be fine, but it may be the quality of your time spent together that makes her feel as though something is lacking.
Good point. It all depends really. We go on normal dates (dinner, movie, drinks etc.). Perhaps we could spend more time just hanging out?

Yes, that does seem like plenty of time. Shouldn't she want some alone time to hang out with her friends?
Ha, that's what I told her.

I find, in general, I don't get along with people who don't like The Muppets.
Yeah, that should have been a red flag.

Uh... is it bad that I interpret "alone time" to mean, actually being alone? By oneself?.... Take that into consideration with my response.

That sounds incredibly needy, and quite frankly, if you aren't of a similar mindset, it's something that I feel usually becomes an impasse in the relationship... ie, as time goes on, she is probably not going to demand less of your time than she is now.
This is more or less what I've been thinking. I fear it will get worse before it gets better.


I think I'm just going to voice my concerns and see what happens.

[chairmenmeow47]

good to know about the expiration. i normally buy small one-time use packets from target. plus i feel like i get to try different things when i don't buy a whole bottle of the stuff.

and matt, i agree with what others said about the time you do spend together. 3-4 times a week seems like enough to me. doesn't she need time to do her own thing?

[ThatGirl]

Good point. It all depends really. We go on normal dates (dinner, movie, drinks etc.). Perhaps we could spend more time just hanging out?

Ha, that's what I told her.

Yeah, that should have been a red flag.

This is more or less what I've been thinking. I fear it will get worse before it gets better.


I think I'm just going to voice my concerns and see what happens.


She sounds needy and a bit insecure. Has she abandoned the entire life she had before she met you in order to hang out with you? That to me is a warning sign. Issues.

[Gribbz]

Exactly. She didn't come off this way AT ALL when we first met.

Anyway, thanks for the words y'all. We'll see what happens.

[LetThereBeLight]

I say try to figure out what the issue is before you dismiss her. It could be that she just really likes you and wants to secure the relationship. If her behavior bothers you, you should let her know and her reaction should tell you whether she's just needy or insecure or whatever it may be. I am sort of the same way and I had to work on that a bit when my boyfriend and I started dating. Luckily for me, he likes to be with me all the time too so it's rarely a problem. But I have learned to back off when he needs space or time with friends. We are going on four years together and I could not be happier. So maybe you guys just need to get on the same page about what you actually want out of the relationship.

[Gribbz]

I say try to figure out what the issue is before you dismiss her. It could be that she just really likes you and wants to secure the relationship. If her behavior bothers you, you should let her know and her reaction should tell you whether she's just needy or insecure or whatever it may be. I am sort of the same way and I had to work on that a bit when my boyfriend and I started dating. Luckily for me, he likes to be with me all the time too so it's rarely a problem. But I have learned to back off when he needs space or time with friends. We are going on four years together and I could not be happier. So maybe you guys just need to get on the same page about what you actually want out of the relationship.
Yeah, I'm gonna talk to her first and see how she reacts...

[LetThereBeLight]

I should probably also mention that we're living together now, so it's not weird that I'm with him all the time. Haha.

[downingthief]

Exactly. She didn't come off this way AT ALL when we first met.

Anyway, thanks for the words y'all. We'll see what happens.

I've run into this before with someone who didn't have that many close friends...is that the case with her?

[casey]

Haha, coming from the person who is the "more needy" one my own relationship, I can relate to your girl in a way. It seems like you're doing the right thing in the type of time you're spending with her and seeing that you guys have only been together a few months it seems she is being a bit needy for sure, but she could just REALLY like you. Maybe if you pay close attention & do something she's talked about doing for awhile or something, she'll let you off the hook. My boyfriend is always bringing up little things we can do that I casually mention I want to do, and it makes a really big difference.

[LetThereBeLight]

Casey, your signature (not the lakers quote) sounds like I could have written it about me. Haha

[Courtney]

I'm with HtD. The Komen Foundation has long been a massive business operation first and a foundation seeking a cure second.

It's not just that. For me, it's a question of whether prioritizing breast cancer above other forms of cancer is really the right thing to do at all. I mean, the reason that there is so much awareness about breast cancer is because there are so many survivors. IE, IT DOESN'T KILL YOU. And also, breasts are sexy. There are a lot of other forms of cancer where we just don't hear about them because there are no survivors and they don't involve sexy body parts. To me, the medical issue that takes priority is the one that actually kills more people.

/rant.

[LetThereBeLight]

It's not just that. For me, it's a question of whether prioritizing breast cancer above other forms of cancer is really the right thing to do at all. I mean, the reason that there is so much awareness about breast cancer is because there are so many survivors. IE, IT DOESN'T KILL YOU. And also, breasts are sexy. There are a lot of other forms of cancer where we just don't hear about them because there are no survivors and they don't involve sexy body parts. To me, the medical issue that takes priority is the one that actually kills more people.

/rant.

Totally agree with you.

[Courtney]

In other news, the new H&M Super Bowl ad has reminded me that although David Beckham as a human being doesn't do it for me at all, David Beckham's BODY is another story altogether. HOLY FUCK he looks GOOD.

Uh, that is all. Carry on.

Really? I just googled and I assume this is what you are talking about:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQb_-OY7Z0E

My thoughts:

1) Gross, white people should not put Chinese and Hindi calligraphy on their bodies unless they actually speak the language and it has personal meaning

2) That video is pretty sexualizing -- is it supposed to appeal to straight women or gay men? Because either way, aren't you severely limiting the demographic of who would buy men's underwear? Or is it suggesting that straight men will also buy underwear because of David Beckham's sexy poses?

[chiapet]

There are a lot of other forms of cancer where we just don't hear about them because there are no survivors and they don't involve sexy body parts. To me, the medical issue that takes priority is the one that actually kills more people.

/rant.

No, I agree too, but I'm not going to complain about people donating money towards breast cancer cure research rather than not donating money at all. It's a shame there are not such recognizable drives/foundations for other more serious cancers, or hell, a bigger shame that the way our health care and gov't is set up, there is little interest in finding true prevention / avoidance, because treatment or management of symptoms until your death is so much more profitable.

I will gladly donate to friends who are taking part in races/drives/etc in order to support them in their individual reasons for donating their time, but the only medical issue I personally donate to is for local (city/county based) AIDS testing/counseling/treatment, because I feel like it's an issue that has a fairly immediate impact on my local community, and is one of the only critical illnesses where the majority of the world would rather blame the patient than provide them help. *shrug*

[casey]

Casey, your signature (not the lakers quote) sounds like I could have written it about me. Haha
It's really bad (my dog obsession). I specifically walk on a certain street on the way to work to see this awesome pug who goes for his morning stroll around the time I arrive at work and this cute Jack Russell Terrier puppy who just started walking the same way.


It's not just that. For me, it's a question of whether prioritizing breast cancer above other forms of cancer is really the right thing to do at all. I mean, the reason that there is so much awareness about breast cancer is because there are so many survivors. IE, IT DOESN'T KILL YOU. And also, breasts are sexy. There are a lot of other forms of cancer where we just don't hear about them because there are no survivors and they don't involve sexy body parts. To me, the medical issue that takes priority is the one that actually kills more people.

/rant.
I couldn't agree more about raising awareness for other cancers. I'm refraining from saying much else about this topic though since part of my job is working with SGK.

[Courtney]

Ha, casey I am the same way about dogs. I am very glad that there is a bathroom in the hallway on the way to my office, so I can wash off dog slobber before people see me.

[HowToDisappear]

Really? I just googled and I assume this is what you are talking about:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQb_-OY7Z0E

My thoughts:

1) Gross, white people should not put Chinese and Hindi calligraphy on their bodies unless they actually speak the language and it has personal meaning

2) That video is pretty sexualizing -- is it supposed to appeal to straight women or gay men? Because either way, aren't you severely limiting the demographic of who would buy men's underwear? Or is it suggesting that straight men will also buy underwear because of David Beckham's sexy poses?

Chrissakes, Courtney, you're no fun! Of course it's sexualizing --- that's the whole point! We all know that women get paraded on TV in sexy poses all the time, and we could get into a long discussion of how this demeans women etc., etc., but I say if Beckham wants to demean himself in a similar manner, LET HIM. I just want to lick that man's abs.


Agreed, I'm not a fan of the tattoos. But then, I do dislike tattoos in general. That may be a generational thing.

[Courtney]

I'm just interested in how really overtly sexual marketing works on straight men.

I mean, there is a lot of evidence that demonstrates that sexual marketing works on women because we see the hot lady and think I WANT TO BE HER. But does that same thing happen with men, or does our culture's homophobic tendencies in some way limit the effectiveness of that sort of campaign?

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

It's not just that. For me, it's a question of whether prioritizing breast cancer above other forms of cancer is really the right thing to do at all. I mean, the reason that there is so much awareness about breast cancer is because there are so many survivors. IE, IT DOESN'T KILL YOU. And also, breasts are sexy. There are a lot of other forms of cancer where we just don't hear about them because there are no survivors and they don't involve sexy body parts. To me, the medical issue that takes priority is the one that actually kills more people.

/rant.

Heather had a 31-year old friend die from breast cancer in 2011. Really sad.

[MissingPerson]

I would argue that Beckham's style appeals to a lot of Chelsea metrosexuals with lots of disposable income. Dudes like Jude Law.

[casey]

I think his tattoos are stupid, and generally I'm not for super buff guys but that guy is like Adonis.

[LetThereBeLight]

Hahaha. Its weird, I am super anal about being dirty but I don't mind dog slobber. I also take a certain route to work. There is a man who walks his huge! dog every morning (I work out of my bosses' house) and I love seeing him. I've said many times that I wish I was rich so I could buy a huge ranch and have at least one of every kind of dog. Lol.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

As for the sexy man underwear ad, I think it's appealing to gay men and women who buy underwear for their husbands and boyfriends. Normal straight single guys just wear the same pairs of underwear for years and years and years.

[Starraven]

Edit: yeah what he said^

I'm just interested in how really overtly sexual marketing works on straight men.

I mean, there is a lot of evidence that demonstrates that sexual marketing works on women because we see the hot lady and think I WANT TO BE HER. But does that same thing happen with men, or does our culture's homophobic tendencies in some way limit the effectiveness of that sort of campaign?


A lot of women buy men their clothes..

I'm pretty sure that ad wasn't directed at straight men lol

[LetThereBeLight]

As for the sexy man underwear ad, I think it's appealing to gay men and women who buy underwear for their husbands and boyfriends. Normal straight single guys just wear the same pairs of underwear for years and years and years.

Very true. My mom used to throw my dads away so he would have to buy more. Haha

[chiapet]

I don't find that ad to be particularly overtly sexual.

Let me show you another underwear ad for comparison. (Note: this could be considered NSFW for some of you... plus... there's dubstep in it :P )

bGWm3jN1t7k


Underwear ads have focused on physique, always. Nothing new.

[HowToDisappear]

Women do buy their men's clothes and underwear.


For the record, I buy my husband Hanes. ;)

[chiapet]

This one's even worse (again, NSFW really)

Xs6KxL7lFxM

[Courtney]

Dubstep is NSFW.

[Courtney]

Also, I didn't realize that the dude that played Eggs on True Blood also did underwear commercials.

[Courtney]

Some other completely irrelevant comment.

[amyzzz]

I wasn't aware of the pulling of funding, that makes sense, several of our PPs have closed and the ones open only have limited services. Such bullshit.

I have decided I need to find a real OBGYN, I hate that search, I feel like there should be an interview process before you hire one, but instead you pick one off a list, make an appointment and get naked. I kind of like the idea of knowing someone a little bit more before they see me in the most uncomfortable way. Audra, my doctor is Dr Laurie Erickson at 16th St and Camelback, and I've had her for 12 years, and I love her. She's not judgmental, she's upbeat, and she always discusses all birth control options. Maybe she's closer to you than Ivy's. And also, she helped me give birth to my firstborn daughter.

[scenicworld]

I'm done with my support of Komen, too. I donated a fair amount of my time and money over the last few years because many women in my family have fought breast cancer during the last few years. like others have said, my money will go directly to PP from here on out. Too bad this news wasn't made public in 2011, I just donated $100 in December for a tax deduction and wouldn't have given to Komen if I knew this was coming.


On that note - and sorry if it's been covered here already - apparently there's a movement this year to boycott Girl Scout cookies both because they've worked with Planned Parenthood and because they've accepted transgender youth. Sounds to me like a pretty fucking solid reason to buy cookies.

This issue really pisses me off, but I got my thin mints and caramel delights yesterday, so I'll bury my anger in sweets. That said, I applaud the Girl Scouts for their actions.

[ThomThom]

As for the sexy man underwear ad, I think it's appealing to gay men and women who buy underwear for their husbands and boyfriends. Normal straight single guys just wear the same pairs of underwear for years and years and years.

I can't stand when a chick tries to buy me underwear... I buy new underwear every few months, preferably Calvin Klein microbifber trunks (feels great on the junk) and last time I checked I still love women so I will go with your statement being false. Oh and those underwear ads, outside of introducing a new material or fit don't do anything for me.

[LetThereBeLight]

Can't wait to get my girl scout cookies! And that is definitely all the more reason to buy them.

[LetThereBeLight]

I can't stand when a chick tries to buy me underwear... I buy new underwear every few months, preferably Calvin Klein microbifber trunks (feels great on the junk) and last time I checked I still love women so I will go with your statement being false. Oh and those underwear ads, outside of introducing a new material or fit don't do anything for me.

Maybe I should buy my boyfriend some of those...haha

[Hannahrain]

Microbifber. What's that you're wearing? Oh, this old thing? It's microbifber. It's made of little tiny bifbers.

[BROKENDOLL]

It's not just that. For me, it's a question of whether prioritizing breast cancer above other forms of cancer is really the right thing to do at all. I mean, the reason that there is so much awareness about breast cancer is because there are so many survivors. IE, IT DOESN'T KILL YOU. And also, breasts are sexy. There are a lot of other forms of cancer where we just don't hear about them because there are no survivors and they don't involve sexy body parts. To me, the medical issue that takes priority is the one that actually kills more people.

/rant.
*Can't stop shaking my head at the shallowness and ignorance of this post. Or, maybe it's just me because I've been around longer to see how far they come towards finding the answers. It may not sound like much, but going from 1 in 8 women to 1 in 10 women is a lot sexier to me... Then again, maybe it's because I lost a friend, (Pete's ex) at the age of only 52, to breast cancer, and because of the studies that have been made, and the discovery of a certain gene that makes one highly at risk for cancer, they were recently able to catch the same gene in Pete's daughter at the age of 22 for a successful followup. With your theory, please don't ever think that breast cancer can't kill you and then push it aside. It could very well hold the answer to the other cancers that aren't sexy enough for you


This one's even worse (again, NSFW really)

Xs6KxL7lFxM
And, if this is NSRW, why would it be on TV? Geez...

[BROKENDOLL]

I'm sorry about that explosive reply to this subject... As far as I'm concerned, Cancer cheats. 20 years ago the word, "Cancer" could send a chill up my spine...Now I merely ask myself which type I'll end up getting... I know...I need to shut the fuck up now... :(

[mountmccabe]

It's not just that. For me, it's a question of whether prioritizing breast cancer above other forms of cancer is really the right thing to do at all. I mean, the reason that there is so much awareness about breast cancer is because there are so many survivors. IE, IT DOESN'T KILL YOU. And also, breasts are sexy. There are a lot of other forms of cancer where we just don't hear about them because there are no survivors and they don't involve sexy body parts. To me, the medical issue that takes priority is the one that actually kills more people.

/rant.

Breast cancer does have a low mortality rate relative to other types of cancer but since it is so much more common than other types of cancer it still kills more women than any other cancer (reference (http://globocan.iarc.fr/factsheets/populations/factsheet.asp?uno=900#WOMEN).)

I do not believe that this means that other cancers should be neglected. Lung cancer, for example, has a much higher mortality rate, is a close second amongs women and is #1 overall (that is taking into account both men and women.)

Edit: looking at data for the US only (from CDC) shows a different picture, with Lung cancers ahead of breast cancer. (I looked specifically at data for 2003-2007.) (See http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/uscs/toptencancers.aspx )

[algunz]

For those of you who would be interested, I encourage you to support the Lynn Cohen Foundation. They are the nonprofit that my sister in law works for and they contribute to all women cancers. They host a 5k in west LA in September every year.

Also, beckham is gorgeous. I'd fuck him over and over and...

[HowToDisappear]

Microbifber. What's that you're wearing? Oh, this old thing? It's microbifber. It's made of little tiny bifbers.

I can't stop giggling.

[TomAz]

It's not just that. For me, it's a question of whether prioritizing breast cancer above other forms of cancer is really the right thing to do at all. I mean, the reason that there is so much awareness about breast cancer is because there are so many survivors. IE, IT DOESN'T KILL YOU. And also, breasts are sexy. There are a lot of other forms of cancer where we just don't hear about them because there are no survivors and they don't involve sexy body parts. To me, the medical issue that takes priority is the one that actually kills more people.

/rant.

I totally agree. It's also a question of allowing scientific research funding priorities to be dictated by who has the best marketing plan. The Komen nazis have managed to turn "don't you want to fund breast cancer research" into "don't you love your mother"? I don't know how they sleep at night.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I can't stand when a chick tries to buy me underwear... I buy new underwear every few months, preferably Calvin Klein microbifber trunks (feels great on the junk) and last time I checked I still love women so I will go with your statement being false. Oh and those underwear ads, outside of introducing a new material or fit don't do anything for me.

I was obviously generalizing, but I feel like you're in the minority. I've had the same 8 or 9 pair of Hanes boxers for 6 or 7 years and only replace them when the elastic stops working.

[amyzzz]

My aunt died of breast cancer, so stfu.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

Also Sasha, you are a pretty stylish, well-dressed dude who obviously really cares about stuff.

[TomAz]

I'm just interested in how really overtly sexual marketing works on straight men.

I mean, there is a lot of evidence that demonstrates that sexual marketing works on women because we see the hot lady and think I WANT TO BE HER. But does that same thing happen with men, or does our culture's homophobic tendencies in some way limit the effectiveness of that sort of campaign?

I think the sort of sexual marketing you've shown here appeals to women more than men but it has nothing to do with homophobia. I think it just pushes the wrong buttons. Those ads are the Madison Ave equivalent of bodice rippers. Women dig that shit, men don't.

Sexual marketing aimed at men is evident in things like beer ads. Unrealistic portrayals of average looking dweebs attracting incredibly hot women (because of the beer they drink, the car they drive, etc). Since about 99% of the American male population are, in fact, average looking dweebs, this resonates deeply. (this I think -- purely my theory -- is why most male porn stars are not nearly as hot as the women they are fucking. The average guy is going to view the man in the scene as competition. The weaker the competition, the better the male viewer will think about himself.)

[TomAz]

My aunt died of breast cancer, so stfu.

My mother died of a heart attack. If you don't give money to fund heart attack research (which, btw, is really lacking for women), then you hate all moms.

[amyzzz]

I don't think Beckham is hot anymore.

[HowToDisappear]

Everyone here has a friend or family member or two who has had or has succumbed to cancer. EVERYONE. Some here have even had cancer themselves, including myself. (Not breast cancer.)

I disagree with the business practices/tactics of a non-profit organization which is constantly clamoring for my money and so choose not to donate/participate. That is my right. Am I anti-cure?

[algunz]

My husband never buys underwear. I have to drag him to the store when the holes and stains have become too much. Ridiculous. :pulse

[Courtney]

I'm keeping this short because I'm on my phone, but I'm sorry if I offended folks. Obviously losing a loved on yo any sort of illness is horrible and not something I wish on anyone. However, for me, looking at breast cancer which has something like a 81% survival rate, versus pamcreatic cancer where the survival raye is more like 11%, raises some seriois questions about funding priorities and the role that the public plays in scientific research.

[algunz]

Ha, I knew you had a weakness. Phone typing! :p

[Miroir Noir]

Reading about Komen today (http://www.salon.com/2012/02/01/komen_for_the_cure_sells_out_women_again/), they strike me as the classic example of a nonprofit organization that eventually gets swallowed up by the weight of its own administrative and fundraising bullshit.

[amyzzz]

I was kind of being a jerk. I didn't like that aunt too much anyway.

[amyzzz]

Also, Courtney's phone typing made me lol.

[suprefan]

I don't think Beckham is hot anymore.


My aunt died of breast cancer, so stfu.


Also, Courtney's phone typing made me lol.



Somebody panning for attention much?

[amyzzz]

Pots & kettles are black, mmkay?

[chairmenmeow47]

NO MEAN BOYS ALLOWED!

so i am on new medication that makes me super tired. i had scheduled a date tonight, and thought about cancelling all day. i wasn't that excited about the guy either. but man, i'm glad i went! such a good first date. we had dinner and great conversation. he does video work, smiles a lot, walked me to my car, loves lost, and even loves BEN FOLDS!!!! good times, we'll be going out again :) life is funny.

[suprefan]

Pots & kettles are black, mmkay?

Youre talking about your dildo?

[weeklymix]

Supre trolling the girls thread because all the men have cast him out?

[kitt kat]

Well...I didn't come in here to talk about tubal ligations or pap smears or vaginas. That Susan B. Komen thing is pretty rotten though.
I came in here to tell Kat I was proud of her.

:) thnx

[weeklymix]

http://i.imgur.com/TmI3E.gif

[obzen]

hahaha

[Kyliediscope]

http://i.imgur.com/TmI3E.gif

HAHAHA.

[weeklymix]

How suprefan thinks the board views his posts:
http://s3-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web03/2011/8/8/2/hmmmm-yes-quite-11730-1312783456-29.jpg

How we actually view his posts:
http://i.imgur.com/7dgpI.gif

[weeklymix]

http://i.imgur.com/7dgpI.gifhttp://i.imgur.com/7dgpI.gifhttp://i.imgur.com/7dgpI.gif

[algunz]

Why is this dick drama in the girls only thread?

[Originalbob]

Because men can sniff out boob conversations like a bloodhound can sniff out squirrel urine left an hour ago. And since they're intrigued with breasts, they then feel emasculated by the estrogen chatter and must then talk about their penis. The logic is really quite simple

[Kyliediscope]

I think it was a hilarioud thread derailment. SUPREDICK.

[Originalbob]

Reading about Komen today (http://www.salon.com/2012/02/01/komen_for_the_cure_sells_out_women_again/), they strike me as the classic example of a nonprofit organization that eventually gets swallowed up by the weight of its own administrative and fundraising bullshit.

Seeing Palin made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. I like their rant saying it wasn't political........ uh...... 6_6 Yeah it was. Who's your goddamn spokeswoman now?!?! That just seals the deal. I'll pursuade my friend I participated in Race for the Cure last year to find a different foundation (PP) and we can take a 5K walk and wear pink shirts together instead.

[rskapcat]

Anyone else hear Emma Stone's sarcastic "ooooh, burn" every time you read a Supre "insult," or is it just me?

OsscJOfT3ko

And I agree with Miroir Noir's post above (to keep things kind of on topic).

[locachica73]

Audra, my doctor is Dr Laurie Erickson at 16th St and Camelback, and I've had her for 12 years, and I love her. She's not judgmental, she's upbeat, and she always discusses all birth control options. Maybe she's closer to you than Ivy's. And also, she helped me give birth to my firstborn daughter.

Would you mind sending me her number? :)

[mountmccabe]

Breast cancer foundations are popular, yes, because there are so many survivors but there are so many survivors in part because researchers have viable treatments for breast cancer and because there are methods of early detection. And this is, in part, because of the funding and high-profile.

That is to say it is a big name because it is actually effective. Donors often like to see results from their money, like to see, ahh, the mortality rate for breast cancer is dropping (http://www.cancer.gov/aboutnci/servingpeople/snapshots/breast.pdf), I am making a difference.

Breast cancer fundraising also functions as a gateway drug; there are other cancer awareness and fundraising organizations as well as research and medical facilities that one may donate to. They don't always get as much press - other than celebrity incidence/deaths - because the news is often so grim. As I noted earlier Lung cancer has both a high incidence rate and a high mortality rate but fundraising is less successful because of the "you brought this on yourself" stigma (similar to that seen with HIV/AIDS, as chia mentioned.)

When someone finds out how to more easily diagnose and effectively treat Pancreatic cancer, Esophageal cancer or some of the other high mortality rate cancers (http://info.cancerresearchuk.org/cancerstats/survival/latestrates/) we will hear about it and related organizations will have a pitch: If you give us money we will be able to use it, right now, to save lives.

There are certainly reasonable concerns about over-diagnosis, over-treatment and such for breast cancer but these issues are not limited to breast cancer.


[For full disclosure I should note that my fiancee and several friends work at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Sloan%E2%80%93Kettering_Cancer_Center) and my older sister used to work in oncology at the Mayo Clinic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mayo_clinic).]

[casey]

Anyone else hear Emma Stone's sarcastic "ooooh, burn" every time you read a Supre "insult," or is it just me?


HAHA. She's great in that movie.

[chiapet]

Pancreatic cancer is terrifying to me. I already know several people only a few years older than me, who died from it -- died only a few months after they were first diagnosed. One of them was a heavy smoker, the others didn't "do" anything obvious to increase their risks. I guess it gets little attention because it's (relatively) less prevalent compared to other cancers? 1 in 69 will get pancreatic cancer during their lifetimes. The 5-year survival rate is like 20% chances if it's caught and treated while still local... most people are not diagnosed in that status (~75% are only caught after metastasizing). 1% survival rate if it's metastasized. Worst survival rate of any cancer, I think? There are foundations supporting research for cures and treatment but you probably have never heard of any of them, right?

I don't think Courtney or others were trying to suggest more treatable cancers should be ignored, but realistically, while a lot of people still do die from, say, breast cancer, the vast majority of breast cancers are diagnosed before metastasizing, and the survival rate is between 83-98% at those stages (98% for stage I). While in an ideal world there would be funding sufficient to prevent every one from becoming ill with any type of cancer, and at least in the mean time, better ability to work towards non-invasive cures and better prevention..... it's baffling to me that relatively little funding goes into the worst (least survivable) cancers.

When my friends were diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, they were all basically told.. you have no hope at all, you will die within a few months, just stay home with your family.

[locachica73]

I think one of the main reasons breast cancer has such a higher survival rate now is because we have learned to get our mammagrams early and do self checks, that has a lot to do with all the education we have gotten that I would guess is related to all the funding the different organizations have gotten. Maybe this will be the push people need to start funding some of the other/more aggressive cancers. I have known a few men who have died from pancreatic cancer as well, in those cases they had symptoms for awhile but would never go to the doctor, by the time they did it was too late and they passed within weeks of diagnoses. :(

[scenicworld]

I lost a friend to pancreatic cancer too, and it was terrible. Breast cancer is by far the most prevalent in my family (3 aunts and 2 cousins) but my mom had a really tough battle with stage 4 uterine cancer that she's still dealing with as well (though thankfully she's only a few months from being a survivor now).

fuck cancer.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

I was reading about pancreatic cancer the other week, and how they're finally starting to find ways to check for it early. i guess one of the nasty things about it is that it can start developing and remain basically dormant for 20 years and you only start showing overt signs of it when it's basically too late to do anything about it, which is why it feels like it hits people so fast and hard. Yuck.

[HowToDisappear]

so i am on new medication that makes me super tired. i had scheduled a date tonight, and thought about cancelling all day. i wasn't that excited about the guy either. but man, i'm glad i went! such a good first date. we had dinner and great conversation. he does video work, smiles a lot, walked me to my car, loves lost, and even loves BEN FOLDS!!!! good times, we'll be going out again :) life is funny.

Nice! OKCupid?

[scenicworld]

so, the Susan G. Komen webiste was hacked last night.

http://i.imgur.com/6Csrl.jpg


it was unplanned, and they removed it the morning after (thanks, reddit).

[chairmenmeow47]

Nice! OKCupid?

yes :) taking things super slow. i'm a lady now.

[guedita]

Re: Komen. It's ludicrous that the foundation spends as much energy as they do preventing other organizations from using the tagline "For a cure." That phrase is no doubt a huge part of their success as an organization because it is short and emphatic, and people understand that the money they donate is (in its ideal form) being directly funneled toward FINDING A CURE. They don't own that fucking language, and if other organizations used it I don't see how it would negatively affect the Komen foundation OR breast cancer research.

That's just one of the reasons I find that business deplorable. It doesn't mean I don't want to find a cure to breast cancer.

[nosurprises12]

Re: Komen. It's ludicrous that the foundation spends as much energy as they do preventing other organizations from using the tagline "For a cure." That phrase is no doubt a huge part of their success as an organization because it is short and emphatic, and people understand that the money they donate is (in its ideal form) being directly funneled toward FINDING A CURE. They don't own that fucking language, and if other organizations used it I don't see how it would negatively affect the Komen foundation OR breast cancer research.

That's just one of the reasons I find that business deplorable. It doesn't mean I don't want to find a cure to breast cancer.

It would "negatively affect" them monetarily, as donations would be diverted to these other charities/organizations who fund cancer research instead of their own; you say it best when you characterize the Komen Foundation as a business and not as a non-profit organization.

[guedita]

It would "negatively affect" them monetarily, as donations would be diverted to these other charities/organizations who fund cancer research instead of their own; you say it best when you characterize the Komen Foundation as a business and not as a non-profit organization.

There might be some un-prepared for monetary consequences following the PP Grant pull:


Komen may not have bargained for the extraordinary storm of protest its decision has evoked. There is much misery among its affiliates: at least one, Komen Connecticut, has posted its unhappiness on its Facebook page. On Twitter and Facebook longtime supporters are vowing never to donate or volunteer. A Credo Action petition garnered more than 100,000 signatures within hours. And in a classic example of unintended consequences, Sarah Kliff reports in the Washington Post that Planned Parenthood has already received $400,000 in donations in just twenty-four hours.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

Yup, read that earlier. Komen's entire annual grant to PP was around $600,000. This stunt is only going to help Planned Parenthood it seems (at least in the immediate future).

[LetThereBeLight]

Awesome.

[Drinkey McDrinkerstein]

This whole thing is really going to blow up in their face. Their entire defense of the subject (when asked about political motives) is that they're following a policy about not supporting groups that are under federal investigation. In this case, PP are being investigated by a Republican congressman who obviously has his own motives. There is evidence that basically supports that the policy was in fact created for the sole purpose of targeting PP, and the whole thing is being spearheaded by a well-known pro-life advocate who joined Komen.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/ezra-klein/post/meet-the-woman-who-got-komen-to-defund-planned-parenthood/2012/02/02/gIQA5DcVkQ_blog.html

[chiapet]

My response to people like that is so intensely irrational that I can't even like... response sanely to them. When I read about these women, I secretly wish they would get pregnant as a result of being violently gang raped and then be forced to carry the child to term and raise it without any state assistance or medical insurance advantages.